Someone Like Me
by Anne Bensler
Summary: They say opposites attract but when she looked at him, it felt like looking in a mirror. Maybe she had this drive to help him because she really wanted to help herself. Early (2018) Benstone for the takers. Story is finally done!
1. Alone

**Bold print** **are direct quotes from the show, which I don't own. NBC and Dick Wolf do.**

 **So about that final shot of the final episode of season 19 … We've got all whole SVU-less summer to think about it and I thought I'd put some thoughts on paper. Don't read if you're not into Benstone! If you decide to read, do let me know what you think.**

...

 **1\. Alone**

 _Monday, May 21, 2018_

They had been getting used to each other.

Saying goodbye to Barba was still weighing on Olivia but there was only one way to go and that was forward. Sadly, it was becoming almost second nature to her. First Elliot. Then Cragen and Munch. Alex and Nick. Losing Dodds, although that was different in so many ways. But still, they had had no choice but to go on without him. And now, without Barba.

But she'd been getting used to the new guy and it turned out not to be as difficult as she had thought. He didn't have Barba's typical spunk - yet - but there was something powerful about the man. She had the feeling they hadn't even begun to scratch the surface when it came to Peter Stone. There was an entire world behind his eyes that they didn't know about, and that resonated with her. She wasn't any different when it came down to it. How much had she even shared about her past with Fin? And they had known each other for 18 years. The only one she'd ever let in far enough to see her real pain and her real, wounded self, had been her first partner at SVU. His abrupt departure from the unit as well as her life still haunted her at times but she had managed to move on. Move forward. Like she was doing now, without her trusted friend Barba. With Peter Stone.

The man had an air of confidence about him but he was also willing to learn. He probably thought she was too invested in cases sometimes, too emotional, but he would still hear her out and try different angles to either prove her right or wrong. For justice, not for himself. Not so that he could say he'd been right but only to further their cases. He might not be as emotional on the outside as Barba was, but it was there; that internal drive to never stop until justice was served.

And justice had been served again, for Lourdes, but it had come at an enormous cost. Still recovering from the loss of his father, having taken his father's place as caretaker for his sister although she hardly ever recognized him anymore, he had both won and lost this time. But from the looks of him, the strong and powerful Peter Stone, all he was feeling in these moments was the loss. Not the victory, just the immense loss of his sister.

Olivia could only imagine the blame he must be putting on himself and she had to tell him that there was nothing he could have done. He'd done everything to take care of his sister, to protect her when threats had been made, and he'd even stepped forward to face the man who was holding a gun to Pam's head.

She had come to bring him an update about the cartel but entered hesitantly when she saw him sitting on the couch in his office, head down, nursing a drink. When he finally looked up at her briefly she told him.

" **Thanks to Miguel, the Feds rounded up all his associates on both sides of the border."**

Peter looked in his glass, holding it with both hands and replied,

" **That's good."**

Olivia felt awkward when he didn't say anything else and just stared at his drink. She wanted to comfort him, make it better somehow, but she knew she couldn't bring Pamela back and she didn't know him well enough yet to know what to say. She tried anyway.

" **Peter, I'm … I'm so sorry."**

He just looked at her and looked away again, so she stepped back to leave the room. Just when she wanted to open the door, Peter spoke up.

" **I was nine."**

She stopped and turned to face him again, her hand still on the door handle.

" **Playing stick ball with my buddies in the school yard. Pam showed up with a … with a bloody lip. She said Billy Collier had pushed her down the stairs."**

Olivia knew it was important for him to tell her this story; this memory, which was no doubt proof of how he had always stood up for his sister.

" **I beat the living hell out of him,"** Peter continued and Olivia finally moved away from the door to approach the grieving ADA.

" **Peter,"** she said softly and she sat down next to him. " **You have to know … that there was nothing you could have done. Nothing."**

His eyes were still dry like they had been the whole time, but she saw something crack then, and his voice was shaky when he told her,

" **The last thing … Pam said …"**

Olivia knew what he was going to say and put a hand on his back. She'd been there after all. These past months, his sister hadn't recognized him when he'd come to visit, always thinking he was their father instead. But she'd recognized him in her final moments and Olivia bit her lip when Peter tried to speak again.

" **... was …"**

He suppressed a sob and almost fell towards her then and she wrapped both arms around him, pressing her cheek against the side of his head. She held him a little tighter when he choked out the last word his sister had ever uttered.

" **Peter!"**

The dam broke and he cried for minutes on her shoulder. Olivia just held him, one arm around his shoulders and her other hand cradling the back of his head. Comforting others came naturally to her and it didn't matter that she was now holding a big, strong man in her arms. He needed comfort just as much as anyone else. He'd done the right thing by not dropping the case and in the end, it had cost him his sister. He was all alone now, with no family left and her heart went out to him. She wanted to be here for him, to help him see that he wasn't really alone. She had found a family on the job. Her squad was her family, and Noah. Peter needed to see that he was now a part of the family too and would always have a place to go.

When Peter stopped sniffling and stirred a bit, Olivia loosened her grip on him so he could sit up. She dropped her right hand but kept her left hand on his shoulder. Peter started wiping his cheeks and nose ostensibly and flashed a shy smile at her.

"I think I … your sleeve," he stammered but Olivia shook her head, smiling slightly as well.

"Not a problem. I've had worse on my clothes from Noah."

"I'm sure you have. Still … I mean …"

He made a helpless gesture with one hand and Olivia squeezed his shoulder.

"Never apologize for needing an outlet for your emotions, Peter," she told him gravely. "We're law enforcement but we're all only human as well."

"Even you?" he joked, and she could see a little strength come back to him.

"I thought that would be obvious to you by now," Olivia said with a smirk.

She'd gotten pretty emotional during the case after all, seemingly wanting Peter to go on her gut feeling alone.

She finally dropped her hand from his shoulder and shook off the tiny sense of loss she felt at the loss of contact. It was lifted instantly when, after wiping his hands on his dress pants, Peter put his right hand over hers in her lap.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he said quietly.

Olivia placed her left hand over his right hand and in turn, he placed his left hand over hers. They smiled at each other and Olivia told him sincerely,

"Anytime, Counselor. Anytime."

…

 _Monday, May 28, 2018_

The funeral was sombre. The members of Peter and Pamela's family who had bothered to come could be counted on two hands. A few aunts and uncles from their mother's side, an uncle from his father's side and a second cousin that he barely knew. Pamela had lost all her friends along the way due to her psychotic episodes and the few college friends he had stayed in touch with, had never met his sister. The staff of the Bayview mental facility was there, and so was Jack McCoy. Peter appreciated it a lot. But most of the people who had come, hadn't come because they had known Pamela. They had come to support him and it helped him breathe just a little easier. His fellow ADA's, the DA himself and the entire Special Victims Unit, including the uniformed officers tasked with assisting them. They were all here for him, to let him know he wasn't alone.

He'd felt incredibly alone these past few days. He had already lost both his parents and now he had lost his only sibling as well. He didn't mind making all the arrangements for Pamela but to have these appointments alone confronted him all the more with his loss.

Olivia Benson was turning out to be a solid rock for him, even after the way he'd treated her in court. Her eyes had shot daggers at him when he'd asked the judge permission to treat her as a hostile witness and he had wondered how many weeks it would take before they'd even be remotely civil with each other again. But she had surprised him. He had actually cried on her shoulder.

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried in front of anyone. He didn't cry today either. He had his mask on. His Stone face, as Pamela had often called it jokingly. He wasn't one to show his emotions, unless maybe when he was fighting for someone else during a tough case. But he wouldn't show his own pain to anyone.

Olivia seemed to have that effect on people though. He'd seen her work with victims and witnesses a few times and it was amazing to watch vulnerable souls open up to this woman. She was an enigma herself, never really opening up, but she could get other people to tell her their deepest fears and their darkest secrets.

She was standing next to him now, at Pamela's grave and he felt her hand touching his back lightly. She couldn't know how much that meant to him. He swallowed hard. He hadn't realized himself how much her support meant to him. He'd been certain he had blown it with her in court. She had been so sure about Miguel being the one who had raped Lourdes and he couldn't fathom how she could be so sure. But she'd been right and he couldn't help thinking that she understood Lourdes better than she should. That maybe something had happened to her as well. And that thought made him sick.

The priest was just about finishing his speech, and they all got ready to say their final goodbyes. Olivia had dropped her hand from his back and stepped aside to stand with her team so Peter's family could go first. He looked at her but she was saying something to Sergeant Tutuola. His uncle stepped up next to him and he nodded at the older man. His family members said goodbye one by one, followed by the staff of Bayview. The officers and Detectives of the Special Victims Unit all passed the grave and the last one to stand next to him was Jack McCoy.

The older man simply put a hand on his shoulder as they both faced the still open grave of Pamela Stone and they stood there in silence for a minute. Peter closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember his sister in happier times. Life had been hard for here these past few years. It had been so excruciating for her that her medication had been the only thing to keep her from taking her own life. Death had come suddenly and in a way nobody should ever have to experience, but she was at peace now. It was him who was still struggling to find peace with the situation he had put his sister in.

"Never blame yourself for the actions of a criminal, son," Jack McCoy finally spoke.

Peter knew the seasoned attorney was right and he nodded, still staring at his sister's coffin.

"I'll try."

…

 _Friday, June 1, 2018_

He'd been on her mind.

Olivia kept thinking about Peter, how he'd stood there at the cemetery, his hands tucked deep in the pockets of his overcoat, his shoulders pulled up slightly, and his face showing no emotion. Everything in his stance had screamed control and she knew like no other that that meant he'd been in turmoil on the inside. She knew, because she was the same in these situations. No one had ever known how afraid she'd been to go home after school each day, not knowing what her mother would be like this time. No one had ever known the depth of her loneliness after Elliot left her behind along with the job. No one would ever know the horrors she still experienced at night, dreaming about a man who had been dead for years but still haunted her to this day, reminding her that she'd been at his mercy once and that she had been branded for life. No one would ever really fathom the guilt she still felt over Mike Dodds' death.

She kept it all inside and when she looked at Peter Stone, it felt like looking in a mirror. The saying was that opposites attract, but in this case it was different. She felt drawn to the closed-off ADA because he was so much like her. Maybe she had this drive to help him because she really wanted to help herself. She wasn't sure about that. All she knew was that he'd been on her mind just before he stepped into her office on Friday afternoon.

"Hi. You got a minute?" he asked.

Olivia looked up from her laptop, took off her glasses and looked at him, wondering why he was back already.

"Hi. I thought you got the whole week off?" she asked him.

"I did but I had an important deposition this morning that couldn't be delayed, and I wanted to do it myself. After that, I dove back in on autopilot I guess. I'm sure you know how that works."

Olivia nodded. She did know.

"Have a seat Peter," she said, standing up and gesturing at her couch. "How have you been?"

She rounded her desk and sat down next to him, leaving a few feet between them and then turning towards him.

"Been," Peter said, wiggling his head. "It all doesn't feel real yet."

He was leaning his elbows on his knees and looked straight ahead.

"I understand."

"I think I just need to keep busy. I'm not really cut out for long vacations."

He smirked and looked at her sideways. "I'm sure you understand that as well."

She gave him a tight smile, indicating that he was right about that.

"What brings you here?" she asked him kindly. "Already on a case again?"

Peter shook his head and sat up straight.

"No. I just dropped off a file I'd borrowed. I'm actually on my way home but I wanted to check in with you. See how you're holding up."

"How _I'm_ holding up?"

She was a little surprised and it looked like Peter wasn't sure what to say next.

"Yeah," he settled on. "And also … I wondered what you and Noah are doing this Sunday."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yeah, I ehm … got tickets for the Mets game and this one's in the afternoon. I could do with the distraction myself and I thought … since it's in the middle of the day, that Noah might want to go. And ehm, you could come too, of course."

"Oh. I see."

He had really taken her by surprise and Olivia tried to think fast. Did she and Noah have plans this Sunday? They didn't really have a tight schedule on weekends and for some reason, she couldn't remember what she and her son had talked about doing. Going to a ball game with Peter Stone actually appealed to her and she was sure Noah would love it.

"I'll ehm, I'll talk to Noah and get back to you, alright?" she said quickly.

"Great," Peter said, standing up, and she thought he looked a little relieved. "I'm going either way but I just thought it would be nice not to go alone."

Olivia nodded and she felt that strange pull towards the man again. She knew alone. She was a pro at being alone. Maybe it was a good idea to be alone together for a change.

…

 **To be continued**

...

...

(PS. I know "Unexpected" isn't finished. I'm getting back to that soon, I promise.)


	2. The Game

**My apologies in advance, I barely know anything about baseball so I won't focus on the game details … enjoy anyway?**

...

 **2\. The Game**

 _Sunday, June 3, 2108_

Noah was elated to hear that he could go and see the Mets play against the Cubs. He wasn't sure yet which one was his favorite team and he asked his mother about the man who had gotten them the tickets.

"Is he a Mets fan, mom?"

"He is," Olivia confirmed. "I think Peter knows people in the club, actually."

Noah's bright eyes were filled with admiration and he couldn't wait to meet this new friend.

"Does Peter play too?"

"Well, we're meeting him soon so why don't you ask him? I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you," Olivia said, tapping Noah's nose before straightening out his jacket.

They were having nice weather lately but it was cloudy today and she thought it best to have Noah put a jacket on over his thin shirt. She was wearing a grey hoodie over a white t-shirt and blue jeans herself, and she had pinned her hair up loosely. They were going to a ball game so there was no need to dress up. Still, she wondered if she looked alright and she sighed when she realized it. Why would she need to look alright? Peter had seen her in her work clothes as well as a bullet proof vest with messy hair, so why would she try to look nice now? They were going to a ball game for Noah, and to distract Peter from his loss. This wasn't some kind of date!

"When does the game start mom?" Noah asked her eagerly and Olivia checked her watch.

"In an hour and a half. We should get going."

"Will we meet Peter there? Does he have the tickets?"

"Yes. Yes, he does."

They left the apartment and took the bus and then the 7 train to the stadium.

Peter was waiting for them at the entrance and Olivia spotted him from a distance. She secretly had a thing for tall men and while nobody was a match for Trevor Langan lengthwise, Peter still qualified. He looked different in faded jeans, blue sneakers and a blue Mets jacket. When he spotted her too, he raised his arm and waved at them, and Olivia pointed him out to her son. Noah waved too and started tugging on her hand to hurry up.

Peter smiled when the young boy introduced himself enthusiastically and Olivia was glad her son was so at ease with other people. She wondered sometimes if he was too naive, but she didn't want to raise him to be scared of everyone and everything. There would be time to warn him about the dangers of the city. For now, she just made sure she or Lucy stayed close to him at all times.

"Do you play too, Mr. Stone?" Noah asked excitedly, and Peter grinned at her.

"I used to. And please call me Peter. When you call me Mr. Stone, I feel so old."

Noah laughed happily at that and they followed Peter to their seats. She watched her son walking next to Peter, eagerly absorbing everything the man was telling him about baseball and the stadium. He'd said he would feel old if Noah called him Mr. Stone and she wondered about his age. He was definitely quite a bit younger than she was. She felt a little self-conscious suddenly, and a little silly for even thinking she wanted to look nice for this … what was it? Play date for Noah? Peter was way too young to be looking at someone her age. They were here to provide some company while he was grieving. Nothing more.

Olivia looked around and saw several younger women looking in his direction. She didn't blame them. Peter stood out in a crowd and his handsome features were sure to turn heads wherever he went. They arrived at their designated seats and she was mildly surprised when Peter held out his hand to help her step over a row of seats to join him and Noah in their row. She took his hand though, not needing the embarrassment of tripping and attracting even more attention to her ageing body, and she couldn't suppress a grin when she bumped into Peter lightly after stepping over the seats.

"This is us," Peter said rather superfluously and Olivia nodded, quickly checking where Noah was planning to sit.

Before she could say anything, Peter told her son,

"Noah, why don't you sit over here, between me and your mom?"

"Okay Peter," Noah said happily, and he moved over one seat before sitting down.

Peter sat down to Noah's right in the seat Noah had just vacated and Olivia plopped down on her son's left side.

"We can see the whole field from here," Noah told his mother enthusiastically. "I wanted to sit on the other side but Peter says that's for Cubs fans. I don't know if I'm a Cubs fan yet."

Olivia smiled and ruffled her son's curls. She caught Peter smiling at her son as well and it warmed her heart that he was being so kind to Noah. What was it she had called it once, when he'd first mentioned possibly getting tickets for Noah? Charming his way into their hearts. Maybe it was working … She looked across the baseball field, not wanting to stare at Peter, but the game hadn't started yet. Noah giggled and the two adults looked at what he was looking at. The Mets mascotte was trying to do a trick and failing, falling on his behind, much to the amusement of the waiting crowd.

Once the game got started, Olivia hoped Noah would still have fun, because it took forever until finally someone made it home, and it wasn't the Mets. But Peter proved to be a very entertaining commentator, explaining to Noah what all the players were doing and why, and even why their plans failed. Noah's eyes were sparkling and he remained focused on the activity on the field much longer than Olivia could. Her eyes drifted to Peter regularly and she had to admit she hadn't expected him to be so tuned in to a child Noah's age. She hadn't really thought of the stern ADA as a father figure before but watching him now, she could see it. He was still young and he had time to start a family. She felt like he deserved it.

When there was a short break in the game, Peter offered to get them all something to eat. Olivia felt like stretching her legs as well, and all three of them ended up going together to get some hotdogs. Olivia hesitated when Noah asked if he could have a coke but when Peter joined him and they both gave her the most adorable puppy eyes, she laughed out loud. Peter even managed a pouty lip, which surprised her a lot.

"Now how can I refuse you two," she said, still chuckling.

Peter grinned at her, then high-fived Noah.

"But you gotta promise to go to bed on time tonight, alright Noah? Otherwise, your mom will never let you have coke again," Peter told the boy, who nodded excitedly.

"I'll be good mom, I promise," he told her, already turning away from her to grab the drink Peter was holding out to him.

Olivia smiled and told Peter,

"Now he'll want to come here every Sunday."

Peter gave her a warm smile as well and handed her a hotdog while answering,

"Wouldn't that be nice."

…

He was having a good time. He didn't really care that the Mets were off their game. He was enjoying explaining things to young Noah a lot. The Bensons provided the most perfect distraction from his sad thoughts that he could wish for and he found himself hoping they could do this again soon. Olivia wasn't as invested in the game as her son was, that much was obvious. But she was relaxed and it was nice to see her away from the stress of their jobs. He wondered if she knew how unusually beautiful she was. On the job, she was as tough as nails, one of the guys. She ran a tight ship and the responsibility visibly weighed on her. But here, relaxed and happy, dressed in casual clothes, she oozed a kind of femininity that really struck him. She was fierce and strong but that only made her more beautiful in his eyes. For him, it wasn't in contrast with her femininity, no matter what some people said about independent women. He knew that women really were the stronger sex when it came down to it and he couldn't think of a better example than Olivia Benson.

He could tell that there was much more to her than meets the eye. There was a depth and a sadness behind her eyes that resonated with him. He recognized loneliness because he knew like no other what it was like to be alone. He had dated over the years, naturally, but he'd never really felt a connection to the women he'd been with. He didn't blame them and some of them had definitely tried to love him. But it was as if none of them ever managed to break down the barriers he'd erected around his heart. They always remained on the outside looking in, no matter how badly they were trying to reach him.

He felt like the tables had turned on him this time. This time, he was the one on the outside looking in and maybe for the first time in his life, he began to understand the urge to want to break down those barriers in another person. Olivia Benson wasn't just another woman in his life, another coworker to deal with - and a difficult one at that. He smiled inwardly at that thought. But she was more than just a difficult Lieutenant to work with. She was like him. And no matter how hard he had tried to deny it in between asking her along to the ballgame and now, he was intrigued. What could have happened to her, to make her seal herself off like that, while she still had such an incredibly empathic heart for other people? He'd been tempted to ask around about her, but aside from thinking that might be a little weird, he really didn't want to go behind her back. He would want her to tell him herself - whatever it was that had made her the way she was now.

Her eyes locked on his suddenly and he could see surprise in them when she noticed that he was watching her. They were back in their seats, munching their hotdogs contently and Noah had finally taken a break from all his babbling. Peter had taken the opportunity to focus on Olivia and now she had caught him staring. He gave her a small, almost apologetical smile and she smiled back at him equally hesitantly. Just then, the announcer yelled through the speakers that the game was resuming, and Noah sat up between them.

"They're going again Peter!" the boy said excitedly, and Olivia's smile widened.

She might be a closed-off person, but Peter could see that her heart was open for her son. He was happy for her that she had him and rubbed Noah's back gently as if he wanted to thank the boy for giving his mother joy. He didn't really understand why that was important to him, and the rational part of his brain was telling him he needed to get a grip and focus on his own life. But somehow, it was becoming important to him how Olivia was doing. She was a mystery to him and in some strange way, the walls she had built around her heart, were making him want to look over his own walls. Maybe even open up a little, hopefully to make her open up a little as well. It was confusing, distracting and exciting all at once and he shook his head when he realized that his musing had made him miss another good hit by the Cubs. Noah screamed with excitement and he feared the boy would become a Cubs fan after all.

…

After the game, as they were walking out of the stadium, Peter sidled up next to Olivia.

"Hey," he said softly, and Olivia understood that he didn't want Noah to hear them so she gave him a small upward nod.

"Do you have to go right away or could I treat you both to a burger at McDonald's?"

Olivia bit her lip and glanced at Noah, who was holding her hand as they walked, but wasn't paying attention to them.

"No more coke for him," she whispered back and Peter felt his stomach do a happy flip when he realized she was basically saying yes to McDonald's.

"How 'bout some iced tea?" he said softly and he felt a sense of relief when Olivia nodded and smiled.

He wasn't sure why he didn't want their time together to end just yet. Or maybe he was but he wasn't ready to acknowledge it.

"I'm glad we were able to provide some distraction for you today," he heard Olivia say, and in a way, her tone reminded him of how she used to talk to victims of the crimes she investigated. Had this been a pity thing for her, he wondered. He hoped it wasn't, and if it had been at first, that she had a good time as well.

"I had a good time. I hope you did too?" he responded as they continued walking.

He pointed in the direction of his car and they crossed the parking lot.

"Noah had a blast," Olivia said and Noah looked up at them with a wide grin to confirm her words.

"Can we go again next week mom?" he asked her innocently.

Olivia chuckled and then told her son,

"I don't think Peter is going to get us tickets every week Noah. And sometimes the games are really late at night."

"I have some money in my piggy bank!" Noah announced, looking up at Peter happily.

"It's not about money, kiddo," Peter responded.

"No. Peter may have other plans. Besides, we will need to feed the ducks in the park again too," Olivia said, and Peter realized she was trying to tell him that they didn't want to get in his way.

"Oh yeah," Noah said, sounding shocked. "We forgot all about the ducks. Do you want to feed the ducks with us next Sunday, Peter?"

Noah's innocence was disarming and Peter smiled, but he noticed that Olivia was slightly embarrassed. Before he knew what he was doing, he put his hand on her back while telling Noah,

"Why don't your mom and me check our plans first, alright? I'm sure we can work something out."

"Okay Peter," Noah said, completely undeterred.

Then, when he saw Peter's car, he was instantly distracted again, giving the adults a moment to breathe.

"Wow! Is that your car? That's a Tesla!" Noah exclaimed.

Olivia beamed with pride. Her son was already recognizing car brands from the US as well as Europe and he would love riding in a real Tesla.

"I'm leasing it," Peter told Olivia more than Noah, because the five-year old was already trying to open one of the doors.

Peter quickly used the remote to unlock the car, and they all got in. He didn't have a car seat and Olivia could tell he was slightly embarrassed for not having thought about that at all.

"Noah, can you just hold the seatbelt with both hands honey? It won't be a long drive. Right?" Olivia said, looking at Peter.

She wasn't really sure where he was planning on taking them but she hoped it would be a McDonalds nearby. Without a car seat or booster, she would prefer taking the train back to Manhattan.

"Right," Peter said, starting the car and steering them off the parking lot. "There's one nearby in Corona. We'll go there."

The drive was short indeed, and Peter was a careful driver. The car was a very smooth ride and soft jazz music played in the background. Olivia wasn't sure if she would have pegged Peter as a jazz lover. She hadn't really thought about him and music. Why should she? But she found herself filing the information away, just like the way he was keeping Noah entertained until the boy finally realized where they were going.

"McDonalds!"

Both adults chuckled and Olivia took a deep breath before exiting the car. This was nice. Very nice. Too nice?

Peter touched her back again when they walked into the fast food restaurant and she didn't know what to make of it. Men usually didn't touch her casually. She knew that her attitude had something to do with that. The only one who had never given a crap about personal space between them had been her first partner at SVU, and she couldn't believe that she was comparing this man to that man. Still, it wasn't uncomfortable to feel Peter's hand on her back. He didn't keep it there for long, it really was just a casual touch and yet, she noticed it and remembered it.

After Noah had finished his Happy Meal and the adults had enjoyed a Big Mac and a cup of coffee, Peter managed to convince Olivia that it would be no problem to drive them home. Noah was beginning to get tired and she finally accepted the offer. She did join her son in the back seat, so he could rest his head in her lap and it was fine with Peter. He just wanted to make sure they got home safely.

Noah was barely standing once they arrived at the door of her building.

"Thank you so much Peter. We had a great time. Didn't we Noah?"

Noah nodded slowly and smiled up at Peter.

"Thank you Peter," he mumbled.

Peter crouched down next to him and held out his hand. Noah shook it and Peter told him,

"I should thank you, Noah. I had a great time talking about the game with you."

Noah chuckled and said,

"Yeah. Mom doesn't really know how it works, does she?"

"Hey hey," Olivia interjected, but she was chuckling too.

Peter stood upright again and looked at his companion.

"I'm sure she knows a lot more than you think, kiddo," he told Noah, but his eyes remained locked with Olivia's.

She smiled at him and sighed, averting her eyes. She was tired but she was still sorry their day was over. But she should get Noah into bed.

"Alright. In you go," Peter said, helping her along. "Noah, you promised to be good and go to bed on time, remember?"

Noah made a face but then squeezed his mother's hand.

"I'll be good mommy. And then we can go again next week!"

Olivia glanced at Peter, who looked away and she sensed some awkwardness between them.

"We'll see about that Noah, like we agreed earlier," Olivia said quickly. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

She didn't want Peter to feel any obligation to ask them along again and hoped that he knew that.

"Bye Peter," Noah said, waving at the man before walking into the building in front of his mother.

"Bye Noah. See you soon," Peter responded.

Olivia looked at him and he smiled with a slight shrug.

"I had fun. We could do this again some time."

Olivia nodded and smiled bravely.

"Yeah. Yes, we could."

She quickly turned to follow her son into the building and could only hope Peter hadn't seen the blush that had crept up her cheeks. It would be embarrassing because surely, a young man like him wasn't interested in an older woman with a child, like her.

...

 **To be continued.**


	3. Getting to know each other

**Funny thing about research (or lack thereof) of characters before writing a story … since Peter mentioned getting Noah Mets tickets on SVU, I simply assumed he was a big Mets fan. Turns out, he used to pitch at (drumroll) the Chicago Cubs! So it's kind of funny that I put him in a Mets jacket here while the Mets were playing against his old club - haha! I do plan on mentioning the injury that forced him to retire as a professional baseball player and I'll revisit this then (detail freak is my middle name). Also, men and injuries … there's something about them … (dreams off for a second).**

 **Alright, back to the story. What happens when our two main characters meet again on the job?**

…

 **3\. Getting to know each other**

Another work week began and Olivia was immediately swamped with cases. They had a few open cases, and the weekend had produced three new ones. Still at least one Detective short, she ended up making several visits to crime scenes as well as hospitals. Peter came in twice during the week for updates on cases, and he was all business. Olivia knew she shouldn't have expected anything else but a tiny part of her was a little disappointed anyway. She didn't know what she had expected, but each time she saw him stalk out of the squad room after either bringing or receiving information, she felt a little deflated.

She shouldn't hold his professionalism against him though. She was exactly the same. But the kindness in his eyes on Sunday, the few times they had mentioned maybe meeting up again, had stuck with her. Besides, Noah wouldn't exactly leave the subject alone either. He couldn't wait for Sunday because he was basically counting on spending another afternoon with Peter.

"I know Peter can't buy us tickets every week mom, but maybe we can play catch in the park and he can teach me some baseball tricks."

She thought it was very sweet that Noah was so taken with Peter but she wondered if he wasn't in for a disappointment. Even if they would end up spending another afternoon with the man, that didn't mean it would become a habit. As much as she valued the few men in Noah's life as male role models, she didn't want him to get his hopes up that this particular one was going to be more than just an acquaintance. Still, when she caught up with Peter in the hallway of the courthouse after an arraignment, she felt obligated to ask him on Noah's behalf if he would have time for her son this weekend.

"Peter."

"Hey Liv."

He stopped walking and smiled warmly at her. They had both been busy all week and he was glad to finally catch her at a quieter moment.

"How's Noah doing?"

"Ah, still reeling after the game actually. And he keeps asking me what we're doing next Sunday. He's hoping to meet up with you again."

He could tell she felt a little awkward about bringing it up but he could imagine Noah being kind of persistent. Still, he couldn't resist asking her,

"And you? What are you hoping for?"

Olivia laughed and the sound of her laughter hit him in ways he hadn't been prepared for. Perhaps it had been a laugh born out of nervousness, but all he could process was the relaxed cheerfulness her laugh communicated. Or maybe it was just an effect Olivia had on him.

"I will admit I wouldn't mind some company," she told him, "but we don't want you to feel obligated of course. I mean, you're not Noah's personal animation team."

He laughed as well and he heard his own laughter echo through the hallway of the courthouse. It had been a long time since he'd laughed like that.

"Tell you what," he told Olivia, "there's no game on Sunday afternoon this time, but I heard there were some ducks in the park in dire need of some bread. I don't know what the weather will be like on Sunday but if it's half decent, I wouldn't mind a stroll through the park. Maybe Noah can bring his baseball glove."

Olivia actually seemed relieved when she told him,

"Oh good. I'll tell Noah. I'm sure he'll be pleased."

He felt honored that the young boy was looking forward to spending more time with him. He wasn't really used to dealing with children, but it was as if he and Noah had formed an instant connection. He had always enjoyed explaining things to other people, and he'd had no difficulty talking to Noah at all despite his young age. It had felt very natural and Noah was a bright kid. It shouldn't surprise him. He was a Benson after all.

He focused on the older Benson in front of him, who seemed a little hesitant now.

"So … is it alright if we text you this weekend?" she asked him.

"Absolutely," he said firmly, hoping to take away Olivia's hesitation.

He wanted her to be relaxed around him and envelop him in that melodious laugh of her some more.

"Great. Thank you."

"No need to thank me, Liv. The pleasure is all mine."

Olivia nodded and gave him a small smile before turning away and starting to walk out. She didn't understand why she was feeling a little nervous. That wasn't very much like her. When she heard Peter's footsteps behind her, she had the urge to speed up to create some distance between them. She didn't, of course, but she still felt relieved when she heard someone else stop him to ask him about a case. She resisted the urge to look back and kept on walking until she was outside. There, she took a deep breath before making her way down the steps. She was being ridiculous, she told herself. They got along well recently. There was nothing wrong with meeting up outside of work to chase away their loneliness and there was nothing else going on beneath the surface. So she told herself.

…

 _Sunday, June 10, 2018_

The weather wasn't agreeing with them. It wasn't cold at all but it was cloudy and it looked like it might drizzle a bit later on. Noah was completely unbothered and even objected to wearing his raincoat.

"I'm not made of sugar, remember?" he told her, echoing her own words for when they had to walk to school in the rain, and Olivia chuckled.

"You're right, Noah. But I don't want you to catch a cold."

His asthma had been bothering him a lot less over the past year, but she was still a little careful with him. She packed his inhaler just in case. The forecast hadn't predicted a lot of rain but the air would still be moist. Noah had stuffed his baseball glove as well as his ball into her bag.

"Are we meeting Peter at the park?" Noah asked once they were ready to leave.

"Well, he said he'd meet us out front right about now, actually, so we'd better not keep him waiting."

Noah was excited to learn that Peter was possibly already there, and Olivia was relieved when he was, indeed, just pulling up to their building when they walked out.

"Can we ride in the Tesla again mom?" Noah asked excitedly.

Olivia chuckled but told him that they were going to walk to the park, since it was only a few blocks away. When Peter exited the car, Noah ran over to the ADA and greeted him happily.

"Hi Peter! I brought my glove! You wanna play catch in the park?"

Peter grinned and looked at Olivia, who was walking up to both of them with a shy smile on her lips.

"Sure kiddo. Look what I brought."

Peter opened the backdoor of his car and pulled out a baseball bat.

"Wow! Is that a real one?" Noah said, completely in awe.

"Yep. A souvenir from my old club."

He handed the big bat to Noah and smiled at Olivia when Noah caressed the bat almost reverently.

"This was used in a real game," the boy said quietly, as if he was talking to himself.

"But we shouldn't forget the ducks this time," Peter reminded Noah, while his eyes remained focused on Olivia. She was so different off the clock and he had to remind himself not to stare at her.

"No, of course not. Mom, did we bring the bread?" Noah asked, looking up at his mother.

"Yes, we did," Olivia says, holding up her bag.

"Now I have a smaller training bat for you here Noah," Peter told the boy. "Let's put the big bat back in the car, and we'll bring this one."

He pulled out an exact replica of the bigger bat, painted in the same colors, but quite a bit smaller.

"I think this one will be just right for him," Peter added, looking at Olivia.

"You shouldn't have," Olivia said quietly, but he could see the joy in her eyes because her son was so happy. That alone was worth the purchase.

"Not a problem," he assured her and they set out to go to the park a few blocks away from Olivia's building.

...

Olivia glanced at Peter a few times as they walked, but he seemed perfectly happy to keep Noah entertained. He really was father material, she thought once more. She wondered if he was seeing anyone, or looking for a serious relationship with someone to start a family with. She really didn't know very much about him yet.

It took a while before she had an opportunity to talk to Peter. After they had fed the ducks, Peter took off his jacket and tossed a few balls to Noah to teach him how to catch them properly. It didn't start raining after all so Noah was happy to shed his raincoat as well, so he could play in just his summer jacket. After a while, they practiced with the bat a little bit, but Peter wondered if maybe Noah had a talent for pitching. A woman with two boys joined them, and when the other boys suggested that Noah pitch the ball to them and they would try to catch it, Noah was game. Peter coached him a little but then decided to let the boys play on their own for a while. He joined Olivia on a nearby bench.

"You're really good with kids," Olivia remarked. "Any experience with nieces and nephews?"

"Nope," Peter replied with a charming smile. "I guess I'm a natural."

"Seriously?"

She found it hard to believe he didn't have any real experience with children.

"Seriously," Peter nodded. "But I do enjoy teaching people things and your son is so eager to learn that we just …"

He intertwined the fingers of his own hands to illustrate how he and Noah seemed to have bonded naturally with each other, and Olivia nodded while watching his hands. He had nice hands with clean fingernails. No rings. Which reminded her … but before she could ask him anything, or even come up with an appropriate follow-up question, Peter asked her a question instead.

"So … is Noah's father in the picture at all? Neither of you have talked about him so far."

While Olivia didn't think this thought jump was strange at all, it still caught her by surprise that Peter was apparently making the same connections.

"No. No, he's not," Olivia replied quickly, but then she decided that she should be more open about her and Noah's situation. Part of her wanted Peter to know. She rubbed her palms on her thighs and took a breath before telling him,

"In fact, both Noah's biological parents are no longer alive. I adopted him a few years ago."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. He had clearly had no idea.

"That's … that's amazing, Olivia. You two are such a tight pair and …"

He wanted to tell her she was an awesome mother and that she was raising Noah to be a strong and balanced young man, but he stopped talking abruptly, realizing that it would be a bit strange to shower her with compliments like that.

He was surprised. He would never have thought that Noah wasn't Olivia's biological son. Not that it made any difference, because he was her son in every way that mattered, and she his mother. He did wonder how she had been able to adopt him on her own and couldn't help wondering if there was more to the story.

Olivia was watching him, one eyebrow slightly raised, as if she was waiting for him to continue.

"And?" she asked, and he remembered he'd suddenly stopped talking.

"And … well …" he stammered.

God, why couldn't he think of something logical to say when she looked at him like that?

"You had no idea," he heard Olivia say, and it wasn't a question.

"No, I didn't. But does it really matter? I mean, you're his mother and he's your son."

"Right," Olivia replied, and he saw her relax visibly, even smiling when she looked at Noah again. "But now you know why there's no daddy in the picture."

"So you were alone when you got him?" Peter asked, just to be sure that there wouldn't be a surrogate father coming out of the woodworks after all.

Olivia nodded slowly, seeming to think back to when she got her child.

"The judge in family court, she ... after Noah had been declared an orphan she suddenly looked at me. I'd been to all his hearings and had visited the baby a few times, even before we knew his name. We found him during a raid in a pornography case and I just … He was only a few months old. I had to know this little boy would be alright."

Peter was listening intently. She was telling him a lot about herself with this story. She'd been attached to Noah from the start and it told him that she must have wanted to become a mother for along time. He knew she was in her forties, a little older than him, and maybe she had heard her biological clock ticking. He couldn't fathom why a woman like Olivia was alone and never had a child of her own. Or maybe he could, in a way. She didn't really let people get close to her. There was another story behind that.

"You're a really good mother, Olivia," Peter said, thinking he could tell her that now. "That judge must have know that."

She laughed but it wasn't a happy laugh.

"I have to admit, I didn't think very highly of myself back then, but I wasn't going to say no when she offered me the opportunity to foster him for a year and possibly adopt him after that. I mean, it would be a challenge with my job and everything but … I was completely in love with that boy."

She was actually choking up a little and blinked a few times while keeping her eyes trained on her son. He really did seem to have a knack for pitching.

"Looks like you still are," Peter said and his voice sounded warm and kind and … safe.

Safe was a strange word to think of when describing a voice, but it was what she felt with Peter. She felt safe with him. It had been a long time since she'd felt truly safe with anyone and it scared her a little.

"Who wouldn't be. He's a great kid," she heard Peter say and she looked at the man sitting next to her.

He was watching the boys play now and he seemed so relaxed. Did he know that complimenting her child was a way into her heart? Was he being sincere? Or was he just buttering up to her?

She scolded herself for thinking the worst, but on the other hand, why was he spending time with them at all? He was young and attractive. He shouldn't be hanging out with an older woman with a child. Then she remembered his recent loss. His sister. Maybe he just needed some company. She could do that. She was good at comforting people; at being company.

"How are you holding up now that all the arrangements have been made?" she inquired.

Peter glanced at her and then looked at the boys again.

"I'm alright. It still feels strange not to visit her anymore though. I only took over from dad a few months ago but I had gotten used to it."

"I understand."

"What about your family?"

His question caught her off guard.

"What?"

She seemed a little shocked and Peter started backtracking right away. Why was he prying like this anyway?

"I'm sorry … it's just that, the way you said you understand, makes me feel like you know what it's like to lose someone. But it's none of my business."

Olivia smiled and he swallowed. That smile of hers did things to him that he couldn't quite put into words. All he knew was, he wanted her to smile more. But the subject of their conversation wasn't one to smile about at the moment.

"It's alright," Olivia assured him.

She really didn't mind the question. It made sense that he'd ask her about her own family. But what could she tell him? She decided to just give him the basics and hopefully he wouldn't ask her to elaborate too much.

"It's always been just me and my mom. She died in 2000."

"I'm sorry."

Olivia shrugged and Peter thought he saw a flash of hurt cross her face.

"It's alright. We weren't very close."

Peter watched Olivia as she tried to dismiss the loss of her mother and he didn't understand it.

"How can you not be close to your only relative? Your own mother?"

Olivia could tell that he'd blurted out the question and she wondered how she could take away his amazement without giving too much away about her mother. She really didn't want to tell him the whole story just yet.

"It's a long story," she admitted. "Let's just say that I've been on my own for a very long time and I'm used to it."

"I figured that," Peter mumbled and she watched his profile as he followed the ball with his eyes when Noah pitched it right past the other two boys.

There had been no sarcasm in his words but she felt the need to defend herself anyway. And offence was still the best defence so she countered,

"Yeah, I'm sure you know all the signs. You're no different after all."

That put a grin on his face and she liked it when he smiled. He looked at her again and admitted,

"That's true. I had to grow up fast after my parents got divorced. Be the man of the house, or so I told myself."

Olivia tilted her head. Now she was curious.

"How old were you at the time?"

"Twelve."

She bit her lip. Twelve was young to take on that kind of responsibility.

"And you and Pam stayed with your mother?"

Peter nodded and that serious look in his eyes was back. She saw him swallow and his jaw was tight when he told her,

"I wanted to protect my mother and my sister and I actually convinced them not to open the door to strangers after 9 PM when I wasn't home."

"You were only twelve," Olivia sighed. "Your mom should have protected you, not the other way around."

"I know. But I wanted to show them I was a man, I guess."

"Or maybe you wanted to show your father."

She'd said it without really thinking it through and watched Peter for a reaction.

He could tell that her own words shocked her a little, but she was right and he didn't mind sharing this part of his life with her. He wondered if she would share more too now that they were exploring a bit. And so he asked her,

"I bet you were a very independent girl at a young age too. Who were you trying to impress?"

Olivia chuckled.

"Nobody really. I just wanted to survive."

Peter frowned. He hadn't missed the hurt in her voice. Did she mean that literally? He wanted to reach out to her but he hesitated. He settled on draping his arm on the back of the bench behind her and he turned towards her slightly when he asked her,

"Survive what?"

…

 **Cutting the conversation off here because this chapter is getting long and I really wanted to update again. So, they're getting to know each other better. Will Olivia allow herself to be known or will she retreat? To be continued. Please review.**


	4. Opening up

**Alright, I am spending a lot of time away from my computer these days so I am going to stop making promises about updates. You'll get them as soon as I've written them. Deal? Here's chapter 4 of our Benstone adventure for you. Enjoy!**

...

 **4\. Opening up**

" _I bet you were a very independent girl at a young age too. Who were you trying to impress?"_

 _Olivia chuckled._

" _Nobody really. I just wanted to survive."_

 _Peter frowned. He hadn't missed the hurt in her voice. Did she mean that literally? He wanted to reach out to her but he hesitated. He settled on draping his arm on the back of the bench behind her and he turned towards her slightly when he asked her,_

" _Survive what?"_

…

Olivia was scrambling to get away from the subject and Peter couldn't help wondering what had been so horrible about her life as a child that she would call her own actions 'surviving'. She was trying to dismiss it, saying all teenagers were dramatic like that but he wasn't buying it. But he wasn't sure how much he could push her before she'd shut him out completely. Being a skilled ADA, he worded his next remarks carefully.

"Liv. Something must have made you feel like you were on your own, even with your mother there. What happened?"

Olivia pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and shook her head lightly, her eyes trained on her son and the boys he was playing with. She wasn't going to tell him and he couldn't help wondering,

"Did someone hurt you? Your father?"

He hadn't been prepared for the dark laugh that escaped her throat.

"I don't have a father," she said bitterly, glancing at him but then looking away, and Peter knew he was stepping into a hornets nest. He must have found the source of her pain. He spoke quietly when he tried again.

"Everyone has a father, even if they never knew him."

Olivia shook her head more adamantly.

"No. My half-brother had a father. I didn't."

Peter was surprised. So she _did_ have another relative. A paternal half-brother, apparently.

Olivia couldn't believe she'd blurted that out but somehow, Peter had managed to make her lose her composure, just a little bit. And now he'd want to know more about Simon and about her father. The man didn't deserve the title. He was her mother's rapist. A violent criminal, not a father.

And yet he'd been a good father to Simon most of the time. She still had a hard time accepting that the man had had two sides. She preferred not to think of rapists as ordinary people but some were. Some were wounded souls, taking out their own pain on others. She refused to pity them, because there were other ways to deal with the pain. She was proof of that herself. But some were actually human.

"You have a brother."

Peter's voice was soft and not threatening at all, and part of her just wanted to tell him everything. But she didn't. Not here, with her son nearby. Not out in the open, where people might see her be vulnerable.

"I found my half-brother, and consequently the identity of my biological father, through a familial DNA match," she told Peter and she was aware that it sounded like she was giving someone facts about a case. "But as happy as Simon was at first to find out he had a sister, turns out he only remembers me when he is in trouble with the law."

"Hm."

She glanced at her companion and saw him nod while thinking about her words.

"Let me guess," he said then. "He's in trouble with the law a lot?"

Olivia grinned and nodded, finally focusing on Peter's face.

"It's mostly bad luck I think, and poor judgement. But I haven't seen him in years. For all I know, he could be in jail."

"You're not keeping tabs on him? You've got the resources," Peter inquired.

"No … I used to but … I'm not his babysitter. I just made sure the children were safe with their mother."

"So you're an aunt too."

"Yes. But don't tell Noah, okay? He has no idea that there's more family out there besides his grandmother."

Peter frowned and then raised an eyebrow.

"You just told me your mother died."

Olivia sighed and smiled apologetically. This was getting more complicated by the minute. She hadn't intended to tell him any of this.

"I'm sorry Peter. I know it's confusing. A while ago, his biological grandmother suddenly popped up. I gave Noah's attorney hell for that, believe me! He'd said that Noah had no living relatives, which had to be checked before the adoption. But the adoption is 100% legal so she can't take Noah away from me, fortunately."

"Do you think she would?"

"She actually did. She kidnapped him. She was committed afterwards but Noah keeps asking about her. It's a special challenge to explain to him that she's sick in the head without actually saying she's crazy."

Olivia chuckled but Peter could tell she didn't really think it was funny.

"It's sad, you know. I would have let her see him," she added.

"I'm sure you would have."

There was that warmth in his voice again and Olivia looked at the man sitting next to her. He smiled at her and she noticed those extra smile lines in his face again. They weren't real dimples she thought, but they made him look cute when he smiled like that. Peter tilted his head and she suddenly realized she'd been staring at him with a dopey smile on her own face. She was actually relieved when they were distracted by screaming. Noah had picked that exact moment to hit one of the boys in the face with the ball. The boy as well as his mother were screaming, and both Peter and Olivia were on their feet within a second.

Noah was in shock, staring at the crying boy, but when Peter crouched down next to him, he started telling him that it was an accident and he didn't mean to hurt Marcus.

"I know kiddo. It's alright," Peter assured him, putting a hand on his back.

Noah responded by leaning against Peter and putting his head on Peter's shoulder. Peter wrapped his arm around the young boy and held him while watching Olivia tend to Marcus and his mother and brother. He wasn't surprised that she was a pro in a situation like this.

Marcus was sitting on the ground and both women had kneeled next to him. The mother was holding him up while Olivia talked gently to both of them. The boy's younger brother was standing back and just watching. He seemed very concerned but didn't go any closer to his brother.

The mother seemed anxious that her son's eye might have been damaged, but after calming the crying boy down a little, Olivia managed to take a look at his eye and assured the mother that is was intact.

"He will have a black eye though, but that will heal," Olivia told the woman.

She glanced at Noah and Peter and found her son finding comfort in Peter's arms. She smiled softly at Peter before turning her attention to young Marcus again.

"Marcus honey, can you try to open your eye for me? Just to show your mom that it's still there?"

"Okay," Marcus said, his lips still trembling, but he was trying to be brave. "It hurts a bit," he added, but he did manage to open his eye. He blinked a few times and Olivia knew his eye would be just fine.

"Shouldn't we put some ice on that?" the mother asked her.

They looked around but it wouldn't be easy to find an ice pack in the middle of the park.

"If I can give you some advice, just put some butter on it after you get home. The eye won't become as black when you do that."

"Really?"

The woman looked at her in amazement.

"Yes, really," Olivia told her.

She didn't feel like elaborating on how she knew this but she had been able to make bruises go away that she'd gotten on the job many times by applying some butter on them.

"I don't know how it works, but it does."

Meanwhile, Peter had asked Noah softly what the name of the younger boy was.

"It's Dale," Noah whispered.

"Dale," Peter said and the young boy, who couldn't be much older than three, looked at him. He was clearly a little shocked that his big brother had been hurt. Peter beckoned him and the boy joined him and Noah, accepting Peter's comfort as he put a hand on the boy's back.

After Marcus had calmed down enough, the boys - or rather their mother - decided that they had played enough and went home. Olivia finally checked on Noah, but he seemed to be just fine, leaning against Peter's broad chest. She didn't blame her son. It seemed like a very safe place to be. Even Marcus' little brother had felt safe with Peter.

Peter stood up, never letting go of Noah, and her son grinned when he was suddenly towering high over his mother.

"Everything alright here?" she asked them rather redundantly.

She had half expected Noah to reach for her, but he was growing up fast and he seemed very content to stay with Peter.

"You wanna go home too?" Peter asked her, and Olivia looked up at Noah again. "What do you say, kiddo?" Peter asked the boy on his arm.

"Are you coming with us?" Noah asked, the hope evident in his voice.

He looked at Olivia, who chewed on her lip before adding,

"How about a cup of coffee at our place?"

"Sounds great," Peter said, and he meant it.

The prospect of spending more time with the Bensons appealed to him and when Noah begged him to stay for dinner, his hesitation was only for show.

"I was going to make a simple mac and cheese," Olivia said, not sure if she had anything else in the house that would be enough for three people.

"I love mac and cheese," Peter said, and Olivia chuckled when he and Noah high-fived.

"Alright. Mac and cheese it is. You wanna help, Noah?"

"Yey!" Noah responded, jumping up from the floor, where he and Peter had been playing with his toy cars, and running over to his mother in the kitchen. "Are you going to help us cook too, Peter?"

Peter looked at Olivia, unsure if she would appreciate it if he ventured into her kitchen and intruded on her moment with her son. Olivia looked hesitant herself and he wondered if he should have turned down their invitation to stay for dinner. He knew Olivia worked ridiculous hours during the week, and the weekends were her special time with Noah.

"I think you and your mom are going to do just fine, Noah. Why don't I go out and get us all some dessert. How does that sound?"

Noah looked up at his mother, who smiled and ruffled his curls lovingly.

"What do you say Noah? Can Peter pick a dessert for us?"

"I love ice cream," Noah said enthusiastically. "Strawberry's my favorite."

Peter grinned and winked at Olivia before grabbing his jacket.

"I'll see what I can do," he told both Bensons before leaving them to cook.

Olivia shook her head and tried to will that odd feeling in her stomach away that she'd gotten when Peter winked at her. She appreciated that he was trying not to intrude. She definitely didn't mind having him around but the fact that he was being so respectful made her mind even less. She was trying to dispel any thoughts about her and Peter being anything other than friends and coworkers, but it was surprisingly easy for her to allow him into her and Noah's everyday life. Still, she enjoyed her time with Noah while they made dinner together and she suspected that Peter was staying away longer intentionally.

When Peter pressed the buzzer after returning from the store, he heard Noah's small voice ask politely through the intercom,

"Who's there please?"

"It's Peter," he replied.

"Alright, I'll buzz you up," he heard the boy say, and sure enough he heard a soft hum, indicating that he could now open the door to the building.

He liked young Noah a lot and he could tell that he was being raised well. He knew Olivia had a sitter who was practically available 24/7 but he had no doubt that Olivia was doing a lot of the raising herself. Or maybe he just wanted to think that highly of Olivia. She was certainly striking a cord with him and he was still trying to get used to that.

He wondered if she would have opened up further to him in the park, if they hadn't been interrupted by the children. Maybe they could pick up their conversation later, after Noah had gone to bed. Somehow, he pictured the two of them on Olivia's couch and he needed to temper his expectations a bit. He didn't want to overstay his welcome and Olivia might expect him to leave right after dinner. He had planned on watching this evening's game on TV so he wouldn't mind leaving, but part of him was still hoping she'd let him stay longer.

Rounding the corner to her apartment once he arrived on her floor, he shook his head and smiled at himself. Was he becoming a romantic fool at long last?

...

 **To be continued.  
Should they end up talking on the couch or not yet? ;)**


	5. Flirting

**5\. Flirting**

Olivia could tell that Noah was getting rather tired after dinner, but he seemed intent on staying up as long as Peter was there. And Peter was so gracious about it. He even told her, joining her in the kitchen, that she could kick him out any time.

"I can't kick you out after you brought us strawberry ice cream and real strawberries!" Olivia said, feigning shock.

Peter grinned and she was suddenly aware of how close he was standing to her. She turned her attention back to the drink she had been fixing for Noah.  
"But I'm serious Liv. I was going to watch the game on TV tonight so if I'm in your way, just say the word. I'll survive."

Olivia wondered how she could make it clear to Peter that he wasn't in her way at all, without seeming too needy. But if he wanted to see that game, maybe she should just let him leave. Walking past him to hand Noah his drink, she said as casually as she could,

"If you want to go home to watch the game, please don't let us stop you."

When he didn't respond right away, Olivia sat down next to Noah on the couch. Her son was practically nodding off in front of the TV and she smiled before nudging him to take his cup.

"I think someone needs to go to bed," she teased him.

Noah sat up a little straighter and looked around the room. Spotting Peter walking back into the living area, the boy shook his head.

"I don't wanna. I wanna watch the game with Peter."

Both adults chuckled and Olivia grabbed the remote to change the channel on the TV.

Peter watched her as he sat down in the only armchair in the room. He wasn't making himself comfortable just yet, and sat on the edge of the seat. Sure enough, Olivia found the sports channel that would be broadcasting the game live from Citi Field. The commentators were just starting to discuss the players that were going to be on the field tonight.

"You have school in the morning Noah," Olivia told her son, "so you can't watch all of it. Just a few minutes while you drink your juice, okay?"

"Okay mommy," Noah said, and Peter suspected that the boy was trying to manipulate his mother a little bit into letting him stay up longer by not protesting at all.

"Peter, will you sit here with us?" Noah added innocently, patting the tiny space between him and his mother, and Peter swore he saw Olivia's face flush a little. Could it be that she was feeling the same things he was feeling? Not that he could name them just yet, but he was feeling _something_ when he was near her, that much was obvious. It was a combination of nervousness, excitement and a sense of peace, all rolled into one. It was the weirdest feeling, like it was exciting to find how at ease he felt with her, to the point where he felt uneasy again. It was confusing. And on the other hand, it wasn't. If he was really, really honest with himself, it wasn't too hard to figure out what it was about Olivia. He was drawn to her, not just as a friend but as a woman.

Once he acknowledged that, he took a deep breath and got up to join the Bensons on the couch.

"Move over, kiddo," he told Noah with a smirk.

Sitting on Noah's other side seemed like the safest move right now, because he didn't want to make Olivia feel uncomfortable. Besides, there was a lot more room on Noah's other side than there was between him and his mom. He knew she would soon be putting Noah to bed and he kind of hoped she'd rejoin him on the couch afterwards. But what if she wanted to be alone later? What if she needed an evening to herself to recharge before another work week started? He suddenly felt insecure about still being in her home. It was clear to him that she enjoyed how he and Noah were getting along but that didn't have to mean she wanted him to sit with her after Noah had gone to sleep …

Noah tapped his arm when the game started and he tried to focus on the TV but he glanced at Olivia a few times. She was staring at the TV as well but he couldn't help wondering if she was watching it at all.

…

Noah managed to watch the game for half an hour before Olivia convinced him that it was really time for bed. As Noah said goodnight to Peter and they left the room, Olivia was acutely aware of where and how Peter was sitting. She swore she felt his eyes on her back as she and Noah retreated to get him ready for the night but she resisted the urge to look behind her. Noah was sleepy and didn't talk her ear off like he usually did at night. They brushed his teeth together, she helped him into his pajamas and then read him one short story. Noah was yawning and his eyes were almost completely closed by the time she finished the story. She moved out of his bed where she'd been sitting, and Noah settled down right away.

"Love you mom," he said quietly.

"I love you, my sweet boy," she said softly, kissing him temple and running her fingers through his curls.

"And I like Peter," Noah sighed. "You too mommy?"

Olivia smiled and kissed Noah's temple again.

"I do," she admitted to her already sleeping son. "I like Peter very much."

She watched her son sleep for a few minutes and her own words echoed in her mind. I like Peter very much. In fact, she wondered if it could be more than just liking him. He was too young, she kept telling herself, but she had still felt herself blush when Noah suggested he squeeze in between them on the couch. She could only hope Peter hadn't seen it. She had felt relief when he'd sat down on Noah's other side. He didn't seem in a hurry to leave though and she wondered if he would be leaving soon, now that Noah was sleeping.

"Only one way to find out," she whispered to herself, finally turning around to go back into the living room.

Peter was still watching the game and didn't seem to notice her yet. She used the opportunity to look at him. He seemed completely at ease, sitting back on her couch, his right leg bent and the ankle resting on his left knee; his right arm resting on the arm rest while his left arm was draped across the back of the couch. He was dressed casually again, in blue jeans and a light grey thin V-neck sweater. The spot next to him seemed like a very nice place to sit. His arm would be behind her and she mentally kicked herself for taking him in as if she was a school girl trying to determine if this was the right time to approach her crush. _Was_ she developing a crush on her coworker?

 _Not again!_ a tiny voice in the back of her head said, and that voice was right. She couldn't afford to ruin yet another friendship by trying to make it into more. When she and Ed had gotten closer she had mistaken it for romance as well, and by giving in to it out of loneliness, she had lost what should have been a growing friendship. Now, they were barely in touch anymore. She had managed to keep Rafael at arm's length because she didn't have any feelings for him other than friendship, but now here was Peter. Peter who was rapidly winning her son's heart and conquering a spot in their lives. Was he interested in her, or was it just about Noah and about not being alone with his grief? Did she really want him to be interested in her as well? Or was their budding friendship too important to risk?

She felt like kicking herself firmly in the ass but another deep breath would have to do for now. Just then, Peter looked at her and when he smiled she felt part of her new resolve melt away instantly.

No no no, she told herself and when Peter's smile faded, she realized she was frowning. She saw him move his right leg so both of his feet were on the ground again, and he sat up.

"You want me to go so you can relax a little?" he asked her.

Did he think he was in her way because she'd frowned? God, why was she so focused on every little detail all of a sudden?

"I don't have anything special planned for the evening," she managed to say rather flatly. Too flatly. "Just hanging on the couch really. I try not to think about our cases unless I get a call about them."

"I'll vacate the couch then," Peter said while standing up.

She could see a look of insecurity in his eyes and she wished she wasn't so intensely aware of every move both of them were making. Her heart was starting to beat quicker and part of her did want him to just leave so she could shake all of this off.

"Game no good?" she asked nonetheless, thinking that she should at least try to make conversation.

"Oh, it's pretty good. But I have a TV too so it's no problem."

"I don't even know where you live," Olivia blurted out. "Is it far from here?"

"I live in Greenwich Village," Peter answered, wondering if he should get his jacket now or not. "I'm renting a furnished penthouse from a friend of my father's. He's subletting it to me while he is abroad."

"Sounds good," Olivia said and he couldn't quite place her mood. They were both standing while the game continued on TV behind him. But he didn't want to overstay his welcome so he told her he should get going.

"Alright," Olivia responded neutrally and he knew he wanted to hear disappointment in her voice but he couldn't be sure. "Thank you for today Peter. I really think Noah could be a pitcher."

He smiled warmly.

"That would be great. I was a pitcher too, did you know that?"

"Yeah … for the Cubs, right? You're cheering on the Mets very convincingly these days."

He saw the smile return to her eyes and smiled as well.

"True. I'm a fan of the sport and although I have good memories of my time with the Cubs, I needed a new club when I decided to make a fresh start here in New York."

"With Pamela."

"Yeah. With Pamela."

He didn't know why Olivia was bringing up his sister again until she continued.

"Whenever you need some distraction, or if you want to talk about it, we're here Peter. Okay?"

Did she think she and Noah were just a distraction for him, so he wouldn't have to think about losing his father and sister in the same year for a while?

"You're not just a distraction Liv," he said quickly. "I mean, you must have thought I hated you during the first few cases we did together but I don't. You know that, right? I mean, I really enjoy hanging out with you … both."

Olivia seemed a little shy again but at least she wasn't frowning at him now.

"Okay then. Well, we enjoy hanging out with you too."

Peter decided not to push his luck and moved away from Olivia.

"Well, let me not overstay my welcome tonight then, so we can do this again sometime."

Olivia felt slightly deflated when she realized that Peter was going to leave, but she masked it well.

"That would be nice. It's actually quite incredible that I've had an entire weekend without interruptions."

"So having Fin as your number two is working out then?"

"Absolutely."

They were finally on safe ground again, talking about work, and Olivia accepted that their time together was over for now. But Peter had mentioned a next time, so it was alright. She might actually get a decent night's sleep before the new work week. After Peter had put his jacket on, she walked him to the door and opened it for him. Peter turned around to face her and smiled a little hesitantly.  
"So …" he said, and it made both of them grin. This absolutely felt like high school again.

"So," Olivia replied with a smirk.

"Can I call you again?" Peter asked, playing along. "Or do you need permission from your parents first?"

Olivia chuckled and pushed him gently in the shoulder.

"I don't need their permission. I'm just not gonna tell them."

They both laughed and Peter liked this game. It gave him the opportunity to test the waters a little in a very innocent way.

"So I'll be your little secret?"

"For now," Olivia said, biting her lip in a way that made him wonder if it was still an act, or if she was really trying to be a little seductive.

"I think I like being your little secret."

Olivia couldn't believe they were suddenly flirting so openly with each other.

"Mr. Stone," she said, trying to sound playfully surprised.

"You can call me Peter, Ms. Benson."

His warm voice, that was beginning to sound more and more like a bedroom voice, made her tremble a little inside.

"What are we doing?" she asked, and her voice sounded way too tiny.

"Just having a little fun," Peter said with a smirk. "That's okay, isn't it?"

"I guess."

They were both silent for a few moments, staring at the ground. Then Olivia saw Peter reach for her hand and her stomach dropped to the floor. He barely touched her, just taking her hand in his very lightly and letting it go again, but it affected her greatly.

"See you soon Liv. Sleep well."

She nodded, almost afraid to look up at him but when she did, she saw he was as nervous as she was. Could it really be?

"You too," she managed to say and then he was gone, walking towards the stairs.

They were both wondering, what the hell had just happened?

…

 **To be continued.**

 **I hope you liked this! Please review.**


	6. Age is just a number

**So I made another discovery … I was looking for the scene where Peter talks about the injury that killed his professional baseball career to see if Olivia was present when he said it (she was). It turns out that in that same episode, Olivia already told Peter that Noah was adopted and he had a grandmother who had tried to abduct him … I admit I kind of jumped into this story after the season 19 finale without looking back to check their prior interactions for such details. Just consider this a slightly AU story because of this slip. I liked how Olivia gradually divulged how she got Noah to Peter so I'm leaving it as it is. Now, the story moves forward, but not after a little introspection from our main characters, which my loyal readers may have come to expect from me …**

...

 **6\. Age is just a number**

Peter was aware of the silly grin on his face but he couldn't stop smiling while driving home. After admitting to himself that he was developing feelings of a romantic nature for Olivia, he had taken a bold step. It had been the perfect moment. Playful, innocent and if they really didn't want to, they didn't have to read anything into it. But he wanted to. Very much so.

She'd been shy and it made his stomach clench. The mighty, stoic Lieutenant Benson, shy in his presence. He sighed when he entered his apartment. It was a great place and he was grateful for the opportunity to use it. But after an afternoon and evening with the Bensons, he was alone again and he felt it. He switched on the TV in the living room to catch the final part of the game and for the first time in a long time, he missed having family to talk to. Not that his sister had been a good conversationalist over the past ten years, or that he would have confided in his father. No. Right now, he missed his mother.

She'd been gone for a long time. Cancer. He had been seventeen, going on eighteen and Pamela had been almost sixteen. He and his sister had been shipped back to their father and while Ben had given his daughter a lot of attention when her illness started to develop, the relationship between father and son had always been and remained strained.

He'd been close to his mother and since Pam's passing, he missed her more than ever. Right now, he wanted to tell her about Olivia. He knew his mother would approve, there was no doubt in his mind. His mother had been a very open minded woman and she would have told him that age was just a number and love was more important than blood when it came to children.

Peter sipped his beer and hardly noticed that the game was coming to a close.

"You'd get along, mom. I know you would. You could have been a mother to her too. I think she needs that. She's all alone, just like me. Well, aside from her son of course, but that's different. I think something happened to her and I hope that one day, she'll trust me enough to tell me. I have this urge to want to be there for her. That's telling, isn't it mom?"

He could almost hear his mother's voice inside his head, replying.

 _"Oh Peter, you always want to be there for everyone else."_

"I know but this is different mom. I feel like I can lean on her, too. It's like we're the same in many ways. She's a lot like me."

It was quiet in the apartment aside from the commentator's voice coming from the TV, boasting about the Mets win. His mother wasn't answering him anymore and he knew why. She'd never known him as an adult and this was something he needed to figure out on his own. He finished his beer and got up to get another one. He wondered what Olivia was doing and debated whether it would be okay to send her a text. He sat back down on the couch with his second beer in one hand and his phone in the other. He smiled when he thought of Olivia, probably sitting on her own couch not unlike him. Would she be nursing a beer as well, or a glass of wine? He realized he didn't really know what she drank and he was looking forward to discovering all kinds of little things about her.

"Stone, you're falling for her," he told himself out loud and he chuckled.

What could he text her? It shouldn't be too mushy. Maybe just that he'd gotten home safely. She'd appreciate that, or so he hoped.

' _Made it home safely. The Mets won!'_

He hit send before he could change his mind and actually felt a little nervous while he waited for her reply. He wasn't even sure she was going to reply and he shook his head. Age was just a number indeed, because he felt like he was sixteen again.

…

Olivia had left the game on after Peter left. She didn't know why. Maybe it made her feel less alone. Her son was sleeping and she knew she was going to turn in early too, but she decided to have a glass of wine first. She might as well watch the game so she would be able to tell Noah who had won in the morning. Her mind drifted back to her little exchange with Peter at the door. He'd clearly been flirting with her and she had flirted back. She closed her eyes for a second, suddenly feeling embarrassed. What would he think of her now? Surely he hadn't been serious. She shouldn't even think like that about him. He just needed some company after his sister's death and he got along well with Noah.

But he had said some things that made her wonder. 'You're not just a distraction Liv.' And 'I really enjoy hanging out with you … both.'

The way he'd added 'both' after a brief pause could be explained in two ways. Either he hadn't wanted to stress that he enjoyed hanging out with _her_ because that's not what he meant, or he hadn't wanted to stress it because he had felt a little nervous about what his words had implied. He sure had seemed nervous at the door …

"Oh my God, what am I doing?" she asked herself out loud, dropping her head back and looking up at the ceiling.

She was nitpicking every little detail again, almost afraid to look at the bigger picture. Because the bigger picture told her that the three of them were absolutely having a good time together and were all enjoying it. Peter too. And not just as a distraction. And the bigger picture told her that she was already looking forward to a next time.

But he was too young. He would want to find a younger woman to have a family with. Children of his own. Her time might have passed, but his hadn't. She wondered again how old he was and couldn't resist finally checking his age on her laptop. She sat at her small desk and entered her login details. A simple search in the NYPD system should at least provide her with a copy of his driver's licence.

As soon as she'd looked it up, she felt bad about doing so. They weren't supposed to use the system for personal business, and although she was looking up a coworker, this didn't exactly qualify as work-related.

He had just turned 39. Olivia pursed her lips as she signed off and closed her laptop. She had expected him to be young but now she knew. They were almost 10 years apart. If they had been 22 and 32, it might not have been an issue, but in this stage of their lives, it made a lot of difference. She couldn't give him a family anymore and even if she could, it wouldn't be wise to do that to her body now. She was already beginning to feel the weight of her years. She wasn't what Peter needed. Not by a long shot. He could easily find a woman 10 years his junior who would fall for him and give him children. Just watching him with Noah, and even with the little boy in the park this afternoon, it was obvious to her that he was born to be a father.

Olivia returned to the couch and poured herself another glass of wine. The game was over and the Mets had won 2-0. Noah would be so happy. She smiled when she saw all the Mets fans on TV cheering for their team, and the team members waving at them before leaving the field. She wondered if Peter had gotten home safely and if he'd been able to see the team win. Maybe she should have let him stay to watch the game at her place so he wouldn't have to miss such a large chunk of it. Being alone only made her doubt everything again and by now, she had convinced herself that Peter was very happy to be home and away from her.

Her phone vibrated on the coffee table, indicating that she'd received a text. She hoped it wasn't from work. She didn't want to have to call Lucy at this hour on a Sunday night. She picked up the phone and her breath hitched when she saw who the text was from.

Peter …

' _Made it home safely. The Mets won!'_

She felt the corners of her mouth tug up and she was smiling despite herself. He had thought of her long enough to text her and let her know he'd gotten home safely. Did he know how much she appreciated that?

Now she was facing a new challenge. How to respond? She found herself exhausting sometimes. Why couldn't she just be spontaneous like other people and just have fun? She typed out several messages and deleted all of them again. Why was this so hard?

A little voice in the back of her head told her she knew perfectly well why it was so hard. What was she, sixteen again? _You want him to like you_ , the little voice said. She tossed the phone next to her on the couch and sighed. _Really Olivia? You just convinced yourself he's too young and can do a lot better and now you want him to like you? Like really like you?_

"We're just friends," she said out loud. "Fuck it."

She grabbed her phone again and typed her reply quickly, hitting send before she could change her mind again.

…

Peter had changed the channel to watch some news, but found himself hoping his phone would beep sooner rather than later. But maybe she wasn't going to respond. Maybe she hadn't even read his text. He couldn't tell. He reminded himself to use WhatsApp next time so he could check if she'd been online. Man, he was really falling for her.

And then his phone finally beeped and he quickly opened her text.

' _Thanks for letting me know. Have a good night.'_

It was neutral. An acknowledgement, nothing more and Peter felt slightly disappointed. But what had he expected? That they'd continue flirting via text? No. He just needed to see her again and he wasn't going to wait a whole week this time. He'd find an opportunity to talk to her sooner. He didn't send her another text and switched off the TV to go over a case file for a while before taking a shower and going to bed early. He was expected in court early the next morning so he should get some sleep. He wondered if Olivia was in bed as well and if she was thinking of him at all.

...

 **I bet she is!**

 **A/N: I made Peter 2 years older than the actor and the show has made Olivia about 5 years younger than Mariska. The actual age difference between the actors is 17 years! Still, he does look a bit older and she a bit younger so I think it's doable. Don't you?**

 **I know this was short but I'm hoping to continue this very soon.**

 **To be continued ...**


	7. Personal

**7\. Personal**

The young woman was sobbing softly. She was still a child really, barely eighteen, and Olivia's heart went out to her. This case was hitting close to home for her but she wasn't going to abandon Lisa now. After almost two months, they had finally captured her rapist and she had identified him in the lineup without any hesitation. Another victim had come forward who had identified him as well. Fortunately, the second victim had a rape kit done at the time and they had enough to charge their suspect with both rapes. Peter would come back shortly to get copies of their reports. For Lisa's sake, Olivia hoped he'd be able to make a deal, so Lisa wouldn't have to testify. Especially now. Because Lisa had just found out she was pregnant and it had to be by her rapist. There had been no one else. And the young woman was torn.

Olivia was doing all she could to help her make the best decision possible, going over several options with her, but she was having a hard time finding the right words this time. It felt so personal somehow. Then Lisa surprised her a little when she told her,

"This is my child too. I can't just pretend she was never there, Lieutenant."

"You think you're having a girl?"

Lisa shrugged, wiping her wet cheeks once more.

"I don't know why I'm thinking that. It's too soon to tell. I just … It's not her fault you know. This baby did nothing wrong and she deserves to live. I'm just so scared that I won't be able to love her. That I will hate _his_ part of her too much."

Olivia swallowed hard and rubbed Lisa's back absentmindedly while trying very hard to figure out what to tell her. She knew this story too well and knew what could happen when a mother couldn't look past the parts of her rapist in her child. She had lived that nightmare and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Still, how could she be mad at her own mother for keeping her? Despite everything, she was grateful to be alive. She told Lisa the only thing she could think of. It was something she'd thought for years after finding out that her father wasn't a hero fighting for his country abroad, but a mean man who had hurt her mother. Her life would have been so different ...

"You could put her up for adoption after giving birth. That way, she will have parents who will love her for who she is, and won't hate her for where she came from."

Lisa looked at her with wide eyes, wiping her nose with a tissue.

"Wouldn't that be heartless of me? To just give her away?"

"No," Olivia said, almost whispering while shaking her head. "You're not heartless, Lisa. If you were, you wouldn't even be thinking about what was best for your child. You'd just want to get rid of her and move on with your own life."

"Who could even do that!" Lisa huffed.

"Nobody Lisa. It's never easy for a woman to make such a decision. But I can tell that you don't want to just get rid of her at all."

Lisa shook her head fervently.

"No. No. She deserves a chance. I just don't think I ..."

Lisa bit her lip and Olivia could tell the girl was feeling guilty. She wondered if her mother had felt the same way. If she had ever wondered if she would be able to love the child of her rapist before deciding to keep her. Maybe she had thought too lightly of it, not knowing how deeply traumatized she really was after being raped. She had taken it all out on her child in the end and Olivia was still living with the damage her mother had caused her.

She took a deep breath, knowing she needed to focus on Lisa now, not her own past. This was a new situation that might end better for the child. She pulled herself together and said, as calmly as she could manage,

"If you think you're not up to taking care of her yourself, which is very understandable and nothing to be ashamed of, giving her up for adoption would be giving her a real chance."

Lisa nodded and said she would definitely think about it.

…

Peter had been watching Olivia and Lisa through the mirror window and he could tell Olivia was affected by Lisa's situation. She had tried to mask her emotions but Peter had seen them in the way she'd kept a straight face and the rigid way in which she'd been sitting. And just now, he'd seen pain shining through. He was sure Lisa hadn't noticed, but he had and he wondered if she was like this with every rape victim. From what he'd seen so far of her work, he didn't think so. Somehow this was personal for her, and all kinds of different scenarios unfolded in his mind about Olivia. It made him restless.

When Olivia emerged from the family room after Lisa's mother had come in to take her home, she didn't see Peter right away. It gave him a chance to watch her try and compose herself. She really was rattled, and took a few deep breaths while shaking her hands. It actually looked like an exercise to him. Then she spotted him and various different emotions flitted across her face before she managed a tight smile and walked up to him to greet him.

"Hey. You're back already."

He'd been there for the second lineup but had to leave for another case afterwards. They hadn't really talked and he was glad that he had a good reason to come back to the SVU this time.

"Yeah. The defense asked for a recess almost immediately and the trial will resume tomorrow."

"Alright. Well, I think Rollins is just about ready with the paperwork. She did good work with the second girl."

"Yeah, she did."

They walked back to the squad room and he could tell that Olivia was trying very hard to get back into work mode. But he hadn't just come back to get the paperwork for this case. He had something else on his mind, which he wanted to make happen even more now than before. After collecting the necessary forms to complete his file on the case for now, he followed Olivia into her office.

"Anything else?" she asked him, seeing he was following her.

Peter closed the door behind them and fumbled a bit with his suitcase.

"Ehm, yes actually. I was wondering if you have time for lunch."

"Oh."

She seemed very surprised and put her glasses on to look at her watch. He should get her a more elegant watch one day, he found himself thinking. Not a clunky, masculine watch like she had now.

"I didn't realize it's past one already," she mused, not looking at him.

"That's what I thought. You really need to eat, Liv."

She gave him a real smile at last and he grinned back at her.

Olivia finally felt that constricted feeling ease up a little that she'd felt ever since talking to Lisa about her pregnancy. Maybe lunch with Peter was a good idea, to get her mind off of the whole thing for a while.

"I suppose you're right, but I can't be away for long," she told the ADA.

"I know. You're the boss after all," Peter said.

There was amusement in his eyes and a cocky smile on his lips, and she knew he was trying to lighten the mood. The place wouldn't come crashing down if she left for an hour. Being the boss didn't mean she had to be there around the clock.

"Alright. Let me just tell Fin."

Fin looked up at her when she approached him and then looked at Peter Stone behind her.

"Work lunch?" he asked, and when he looked at her pointedly with a half grin, she had a feeling he wasn't convinced that it was just work. Still, she told him quickly,

"Yeah. Just going to go over the statements of the girls …"

"I just convinced her she's gotta eat," Peter added, and Fin gave him an appreciative smile.

"She forgets that," he told the ADA.

"I just reminded her."

"Very good, Counselor. Enjoy."

Olivia felt like Fin was giving them his blessing and it felt weird. She huffed as they walked off towards the elevator and she swore she heard Fin chuckle under his breath before they turned the corner. She glanced at her companion but his face betrayed no emotion. He had a face like that, she'd noticed. He could freeze it completely, as if it was made out of stone. Which was his last name, she thought with a smile. It had to come in handy in court but right now, she'd like to know what he was thinking. How long had he been watching them in the family room anyway? How much had he heard of her conversation with Lisa? And why was he even asking her out to lunch?

She suddenly realized that this would be the first time they'd spend time together without Noah, aside from a drink here or there after hours when one of them had to convey a message to the other. And then the nervousness was back, just like that. They walked in silence and she wondered if Peter was nervous too. But why would he be? It was his idea after all.

"You wanna walk?" he asked her once they left the building. It's only a few blocks away."

"Sure."

She didn't mind walking. The weather was nice and it was good to be outside after spending the entire morning cooped up in her office and the family room. And somehow, although their steps weren't in sync, walking next to him worked. He was quite a bit taller than she was and his strides were longer than hers, but their pace was the same. When he smiled at her, she wondered if he was noticing it too.

They arrived at the diner Peter had chosen and he touched her back lightly when he opened the door for her to let her enter. Who said chivalry was dead? They were greeted by the patron, who clearly knew Peter, and who told them their table was ready.

Olivia looked up at Peter, cocking an eyebrow. He grinned shyly and shrugged. He'd been convinced he could get her to come with him, but he couldn't very well tell her that, could he? He didn't want to come across as presumptuous. He decided to just lead the way to his regular table in the back, and he was relieved when Olivia followed him without commenting.

They ordered their lunch and Olivia actually asked him what he'd recommend, so he told her what to expect. He liked this place a lot and had tried out a lot of lunches on the menu. He watched Olivia as she went over the menu one more time and he wondered what she was thinking. She still seemed a little tense.

After placing their orders, Peter leaned his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his folded hands while looking at the woman sitting across from him. She glanced at him and tilted her head when he didn't avert his eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said quickly but she raised an eyebrow while raising her glasses and settling them on the top of her head.

"Counselor?"

Her voice was stern now and he saw a glimpse of Benson the interrogator. As empathic as she was with victims - survivors she called them - as fierce and piercing she was with suspects. And now him. It was fun actually, to see this strong, menacing side of her directed at him.

"Out with it, Stone," she said with a low voice and he could tell she liked to play this role too.

As much as he liked to have a little fun with her, the words he'd been keeping to himself weren't as fun. He'd been wondering about her and Lisa and his face must have given him away when he saw the expression on Olivia's face change from amused to serious.

"Is this about the case?" she asked, and she was dead serious now. "Do you know something we don't?"

"No no, it's nothing like that," he assured her quickly. "I just … I caught the tail end of your conversation with Lisa and I …"

He suddenly wasn't so sure what he wanted to ask her. The first words that came to mind were to ask her if she was alright but he didn't think that would go over very well. Olivia seemed a little uncomfortable and it was all the more reason for him to not drop the subject.

"I just … couldn't help noticing that her story affected you."

"Every story of a survivor affects me," Olivia said neutrally and he knew she was pulling up her defenses.

She was looking around the diner, anywhere but at him, and it intrigued him. She was visibly relieved when a waiter brought over their drinks, and she grabbed her glass of orange juice with both hands to give them something to do. Peter just watched her until she finally lifted her eyes to meet his. The tables had turned quickly and now he was the interrogator. Only he didn't want to be. He was just genuinely interested in what had rattled her so much about this girl. Olivia sighed and finally told him,

"She's pregnant with her rapist's baby. That has such a huge impact on a woman."

Peter nodded, leaning back in his chair.

"Do you see that a lot? That women get pregnant that way?"

"No, not a lot. Most women who go to the hospital right after the attack, take the medication right away in the ER. I don't know about the ones who wait a while before they report it or the ones who don't report it at all of course. But a lot of creeps use condoms to avoid leaving behind DNA so …"

She spread her hands above the table and then grabbed her glass again.

"I suppose most women would want an abortion once they find out," Peter mused.

"I suppose so, but you'd be surprised how many working girls just have the child of a handler who took advantage of them, and let it grow up in that world."

Peter nodded slowly, absorbing her words. But he wasn't done yet.

"Lisa isn't a working girl," he remarked, watching Olivia for a reaction.

She took a breath before answering and then mumbled,

"No. She isn't."

"She's just a regular girl who was still in school, whose life was turned upside down when she was raped, and now she's pregnant at eighteen."

"Yes."

"If she keeps it, she'll have the reminder with her indefinitely."

Olivia swallowed hard and nodded, looking down at her drink. Their waiter returned with their lunch, and she looked up automatically. Peter could finally see her eyes now, and it struck him how sad she seemed. He waited for the waiter to leave before continuing.

Olivia was grabbing her utensils, happy with the distraction, but when she glanced up at Peter, he was still watching her. She frowned slightly and she saw him force a smile. She had no idea why he was trying to get her to talk about Lisa's situation. Maybe he wasn't but to her, it felt that way. She wanted out of this conversation and told him,

"I think she's going to give the baby up for adoption like I suggested. She wants the child to have a chance and it will be better off with adoptive parents."

"How do you know?"

She started shaking her head before realizing it. She didn't want to go there.

"I just do," she said curtly.

She looked down at her food and started moving a few pieces of salad around on the plate with her fork until Peter surprised the hell out of her by putting a hand hers, stilling her movements.

Her eyes flicked up to his, surprise overriding her feelings of discomfort for the moment.

"Hey. I'm sorry," Peter said gently.

"For what?" she choked out, very much aware of the feeling of his warm hand on hers.

"I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You didn't," she said quickly; too quickly.

"Yes, I did. And I apologize. I just …"

He withdrew his hand and she looked up at him.

"Something happened to you in that interview and I guess I thought I could help."

She stared at Peter for a few seconds, wondering how on earth he could have picked up on that. She'd been so professional and calm, and purely supportive of Lisa.

"I'm not the one who needs help, Peter," she said as neutrally as she could manage. "I was there to help Lisa make up her mind."

Peter nodded and started eating, and for a few moments she thought he was dropping the subject. But after swallowing a bite he said quietly,

"I was just wondering if this is somehow a little personal for you."

...

 **A/N When I started writing this chapter, I had no intention at all of cutting this conversation off. But the chapter is getting rather long so I thought I'd publish what I have, and get back to writing the rest soon. Meanwhile, reviews are always appreciated!**


	8. Trust

_"I'm not the one who needs help, Peter," she said as neutrally as she could manage. "I was there to help Lisa make up her mind."_

 _Peter nodded and started eating, and for a few moments she thought he was dropping the subject. But after swallowing a bite he said quietly,_

 _"I was just wondering if this is somehow a little personal for you."_

...

 **8\. Trust**

Olivia stared at her food for a few moments, feeling tense at Peter's question. She didn't know what to say and tried to stall by taking a bite of the salad that had been draped around her deliciously smelling Farmer's Omelet.

Peter knew he was venturing into dangerous territory but his desire to tear down Olivia's defenses was strong. He also knew he would have to take risks to get through to her but it could backfire at any moment. It was basically the same as questioning someone on the stand and he tried to take calculated risks with Olivia. She wasn't a suspect after all, he just really wanted to get to know her better. When Olivia still didn't say anything and took a sip of her juice instead, he added another question, deliberately keeping his voice gentle.

"Liv."

Her eyes flicked up to his and he counted that as a minor win.

"Is Lisa's story … is that also your story?"

It had to be something like that, although he couldn't fathom what it would mean for Olivia if she had found herself in a similar situation in the past. He'd had this sense of dread before, that something must have happened to her, and a big part of him wanted to be there for Olivia; far more than she was allowing him to be there for her until now. His heart skipped a beat when he suddenly saw Olivia's head bob. Was she nodding? Was she confirming his fears?

Olivia didn't know why she wasn't running from Peter's question this time. She could have simply said no, that Lisa's story wasn't her story, because it wasn't. Not really. It was her mother's' story though and in a way, that did make it her story.

Maybe it was fatigue. Maybe it was the long talk with Lisa, that had laid some deep wounds bare and had lowered her defenses. And maybe she was simply tired of hiding from Peter again. Of trying to keep up the facade in front of him. He was one of the good guys and she felt safe with him and that was rare. She felt herself finally _wanting_ to explain it to him, so he'd know from now on why she was so deeply invested in this unit. That he'd understand. That they'd become closer because they understood each other so well …

She quickly dismissed that last thought and took a breath to answer him at last.

"Yes."

Peter's stomach plummeted. There was a world of hurt behind that one little word. Did she really have another child out there? Or did she regret not having it? Was she raped herself? Before his mind could run wild again, she added,

"But I'm not Lisa in this story."

Peter frowned. Not Lisa?

"What do you mean?" he asked her, and Olivia smiled slightly.

"I'm not Lisa. I'm the baby."

Olivia picked up her knife and carefully started cutting off a piece of her omelet. She was trembling a little inside and she knew that meant several things. It wasn't easy for her to admit that her biological father had been a rapist, but she was also trembling a bit because she had just told Peter. And that meant something because he was beginning to mean something to her.

She looked up at him at last and could see him gradually piece things together, staring in the distance. She saw the exact moment when everything clicked and he looked at her again.

" _That's_ why you said you don't have a father."

"Yes."

"And you had it rough with your mom."

"Yes."

"You wished she'd given you up for adoption."

Olivia felt a lump forming in her throat but she answered him nonetheless.

"Yes."

How horrible was that? She had loved her mother despite everything but still, she had wondered what her life would have been like with different parents. _Normal_ parents. She still wondered about that sometimes.

Peter leaned forward and placed his hands on the table close to hers. She wondered what he thought of her now and what it would feel like if he took her hands in his. She could almost feel it and put down her utensils, keeping her hands on either side of her plate, waiting for him to speak.

"When did you find out?"

Olivia closed her eyes, remembering that horrible day when her mother had screamed the truth at her in a drunken haze.

"When I was eight."

She felt his hands then, covering hers, his thumbs lightly folding around her palms and she wanted to cry a little. For Lisa. For her mother. For herself.

"That you can even function in this unit," Peter mused.

She opened her eyes and he saw an immediate strength return to them.

"It's the _reason_ I wanted to work in this unit," she said firmly. "I can't see myself doing anything else."

"You _have_ to catch the bad guys. For your mother."

"Yes."

"And for yourself."

She bit her lip and lowered her eyes, but then confirmed his last remark with a whispered 'yes' as well.

"You want to get justice for people who went through what you both went through."

She nodded, looking at his hands still covering hers. It was strangely reassuring to be connected with another human being; to not feel completely alone with her pain. He couldn't take it away for her and he couldn't undo any of the damage done, but it still made a difference to literally feel his support. She didn't often allow others to support her because she was supposed to be the supporter. She was the one to wrap an arm around the other; she was the strong one. But with Peter, she felt like she could relax now. She had told him how she'd been conceived and he had responded by connecting with her.

"Was he ever caught?" Peter inquired.

Olivia shook her head.

"No. I didn't find out who he was until after he'd died. When I found out I had a half-brother," she added.

Peter squeezed her hands lightly.

"How did your mom cope?" he asked her softly and words came more easily to her now.

"She drank."

"Did she become abusive?"

"Yes."

"How did _you_ cope?"

Olivia chuckled and looked up at him.

"I survived."

Peter remembered her words in the park. She must have meant them quite literally. She had just wanted to survive her childhood. And she'd done more than survive. She was amazing.

"And then some," he told her.

He had admired her before but his respect for her had grown tenfold now that he know more about where she had come from.

"I used to doubt myself a lot, you know. Even after becoming a cop. Realizing that I came from a gene pool that was half violent and half drunk."

"It's not all in the genes Liv. From what I've seen, you turned out great."

His words hit a special note with Olivia. She remembered her old partner's words from all those years ago. _Look how great you turned out._ She hadn't believed him at the time. She didn't think of herself as a great person, but it meant something to her that her partner did. And now Peter.

"My old partner used to say that," she told him with a smile.

"Wise man," Peter said with a grin.

Olivia couldn't help laughing at that particular choice of words. People had used several words to describe Elliot Stabler, but wise hadn't been on that list for most. He _had_ been wise though, in his own way. You just had to look closer and like her, he hadn't let other people get close enough to see his heart. But she knew that the man who had become known as an angry cop, had shown more restraint, both on the job and off, than anyone would ever know.

"What did I say?" Peter said, chuckling with her.

He withdrew his hands and Olivia felt a small sense of loss again. It was nice to connect with Peter and she was very relieved that the tense atmosphere was lifting. As sad as she still was at times about Elliot's departure, she could smile now at all the good memories she had of their time working together. And once again, she found herself comparing Peter to Elliot.

Peter was younger. A lot younger actually. She'd never really had a thing for younger men because they were usually so immature. Especially young guys who found out what kind of crimes she investigated. She'd dumped quite a few in the middle of a first or second date because of how they responded to the nature of her job. But Peter wasn't immature. In fact, he not only looked older than his 39 years, he acted older too. Thinking about what he'd told her about his own childhood, this hardly surprised her. He'd always been the responsible one, taking care of the people around him. Just like Elliot.

He worked out too. She's walked in on him changing in his office once and although she'd turned away quickly, she'd gotten an eyeful. You'd never know it when you saw him in his suit and tie, but Elliot really didn't have anything on the man. Peter had been on his way to become a professional ball player after all, and he clearly still took good care of his body.

She let her eyes trace the outlines of his shoulders but then realized that Peter had asked her a question.

"It's nothing really," she told the ADA. "Just that 'wise' wasn't a word many people associated with my partner at the time."

"You got along though?" Peter asked.

Olivia nodded and picked up her utensils again, Peter doing the same.

"We did. Worked together for over a decade. He was like the … the angry poppa if you will, and I was the empathetic momma. We had this perfect balance as partners."

Peter heard a wistful tone in her voice. He didn't want to put her on the spot so he continued eating like she was, but between bites, he asked her a few additional questions. Not in the slightest because he felt some jealousy towards this elusive partner of course. He was just interested. Yep. That was it.

"Sounds like a good match then. Is he still on the force?"

"No. He retired a few years ago. There was a shootout at the house actually, and he ended up killing a teenager. This job … you know, it weighs on all of us. That was just the last straw for him I guess."

"You guess?"

Olivia swallowed a bite and quickly took another one. She chewed it slowly, looking at something behind him, before she replied,

"We never talked about it afterwards. He just … left."

He could tell she was still hurt about it, and he wondered if this partnership had been more to her than just a partnership.

"Do you miss him?"

He had to know if there was another man who still had her heart. It would be pointless to chase her if she was basically taken. It didn't matter that the man wasn't around anymore. It was obvious that he had meant a lot to her and if she still had feelings for him, he'd be fighting a losing battle.

Olivia put down her knife and fork once more and looked at her companion. Did she still miss Elliot? She did at times but she thought she'd moved on, especially after getting Noah. What she did miss was truly connecting with someone, even without words. To have someone in her life who _got_ her; who understood; someone she didn't have to hide from because he already knew. It had been so easy with Elliot. That's what she missed the most.

And so she told Peter,

"Honestly? I just miss having a buddy who really knows me. Someone I don't have to explain myself to because they already know. Someone to … how to put it …"

"You can be yourself with?" Peter asked, hoping he'd found the words she was looking for.

"Yes."

Her answer was emphatic and she nodded.

"Exactly."

"It usually takes time to build that level of trust. I know it does for me," Peter posed.

The way her dark eyes were scrutinizing him made him feel warm and he couldn't help wondering if she could tell somehow. Did she realize he was basically putting himself out there? Or could he still pretend he was just interested in her as a friend? Did he want to keep pretending? The way she was looking at him could be intimidating for someone who didn't know her, but he'd seen her softer side during the time they'd spent together with Noah. He wasn't afraid of her and didn't look away until she did.

"It took time," she finally mumbled, taking one more bit of her omelet. She had almost finished the whole thing and he was glad he'd taken her here.

"That's only natural. But you have to be prepared to trust again first. Without that, it doesn't work."

"Of course," Olivia said noncommittally and Peter feared that their conversation about this topic was winding down.

He didn't know that Olivia was receiving his subtle signals loud and clear. Or was it just her after all, since she'd been comparing this man to 'that' man for a while? She knew Peter was a trustworthy man. He had his faults like everyone else but if he made a mistake, it wasn't with the intent to deceive. His intentions were good. She just wondered what exactly his intentions were towards her. She could get used to hanging out with him, most definitely, and she knew they would have more conversations like this one. Probing. Feeling their way through to get to the heart of the matter. To the heart of the other person, maybe? She didn't dare think like that yet. When Peter spoke again, her stomach clenched.

"You can trust _me_ , Olivia."

...

 **To be continued.**

 **I know this is slow. Thanks for bearing with me. Reviews are life.**


	9. All is fair

**9\. All is fair**

There it was. He was making it about them.

No more talking in general. It was him and her now and he was offering her something. Was it friendship? That buddy she had said she missed since her partner had left? Olivia bit her lip and studied Peter's face for a few moments. He seemed a little nervous and she didn't know how to respond to that. Should she just tell him ' _I know'_ and change the subject? And then Peter spoke again.

"I enjoy spending time with you and getting to know you better."

Olivia nodded lightly, still at a loss for words. She was yelling at herself internally to get a grip and just gloss over what he was saying. Back up, back up ...

"Getting closer," Peter added.

He wasn't going to let this go. He was suddenly saying things that made her pause and even made her a little nervous. He was getting closer. Too close. The fingers of his left hand were lightly touching the back of her right hand again and she looked at their hands on the table.

"Peter, I …" she sighed, finally finding her voice, although she had no idea what she was going to say yet.

He immediately withdrew his hand and Olivia's eyes flicked up to his face. He thought she was going to reject him.

"I'm not expecting you to fall into my arms right here and now Liv," he said. "Just … let's make plans for Sunday again and see where it goes?"

He wasn't just offering to be her buddy. There was no way around it now. He must have recognized what she'd felt for Elliot and he was offering her the same. Only Peter wasn't married nor her partner. The obstacles of the past were absent in the present and it scared her. There was nothing to hide behind; nothing to define the boundaries of how she should relate to Peter. From the looks of it, it was all up to her and she didn't know how to deal with that.

Peter was surprised to see the Lieutenant at a loss for words. Granted, he had just dropped a small bomb between them but he'd seen her react to unexpected developments before. She was good at it. When he'd seen her get ready to withdraw, he'd decided to go for broke. Somehow, he had expected her to laugh at his words, although he couldn't really explain why. But she seemed truly shellshocked and it hadn't been his intention to throw her off like this. She actually seemed scared. Now that he was putting himself out there, he might as well continue. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table and asked the woman sitting across from him,

"What are you afraid of?"

Olivia leaned back in her seat, clearly needing to keep some distance between them.

"I'm not afraid," she told him and her voice was steady again - defiant.

He didn't believe her and being the smooth negotiator that he was, he decided to use her lie against her. All was fair in love and war, wasn't it? And so he said with a wide grin,

"Great! So what are we doing next Sunday?"

"What?" Olivia gasped and then he saw the beginning of a smile return to her lips. It was an incredulous smile but it was a start.

"I know you and Noah enjoyed hanging out with me."

She was now attempting to suppress a full-blown smile and he could tell his cockiness was working. He knew bringing up Noah wasn't entirely fair, but he just wanted her to agree to another Sunday together. He didn't know why his words had rattled her so much but he felt confident that they would have another nice, relaxed day if she'd agree to meet up with him again.

She was looking at something over his shoulder and biting her lip to keep from smiling too widely and he thought it was adorable. Finally, she told him,

"I'll have to check with the boss."

He knew she meant Noah.

"Of course you do. Whatever he says, we'll do."

"Within reason."

"Within reason. Naturally."

"Okay."

Her soft okay made his heart flutter a bit and he couldn't stop grinning as he finished his meal quickly. Olivia stabbed at the last pieces of lettuce on her plate as well, her head bowed slightly, but he could tell she was smiling too. And while he hadn't actually planned to make this overture today, he couldn't be more pleased with the outcome.

…

Parting ways with Peter outside the precinct had been slightly awkward, but Olivia had to admit she felt a little lighter than usual during the elevator ride up to her unit. It had been the awkwardness of two people who really liked each other who were trying to make it seem like nothing had changed for now. Olivia had expected that she would need some time to get used to the idea that Peter was actually interested in her, but she found it surprisingly easy to conjure up images of them together. With Noah, of course. He was their buffer for the time being while they figured things out. _They_ … were they a 'they' now? Maybe they were.

Olivia felt Fin's eyes on her when she strode through the squad room. She tried stubbornly not to look in his direction but then turned around at the last moment before disappearing into her office, and flashed him a wide smile. If she were to confide in anyone in her team, it would be Fin anyway.

She powered up her laptop and put her glasses on, determined to make some headway with her paperwork after her refreshing and also confusing lunch.

Meanwhile, Peter was having some trouble focusing on the case file he'd been working on. It was a good thing he had an intern dedicated to completing the file for him, otherwise he feared he wouldn't have been ready for the trial that was starting the next morning. After leafing through the file once more, he picked up the new one. Lisa's rapist. Peter leaned back in his desk chair and sighed. Lisa was now pregnant with her rapist's baby and their perp was not to find out. He needed a plea deal for this one, otherwise the pregnancy might come to light in open court. They were very fortunate to have a second victim, however cruel that sounded, because she had provided them with DNA evidence in her rape kit. Without it, they might even have needed a paternity test to prove the man's guilt.

Peter took another deep breath and breathed it out slowly while his mind wandered back to her.

Olivia.

She was the product of a rape.

It had been quite a revelation and he felt like she had just entrusted him with a well-guarded secret. It wasn't something to casually share at a birthday party and it might even be considered a handicap in her line of work. She had probably only ever told her closest friends and he felt honored that she had now told him.

He understood the enormous moral dilemma of women in Lisa's position, and he could only commend the young woman for being able to look beyond her own pain and trauma and think of this child that had happened to her in such a cruel way. What if Olivia's mother hadn't kept her? This amazingly wonderful woman wouldn't have been alive. He knew it hadn't been easy for Olivia or her mother and they had both been damaged severely. But she was still standing. And not just for herself but she was making an actual difference in the world. He hoped now that Lisa would carry her child full term and then give her up for adoption. Who knew what kind of wonderful woman that baby might turn into? There was only one way to find out and he believed Lisa would give her baby a fighting chance.

He smiled then. He had been pretty quick at the diner, convincing Olivia to give him another Sunday. She shouldn't be afraid of him, or of what was developing between them. He didn't want her to feel like he was a threat to the order in her life. Maybe he wasn't playing entirely fair, using Noah to his advantage, but the boy really liked him and he cared about Noah too. He wasn't just after the mom. He could see himself be in Noah's life more too.

After a long afternoon, both Peter and Olivia headed home, still thinking of each other regularly. And suddenly, Sunday couldn't come soon enough.

…

 _Sunday, June 17, 2018_

Pizza and a movie. That had been Noah's choice. The Incredibles 2 had just premiered a few days earlier and for once, he wanted to be the first in his class to be able to say he'd seen it.

"Otherwise the other kids tell me spoilers," so he'd told Olivia, who wasn't against the idea of going to the movies together at all. She was exhausted after a long week and she wouldn't mind sitting in a comfortable chair for a full 118 minutes.

Peter had assured them that pizza and a movie was his absolute favorite aside from baseball and Noah was beaming once again that his new friend loved all the things he loved. He was bouncing a little in his chair at the pizza restaurant and Olivia smiled at his enthusiasm. The spicy food as well as the sugar in his drink, and then the popcorn that would be inevitable later, would have him bubbling with energy for hours so she doubted that she'd be able to take a secret nap during the movie.

Olivia was surprised when they took their seats, that Peter suddenly snuck past her and sat down, so she would sit between him and Noah. Peter was to her right and Noah to her left. Somehow, she had expected Noah to sit between the two of them but she definitely didn't object to this arrangement. Noah seemed to be absolutely fine with it too, and after she had helped the boy settle in with his box of popcorn and his drink, she sank into the soft cushions of her chair contently. She turned her head to look at the man sitting next to her, to find that he was looking at her too. He was smiling warmly and he seemed content. Relaxed. It helped her to relax as well. When the lights were dimmed and the commercials started, they all settled in to watch.

Olivia really didn't mind Noah's choice for the movie. It was funny and entertaining, not just for children. She even heart Peter laugh out loud a few times and the sound made her stomach flutter.

Noah was having a great time and was remarkably quiet for his age, aside from his laughter of course. He was completely focused on the storyline of the movie and Peter decided to use this opportunity to flirt with the kid's mother some more. They were at the movies after all. He was supposed to make a move. It was a rule. He glanced at her and admired her profile for a few seconds as her face and eyes reflected the light coming from the big screen. She had her hands clasped together loosely in her lap. Peter moved his right hand across his own lap until he could wrap his fingers lightly around Olivia's right wrist. He had expected an immediate reaction from her and she did react, but not the way he had expected her to. Not at all.

Olivia closed her eyes.

When she opened them again a few moments later, she was still watching the movie. Without looking down she moved her left hand until it covered his hand. Peter breathed out slowly. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been holding his breath, but he knew Olivia could be unpredictable sometimes. Her response to his touch was subtle but he knew it was a big step for her. She was allowing him to get closer. Peter moved his left arm as well, until he could move his hand underneath Olivia's arm.

Olivia sensed what Peter wanted to do and she pulled her left hand back just as Peter pulled his right hand back, so he could slip his left palm against her right hand. Olivia laced her fingers with his and they rested their joined hands on the armrest between their chairs. She still didn't look at him. She couldn't. She was frightened enough as it was. She really liked Peter and she didn't want to lose him as a friend. But the pull between them was undeniable.

She felt Peter's thumb rub hers gently and it sent goosebumps up her arm. She was staring at the screen but didn't have a clue what was happening in the movie anymore. When she finally dared to look in Peter's direction, he smiled at her. Then he lifted their joined hands to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. Now the goosebumps were spreading to the rest of her body and she had to tell herself not to giggle. When something funny made the entire audience laugh, she let out a relieved chuckle. This had high school written all over it. Getting giggly while holding hands at the movies … how old was she again?

They held hands during the remainder of the movie and reluctantly let go of each other once it was over and Noah needed their attention again. He was so excited about the ending, as if it should be a huge surprise that the good guys managed to win after all. He couldn't stop talking about the movie and the adults just let him.

Peter had surprised her when they had gotten into his car to go to the pizza place, and she saw a brand new high back booster seat in the back for Noah. Noah had hopped in as if it was the most normal thing in the world, but Olivia was touched. When Peter even bought Noah an action figure from the movie before they left the movie theater, she didn't know what to say.

"You really don't have to," she tried. "You even got him a car seat. It's too much."

Peter just waved it off.

"Liv, I'm happy to do it and in case you're wondering, I'm not trying to buy my way into his life. Or yours."

"I didn't think you were, Peter. I just …"

Peter stood close to her and touched her back lightly as they started walking, Noah skipping in front of them towards the exit.

"You're just not used to getting gifts. Right?"

"I sometimes get something from a survivor who wants to thank me," she said defensively.

"Yes. That's to say thank you for something you did. And other people will give you gifts because they want something from you. But what about gifts just because someone wants to give you something? Just for being you?"

Olivia faltered visibly and Peter's heart broke a little for her. She'd been shortchanged all her life. He made a mental note to get her a real gift very soon. Not for Noah, but for her. He just needed to find out what would really mean something to her.

They reached the exit of the building and Olivia took a quick step forward to grab Noah's hand before they were outside. Noah was reenacting parts of the movie with his action figure Dash and she heard him recite a few lines verbatim from the movie. Her smart little man. While they walked to the car, Peter asked Olivia if she wanted to go straight home.

"You have another idea?" she asked him softly, hoping Noah wouldn't hear them. She knew her son would be up for anything as long as it meant spending more time with Peter.

Peter shrugged, hoping to seem casual.

"I was just thinking … maybe you two would like to see this place I'm subletting at the moment. It's got a huge flat screen in every room."

"Yey!"

Olivia rolled her eyes when Noah let out a happy cry. Peter hadn't kept his voice down and she knew it had been intentional.

"Can we go, mom? Can we?"

"You don't fight fair," she mumbled under her breath, giving Peter a gentle nudge in the shoulder with her fist.

Peter laughed and then replied softly,

"Well, you know the saying, right? All is fair …"

…

 **Well? Will she finish that saying?  
I hope you liked! Do let me know in a review.**


	10. Memories

**So it looks like I'm not going to finish this story before the new season starts. Sorry about that! I hope this chapter meets with your approval anyway.**

...

 **10\. Memories**

 _"I was just thinking … maybe you two would like to see this place I'm subletting at the moment. It's got a huge flat screen in every room."_

 _"Yey!"_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes when Noah let out a happy cry. Peter hadn't kept his voice down and she knew it had been intentional._

 _"Can we go, mom? Can we?"_

 _"You don't fight fair," she mumbled under her breath, giving Peter a gentle nudge in the shoulder with her fist._

 _Peter laughed and then replied softly,_

 _"Well, you know the saying, right? All is fair …"_

...

"Alright, alright," Olivia said quickly.

She wasn't sure if she wanted Peter to finish his sentence but her heart was doing that weird pitter-patter thing again. They'd held hands in the movies for crying out loud. His intentions should be clear to her by now and she wasn't discouraging him. Maybe they should talk. Get it all out in the open so she could explain to him that he really didn't want to be with an old woman like her. Maybe he liked her now, but surely it wouldn't be a long term thing. She didn't want to sacrifice their friendship and improved working relationship for some temporary pleasure, no matter how pleasurable it would probably be … She needed to get those thoughts out of her head as quickly as possible, before she'd cave even more.

Noah was unstoppable and once they got to Peter's place and he saw the enormous flat screen in the living room, he plopped on the couch as if he lived there and started channel surfing. Olivia glanced at Peter to see if he'd mind, but he was all smiles. Noah quickly found a cartoon that he liked and found a way to incorporate his action figure Dash in the story as he watched it with the small figure.

Peter had moved into the kitchen area and asked her if she was up for some coffee. She nodded and then took the opportunity to look around. She knew Peter was subletting and the furniture wasn't his, but she liked the place. It suited him, even if it was rather luxurious. Everything was big and spacious. The living area consisted mainly of a huge sectional and although it was enormous, there was still ample room to walk around it. The windows were large too, making the place light despite the grey overtones in the carpeting as well as the drapes. Peter seemed at home there, too, and she watched him prepare them both a cup of fresh coffee from a coffee maker that looked like it cost a whole month's salary. When Peter handed her a mug, his fingers brushed against hers and she knew it had been intentional. Everything seemed to be intentional today and it was as exciting as it was unsettling. Because this was not a good idea.

Yes, Peter was a decent man. Yes, he was wildly attractive and yes, he made her body respond to him in a nervous way that was all too familiar. But still …

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Peter had been watching Olivia as she took in her surroundings. He knew she had watched him as well as the apartment and he couldn't help wondering what was going on inside that clever head of hers. She had let him hold her hand. Kiss it even. She knew that they weren't hanging out just for Noah's sake and he found himself very hopeful that maybe tonight they'd do something about this pull between them. Not that he expected them to fall into bed together right away, but he hoped that they could at least make things a little more official.

He stared at her plump lips when she licked them after taking a sip of coffee. Would it be too much to hope for a kiss tonight? He saw her eyes drift to her son and he sighed inaudibly. He was very fond of the boy but right now, he wished he could be alone with the mother. Surely Noah would get tired soon. Maybe if he asked them to stay for dinner, the kid would fall asleep eventually.

Peter suddenly hated how selfish he was being. He would have to be patient and take Olivia out on a proper date soon. But while Noah was with them, _he_ deserved their attention.

Olivia shook her head and he remembered the question he'd asked her.

"I wasn't really thinking anything," she lied. "Just that this place seems to suit you."

Peter chuckled.

"In what way?" he asked, curious what she would say about him.

"I dunno," she shrugged, turning away from him, coffee mug in hand. "You seem at home here."

Peter followed her into the living area, where Noah was still engrossed in the cartoon.

"Must be the company," he told her sincerely. "This isn't a place to enjoy by yourself."

Olivia watched him as she took another sip, hiding most of her face behind her coffee mug but her dark eyes were perusing his greens. He knew she was aware of what he was trying to do, but when her eyes dropped to the five-year old on the couch, he deflated slightly. Olivia sat down next to her son and Peter decided to sit down on Noah's other side.

"You want a drink too buddy?" Peter asked Noah, and the boy nodded.

"Yes please."

Peter set down his mug on the coffee table and walked back into the kitchen to get Noah some juice. Olivia had registered his body language and she had to admit she was thinking some of the same things Peter was thinking. They needed to talk but they couldn't as long as Noah was here. Maybe he'd nod off soon. He was stuffed with popcorn anyway so if he slept through dinner, that wouldn't really be a problem this time.

Peter returned and Noah drank his juice, his eyes still focused on the big TV screen. They all watched TV quietly for a while and both adults glanced at Noah from time to time to see if he was getting tired. Sure enough, the boy started rubbing his eyes after another fifteen minutes. Olivia scooted close to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Noah snuggled close to her contently and she knew he would fall asleep soon. Peter stood up, walked into the kitchen once more and grabbed a bottle of wine. He held it up for Olivia to see and she simply nodded, a faint smile on her lips. He grabbed two glasses, put everything on a small tray and when he returned to the couch, Noah was asleep.

"You think we could move him to the guest room?" Peter whispered.

Olivia wasn't sure if she could carry Noah without waking him. He was getting heavier each week lately.

"I can carry him if that's okay with you," Peter offered. Olivia nodded.

He smiled when the young boy clutched his action figure a little tighter when he scooped him up in his arms. Noah's eyes didn't even open. Peter carried him easily into the bedroom and Olivia followed them to take off her son's shoes and tuck him in. Peter left them alone and poured them both some wine. He put their coffee mugs away and walked back into the living area just as Olivia returned.

"Is he sleeping?"

"He's out like a light."

She watched the ADA pick up the glasses and walk up to her. He handed her a glass and she thanked him quietly. Maybe the wine would help her relax now that they were finally alone. She hadn't sat down yet and turned to face the impressive book cabinet that lined almost an entire wall in the room.

"Are these yours?" she asked him over her shoulder.

"No. Just the ones on the lowest shelf to the right. My law books and my photo albums."

Olivia reached for one of the photo albums on the lowest shelf but hesitated. Maybe those were too personal.

"It's alright," Peter assured her.

He put his glass on the table and invited her to sit with him and to bring the blue album. It contained photos of his childhood, of him, his sister, his parents and grandparents and a few childhood friends.

They flipped through the pages, sitting closely together, and Peter told her more about the people in the pictures and the stories that went with the images. There were lots of pictures with him and his sister in the album and they seemed very close. Peter laughed at some of their childhood adventures and all the trouble they got in with their father, and Olivia enjoyed listening to his stories. After a while, she could tell he was becoming a little melancholic at the memories. Those had been the good times for Pamela, before she got ill and even before their parents divorced.

When Peter rubbed his eyes, Olivia put a hand on his back comfortingly. Peter sighed and shook his head, trying to shake off the emotions that had bubbled back to the surface.

"Hey, it's okay," he heard Olivia's gentle voice tell him.

Feeling her hand on his back and hearing her acknowledging his pain, made it impossible for him to force it back down, no matter how badly he wanted to. But this wasn't why he had invited her over. He should get a grip on his emotions.

"I shouldn't complain. I had a good childhood for the most part," he said, more to himself than to Olivia. She had it much worse and he should count his blessings.

"It's not about that," he heard her say softly. "You're entitled to grieve, Peter."

He hung his head and felt Olivia's hand move up and down his back gently. He hadn't meant to get emotional with her tonight but it seemed like when he was alone, the tears just wouldn't come. He thought he'd been doing so well dealing with his losses but now, with her, with someone to see it, the weight of his loss took him by surprise. It was all still there, just waiting to be seen by someone.

Peter wiped his nose and Olivia could tell he was trying to force his emotions back down. He didn't have to. Not on her account. She was used to seeing people cry and it gave her a sense of purpose because she could comfort them like no other. Her nervousness about what was growing between her and Peter had dissolved completely and when she placed a hand against his cheek to make him look at her, it was simply a gesture of comfort. Nothing more.

"Peter, it's okay," she said softly. The last thing she wanted now was for Noah to wake up and see his hero cry but Peter needed to know that he didn't have to hide from her. Back when Pamela had just been killed, it had all been too fresh to hold in, but he needed to know that he didn't have to hold it in now either. "It takes as long as it takes."

Peter let her pull him close and he rested his forehead against her temple. He had a massive lump in his throat and tried to swallow. Seeing all the family photos again made him realize once more that they were all gone. He was the only one left and all those memories would die with him once it was his time. There was nobody left who shared those memories with him and nobody to talk about them with.

But Olivia was all alone too and her memories weren't very good ones. At least he had good times to look back on. It didn't seem fair to burden her with his troubles but he had to admit that it felt good to share them with someone. And it made sense that that someone should be her.

A stray tear trickled down his cheek and Olivia wiped it away with her thumb.

"It's okay," she whispered once more.

Her eyes were moist as well but there was a calmness in them that was pulling him in. Their faces were very close now, their foreheads only inches apart, and he could feel her breath on his skin. They breathed together for a few moments, both very much aware that the mood was shifting. Peter's eyes dropped to Olivia's lips and she stared at his eyes. When he looked into hers again, she stopped breathing. He wasn't drowning in his loss anymore. His focus was shifting back to her and her chest constricted when she registered his intense gaze. She opened her mouth in an attempt to say something to break the spell they were under, but when Peter's eyes dropped back down to her now parted lips, the words just wouldn't come. All she could manage was a soft whimper and then Peter moved in.

His heart was pounding hard against his rib cage but he couldn't help himself. He just had to kiss her, now, before he lost his nerve. The soft sound she made was his undoing and then his lips were on hers.

...

 **To be continued ...**


	11. Fun

**11\. Fun**

 _She opened her mouth in an attempt to say something to break the spell they were under, but when Peter's eyes dropped back down to her now parted lips, the words just wouldn't come. All she could manage was a soft whimper and then Peter moved in._

 _His heart was pounding hard against his rib cage but he couldn't help himself. He just had to kiss her, now, before he lost his nerve. The soft sound she made was his undoing and then his lips were on hers._

...

Peter's hand moved up to the back of Olivia's neck on its own accord while his lips were pressing against hers for the first time. He pulled back just a little but held her head in place so he could kiss her again, softly, to try and pry her lips apart.

Olivia sighed and when Peter sucked her bottom lip between his lips gently, her eyes closed and then she was kissing him back. Her body was betraying her and her arm wrapped itself around Peter to hold him closer to her as their tongues found each other.

Peter groaned. He felt like he was catching fire. He was kissing her and she was kissing him back, igniting a passion in him that he had almost forgotten about. He had thought about kissing her and the thought had excited him, but actually doing it was something completely different.

Olivia felt Peter's strong arm around her, pressing her to him, while his other hand was now gently framing her face. The way he was kissing her made her tingle all over and she couldn't help it that she was kissing him back. It felt so natural and she felt so … alive. His kisses were passionate, almost overpowering but she could give as much as he could and when Peter groaned, the sound rocked through her entire body. She was doing that to him … and she loved it. She pushed herself against him, her other arm wrapping around his neck, until her upper body was flush against his. Peter responded by pulling her into his lap with one arm while guiding her leg across his with the other until she was straddling him.

Olivia tore her mouth away from his and for an instant, Peter thought he'd gone too far. But before he could say or do anything, she was kissing him again. She had just needed to suck in some air before going under water again.

"My God, Liv," he mumbled against her lips and she moaned in response.

He pulled her even tighter against him and when they finally needed to stop to catch their breath, Olivia dropped her forehead against his shoulder. Peter rubbed her back gently with one hand, letting the other linger on her ass. It felt so good to hold her and he didn't want to let go. Olivia was breathing heavily, trying to regain control of her body and he had no idea what to expect from her next. It could still go either way with her. When she didn't move, he kissed her neck softly. She sighed and he did it again, kissing his way up to her jaw. She didn't pull away until the last moment, when his lips reached the corner of her mouth.

"What are we doing, Peter?" she whispered.

"It's called kissing," he whispered back, and he was relieved when his remark made her chuckle.

"Smart ass."

"Thank you. I like your ass too."

He accentuated his words by moving both hands behind her ass and pulling him into her a little. Olivia bit her lip and suppressed a moan. This couldn't be happening. He was a friend and a coworker. He was too young for her and Noah was in the next room. But it felt so good to be touched by him … He was moving one hand up to her hip and then let it slide up until his thumb hit the underside of her breast. She couldn't believe how much she wanted him to keep going and that was exactly why she had to stop him.

"Peter," she sighed and he dropped his hand back to her hip instantly.

She pushed down the feeling of disappointment and forced herself to slide off his lap until she was sitting next to him on the couch again. She didn't move away from him, but she couldn't talk to him while straddling him and having all these … _things_ happening to her body. Peter kept one arm around her and she didn't know if that would make it easier or more difficult to talk to him. And what should she say? She hadn't exactly rejected his advances today until now.

"I've wanted to kiss you for a while now, Liv," Peter admitted, starting the conversation for her. But what could she say to that?

"Why?" she asked weakly and she hated how insecure she sounded.

"Because you're an amazing person? Why not?" Peter retorted right away.

"I'm not exactly an easy person to work with," Olivia muttered.

Peter wiggled his head.

"Yeah, that's true. But I'm getting to know you outside of work too, and I like what I see then. I mean, we have good times together, right?"

"With Noah," she confirmed quickly.

"Yes. With Noah. But I'm betting we'd have fun without him too."

"Looks like it," she answered with a smile.

"I want you to know that my intentions are honorable, Liv. I'm not just trying to get laid if that's what you're worried about. I'm really interested in you."

Olivia wasn't sure which scared her more. Or maybe she was. She wasn't very good at the real deal. Maybe just getting laid would have been easier.

"You don't know me, Peter," she told him. "You don't know what you're getting into."

She watched him take a slow breath and breathe it out before responding to her words. What was he thinking?

"Why do you do that?" he asked her after a few beats.

"Do what?"

"Talk about yourself like that. So negatively."

She stared at him for a few moments, trying to process the question. Was she really being negative about herself?

"You're a wonderful person, Liv. You must have heard that before. So why wouldn't I know what I'm getting into with you?"

Olivia rubbed her forehead, wondering what to tell him. Was she ready to tell him about the things she still struggled with, even if it wasn't daily anymore?

"I've got issues," she settled on.

"Who doesn't?" Peter retorted. "It hasn't stopped most people from being happy."

Olivia dropped her head back and Peter pulled her a little closer to him.

"I'm serious," he said softly. "I really think we have something here. Don't you wanna see where it could go?"

She turned her head to look at him and looked into his kind eyes. He really was one of the good guys, that much she knew. But even the good guys always went away again after a while. She couldn't go through that again. And so she told Peter,

"Maybe it can go somewhere. It's just that … whenever I think that something is going right for me, I always lose it again."

Peter knew she was being serious now and he could see the fear in her eyes. he wasn't really sure how he could reassure her, because there are no guarantees in life or relationships.

"We can take it slow," he offered. "But I'll be honest here. I can't give you any guarantees. I just know that what I've seen so far is enough for me to wanna take a risk."

It dawned on Olivia then that it wasn't just her risk. He was taking a risk as well. She had never really looked at it that way, always guarding her heart, making sure she wouldn't get hurt, but she could hurt others in the process. She knew she'd hurt Brian by shutting him out and she wondered if she would do the same to Peter. He was a different kind of man but she was still the same woman.

When she didn't say anything, Peter told her,

"If you need more convincing that this might be worth the risk, I could kiss you again."

It was enough to pull her out of her thoughts and grin at him.

"Oh, you could, could you?"

He moved his face closer to hers.

"Definitely."

Before she could respond, he brushed his lips against hers and when she didn't pull away, he kissed her more firmly. When Olivia responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and sinking into him, relief flooded his system. He still had a chance and he was taking it. He made sure his hands didn't wander too much but her body had a profound effect on his anyway. He really didn't want to pounce her but he couldn't suppress a groan when one of Olivia's hands found its way down his torso and she wrapped her fingers around the inside of his thigh. She had to feel by now that he was very much aroused by the way they were kissing and touching each other. And she still wasn't stopping. He could drown in this woman. He thought she might literally be able to kiss him to death and in the end, he was the one who had to pull away first to catch his breath. Olivia rested her head against his shoulder and he held her close to him while they both tried to regulate their breathing.

Peter turned his head to kiss Olivia's temple and when he found his voice again, he asked her,

"Convinced yet?"

Olivia needed a moment. She hadn't planned on getting so caught up in Peter. They hadn't even mentioned the age difference yet. It was as if it didn't matter to Peter at all. He said he was serious about her and her initial hesitation hadn't deterred him at all.

"I … don't know," she stammered.

"Oh, you want even more huh?" Peter joked, and it made her laugh.

"There you go," Peter said, and he looked at her with tenderness in his eyes. "I bet those other guys never made you laugh like that."

"Maybe not," Olivia admitted, and it was true. Peter was uncomplicated and it was very refreshing. When they were out with Peter, it was as if there was actually a normal life out there, that they could be part of. Aside from being a cop and an advocate for survivors, it was all she had ever wanted. To have a normal life, like regular people. She'd never had a normal life as a child and she still didn't have a normal life, no matter how hard she was trying now for Noah's sake. It had gotten better and her Sundays with Noah were sacred to her now, but with Peter, she actually felt like she belonged in the normal world, outside the grime of the job.

She didn't know how he did it though, because he was a part of the job as well. She realized now that they never talked about work at all off the clock. And she had to admit that it was pretty amazing to be held and kissed by him. They were still sitting close together on the couch, and when Olivia pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees, Peter wrapped his arms around her completely, encasing her in his embrace. She felt her chest constrict a little when she realized that she'd never felt safer with a man than she did right now.

"Are we okay, Liv?" Peter asked.

Olivia had gone quiet, and while she was still letting him hold her, he needed to know they were okay. When she nodded, he loosened his grip on her a little and she looked at him.

"You're a wonderful man, Peter."

He smiled at her. He felt a 'but' coming and he didn't want it. He wanted her to just let go and see where they could go together.

"Why, thank you," he said, moving one hand down her back until his fingers reached her side.

He tested the waters first by flexing his fingers. Olivia jolted upright and he was pleased to know she was very ticklish.

"Hey," she said, trying to look stern.

Peter put on his most innocent face and then tickled her again. Olivia let go of her legs and tried to get out of his grasp but he held on while continuing to tickle her until she was shrieking with laughter and begging him to stop. He was just crawling over her after she'd ended up on her back on the couch, when they heard a small voice say,

"Mom? Peter? Can I play too?"

Noah was standing there with sleepy eyes but a wide grin on his face, watching the adults play. Olivia tried to sit up quickly but Peter didn't seem to see a problem and stayed right where he was, hovering over her while inviting Noah to come join them.

"Sure buddy. Help me tickle your mom!"

He didn't need to tell the boy twice and seconds later, they were all in a pile, laughing and tickling each other and not trying very hard to get away from each other at all.

...

 **To be continued.**


	12. Waiting

**A/N: Man, the way Peter is (or rather isn't) handling things on the show is making it more difficult to write this version of him …!  
Having said that, I am going to keep on trying so here's chapter 12.**

...

 **12\. Waiting**

Once everyone was tickled out, Peter suggested ordering dinner for the three of them. Olivia rolled her eyes behind Noah who was jumping for joy and Peter grinned at her. He didn't play fair and he wasn't going to apologize for it. Noah was the center of attention again and Olivia wondered if he didn't think it was strange that she and Peter had been 'playing' the way they had when he came in. But to Noah, it seemed like it was all totally normal.

Meanwhile, Peter was making an effort not to stare at the Lieutenant too much while he got things ready for dinner, pouring everyone a drink and setting three plates and forks on the coffee table. He was having a hard time forgetting what it had felt like to hold her and to kiss her. He didn't _want_ to forget, but he knew that he had to put it out of his mind for now or he'd make a fool of himself. With Noah wide awake, nothing else was going to happen tonight. And that would have been fine with him, if he hadn't seen something in Olivia's eyes that made him a little nervous. He worried that she might still pull away. When the time came for Olivia and Noah to leave, he still wasn't sure where he stood with her. And tomorrow, they'd be back to work.

Olivia had dreaded saying goodnight, because they still hadn't talked about things. If they left things like this, Peter would think they were an item now and she was still very undecided about it. She could tell that her insecurity was rubbing off on him and that made her sad. She didn't want to hurt him. He really was a good guy and they did have fun together. And he'd responded very well when she had told him a little bit about her own history.

Fortunately, Noah made their goodnights a little less awkward. He wanted to hug Peter and Peter crouched down so the boy could wrap his arms around his neck. He then wrapped his arms around Noah and stood up, easily lifting him up with him. Noah giggled and then reached for Olivia, to include her in a spontaneous group hug. She knew Peter was eager to hold her again and she had to admit she felt right at home in his and Noah's arms. Noah squealed when Peter tightened the group hug a little, and they were all still laughing when the two Bensons finally left the apartment.

…

It was a Monday morning like any other. There was a mountain of paperwork from the weekend waiting for Olivia, and Peter had to be in early for a deposition. There were several open cases the team was working on and none of them required Peter's presence at the precinct for now.

Olivia had hoped that she would relax a little if they didn't run into each other on the job right away, but the opposite was happening. The longer it took, the more anxious she became about seeing him again.

Part of her couldn't forget what it had felt like to kiss him and be held by him and wanted more of it. Another part of her, the part that she had always allowed to guide her, wanted to run the other way fast to get away from all the risks that would be involved in letting Peter get closer. She wasn't ready to get hurt once again and to lose another friend. She and David had been incredibly like-minded people, but in the end, he'd chosen a job over her and they weren't in touch now. She and Brian were barely talking anymore despite the fact that she had shared a major part of her life with him, and Ed had disappeared from her life completely. Other lovers from a more distant past, and even her former partners, all had their own lives now that didn't include her in any way anymore. The mere thought of Peter ending up in that category of people one day, made her incredibly sad.

In turn, that sadness made her realize that she really cared about him, and that made it even more confusing. Because no matter how much she tried to convince herself that they'd never fit, that he was too young or she was too old, the memory of being in his arms kept intruding on her thoughts.

By noon, Olivia pushed her laptop away from her with a heavy sigh, just as Fin walked into her office to brief her on one of their cases.

"Wow, that doesn't sound good. One PP on your case again?" her Sergeant asked her with a concerned look on his face.

She contemplated lying to Fin for a second but decided against it.

"No. Just a lot on my mind."

"I see. D'ya have a good weekend? Fun times with Noah?"

"I did," she confirmed. "He helped me with groceries and laundry on Saturday and we went for pizza and a movie on Sunday."

"That's cool. I'm looking forward to my grandson being that age that I can do stuff like that with him. So what's buggin' you then?"

Olivia pushed her glasses up into her hair and leaned back in her chair. Fin walked up to her and perched himself on her desk.

"Lemme guess. Guy trouble?"

Olivia looked up at him, a little startled.

"What makes you think that?"

Fin shrugged.

"Just a hunch. I kinda know you, Liv. I know something's up."

"You've been watching me?" Olivia huffed, suddenly feeling a little exposed under Fin's scrutiny.

"Not in a creepy way but I see things, ya know. I kinda saw that thing with Tucker coming a mile away, if you know what I mean."

"You never said anything!"

"Why should I? It's none of my business. Just like this is none of my business. But if you ever wanna talk, I'm here."

"Thanks Fin."

Olivia put a hand on Fin's knee and he grabbed it and squeezed it before letting you.

"You just think of what's best for you and for your kid, Liv. Us guys can take care of ourselves."

She nodded.

Fin was right, of course. Peter could take care of himself. They just needed to talk. Maybe he was fully aware of the age difference. Maybe he'd even thought about it before approaching her. She shouldn't project her own fears on him without giving him the opportunity to put in his two cents. But maybe, he was just trying to escape his pain over losing his sister. Bottom line was that she was afraid of getting hurt. And the easiest way to avoid heartache, was not to place her heart in the line of fire.

"Well, anyway," Fin continued, "we talked to the father of the vic and me and Rollins both agree that he doesn't fit the profile. The mom though, that's another story."

Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"The mother? How so?"

Fin continued to brief her on what they'd gotten from the parents of their latest abuse victim, suggesting that in this case, the mother might be the abusive one in the home. It's a rare thing, but it happens, unfortunately. After finishing the briefing, Fin suggested going to the break room for some lunch but Olivia declined.

"Alright. But don't sit here worrying all by yourself, okay? Call him."

And with those words, Fin left her alone to think. Call him? Just like that? Maybe she should, to set up an appointment. They needed to talk and maybe they should do that in public. Not on his couch, or she might end up kissing him senseless again. That thought alone made her body respond in several places and she shook her head at herself. Maybe she wasn't ready to call him yet. She had to get over those feelings first. But how?

…

Peter was back home after a long day and was heating up last night's Chinese leftovers while sipping a beer. He hadn't heard from Olivia all day and he felt a little disappointed. On the other hand, he should be glad that they hadn't caught any new cases that required his input. He'd received written reports from the weekend team and had been busy with the cases that had already been passed on to him.

He wondered how Olivia was doing after last night. She'd texted him, letting him know she and Noah had gotten home safely. He would have driven them home but she had insisted on taking a cab. He'd responded very unoriginally, just telling her goodnight. He had contemplated adding an X but had decided against it. He'd added a P. instead, short for Peter. He had contemplated reaching out to her today but had decided that he should give her some space. He'd gotten his way yesterday a lot by using Noah and he didn't want Olivia to start thinking that was the only way he'd want to relate to her. He had a great deal of respect for her and he needed to show her that now by giving her some time to process.

She must have been hurt before and from what she'd told him about her childhood, her mother didn't pass along a lot of confidence to her. He'd made his intentions clear and now he should leave it up to her.

He knew it was the right thing to do, but that didn't make it easy. Now that he'd kissed her, her was even more sure that he wanted more from Olivia. In a way, he saw himself in her, however weird that might sound. She was strong and determined, out for blood when she was faced with injustice; and at the same time, she was damaged. Insecure. And somehow terrified to let someone else get close to her. I've got issues, she'd told him. And she was afraid of taking a chance and then losing it all again.

He wished he could promise her she would never lose him, but it was an unrealistic promise. Things happen, there are no real guarantees in life. All they could ever really be certain of was that one day they would all die. What mattered was how they spent their time before then and he wanted to spend more time with her. To lower his own defenses for her, so she would feel safe to do the same for him.

She didn't call or text him that evening and he didn't hear from her the next day either. By the time Wednesday came around, he was beginning to think she had made up her mind and didn't want to give it a go with him. He wasn't sure how he would handle it if that was really the case.

And then, at the end of his work day, his phone rang. A video call from Olivia?

He answered quickly and was pleasantly surprised to see Noah's face on the screen.

"Peter! Hi, it's Noah!" the young boy said loudly.

"Noah! I see that!" Peter said enthusiastically while quickly closing the door of his office. "How are you doing, buddy?"

"Great! Mom is letting me make pancakes all by myself!"

"That sounds cool. So she's home with you already?"

"Yeah. She picked me up from school. She had her gun and badge on like a real cop."

Peter chuckled and sat down at his desk. Noah really was something.

"Well, your mom _is_ a real cop, Noah."

"I know that," the boy huffed. "But now my friends saw it too. My teacher wants mom to come in and tell us about her job soon."

It was obvious that Noah was very proud of his mother and Peter felt very happy for her.

"That's cool buddy. Is that what you wanted to tell me?"

He wondered if this was just a social call or if there was another reason Noah was calling him.

"Yeah. But I also want you to come over."

Peter raised his eyebrows, and he heard Olivia's voice in the background, probably asking Noah to explain what he meant.

"Oh yeah," Noah said to her before addressing him again.

"I asked mom if I could ask you over because I want you to taste my pancakes. Do you like blueberries or vanilla?"

Peter took a deep breath, feeling a sense of relief and happiness spread in his chest. He could be with her tonight if he wanted to. And once again, he had Noah to thank for it.

"I love both, actually," he told Noah.

"Cool! You can taste both, right mom? Can you come, Peter?"

"Absolutely. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world."

Noah blinked a few times and Peter guessed he didn't understand the expression.

"Ask your mom what that means," he said with a grin and he saw Noah look up at his mother, who wasn't visible on the screen unfortunately.

"He wants to come over very much," Olivia translated softly, and Noah's toothy grin was a reward in itself.

"Alright!"

Peter heard Olivia tell him off screen that the pancakes should be ready by six thirty and he promised he'd be there. Pancakes for dinner was new to him but he didn't care right now. He was invited over at the Bensons and he was going. He knew now that it had been the right decision to wait until Olivia was ready to see him again. Tonight was going to be a special night, he was sure of it.

…

 **To be continued...**


	13. Talking

**Sidenote after season 20 episode 9: Oh SVU … did you really have to do that? Now I have** _ **another**_ **idea for a Benstone fanfic … But let's get back to this one first!**

...

 **13\. Talking**

Olivia hadn't been able to refuse Noah's pleading eyes but the closer it got to six, the more nervous she was getting. Once more, Noah was going to be her buffer but she knew they'd have to talk about things eventually. This wasn't going to be a very relaxed dinner for her, that much was certain. If Peter wanted to talk, he'd have to wait until after Noah went to bed and she had a feeling he was going to do just that. So much for talking in a public place.

But she had missed Peter these past couple of days and that was unsettling. And distracting. She knew Fin was on to her but Amanda was starting to give her looks as well. Perhaps things would return to normal once she had explained to Peter that he really didn't want to be with her, and that they were better off just being friends and coworkers. Right. That's what he was just going to have to understand.

Her stomach dropped when she heard the buzzer, and since Noah was completely focused on preparing his last pancakes, she buzzed Peter up and opened the door for him.

"Hey," he greeted her with a wide grin that made her smile as well.

"Hey. Come on in. Restaurant Noah is open."

"Great. I'm looking forward to meeting the chef."

"I'm over here!" Noah yelled from the kitchen and the adults both chuckled.

Noah was a pro at making tension evaporate even if he didn't realize it yet.

"You need some help in there, buddy?" Peter asked, shedding his coat and hanging it on the rack by the door.

"No. I'm making them all by myself," Noah stressed. "But you and mom can set the table."

Noah was sitting on a high chair at the stove, wearing two huge oven mitts and watching the pancake in the skillet very seriously. Olivia grinned and shrugged, and then she and Peter headed into the kitchen to get everything they needed to set the table. Peter's hand brushed against hers while they worked and she tried to keep breathing normally, forcing herself not to look at him. She knew she was acting like a teenager with a crush and it had to stop as soon as possible. She was almost fifty years old, for heaven's sake. But it seemed that these feelings didn't really care about age at all.

"All done!" Noah exclaimed triumphantly after baking his final pancake and Olivia joined him in the kitchen to admire what he'd made while quickly turning off the gas.

"That's an impressive pile of pancakes, Noah," Peter said, leaning on the breakfast bar. "You know, I've never had pancakes for dinner before."

"Me neither but I love them so I asked mom if we could."

"And mom said yes," Peter said, looking at Olivia with a warm smile.

Olivia ruffled Noah's curls and smiled as well.

"He's kinda persistent, but we did agree we'd have some soup as well."

She opened the lid of the other pan on the stove and Peter wondered out loud,

"You made that?"

"Yes. I do cook, you know. Just not as often as I'd like."

"Lucy's a good cook too," Noah remarked as he climbed off the stool. "And she always makes extra for mom."

Olivia smiled apologetically but Peter just told the Bensons he was glad they had such a great sitter, because those are hard to find.

"Yes. Lucy's worth her weight in gold, absolutely," Olivia agreed.

She carried the soup to the table and they all sat down to eat.

Noah was the center of attention as usual, chattering away about his day in school and how he was already pitching better, and about his pancakes of course, encouraging Peter to try out all the toppings. Peter loved all of it and felt very much at home. He had noticed Olivia's restlessness but even she was relaxing relaxed into the situation after a while. He knew he'd have to wait a while before he could approach her again but he hadn't forgotten what it felt like to hold her close to him. After his father's death and coming to New York permanently, he'd had a few one-night stands, before Pam's death, but this was a completely different kind of attraction. He didn't just want to get close to Olivia, he wanted to be there for her. And for Noah. The young child had won his heart so easily that the thought of one day not being in his life actually hurt. He hoped Olivia would be willing to give him a chance to be in their lives and he wanted her to know how serious he was about it. But for now, he counted his blessings, especially his friendship with young Noah.

They finished dinner with ice cream, selected by Noah as well of course, and after dinner Noah offered to clean up. Olivia hovered around him a little but let him do most of it himself. She helped him start up the dishwasher and then the Benson's high-fived and laughed out loud. Peter loved the family dynamic between the two of them and smiled from his spot on the couch, where he'd basically been ordered to sit while Noah worked. Finally, Olivia told her son to go and sit with Peter while she made coffee, and Noah happily obliged.

Olivia couldn't help smiling as she watched the guys settle in and choose a cartoon on TV together. They got along so well and whatever happened between her and Peter, she really didn't want to ruin this for Noah. Her thoughts drifted briefly to a scenario in which they could be a little family, but she tried to dismiss it quickly, reminding herself that only a few hours ago, she had been rehearsing very different words to say to Peter. She could see that they were all very harmonious together but had a hard time really enjoying it because this really couldn't be, could it? Could it …?

…

It was Noah's bedtime - at last, Peter couldn't help thinking. He really loved the kid but he needed some time with the mother now. Olivia took her time getting Noah ready for bed and tucked in, and Peter waited patiently, watching a sports channel absentmindedly. Olivia hadn't given him any indication that she wanted him to leave after coffee, so he guessed she wanted to talk too.

He sat up straight when she finally came back and she headed straight for the fridge.

"You want something else to drink?" she asked him.

"Sure."

"A beer okay?"

"Yeah, a beer is fine."

Olivia came back with two beers, already uncapped, handed him one and then sat down next to him.

"What are you watching?" she asked.

"Nothing really. You wanna turn it off?"

She blinked twice and didn't look at him but then nodded slowly.

"Yeah. I guess … I guess we should talk."

Peter put his beer on the coffee table and switched the TV off and when she finally looked at him, he grinned at her. He needed some levity to start this conversation.

"I can think of other things to do besides talk."

He liked how her cheeks turned a darker shade of pink at his words. Olivia took a gulp of beer, almost spilling some on herself and he couldn't help chuckling.

"Peter!" Olivia huffed, quickly setting her bottle down as well.

"Liv, I know we have to talk but let's not make this uncomfortable, alright? We're having a great time as far as I can tell."

Olivia had to admit that yes, they had had a great time so far. But now it was the two of them and she did feel uncomfortable. She felt herself get even warmer when Peter scooted closer to her on the couch and moved his arm behind her.

"So what's the problem?" he asked her softly.

"I just … well ... "

She sighed. Why couldn't she think of something sensible to say all of a sudden?

"I know you're scared, Liv. You told me. You feel like nothing has ever gone your way. But if you never take a chance, nothing ever will."

"I've taken chances," she said, and she thought she sounded weak; defensive.

"Have you? Have you ever let someone see the real you?" Peter asked, and she couldn't fathom how he could ask her that exact question at this exact moment. But she was even more surprised when Peter continued.

"I know I haven't. I locked my heart away years ago, convincing myself that I had to be the strong one for everyone else. I buried who I was and what I needed, until I couldn't even remember what that was myself."

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked him, trying to sound strong while feeling anything but. His words were hitting way too close to home.

"Losing Pam hit me hard, Liv. And it got me thinking. With her gone, I had no one left to take care of and it was very confronting. And now I'm getting to know you, and I see the same thing in you. You're like me, Liv. And it doesn't work, does it? Always taking care of other people and never of yourself? It makes you hollow inside."

Olivia tried to move away from him a little and Peter didn't stop her.

"So now you wanna take care of us? Is that it?"

No, that wasn't it. Peter tried to think fast to help her understand. But in order for her to understand, he would have to make himself vulnerable. The exact thing they had both taught themselves not to be. But it was the only way.

"No," he told her quietly. "I'm not trying to replace Pam or my mom. I'm … I want to learn how to open up more and because you're so much like me, I think I'd be able to with you. And I hope that maybe, you'll be able to open up to me."

Olivia frowned, trying to make sense of what Peter was saying. What did he want exactly?

"So you want to be friends," she said.

"I want to be more than friends, Liv. I thought that was obvious. I just … I think we have something here. I really value you as a person and I think … I've never met someone like you before. Hell, I've never met someone like _me_ before."

Olivia finally gave in to her urge to move away from him and stood up. She took a few steps away from the couch before turning to face him. He was getting way too close, and not just physically.

"So you like me because I'm like you?"

Peter stood up as well, completely erasing the space she'd put between them by walking up to her.

"I like you because you're you," he emphasized. "Because I can see your caring heart and I can see that you've been hurt. And because I think we'd be good for each other because we get each other."

He reached for her tentatively and Olivia didn't stop him. He made sure not to grab her but rubbed her upper arms gently instead.

"Do you know what happens when you put two people together who do nothing but give to others?" he asked her.

Olivia looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. She felt herself wanting to understand but she didn't. She was too distracted by the feeling of his hands on her arms. And so she asked him,

"What happens when you put two people together who do nothing but give to others?"

"They finally end up receiving something themselves. It's inevitable when you think of it, right?"

It was. She got what he was saying. How many times hadn't she felt that the men in her life only wanted to take from her? Even with the best intentions, they had asked things of her. Brian had wanted her to open up to him so he'd feel better about himself; so he'd feel like he was helping her in the aftermath after her kidnapping. Ed had wanted her to quit her job and retire with him. Other men had just wanted her body and it had only made her pull her walls up even higher than they had been, making it impossible for anyone to really reach her anymore.

The only man she'd ever felt safe with, who had shown her what it was like to be cared about, had left her as well in the end. She thought she just couldn't do it anymore. Taking care of Noah wasn't a burden but sharing her heart with someone …

She stared into Peter's eyes and saw the raw honesty in them once more. He was going out on a limb and she could feel how hard it was for him to show his heart to her. He really did know how scary that was.

"I know it's scary Liv," he said softly, as if reading her mind. Maybe he was. "I'm scared too because I know you could stomp on my heart right now if you wanted to. But I think you're worth the risk. I can only hope that you'll think I'm worth the risk as well."

Olivia saw him swallow hard and before she realized it, she had lifted her hand to touch his cheek.

"Peter …"

Peter closed his eyes when she touched his face and he took a shaky breath. She knew it was her turn to say something now. He'd poured his heart out to her and his honesty and courage deserved a response. She would need to be honest with him now too, even if her honesty might hurt him.

"Peter," she started again. "I don't know if I can give you what you need."

He opened his eyes and shook his head lightly.

"Didn't you hear what I just said? I'm not asking anything of you. We're givers, Liv. I want to give you what _you_ need."

"How do you know what I need?"

He smiled and she felt drawn to him, to the emotion in his eyes.

"Because in the end, I think we both need the same things."

Olivia tried to remember all the reasons why she had decided that this wasn't a good idea but it wasn't easy with Peter standing so close to her and being so open. She dropped her hand and took a small step back.

"I can't give you a family, Peter."

Peter's soft smile widened a bit.

"Sure you can."

She shook her head, now feeling determined to convince him.

"No. I'm too old for that. You should find a younger woman to have a family with."

"Why? Why do you think I'd need that?"

Olivia sighed and gestured at Noah's bedroom.

"Well, you're so great with Noah and the other kids we met at the park. You were born to be a father. I can't give you that. I don't even know why you're interested in someone who is ten years older than you."

Peter's eyebrows shot up.

"Ten years?"

Olivia swallowed and took another step back before turning away from Peter again. See, she told herself. Ten years is too much. His reaction confirms it.

"You didn't know?" she asked.

Peter cleared his throat and she turned back to face him.

"Honestly? No. I didn't think you were ten years older than me. You look a lot younger Liv. But it doesn't matter. I don't care how old you are. I've never even given it a second thought."

"But you just said …"

Peter could tell that Olivia was confused and he could only hope that she'd listen to what he was about to tell her. Because he'd given it a lot of thought.

"Liv, please listen to me. Okay?"

Olivia pursed her lips and folded her arms in front of her chest.

"Okay," she said but her body language was screaming _no_ and he had to fix that.

He approached her again but left a safe distance of two feet between them before speaking again.

"You said you can't give me a family but from where I'm standing, you can, Liv. You've got Noah and I couldn't love that little boy more, just like you couldn't love him more. You're living proof that blood is completely irrelevant."

Olivia took a breath to say something, but Peter stopped her.

"No. Let me finish."

He stepped even closer to her, closing the gap between them completely but without touching her for now. Olivia wrapped her arms around herself a little tighter.

"Tell me honestly Liv. Have you ever thought of adopting another child?"

Her big brown eyes widened and he could see the emotion in her eyes clearly now. She was trying desperately not to show him her heart but he could see it. He could see the longing. He could see the truth.

"They'd never let me have another one," she finally said softly.

"Not by yourself maybe," Peter said, and he let those words hang between them for a few moments until he saw them sink in at last.

"But how about us together?"

...

 **What will Olivia say? Please review!**


	14. Trauma

**Well, thinking something is better than nothing, I decided to publish what I have today instead of making you wait even longer. I hope you won't mind where I cut the story off ... (sorry if you do)**

...

 **14\. Trauma**

Olivia was crumbling.

Peter had gone from zero to a hundred within a minute and it was too much. She wasn't digesting what he was saying at all but the urge to run away hadn't diminished.

"Liv, I … I don't mean to overwhelm you or pressure you," Peter said. "I just wanted you to know that age is a non-issue for me and having a family or not isn't a factor either in whether I want to give us a go. I _know_ I want to give us a go because I really believe we'd be good for each other. That's all. I'm not asking you for a lifetime commitment here … honestly."

That got her attention and Olivia looked up into his eyes, that were pleading with her.

"I just want to see where this could go," he said softly. "Don't you?"

Did she? Did she want to see what might be?

"How …?" she asked weakly.

"Let me take you on a proper date. Let me try to win your heart. That's all I'm asking. A chance."

"I'm gonna hurt you," she told him.

"I can take it."

"Don't be so sure. I've got issues."

"Liv."

She sighed and finally dropped her arms. Peter instantly took that as permission to touch her and she didn't have the strength to refuse him. Peter wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her against his chest, his other hand tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She wrapped her arms around his waist automatically.

"Dinner. That's all. Just you and me this time. What's the harm in having dinner with me?"

"There's no harm in having dinner with you," she answered, almost robotically.

Peter smiled and caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

"If you forget everything I just said, I hope you will remember one thing. I'm seriously interested in you. I didn't mean to scare you and I … I guess I said a lot in just a few minutes but that's all, Liv. I'm seriously interested and I want to see where we can go. Alright?"

It was laughable to even think she'd forget _anything_ he'd just said but she got what he was telling her. He didn't see the obstacles that she saw and maybe he was right. It felt good to have his arm locked around her again and his proximity didn't feel like a threat to her in any way. This was an issue for her and realizing it helped her relax. Peter was one of the good guys and even her subconscious was acknowledging that. And so, when he leaned in slowly, giving her ample time to pull away, she didn't pull away. And when his lips brushed against hers, she was the first to change the subtle touch into a real kiss.

Peter couldn't suppress a small groan when he felt Olivia's response. He hadn't been sure about his little speech but it looked like he'd gotten his message across just fine. He was holding her again, kissing her, and it made him tingle all over. He weaved his fingers through her hair, tilting her head a little to deepen the kiss. Olivia moaned and the sound sent a wave of arousal through his body. His hands began to wander and he slipped one under her white blouse, finding a tight black top underneath. He really hadn't planned on rushing anything tonight but the way their bodies were responding to each other was exhilarating. Olivia was cooperating eagerly and feeling her pressed up against him made him want to touch more of her.

Peter walked her back to the couch and they sat down, never breaking their intimate kiss and Olivia felt his hands explore her body. She whimpered a little when Peter's hand closed over her left breast and his hand stilled instantly. He broke off the kiss and looked into her eyes, dropping his hand back to her waist. She could see the apology in his eyes but they were both a little overwhelmed and she understood. She kissed him again, very softly, to tell him it was alright and within seconds, their kisses heated up again.

Olivia's arms were around his neck now and her upper half was pressed up against him. His hand moved up and down her back again until he touched skin, just above her slacks. His hand stilled for a second and then it was moving back up again, his thumb slipping under the fabric of her top, followed by his palm and then his other fingers. Her skin was warm and soft and he moaned into her mouth at the feeling of it underneath his palm. He moved his hand up a little further and then moved it to the side around her waist, until his palm grazed her abdomen.

Olivia's reaction was instant.

She froze.

Peter pulled back, pulling his hand away from her skin, and looked at her. Before he knew it, she was shutting down in front of him and he didn't have a clue why.

"Liv, I'm sorry …" he started, assuming he'd gone too far but she was already shaking her head.

"No Peter … I'm the one who's sorry. I just …"

She stood up abruptly and he jumped up as well.

"I didn't mean to push you …" he tried again but Olivia turned around and held up a hand.

"You didn't. Really. You did nothing wrong. It's me. It's all me and I … I'm sorry."

She couldn't explain this to him. She had hoped it wouldn't happen with Peter but the mere thought of him touching and seeing her scars had sent her into an unexpected but instant panic. He still knew nothing about what she'd been through in 2013 and she didn't want him to find out like this. She didn't think she wanted him to find out at all.

It was still difficult for her to accept that she would be carrying these visible reminders of her ordeal with her for the rest of her life, and she never talked about it with anyone aside from her therapist. The topic had been off limits with Brian as well as Ed, but Peter didn't even know she _had_ the scars. Once he'd find them, there would be questions and she wasn't ready to answer them. She didn't want his pity and she didn't want to give the freak who hurt her any more attention. He'd screwed with her mind enough.

"Liv. Talk to me," she heard Peter say, but it was as if his voice was coming from far away.

She shook her head.

"I don't understand," he said and Olivia closed her eyes, trying to regulate her breathing.

"I know and I'm sorry Peter. I told you I'd hurt you."

"Help me understand this. Don't shut me out."

She heard him but she wasn't really listening. All she was focusing on was pulling all her defensive walls back up so he wouldn't see the scars on her soul, just like he couldn't see the scars on her body.

Peter's mind was working in overdrive. Her response to his touch wasn't normal. There was something behind it and that sickening feeling he'd had earlier, when they had discussed Lisa's pregnancy, came back full force. She hadn't been the victim in a situation like Lisa had found herself in, getting pregnant from a rape, but something _had_ happened to her. There was no other explanation. But his short time working with the SVU had taught him that pushing her would be the worst thing to do right now. Olivia was literally shaking and he felt guilty for being the inadvertent cause of her shock. All he had been after was a fair shot at dating her and now she had shut down completely and he didn't know how to handle it. He felt like he had to try to at least calm her down a little, and asked her softly,

"What do you want me to do?"

Olivia looked at him, her hands covering her chest while she was trying to regulate her breathing.

"Just tell me, Liv. Anything and I'll do it."

He could see that he was getting through to her and the fog seemed to be lifting in her eyes.

"Just give me a minute," she muttered, and then she was off to her bedroom.

He tried to count it as a win that she hadn't told him to leave, but it wasn't easy. He didn't have a clue what was going on with her, except that something he did must have triggered some kind of trauma for her.

Olivia ducked into her bathroom and sat down hard on the toilet. She wanted to scream and cursed Lewis silently for still affecting her life and her relationships. Shaking her head at herself, she whispered,

"You're no good for him. He doesn't need this crap."

She should just rip off the bandaid and get it over with. Relationships just weren't for her and Peter was young enough to find someone else to settle down with. She and Noah would be fine.

She remembered Peter's words about maybe adopting another child and bit her lip. She _had_ longed to have another baby and it was so easy to see herself in a little family with Peter. But she was going to mess it up, she knew it. Her reaction to Peter's hand on her skin proved it. She wasn't ready to tell him or anyone else about what she'd been through. She hadn't been ready to tell Brian and she hadn't been ready to tell Ed, and they _knew_ the basics. Peter didn't know anything about it and so far, her trauma, added to her dysfunctional childhood, had stood in the way of building a healthy relationship with a man for her. She would only be a burden to Peter, she told herself.

His response had been the right one though, she had to hand that to him. He hadn't pushed her to talk to him, he had only asked what he should do. What she needed. It fit what he had told her earlier, that he wasn't out to get anything from her, only to give to her. It sounded too good to be true and she'd had her fair share of things that seemed to good to be true. They always were.

She made up her mind then and stood up to check her appearance in the mirror. Somehow, she had expected too see herself the way she'd seen herself right after beating Lewis to a pulp with that iron bar. But although she felt a little like that, she didn't look like that at all. In fact, she thought she just looked sad. She sighed and turned on the tap to splash some water in her face. She dried her face and sighed again. It wasn't going to get better than this.

Peter wasn't sure what to expect when Olivia came back into the room but he didn't think their dinner plans were still on when he saw her. Her face was impassive, hard almost, and the unfortunate thought crossed his mind that it did make her look older than usual. He waited for her to say something and she nodded, as if silently agreeing that she should, in fact, say something. Her voice was flat when she told him,

"I told you I've got issues and I think this proves it. I'm sorry Peter, but I'm just not ready for this. I thought I was but …"

She blew out a breath and made an apologetic gesture with her hands.

"What are you saying?" he asked her, although he had a fairly good idea what she was telling him. She was going to blow the whole thing off.

"I think you should leave," Olivia said. "I'm really sorry Peter, but I just can't ..."

"Can't what? I'm not asking you to do anything," Peter said, trying to keep the conversation going. "I admit that I don't know what just happened and I'm sorry if I went too far. All I wanted tonight was to ask you out on a proper date. That's it. I still want that. Anything else we can save for later."

"I ..."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She had half expected Peter to be so shocked about her idiotic behavior that he'd want to back away now. But he seemed okay with her not explaining herself right away and in a final plea he asked her,

"Just think about it, alright?"

...

 **A/N: Argh.**


	15. Awkward

**I know it was a long wait but "Unexpected" is finished aside from an epilogue (or two) so I finally revisited this one. I hope you will enjoy!**

...

 **15\. Awkward**

 _Friday, June 22, 2018_

She had promised him she'd think about it but he already knew. It wasn't going to happen. She was too wrapped up in her own issues to see that he was willing to go at her pace. She couldn't let her trauma - or whatever it was - determine the rest of her life. He'd tried to tell her that but he wasn't sure she'd even heard him. He had tried to talk to her about what was going on inside her head, but she'd shut him down. The only real reaction he'd gotten from her had been when he asked her if they were still friends.

"I want us to be," she'd said, and he could see the fear in her eyes of losing someone she valued in some way. It wouldn't be the first time, after all. He had assured her that they were still friends as far as he was concerned, and that he'd still be there for Noah if she wanted him to. And then he'd left, the memories of how it felt to hold her, touch her and kiss her still fresh in his mind.

It had been two days and Peter wasn't sure what to expect today, the first time since that Wednesday night that he was expected to report to the SVU.

Meanwhile, Olivia hadn't slept. She thought she'd been pretty decisive when she had asked Peter to leave but she hadn't been able to resists his plea completely. But what was there to think about? One thing Peter had said, had gotten stuck in her mind and she couldn't shake it off.

"You can't let this … thing determine the rest of your life."

He hadn't know what to call her behavior and how could he? But still, did he have a point? Was she basically still letting Lewis call the shots? She didn't want to! What was it that pervert had called himself again, at the granary? An agent of change. That's what he'd said he was.

 _I am an agent of change, nailed to the trajectory of people's lives. They might have hopes and dreams before they meet me, but then ... then they run into me, life as they knew it is gone._

No! Her life wasn't gone. She was still the same person and she was still doing the same job. She even had a child now. Things had changed for the better.

Olivia picked up her cup of coffee that Fin had brought her, and took a sip. She wasn't focusing on the file on her laptop at all. She pushed her glasses up into her hair and leaned back in her office chair. The thoughts in her head just wouldn't stop.

 _You find it hard to trust after what we went through? There's a tendency to isolate, to withdraw._

Olivia shook her head and sighed. She'd always had a hard time trusting people. That wasn't something Lewis had caused. He was giving himself way too much credit. Then again … she hadn't really wanted to push Peter away but she'd done it anyway. Because of her scars. Or rather what they stood for. She hated being treated as if she could break any minute and she didn't want anyone's pity. She'd hated the pity in Brian's eyes, up to the point where she would only undress herself in the dark anymore when they were together. Ed had masked his reaction better and had assured her that she should be proud of herself, of still standing and going strong. Still, she wondered if she'd pushed him away for the same reason she was now trying to push Peter away.

 _What I do, and I've seen this in the victim impact statements, nobody ever recovers from it._

Olivia scoffed.

Victim.

How she hated that word. Dr. Lindstrom had forced her to face it but it still left a bitter taste in her mouth. She always encouraged other victims by telling them that they were survivors, and that's what she was too. She was still standing and going strong. She has survived the abuse and she had to believe that she would survive the recovery, however long it took. It's what she told other survivors after all and she was now able to function normally. Well, most of the time.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when there was a knock on the door. Amanda poked her head around the door and told her,

"Stone's here for the briefing. You joinin' us?"

"Ah, yes," she told her Detective. "I'll be right out."

They were looking at a case of domestic abuse, called in by a concerned neighbor. They were trying to get one of the family members to file an official complaint. Without a complaint, we have no case, any ADA would tell them. The entire team was going over the details of the case and had called Peter in to help them think of something to be able to bring the abuser in anyway.

Olivia took a deep breath and then pushed herself up from her desk to face Peter and the team. They would need to be professional but she couldn't help feeling uneasy, as if she was to blame somehow for their 'situation'. Maybe she was. Or maybe Lewis was. She just didn't know anymore.

…

He had to hand it to her, she was being completely professional. Peter liked to think he knew Olivia well enough by now to recognize the small nervous twitches in her face, but her voice was steady and he could tell she really felt for this family. A neighbor had called the precinct, telling them that the father in the household was abusive towards his wife as well as the two young children. A boy age 6 and a girl age 4. The neighbor thought he was hitting all of them, and possibly also raping his wife, who was pregnant with a third child.

The team was very concerned and he couldn't help noticing that the boy looked a little like Noah. But the wife wasn't cooperating, probably too terrified of her husband to talk, and that was a problem. Rollins and Carisi had been to the house to talk to her but she'd been jittery, scared to death that her husband would come home early.

"If he finds out we've talked to her, things could get out of hand fast," Carisi added and Peter nodded.

Olivia could tell that Peter was trying to think of a viable reason to pick up the husband, but without a real case against the man, they would only make matters worse. He looked at her and their eyes locked for a moment. They were focused on the case but as soon as they both realized they were looking at each other, they looked away. Olivia suddenly felt awkward. This wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were before, where they could relax around each other. Maybe she shouldn't have let Noah call Peter after all but he'd been so excited about making pancakes for his big friend. And honestly, she had been looking forward to seeing Peter again herself.

But then she'd gone and ruined it all and she could tell Peter was uncomfortable. This was exactly what she hadn't wanted and now she didn't know how to fix it.

After the briefing, they all agreed that the only things they could do was to keep tabs on the house and possibly try to find family or friends who knew about the husband's behavior. Even a prior girlfriend could be a big help but right now, they had nothing and Peter left. Olivia wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or disappointed and she felt very torn about the whole thing. It looked like this wasn't going to be a very fun weekend for Noah.

…

 _Sunday, June 24, 2018_

As expected, Noah was disappointed that they weren't meeting Peter this weekend. Olivia decided to take Noah to the zoo on Sunday and they had a good time together, just the two of them. It wasn't that long ago that they made all of these little day trips together, just the two of them. Sometimes Lucy would come along but usually it was just mother and son. And yet, after just a few times hanging out with Peter, it suddenly felt different.

When they were sitting together for lunch at one of the restaurant at the zoo, Noah spoke up at last. But his words weren't what she had expected from him. Not at all. And they were very telling.

"Don't be so sad, mom. I'm sure Peter will have time for us next weekend."

She looked at her son, eyebrows raised, and couldn't believe that he was trying to comfort her. Had she been that gloomy? She thought they'd had a lot of fun watching the penguins and the sea lions but somehow Noah thought she was sad …

"I'm not sad, sweetie," she said but Noah wasn't convinced.

"I know you like him, mom. It's okay to miss him. I miss him too. But it's like you always say: sometimes work gets in the way. We don't want it to, but it does."

Noah shrugged and focused on his French fries again, and Olivia took a quiet, deep breath. When did her son get so wise? And why did his words actually help? She smiled and shook her head lightly, then focused on her club sandwich. These were moments to treasure. They were together and relaxed. What more did she need? What more did she need indeed.

They spent some more time looking at the animals and had a blast at the 4-D theater. When they exited the theater, still laughing about the amazing experience and shaking the droplets of water off their jackets, Olivia's work phone buzzed in her back pocket. She looked at Noah, who looked back at her impassively, as if he was telling her to go ahead and take the call. She smiled at her son and fished the buzzing device out of her pocket. It was Carisi calling.

"Carisi, what's up?"

"Lieu, I'm really sorry to call you on your day off but we have a situation."

"Is it the Turners?" Olivia guessed.

She had been feeling uneasy about that family all weekend. It didn't sit right with her to let a pregnant woman stay with her abusive husband. If he was hurting her as badly as the neighbor suspected, she might lose the child one of these days.

"Yeah. Clint found out that cops have been sniffing around and now he's holding his family hostage. The wife's sister too. He's got a gun. Probably several."

"Oh my G…"

Olivia couldn't hide her shock from Noah, who was now looking at his feet. He knew their time at the zoo was over. Work got in the way indeed.

"Hostage negotiation is en route but I thought you should know."

"I'll be there as soon as I can. Thanks, Carisi."

She ended the call and looked at Noah, who looked up at her, hands in his jeans pockets and shoulders pulled up.

"I know, mom. You're going to call Lucy."

"I'm really sorry, sweetheart. But we had a great time today, right?"

Noah nodded but he was clearly disappointed.

"Will you be back in time to tuck me in tonight?"

Olivia knelt in front of her child and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm gonna try, Noah. I'm gonna try."

…

When Peter got the call on Sunday a little after 6 PM, it was all over. In the end, a sniper had been able to take out Clint Turner. He was alive, but after the stunt he pulled, he would never hurt his wife or children again. Peter knew the entire team was at the Turner home and he decided to go over there to check out the crime scene for himself.

When he arrived, there was quite a crowd in the street. A lot of people were holding their cell phones, probably taking pictures or filming what the cops were doing. He made his way through the crowd until he arrived at the taped-off section around the house. Carisi waved him through and pointed him in the direction of the SVU Lieutenant. She was talking to the two young Turner children who were sitting in the back of an ambulance. He watched her from a distance for a minute and although he couldn't hear what she was telling the children, he knew she was comforting them and making sure they were taken care of. She ruffled the boy's blonde curls just like she would ruffle Noah's. A woman he hadn't seen before had been treated for a head wound and was then taken away in an ambulance. Officers and ambulance personnel were coming and going and it took him a while to reach Olivia.

Olivia had spotted Peter as soon as he'd arrived on the scene. She'd felt a weird flutter in her chest but she knew she needed to focus on the children first. Their mother and aunt both needed to be checked out at the hospital, and she wanted the children to see a Doctor too, to make sure that they were alright and didn't have any hidden injuries from beatings they might have gotten before today. They were now waiting for their grandmother and Olivia left the two in the care of the ambulance personnel.

She straightened up and tried to wipe her hair out of her face. She'd tried to tie it back but the rubber band must have been too loose. She probably looked horrible, with her hair in a mess and still wearing a bulky bulletproof vest.

Peter approached her with a hesitant smile and she reciprocated with a tired smile of her own.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"How are you doing?" Peter asked her.

"Me? I'm fine. But he did a number on the wife and her sister."

"That was her sister, with the head wound?"

"Yeah. It's all a mess. He's gonna live to face justice though."

"Good. I'll make sure he gets the max for this."

"Great."

Olivia felt awkward talking to Peter like this, as if there was nothing but business between them. She wanted them to be normal again but she didn't know how to make that happen. Instead, they both turned to talk to other people, Olivia welcoming the kids' grandmother and Peter asking an officer some details about Clint Turner's demands. She smiled when she saw the children hug their grandma tightly. They would be in good hands tonight.

As Olivia turned back to see where Peter had gone and started walking towards him, she suddenly heard restless cries from the crowd that was still watching the scene. She started turning around mid-stride and bumped into an officer, and then heard the sound of a gunshot.

Before she realized what was happening, Olivia felt a sting of pain in her lower back and she was falling. Two strong arms caught her, grabbing her around her torso and she heard Peter's worried voice cry out,

"Olivia!"

Then everything went black.

…

 **Dun dun …**

 **A/N: Bwahaha, I'm back but don't you hate me now?**


	16. Shot

**I couldn't leave you all hanging for too long, now could I? So here's the next chapter!**

...

 **16\. Shot**

There was a flurry of activity around him but Peter felt like everything was happening in slow motion. This couldn't be happening. He had an instant flashback to the moment where he saw the life leave Pam's eyes. He was holding Olivia close to him while lowering her to the ground gently, his arm behind her head so it wouldn't hit the pavement. Her eyes were closed but his heart skipped a beat when he saw her eyelashes flutter. Someone was kneeling on Olivia's other side, trying to see where she'd been hit and then she groaned.

"Liv? Liv, talk to me. Where were you hit?" Peter asked her.

She looked up at him then and he was so relieved to see her eyes, that were still full of life as well as questions.

"My … my back. What happened?"

Olivia was disoriented. She felt like someone had just kicked her in the back but she couldn't figure out what was going on.

"There was a gunshot and you went down," Peter said, watching her every move and looking at the medic next to her.

"I don't see any blood," the man told them.

"Liv, can you sit up so we can take off your vest?" Peter asked her.

"I think so."

Peter supported her while Olivia moved her legs and her weight until she was sitting upright. She had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming because of the pain. Her back was killing her and she was in a daze. She let the medic unfasten and take off her vest while she looked around. Then she remembered. The Turners. Clint had been caught so who else had been shooting at them?

An officer from hostage negotiations knelt beside them and took the vest to inspect it.

"Bullet got lodged in the vest," he told them. "You were very lucky, Lieutenant."

"I feel like I was kicked by a mule," Olivia huffed. "Where's my team?"

"Your guys took off running after the bastard that shot you," the man informed her. "So we decided to stick around and help secure the evidence."

"Thanks."

The officer stood up and yelled at his coworkers,

"Get the phones! People were filming!"

A woman in the crowd waved the officer over and he walked off to talk to her. Peter focused on Olivia again. The medic was now checking her back underneath her clothes and Peter looked away. He looked at Olivia's face instead. He could see she was in pain but once the officer had told them that the bullet hadn't actually entered her body, Peter had started breathing again. She would be alright but it had been a very close call.

Olivia winced when the medic inspected her back. She knew she was going to have a colossal bruise and going by the sharp, throbbing pain in her back, she wouldn't be surprised if she had cracked a rib.

"How does it look?" she asked, her voice a lot weaker than she had expected. The throbbing pain was impossible to block.

"Well, I don't know what the guy used, but it sure wasn't an ordinary handgun," the medic told her. "We're going to take you in to see if you broke any ribs."

"I was afraid of that," Olivia mumbled, and Peter wondered how much pain she was in exactly.

The medic jumped up and told them to wait for him. Knowing Olivia she would want to try to stand up, but Peter held on to her shoulders. When she looked at him he gave her a lopsided smile.

"You're not walking out of here, Liv. I know you want to, but we're gonna carry you anyway."

She opened her mouth to object but she had to realize there was no way around the gurney. When the ambulance personnel took over, Peter stood up and took the opportunity to look around to the crowd. Some people were still filming or taking pictures but he saw a few people standing around the officer they'd just spoken to, watching something on their phones together. He didn't want to leave Olivia's side right now but he hoped someone would have a shot of the shooter. Peter wanted to try the asshole himself. He'd nail him to the wall.

"You coming with, sir?" the medic asked him, and he nodded, quickly following the man to the ambulance they were wheeling Olivia into. There was no sign of Fin or Carisi, who had instantly bolted after the shooter. For that idiot's sake, they'd better not corner him in an alley. The team was very protective of their Lieutenant and Peter was ready to make some police brutality disappear in this case too.

When the gurney was secured, Peter hopped into the ambulance and sat down next to Olivia.

"You don't have to …" she started but Peter put a finger over his mouth, stopping her protest before she could even finish. Of course he had to. There was no discussion. He was going to stay with her all the way. Olivia made an attempt to roll her eyes but apparently, whatever was in her newly hooked up IV bag, was making her drowsy and her eyes closed mid-roll. Peter couldn't help chuckling and Olivia opened one eye to glare at him before finally relaxing and giving in to actually being a patient now. Peter had to suppress the urge to take her hand in his but he was brimming with relief that this shooting had not been a repeat of Pam's shooting after all.

…

One minor rib fracture, one bruised rib and a massive bruise on her lower back. Olivia knew it could have been much, much worse but she was slightly pissed off anyway. This was not how this Sunday was supposed to end and she was eager to get home to tuck Noah in like she'd promised to try.

And then there was Peter, being a complete gentleman and doing everything in his power to make her feel less uncomfortable. The nurse had given her an ice pack to put on the bruise but she was unable to hold it without causing herself a lot of additional pain. And so the top of her bed had been raised so she could sit up comfortably and Peter was holding the ice pack against her lower back, while she leaned back lightly against the bed and the ice pack.

"I think it'll stay in place now if you remove your hand," she tried, but Peter seemed determined to help her anyway.

Olivia watched the ADA when he wasn't looking at her and saw the serious lines etched in his face. She wondered what he was thinking. This wasn't exactly a fun way to get in touch again after the way they had left things earlier in the week. She had hated the awkwardness between them on the job and much preferred their hospital banter, but this wasn't how she had imagined their reunion. Still, she had to admit that it was nice to have the company while her team was out chasing her shooter and gathering evidence.

She tried to relax and closed her eyes. It had to be the painkillers, she told herself. Otherwise she'd be wide awake and wouldn't let anyone fuss over her like this. She felt herself sink into the mattress and Peter finally retracted his hand. It had to be freezing by now, holding onto that ice pack this whole time. He was being far too kind to her after the way she'd treated him. She had shut him down without providing him with any explanation. She had behaved like a traumatized victim, and instead of running for the hills, Peter was still here. Maybe for some obscure reason he still had hope she'd reconsider, although she couldn't imagine why he'd still be interested.

There was a knock on the door and she opened her eyes, hoping it wouldn't be another nurse or Doctor to prod her. She just wanted to go home but they wanted to keep her for observation for a few hours to rule out any further internal swelling.

But it wasn't a nurse. It was Fin, with a very serious look on his face and holding a tablet, followed by both Carisi and Rollins.

"Hey guys."

"Hey Liv. How are you feeling?" Rollins asked.

"Like I was hit by a truck," she said with a smirk. "Did you catch the guy?"

"Not yet," Fin replied gruffly. "That snake can run. But we'll get'im. Trust me."

"So watcha got?"

Her eyes were glued to the tablet in her Sergeant's hand.

"Something I wanna show you both," Fin told them, looking at Peter pointedly.

Fin rounded the bed and held the tablet out for both of them to see, while Carisi and Rollins stood on the other side of the bed.

"Watch closely and tell me what you see," Fin instructed, and two pairs of eyes focused on the screen as he hit the play button.

The video, shot with a smartphone, showed the crime scene and they saw Olivia enter the shot from the left, while Peter was standing slightly to the right of the middle, looking at her. They heard commotion in the crowd around the person filming and saw Olivia look behind her. She bumped into an officer and veered to the right at the exact moment the gunshot was heard. They couldn't actually see the bullet or its impact but they all knew Olivia had been hit in the lower back on the right. If she had stood a few inches further to the left, the bullet would have passed her and … struck Peter in the abdomen.

Olivia felt all the blood drain from her face instantly and covered her mouth with a hand.

"What does this mean?" Peter asked and she looked at him. Hadn't he seen it? Didn't he realize it?

Olivia looked at Fin, who just nodded slowly. Peter continued to look at the video, which was now playing again in slow motion. She saw the exact moment it hit him and saw the disbelief in his eyes.

"Wait a minute," he muttered. "Are you telling me that … that …"

"I ain't tellin' you nothin' Counselor. I'm just showin' you the evidence."

"But how … and …"

"Why?" Olivia finished for him. "Why would someone want to kill Peter?"

He could have been killed.

Dead.

Today.

Now.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks and she needed a moment. What if he had died today? What if she had been mourning his death and the death of everything that could have been? There would have been no time for her to reconsider anything with regards to Peter. And how would she tell Noah?

Peter looked at her and registered her shock. He was instantly concerned and instinctively placed a hand on her knee over the covers.

"Liv? Do you need anything? More painkillers?" he asked her.

"No," Olivia said quickly.

She looked down at his hand and he was about to retract it when she moved her own hand and covered his with it. He looked from their hands up to her eyes and could see that she was troubled. She opened her mouth a few times to say something but then closed it again. He wondered what was going on inside that head of hers but the moment was interrupted by Carisi when the young Detective spoke up.

"We also got a pretty clear shot of the shooter before he pulled out his rifle. Take a look, Counselor."

Carisi held out his phone and showed him a picture of a bald man with a goatee.

"You ever seen that face before?"

Peter wiped the corners of his mouth with his hand. As if he could ever forget _that_ face. But the man was killed. He'd seen him go down, his body riddled with bullets right after he shot Pam. He couldn't be the same man. But he did look like Diego Diaz, only younger.

"Has to be a relative, like a cousin maybe," Fin said. "We're looking into it."

"Both him and his brother were killed during that case," Peter mused.

"Hell of a motive for revenge, if you ask me."

"So you got shot because of me?" Peter said, turning back to Olivia.

For some reason, she was still holding his hand and he knew something had to be off for her to do that in the company of her team.

"If not for Liv and her vest, you wouldn't be sitting here, Stone," Rollins piped up, as if they needed that reminder.

"Yeah, well. We just figured you two needed to know. Let's give Liv some rest now, okay?" Fin suddenly said, starting to usher the others towards the door. Olivia watched her team leave and Fin looked at her one more time before leaving the room behind the two Detectives and closing the door. She could always count on her old friend and this time was no exception. He knew there was something between her and Peter, even if it didn't really have a name right now, and he knew they needed to deal with this new reality together.

...

 **To be continued.**

 **Tip: do a google search for "bruise bulletproof vest" and see what damage that bullet did ...**


	17. Soul searching

**17\. Soul searching**

Olivia was still looking at the door and Peter was watching several emotions play out on her face before she leaned back and closed her eyes. He couldn't make out what she was thinking or feeling and he honestly didn't know what to say to her. He decided to let her rest for a while and gently pulled his hand away from under hers.

Olivia was trying to make sense of the storm inside her head and was grateful that Peter was giving her a few moments. The ice pack had numbed the pain in her back for now and she tried to relax her muscles consciously. But her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She had tried to tell herself that everything was alright. She wasn't severely injured, even if it hurt like hell. It had all turned out okay. But she couldn't shake it off. Not this time.

Either of them could have been killed today.

It was the one thing her mind seemed to refuse to process. She couldn't help thinking about Mike Dodds. He had died from a gut shot. Peter would have been hit in the gut if she hadn't gotten in the way. If Peter had died, she would have been left wondering forever about what could have been. She could tell herself a hundred times that it wasn't a good idea to get involved with him, but she would wonder. And that made her think about possibilities again, now that they were both still here. Maybe they should just seize the day, so to speak. Try to enjoy life for as long as they were here. She opened her eyes at that thought, and looked at her companion, who had been sitting next to her bed quietly.

Peter had tried to find something meaningful to say to her but he couldn't come up with anything and he finally settled on that simple truth when he saw her looking at him.

"Liv, I don't know what to say."

He felt guilty about her injuries. They weren't life-threatening but still highly uncomfortable and if it hadn't been for that vest, she could have been fatally shot. Because of him. Again. Diaz had killed Pam because of him, because he wouldn't stop digging into the kartel, and now Olivia had been shot because of him by another thug related to Diaz, who was out for revenge.

Olivia looked down at her hands in her lap and she spoke quietly when she replied,

"I don't know what to say either."

He knew she wasn't one to blame others for anything that happened to her, so he had to wonder what had her so defeated right now.

"You're in here because of me," Peter said, trying to get her to look at him.

"You could have been _dead_ ," she countered.

She thought of Mike Dodds again. Peter could have been shot in the gut too and she had no doubt, with her luck, that Peter would have died from his injuries, just like Mike had. It was the story of her life after all. She just kept losing people.

"But I'm not," Peter told her. "Look at me. I'm still here, and thank God so are you."

"Life's too short for all this crap," she said, her voice suddenly a lot firmer. "We could still both be dead tomorrow."

Peter wasn't sure about Olivia's sudden mood switch and where she was going with it, but he confirmed,

"When it comes down to it, nobody really knows if they're still going to be around another day."

"Exactly. So we have to live for today."

A picture was forming in Olivia's mind, and as they exchanged basic life truths, the picture grew and became clearer. Peter seemed a little baffled at her words and she could imagine why. She sure didn't sound like her calculating, precaution-taking self right now and she knew it. But what had all that fearful self-preservation gotten her in the end? A whole lot of nothing.

Noah was the only huge blessing in her life, and he was one she still wondered if she deserved sometimes. But aside from that miracle, she had almost worked actively _not_ to find happiness. In part for fear of losing it after a while and another part of her kept telling her that maybe she didn't deserve it.

She could have died in the streets today, still as alone as ever, trapped inside the walls of her self-inflicted solitary confinement. And even worse, she could have lost a man today who was willing to spend time with her; get to know her. A man who hadn't bolted when her issues had reared their ugly heads but who still wanted to take her out to dinner and play ball with her son. A man who was here with her now, and who, knowing him, was most likely looking for ways to make it up to her that she was injured because someone had it in for him.

But she felt like she was the one who had something to make up for. Not only to him but to herself as well. One of them could have been killed today, leaving the other one behind without ever knowing what could have been. She'd been running away from what Peter was offering her and it could have ended like that; as nothing. He'd been honest about what he could offer her too. He couldn't give her any guarantees up front. And she knew from experience that it wouldn't all be rainbows and unicorns. That wasn't how relationships worked. She couldn't say that she knew how they _were_ supposed to work but she'd never find out if she didn't at least give it a try.

Peter was a realist and he knew her line of work. He was learning about it in a professional manner and she knew without a doubt that he wouldn't get creepy about it. On top of that, he didn't mind the age difference between them at all and Noah already adored him.

 _But what if it doesn't work out?_

It was that age-old question that had kept her from taking a chance for so long. Maybe she should ask herself the opposite instead? What if it did?

"What do you mean Liv?" Peter asked her. He was even more curious now about what she was thinking. What did 'living for today' look like for her?

"I … I guess I mean that … that maybe …"

Olivia sighed. Why was this so hard? She looked into Peter's green eyes and saw the hope there. She had to see it through now.

"Maybe what?" Peter asked her kindly.

 _What if it doesn't work out?_

 _But what if it does?_

What if it did? Could she imagine a life with Peter where it _did_ all work out? Maybe one of them would still get killed one day but at least they'd know what they had. At least they would have lived for today instead of allowing concerns to ruin their tomorrows. And it had been extremely easy to slip into family mode when they were out together with Noah. Why should she deny her son that joy? And why should she deny herself his company? Enough damage had been done, to both of them, to last them a lifetime. Maybe this was their time. Maybe it was their turn now to find someone who just _got_ them. Who understood because they were just like them.

"Are you … are you thinking about giving it a try after all?" Peter asked, and there was so much hope in his voice that it moved Olivia deeply.

Why was he hoping so badly for a chance with her? Why wasn't he pulling away, avoiding her issues, to be with someone less complicated?

But he had recognized it too. He had literally called her _"someone like me"_. They were alike in a good way. They both wanted to give, give, give. It was like he said: put them in a room together, and they would both inevitably, finally, start receiving as well.

Peter's green eyes were locked on her browns, waiting for her answer. He knew it was scary to lower ones defenses because he was the same. But he was willing to be vulnerable with her. It all could have ended for them today, before it had even had a chance to begin. She owed it to him as well as herself to finally take a leap of faith, before her time ran out. His willingness to come out of his shell helped her to finally try to come out herself.

"I'm not an easy person to get close to," she warned him once more.

Peter chuckled.

"So I've noticed."

She finally smiled at him and reached for his hand. He grabbed hers immediately and his smile widened. Olivia felt happy bubbles bouncing around in her stomach suddenly, and she felt a load of tension roll off of her shoulders. She started feeling a little jittery on the inside in a different way, but that was to be expected. She was in uncharted waters now. She'd never seriously tried opening up to a man before, to build something with him. The physical part was easy but the emotional connection … in retrospect she'd never had a real emotional connection with any of her boyfriends. Even Lewis had seen that there had been something missing between her and Brian ...

That brief thought of Lewis cast a shadow over her features and Peter noticed.

"I've got the time, Liv," Peter told her, and then added, "Thanks to you. I'd like to see where we could go together."

Olivia nodded, biting her lip and then she squeezed his hand.

"Yes," she whispered, still nodding. "And so do I."

Peter felt like shouting _"Yes!"_ very loudly but managed to contain himself. She was actually saying yes! Olivia grinned at him, no doubt mirroring the silly smile that was now spread across his own face. He stood up and leaned over Olivia to kiss her. He felt like he had waited long enough and when her lips parted in anticipation and her warm breath his his lips, his eyes slipped shut. He kissed her very softly but he felt like she was breathing life back into him when she returned the gentle kiss. He knew she was still in pain and he shouldn't get carried away, but when he opened his eyes to look at Olivia, she blinked a few times as if she was a little dazed. Maybe it was the painkillers but he liked to think he had something to do with it as well.

He tapped her on the nose and she smiled up at him when he told her,

"Alright. Now let's find a Doctor to see if we can get you out of here and back home to Noah."

…

 **A/N: I know this was short but I felt this part of the story deserved its own chapter. More as soon as I have written it!**  
 **Review?**


	18. Caring

**Note (happy readers may skip):**

 _I got a strange guest review that seems completely unrelated to this story. But me being me, I still tried to understand it and I think it must have something to do with a recent (2019) episode of SVU.  
It looks like this person is not aware that I am writing my own version of the character of Peter Stone in a story that's set as early as 2018. __I started writing this in June of 2018._ _That recent episode had not happened yet. I get that some don't like Stone and I also get why. Again, this is my early version of the character - he's clearly different from the one we're seeing on SVU. It's just for fun. If you have such a big problem with the character, just don't read this story. If you have a problem with me, don't throw out anonymous insults; my DM's are open here and on Twitter. I am told I'm quite approachable. Let's talk._

 **Happy readers, please tune back in :) The story continues …**

…

 **18\. Caring**

There had been a guard outside her hospital room. They should have known Fin wouldn't let Peter walk around unprotected while the shooter was still at large, and they accepted the company for now. The officer had driven them to her building and would wait outside while Peter made sure Olivia got into her apartment safely. They took the elevator up. Standing up and walking short distances was doable for Olivia, and she tried not to show her discomfort when they entered her apartment and greeted Lucy.

"Hey Olivia. Mr. Stone," Lucy greeted them kindly, getting up from where she'd been sitting on the couch with her school books and laptop. "I'm afraid Noah's been in bed for a while already."

"That was to be expected. I hope he wasn't too disappointed I wasn't back yet?" Olivia asked the nanny.

Lucy smiled.

"He was a little, but he said that he understands that work gets in the way sometimes."

She remembered Noah's words at the zoo, when he'd said the same thing about Peter. He had thought Peter couldn't join them because of work, completely unaware of what had been going on between Peter and his mother. She knew he'd love to see his big friend, even if it was only to say goodnight and so she said she was going to take a peek in Noah's room just in case he was awake. She looked up at Peter and asked him,

"You wanna come?"

"Sure," Peter replied happily. He'd love to see the boy again.

Olivia pushed the door to Noah's room open quietly to find her son laying in bed looking at her, his eyes wide open.

"Mom!" he said, sitting up in bed. "I thought I heard your voice!"

"Yeah baby, I'm home. And I brought a surprise," Olivia told her son.

Peter stepped into the doorway and Noah smiled widely, his eyes sparkling.

"Peter!"

"Yeah buddy. I thought I'd come in for a minute to say hello and help your mom tuck you in."

"I missed you today, Peter," Noah chatted happily as the ADA approached his bed and sat down on the edge. "We went to the zoo and you would have loved it. These sea lions were doing really crazy tricks and we got all wet at the 4 D theater too!"

Peter chuckled. The boy's enthusiasm was heartwarming. He had no idea about what had been going on between the two adults and it was for the best. He hoped they'd have many more Sundays together to make up for this missed one.

"So you had fun with your mom, right?" he asked Noah.

"Yeah!"

Olivia smiled, leaning against the door frame, hoping Noah wouldn't notice that she was barely moving. Her back was throbbing a bit but she wanted to say goodnight to her son properly before giving in to her discomfort. She was glad that Noah's memories of the day were mostly good ones, even if they had to cut things short. She watched the two of them interact and was struck again by how natural they were with each other. Peter really was one of the good guys and she trusted him implicitly with her child. She hoped that she wouldn't chicken out again when it came to trusting him with her heart.

Peter was very considerate when Olivia came over to the bed to kiss her son goodnight, knowing that it would be painful for her to lean over. He stood up to give the two Bensons some room, and when Olivia tried to straighten up again he grabbed her elbow. He knew she was grateful for the support.

Noah was still none the wiser, and while she might let him know soon that she got a little hurt, she didn't want to spring that on him now, just before he'd go back to sleep. Peter tucked him in expertly and Noah settled in for the night contently when they left the room together. Olivia closed the door completely this time, just to make sure Noah wouldn't overhear anything that was said in the living room.

Meanwhile, Lucy had gathered her things and was ready to go home.

"Lucy, I will be home tomorrow but would you just pick up Noah for me to take him to school?" Olivia asked the young woman.

"Of course. No problem."

Lucy looked at her, then at Peter and back at her, but didn't ask for any explanation why Olivia wouldn't be able to take Noah herself if she wasn't working.

"See you in the morning then."

"Alright. Thank you, Lucy. Goodnight."

And then it was just the two of them. Peter glanced at Olivia. He had no idea what to expect from her now. He was still wearing his overcoat and didn't assume he'd be staying. She was injured after all and needed to rest. When Olivia started taking off her own coat, he helped her out of it quickly, before she'd twist around too much and cause herself more pain. He hung her coat on the rack for her and then joined her next to the couch again. She wasn't sitting down and he thought she'd probably want to go straight to bed to rest. He wondered if he should offer to help her change for the night, but decided against it. Instead, he asked her,

"Do you need anything else before I go?"

Olivia sighed.

"I'm afraid I won't be very good company tonight."

"I understand Liv. I'm not asking to stay. I'd like permission to check up on you tomorrow though."

She smiled and reached for his left arm, tugging him a little closer to her.

"I'd like that," she admitted, smiling a little sheepishly.

She still felt a little jittery about taking this leap with Peter but it looked like he was suddenly as much out of his element as she was. She dropped her hand from his arm so she could grab his hand and squeeze it.

"I'm injured and I may have some issues but I'm not fragile, Peter," she told him softly, hoping he'd get the message.

He shouldn't suddenly start tiptoeing around her. She didn't want to be treated as if she was made of glass, ever. Things would go horribly wrong if he tried that on her.

Peter stepped closer to her and bowed his head until their foreheads were touching. He told her,

"I know that. It's a big reason why I'm so impressed with you. But you can't stop me from caring and wanting to know how you're doing."

"Fair enough."

She looked up at the tall ADA and when he tilted his head slightly, she hummed, knowing that he was going to kiss her. His lips were soft and the kiss was probably meant to be reassuring, but she couldn't stop her body from reacting to his touch. Her left arm wrapped around him, pulling him flush against her and Peter let go of her right hand so he could use his hand to frame her jaw as their kiss deepened. He held back for her sake, not wanting to hurt her, but he could feel the flame being fanned once again between them. When he broke off the kiss, he looked into her eyes to see how she was doing. Was she feeling the same things he was feeling? She was taking a deep breath and he hoped that meant that she was equally affected.

"Text me when you get home," she said quietly.

"Of course."

"Be careful, Peter."

"You just gave me a huge reason today to be careful," he told her, and he was rewarded with the genuine smile he'd hoped for.

"You must be talking about Noah."

Peter grinned and kissed her forehead before releasing her a little reluctantly.

"Yeah. Him too."

Peter left and Olivia bolted the door behind him. She was relieved that they were able to part ways like this, relaxing with each other. It would take some time to really process the events of the day, but she knew she didn't want to waste any more time pushing people away. Maybe she'd get hurt again. There was still that possibility. But what if it actually worked out? Perhaps for the first time in her life, she wanted to know. She wanted to find out, before they might suddenly run out of time.

…

Olivia drank a glass of water and waited for Peter's text that he made it home safely before getting ready to go to bed. Changing her clothes was a challenge but she managed, and when she was finally in her bed, she let out a content sigh. Her bed was soft and comfortable and familiar. She hoped that she'd fall asleep quickly. But as soon as she closed her eyes, the day began replaying in her mind. And when she finally drifted off, her subconscious began projecting different scenarios in her head. One where Peter was shot; one where the bullet missed her vest and hit her; a heartbreaking conversation with Noah about Peter's death … she woke up in a cold sweat twice and checked her phone both times, reminding herself that Peter had gotten home safely. She hoped he was sound asleep by now and resisted the urge to text him again to check up on him.

What was happening to her, that she was suddenly so concerned about him? Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, trying to relax once more. It had started and she knew it. She had started letting Peter into her heart and instantly, she was concerned about his wellbeing. It was the price she would have to pay for allowing herself to start caring about him. She covered her face with her hands and rubbed it, hoping to clear her mind so she could sleep some more. It was only 4 AM after all. When she dropped her arms back on the bed she found the corners of her mouth tugging up unexpectedly. It had started indeed. She had started caring about Peter and she suddenly couldn't stop herself from smiling in the dark. It was weird how that worked; how feeling concerned and happy could suddenly go hand in hand. Love was a weird thing indeed.

…

 _Monday, June 25, 2018_

Peter hadn't slept well. He'd had restless dreams about both Pam and Olivia and he'd been up since 5.30 AM. He was sitting at his breakfast table in his sweats, nursing his third cup of coffee and wondering if it was too early to send Olivia a text. After all those dark dreams about her, even seeing himself standing at her grave instead of Pam's, he needed a sign of life from her but he didn't want to crowd her. She'd reminded him gently the night before that she wasn't fragile and he knew she didn't want to be doted on. It just wasn't who she was. Still, he couldn't stop himself from caring and wanting to know how she was doing. Did she sleep at all? How was her back? Would she be able to get around and take care of her son today? He turned his cell phone over in his hands a few times, trying to decide what to do - if anything, and then it suddenly started buzzing.

He fumbled with the phone a bit before he could hit the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Stone? Tutuola here. I just wanted to let you know that we caught the guy so we recalled your chaperone."

Peter was on his feet instantly.

"You have him at the precinct? I'm coming right over."

"Whoa whoa, Counselor. You can't talk to him."

"Why the hell not?" he almost yelled into his phone.

"Because you were his target. We've called in a substitute ADA for this one."

Peter stopped in his tracks and rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes to pause before he'd say something nasty to the Sergeant that the man didn't deserve. They'd clearly been working overtime during the night to catch the Diaz clone as quickly as they could and he should be grateful to the team.

"Alright. Can you at least tell me who it is?"

"Turns out Jorge and Diego had a baby brother by a different mother. Name's Felipe and he clearly worshiped Diego. Dressed just like him, bald head and goatee and all. He's already kinda confessed, complaining about how 'that broad' got in the way so we've got him. He's got a lawyer with him now but ballistics is running a test on his hunting rifle as we speak. He's going straight to Rikers when we're done with him."

"How did he know I was going to be at that crime scene?" Peter asked, the attorney in him already at work. Perhaps this Felipe had an accomplice.

"We doubt that he actually knew," Fin told him. "A shooting like that in broad daylight in a crowd doesn't exactly seem planned to me but we're gonna find out. If he was tailing you, we'll know soon enough."

"Right."

There was a pause and then Fin spoke up again.

"Look, I can't stop you from comin' over here but under no circumstance will you be allowed to talk to the guy, alright? Maybe you should just head over to Liv's and fill her in instead."

The two men ended the call and Peter sat back down at the table. Tailing him? He hadn't even thought of that. If that goon had been tailing him, both Olivia and Noah could have been in danger before. He still couldn't believe that Olivia had actually stopped the bullet that had been meant for him and he needed to shake off all of those doom scenarios in which things ended differently. She was still alive and so was he, and they still had a chance to build something together.

Fin's suggestion to go over to her place appealed to him but he wasn't sure if Olivia would appreciate him showing up again so soon. He checked the time. It was only 7.15 AM. He decided to eat an apple and then go out for a run. Afterwards, he'd shower and have some breakfast, and then he'd call her. It was too early now anyway and a run would be good for him.

…

"Mom? What's wrong?"

"Nothing sweetheart."

Olivia was still in her robe and had tried to move around normally, but apparently, she hadn't completely succeeded.

Noah folded his arms in front of his chest and raised an eyebrow, giving her a poignant stare. Now where had he picked up that habit?

"Noah honey, my back's just a little sore. I'm fine."

"Why is your back sore?"

Olivia sighed and sat down gingerly on a stool at the breakfast bar. She would have to be honest with her son. It's what she was teaching him to be after all.

"Alright," she said. "Come here, Noah."

Noah walked up to her and leaned on her thigh while she explained,

"Remember when I had to go to work unexpectedly yesterday? Well, it was a bit of a mess with a lot of police and ambulances, and I got caught in the middle and hurt my back."

Noah studied her face for a moment and then asked her,

"What does caught in the middle mean?"

Olivia couldn't help smiling. She was incredibly tired after her restless night and had needed new painkillers before she was able to move around fairly normally at all, but her perceptive son could always put a smile on her face. Now how to explain this expression to him?

"Well," she started. "It's kind of like when two kids in your class get into a fist fight and you get too close to them, and you get punched by accident. That is what they call being caught in the middle."

Noah nodded slowly, thinking things over and then reached a conclusion.

"So that means you had nothing to do with it but you got hurt anyway."

"That's right, Noah," she smiled. She couldn't have explained the situation better to him that than.

"So who were fighting?"

That was a little more difficult to explain and she settled on telling him that they were still trying to find that out.

"Who? Fin?" Noah asked.

"Yes. The Doctor told me to take a day off but Fin and the others are figuring everything out for me."

"Okay."

There was a knock on the door and Noah offered to open it for Lucy, so Olivia wouldn't have to get up. She smiled again. Her wonderful son. He could be a handful at times but he really was turning out so great.

The instant Lucy entered the apartment, Noah started telling her all about how his mom got caught in the middle and had to take a day off from work. Lucy stared at Olivia with wide eyes while Noah continued to chatter and Olivia shrugged lightly.

"Why didn't you tell me last night?" the young woman asked her softly while Noah was getting his backpack. "I can take him to the park after school if you need to rest."

Olivia told the nanny quickly that she was really fine and that she just hadn't wanted to worry her or Noah.

"Please don't make a big deal out of it, alright?"

Lucy nodded and when Noah came skipping towards them again, she focused her attention on the boy.

"Alright young man, let's get you to school so your mom can enjoy some quiet around here."

Noah grinned at Lucy and after a quick kiss for his mother, the two were off.

Olivia sighed again and let herself slide off the stool to round the breakfast bar and make herself some coffee. She heard her phone buzz in the pocket of her robe and hoped it would be news from her team. She pulled the phone out and saw that it wasn't her team calling. It was Peter. Her heart jumped a little and she bit her lip, then answered the call.

"Hey."

"Hey to you. How are you doing?"

Olivia confessed that she hadn't slept very well and Peter told her the same. When he asked her if he could come over, she couldn't suppress another smile. Of course he could come over.

"Give me fifteen minutes to get dressed?" she asked him.

There was a brief pause and Olivia chuckled.

"Counselor!" she said sternly and she heard Peter laugh softly.

"Sorry, Lieutenant. Picking my mind up from out of the gutter. I'll be over in half an hour."

...

 **I really wanted you guys to get a long chapter this time and I think I succeeded. Maybe not as much Benstone interaction as we all would have liked but there were other things to be told first. To be continued soon!**


	19. First date

**Note to GleeJunkie:**

 _For the life of me, I can't find a single thing in this story that might be triggering for a survivor. I can't warn people about something that simply isn't there. This is just a romantic story between two SVU characters. I'd love to chat with you but not via reviews and author notes inside my story. Are you GleeJunkie007? My DM's are open._

 **End note**

...

 **19\. First date**

Peter was happy to be rushing up the stairs of Olivia's building again. The shooter had been caught and after he'd gotten over his personal disappointment that he wouldn't be allowed to trie the bastard himself, he knew that the case would be in good hands with his fellow ADA. Maybe it was for the best that he wouldn't be in the same room with the man who had hurt Olivia. He much preferred to be in the same room with Olivia right now.

She opened the door for him with a smile and he was pleasantly surprised by how she looked. She didn't look as tired as he had expected or as he felt himself. She looked amazing with her hair pinned up loosely and dressed in grey yoga pants and a long pink shirt that almost reached her knees. She had pushed the sleeves up to her elbows and seemed to be ready for a warm Summer day. And it was going to be a very nice day according to the weather forecast. The sun was already out and they were expecting temperatures close to 80 degrees. He regretted having to go into work soon. It would have been a perfect day to spend outside with Olivia.

"Good morning," she said, stepping aside to let him in.

He looked handsome as ever in his suit and tie and it reminded her that unlike her, he was going to have to work today.

"Good morning to you too," Peter replied. "I have to say you look great."

Olivia chuckled and turned away from him to lead the way to her couch.

"I don't feel so great though, but I'll live."

She sat down slowly, trying not to strain her back or ribs, and Peter sat down next to her.

"Just passing through?" she asked him, gesturing at his attire.

"Unfortunately, yes. But I have some good news."

He told her that the shooter had already been caught and Olivia was very relieved. Peter was safe now.

"How did they find him?"

"I'm not sure but your team is very thorough. They must have worked all night to get him."

Olivia smiled.

"Yeah. We get like that when one of our own is threatened."

"I'm glad they look out for you, Liv," Peter told her sincerely.

"Me too, but they're looking out for you as well, Peter. You're one of our own now too."

Peter admitted that he didn't always feel like he was part of the SVU family yet. He still had a lot to learn about all the grey areas that came with the world of sexual abuse and domestic violence. Special victims cases weren't as black and white as most other cases and he was still figuring out all the nuances that were second nature to seasoned cops like Olivia and Fin by now.

"That's okay. As long as you're aware of that, you'll be fine," she assured him.

"Thanks."

They smiled at each other and Olivia felt that pull between them again. It was very new to not try and resist it anymore and when Peter put his hand on her knee, she covered it with her own hand and caressed the back of his hand. Now what, she wondered.

"So," Peter started, and she was glad he seemed to know what he was doing. "I know you still have some healing to do, but if you're up to it, I'd like to set a date for that dinner I promised you."

She smiled and continued caressing his hand. She had wondered when he would bring that up, but it seemed like he didn't want to waste any time. She liked that. After being faced with their own mortality so unexpectedly, she felt a sense of urgency to grab this chance they were being offered to find happiness together and with Noah. She wasn't suddenly going to throw herself at him out of some sense of despair, but she didn't want to stall things either. No more backpedalling. She wanted to look forward, and to actually have things to look forward _to_.

"That would be nice," she told Peter. "Just give me a few days to recover first?"

"Sure, sure," Peter said right away. "I was thinking next weekend. Or do you think you'll still be too sore?"

The Doctor had told her that the healing time for cracked and bruised ribs was between three to six weeks. She was allowed to move normally as far as her body would allow and it was recommended not to stay too still for long periods of time. But she would need pain relief for a while to come. A week seemed like enough time to figure out the right dosage, she thought, and so she agreed to set a date for dinner on Saturday night.

"I'll ask Lucy if she's available, and if she's busy, I can always ask Amanda's sitter to fill in for her."

"You girls are doing pretty well, balancing being a single mom with the job, aren't you?" Peter asked.

Olivia wiggled her head.

"It's not easy, I can tell you that. Sometimes I wonder who's raising Noah, Lucy or me."

"Noah adores you, Liv," Peter told her. "You have to be doing something right, don't you think?"

She smiled and squeezed Peter's hand.

"Thanks."

Peter lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it softly, and Olivia felt a few butterflies take off in her stomach.

"So, are you going to be alright today? Do you need anything like groceries or something?"

Olivia assured him that she was going to be fine. A short walk to the nearest grocery store would be good for her and she promised him she wouldn't do any heavy lifting. She just needed a loaf of bread and some dessert for that evening.

"Okay, I guess I'll have to trust you on that. Is it okay if I call you tonight?"

Olivia chuckled again.

"This is going to take some getting used to," she admitted. "But sure. You can call me. Just don't freak out if I don't answer my phone. Sometimes Noah and I are deeply engrossed in a book or TV show and cannot be disturbed."

"Understood."

…

 _Saturday, June 30, 2018_

Olivia had wondered if it would start to feel awkward to have Peter checking up on her, but she soon found out that each text or call she received, put an instant smile on her face. She went back to work on Tuesday and made sure to walk a few laps around her desk every hour while she was in her office. The hematoma on her back was changing color daily and looked quite impressive by now. It had spread out until it covered almost half of her back and it looked more painful than it actually was. She had figured out the right dosage of painkillers and was able to work normally for most of the day. She just went home a little early whenever work allowed it.

And then it was Saturday. She and Noah didn't have anything special planned, just running a few errands and cleaning up around the house. It was a hot day and Noah had asked her if they could go swimming, but Olivia really didn't feel up to it yet. Besides, half of her back was black and blue. She couldn't show herself in a swimsuit like that. When Noah kept whining about going swimming, she got annoyed and she finally pulled up her shirt and showed him her back.

Noah was shocked and part of her regretted what she'd done instantly. Her son looked like he could cry and that hadn't been her intention. She rubbed his arms and told him,

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't want to startle you but you have to understand that mommy really can't go swimming yet. My back needs to heal first. Okay?"

Noah nodded, still looking up at her with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry too mommy. I'm just so hot and I really wanted to go swimming."

"It will just have to wait, honey. But the summer isn't over yet."

Noah accepted for now that they weren't going to go swimming. Olivia didn't feel comfortable yet letting him swim while he still needed his water wings, if she couldn't jump in after him if necessary.

They did go outside for a while in the afternoon and she finally let Noah splash around barefoot in his shorts and a t-shirt at a playground that had sprinklers. When they returned home, their faces a little sunburnt from the hot sun and their feet dirty, he was tired and content. He agreed to take a shower before dinner and while Olivia was toweling him dry carefully, Lucy arrived, letting herself into the apartment.

"Just a minute!" Noah hollered at the nanny. "I'm not decent!"

Both women laughed out loud and Olivia told her son to put his pajamas on while Lucy went into the kitchen to make dinner for Noah and herself, like they had agreed.

"Are you looking forward to your date?" Lucy inquired when Olivia emerged from the bathroom.

"I am actually," Olivia replied with a smile.

"I'm glad. It's been a while since you had a real date, hasn't it?"

Olivia nodded. She hadn't dated at all since she and Ed broke up, wanting to focus more on Noah for a while. But Peter was actually a very welcome addition to Noah's life and that made it a lot easier for her to give in to what was growing between them.

"What time is Mr. Stone picking you up?" Lucy asked.

"Seven."

"Oh, then you'd better get ready. Or are you going out like this?"

Olivia looked down at her cheerful summer dress and flip flops and laughed.

"Wouldn't that be funny?"

"You look nice mom," Noah commented, finally emerging from the bathroom.

"Well, what took you so long, young man?" Lucy asked him with a wink.

"Had to fix my hair," Noah shrugged.

As if there was anything to fix those unruly curls, but as expected, Lucy gave him a nice compliment for his perfect hairdo. Noah grinned proudly and then told Olivia it was her turn. She hadn't really told him that she was going on a date with Peter, and she wondered if he knew that taking someone out to dinner could be considered a date. Olivia ducked into the bathroom to clean herself up and to get dressed for the evening. It would remain warm for hours this evening so she chose a white short-sleeved summer dress with a loose skirt that ended just above the knee. Due to her injury she hadn't worn very high heels all week but she tried her white heels on for the occasion, knowing they made her legs look longer. She wanted to look beautiful tonight and sighed, shaking her head at herself. She was on a slippery slope now.

She tried to fix her face a little because it looked like she was blushing but couldn't conceal the redness completely. She was still busy applying her mascara when Noah announced loudly that Peter was here. He was actually five minutes early and Olivia didn't know what to think of that. And then she heard Noah shriek with laughter and it hit her that Peter might be early because he wanted to see Noah before they left … And that made her feel warm and fuzzy inside to the point where she had to tell herself to quit being so mushy.

She checked her appearance one last time and decided that this was as good as it was going to get. She smoothed her skirt out and then stepped out of her room and into the living room.

…

Peter had been play-fighting with Noah on the couch but when he saw the boy's mother come in, he stopped instantly. He couldn't help staring at her. She looked absolutely amazing. Her white dress really brought out her warm, tanned skin and her face was glowing, framed by her long, dark locks that seemed to curl a little bit more than usual.

"Do you think my mom is pretty, Peter?" Noah asked innocently, and Peter blinked a few times while he saw Olivia's eyes go a little wide at her son's question.

The boy must have caught him staring and Peter saw no reason to deny it.

"Absolutely, Noah. She's very pretty. Don't you think so too?"

"Yeah. She looks nice. A bit old, but nice."

Peter couldn't help chuckling and quickly put a hand over his mouth to hide his grin, but it was too late. The damage had been done already.

"Hey!" Olivia said sharply and Peter watched the interaction between mother and son with great interest. "Watch who you're calling old, young man!"

He could see lights dancing in her eyes and Noah never batted an eye. The boy knew she was joking because he knew her well and that made Peter smile. Olivia walked up to the pair and Noah pretended to be afraid and ducked behind Peter's back, yelling,

"Protect me Peter!"

Olivia wasn't in any shape to wrestle her son and looked at Peter instead. When Peter shook his head slowly, grinning mischievously, Olivia knew she was on her own.

"Already choosing his side, are you," she said, making her voice low on purpose. "This will have consequences, Mr. Stone."

Noah peeked around Peter's broad back and giggled when Peter quickly pushed him out of sight again. Peter was still staring up at her and the warmth in his eyes made her heart pound a little harder.

"Can't wait," he told her softly, just soft enough that Noah hadn't heard him and Olivia bit her lip.

Peter looked great in his light grey slacks and white polo. She could see most of his arms and had to remind herself Peter used to have a career in sports before he became a lawyer. The muscles on the man were unbelievable. When Peter rose to his feet slowly she took a quick step back. Despite her heels, he was still taller than her and right now he was trying to look a little menacing, still shielding Noah from the wrath of his mother. Noah just giggled and stood behind the tall man, just out of reach of Olivia.

Lucy decided to intervene and get the little family out of their deadlock by asking Noah if he would help her with dinner, and Noah quickly ran over to her, avoiding his mother and ducking behind the kitchen counter before she could catch him.

They all laughed and after saying goodbye to Lucy and Noah, the pair was off to dinner.

Peter had a cab standing by and helped Olivia to get in. He wondered if her back still hurt. He knew she wasn't going to show it if it did but pain or no pain, she looked amazing. He was proud to be the one walking next to her into the Italian restaurant he had chosen and wondered if she noticed how many people were noticing her, men as well as women. She was all woman tonight, not a cop, and he couldn't stop looking at her after they had sat down at their table for two at the window. He tried to relax when the waiter came over with the menus but found himself glancing at her time and time again, just taking in how she was reading the menu, struggling a bit without her glasses, and how she was turning the pages. He wanted to get to know the person inside better but he couldn't help admiring the gorgeous, elegant package as well.

"Do you know the menu by heart?" Olivia asked without looking up, and he knew she was aware of him staring at her.

"I just decide quickly on what I want," Peter replied without missing a beat and that finally made her look up.

A smile slowly appeared on her face and she tilted her head slightly when she told him,

"I usually take a lot of time weighing my options."

"So I've noticed. But I assure you Liv, everything that's on the menu tonight will be worth your while."

Her smile widened and Peter felt his stomach clench when she lowered her voice again, asking him slowly,

"Is that so?"

He loved the way they were flirting between the lines. It had already started at her place and it made him very hopeful about the two of them. The waiter was suddenly back at their table and Peter saw Olivia smirk at him because he hadn't had a comeback. She had definitely won this round and he didn't mind at all.

They ordered some wine and both relaxed while they waited for the first course of their meal. They discussed a few details about the case against their shooter, which was kind of inevitable, but then moved to lighter topics easily. Olivia had to admit the food was exquisite and she had no complaints about the company either.

Peter asked about Noah and she told him about their day, and how he had begged her to go swimming. But she couldn't. Not yet, with her injury and the massive hematoma on her back.

"It's going to be hot for a while," Peter remarked.

"I know," Olivia sighed. "But I wouldn't feel comfortable letting him swim when I can't jump in after him."

Peter was silent for a few moments, chewing a bite of his perfect Chef's special pizza, and Olivia suddenly knew what he was going to say next. Her thoughts already drifted to his muscular form combined with swimming attire …

"I could take him," Peter offered. "I mean, both of you of course," he added quickly and Olivia blinked a few times to clear her head of her thoughts about his body. How could she say no to an offer like that?

"That would be … great actually," she admitted and from the shit-eating grin on his face she deduced that he knew perfectly well what she had been thinking. She focused on her meal again, a most delicious Fettuccine alla Bolognese, and was relieved when Peter said they could run it by Noah first, although they both knew the boy would be ecstatic, but the topic was put to rust for the time being.

By the time they were ready to order some dessert, they were both a little buzzed. They laughed a lot together and Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had felt this relaxed with someone other than her child.

"I've been wondering if you were an ice cream person, a cake person or a coffee person," Peter told her, gesturing at the dessert menu.

Olivia raised one eyebrow.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"There's no debate, Peter. None whatsoever."

He smiled and she was distracted by his dimples again.

"Surprise me anyway," he said and his voice sounded almost seductive.

Olivia's eyes dropped to his mouth automatically and she had to remind herself to answer the question. She quickly looked down at the menu again and placed her finger on it.

"Always," she said decisively.

Peter leaned forward to see what she'd chosen for dessert and smiled contently.

"Tiramisu."

"I know I'll be stuffed afterwards but I just can't resist it," Olivia admitted and Peter thought it was adorable.

"Then I think I'll join you," he announced and he looked around to catch their waiter's eye.

When the waiter came over to take their order, Olivia asked him,

"What does your chef put in the Tiramisu? Amaretto or rum?"

Peter listened with interest while Olivia and the waiter agreed that of course, Amaretto was the only option for a restaurant like this, and Olivia proceeded to order for both of them. When their dessert arrived, he watched Olivia take her first bite and when she closed her eyes to enjoy the flavor, he swallowed hard. Did she even know how incredibly sexy she was, he wondered. When she opened her eyes and looked at him, he quickly looked down at his dessert and took a bite as well.

Olivia smirked, even though Peter couldn't see it. He'd been staring at her on and off all night and she thought it was sweet. He was being a perfect gentleman but she could tell that his thoughts went in another direction sometimes. She couldn't help wondering what it would be like with him …

"This is good," she heard him say, and she quickly focused on her own dessert.

Once they had both finished and were absolutely stuffed as predicted, Peter asked Olivia if she was up for a stroll before they'd head on home.

"If you need to rest, I'll understand," he added quickly. "It's just such a lovely night."

Olivia had taken a painkiller earlier when she'd used the ladies room and assured him it was fine. It was a lovely evening indeed and she wasn't quite ready for it to end. The restaurant wasn't far from the East River, and soon they were strolling along the river. Peter slipped his hand around hers and she didn't stop him. It felt nice to walk hand in hand with him and the fresh air helped to clear her mind from the alcohol she'd consumed over the course of their meal. She wondered if this was the normal life other people had, who weren't in their line of business. And then she wondered if it would be possible to have such a life after all, regardless of their line of business. Peter made it seem so easy, slipping into civilian mode effortlessly as soon as he was off the clock. They had hardly talked shop all evening and she hadn't been bored for even a second.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Peter suddenly asked her and they stopped walking to admire the view of the Brooklyn Bridge.

"I wasn't really thinking anything. Just that this is nice," Olivia told him.

Peter took her other hand as well and squeezed her hands.

"It is. Very nice."

"It's almost like a dream, actually," she admitted and Peter looked at her more attentively.

"How so?"

"We're so … _normal_ out here."

Peter chuckled.

"Why wouldn't we be?"

Olivia looked down at their joined hands and admitted quietly,

"I guess I haven't had a lot of normal in my life."

Peter wondered what her previous dating life had been like but he didn't want to ask her about that. Not now, anyway. He didn't want to hear about her flings and her exes. This was their night and he wanted it to be special. Or rather, normal in Olivia's case. Because normal _was_ special for her. She wasn't looking for fancy parties and spectacular dates - just for some normalcy in an otherwise crazy life. He was beginning to get that, slowly but surely. The cases they handled were anything but normal, and fancy parties and spectacular dates could have horrible consequences. Olivia needed a break away from all the intensity and all the trauma when she wasn't working.

He pulled her closer to him by her hands gently, until she stepped forward and they stood chest to chest.

"Let me be the normal in your life," he said quietly and for some reason, Olivia believed that he could be exactly that.

Peter Stone was a solid man, not easily thrown, although he wasn't completely insensitive. Her heart had broken for him when he'd broken down in her arms, grieving the loss of his sister. But he was resilient, just like her and maybe they actually could be the normal in each other's life. A thought hit her then that made her smile, and she looked up at Peter, moving her face closer to his before telling him softly,

"Normal, yes. But not boring, alright?"

Peter let out a sound that was something between a hum and a growl before dipping down to kiss her. He brought one hand up to frame her face, tilting his head a little so he could kiss her more deeply. Olivia's stomach clenched and she kissed him back eagerly. This wasn't boring. Oh no, not at all. In fact, this was how it all got started between them. The physical attraction was undeniable and they both needed to catch their breath once they came up for air after a long, deep kiss that held a promise of more. Much more.

"Not boring?" Peter asked with a grin and Olivia grinned back at him.

"Not boring."

…

 **Hmmmm. Peter Stone in swim trunks. Interesting, right?  
Please review!**


	20. Water park

**Typing with one hand is exhausting and with two a little painful/uncomfortable but I finally did it: I finished a chapter!**

 **Note: the water park is a figment of my imagination. Any resemblance to an existing facility is purely coincidental. This wasn't supposed to be a filler chapter at all. Apologies in advance that the story doesn't really move forward very much. Enjoy anyway?**

...

 **20\. Water park**

 _Sunday, July 1, 2018_

After their date, Peter had dropped her off at her apartment, had given her a sweet kiss and had left, simply telling her he hoped to see her tomorrow. Olivia didn't know what she had expected and she didn't know if she should feel relieved or disappointed or maybe just … content? They had had a very nice first date and perhaps she should forget those heavy make-out sessions they'd had before officially starting to date. Her body wasn't up for gymnastics yet anyway, just a week after basically being hit in the back with a sledgehammer. She liked that Peter seemed intent on taking things slow for now. Or maybe he just didn't want her to start freaking out again. She hadn't forgotten that there was an important chapter of her life left to tell him about, and hopefully things wouldn't fall apart once she did.

For now, the prospect of going swimming with Peter was unnerving enough and she tried to focus on today. This was the lesson she had learned when a bullet meant for Peter had struck her vest instead. It could all be over in a heartbeat and she needed to learn to simply enjoy today. She was pretty sure that Noah would be excited to go swimming with Peter, so she was already counting on going but Olivia wasn't sure what to expect. The idea of seeing Peter stripped down to nothing but swim trunks was exciting, but it also made her a little nervous.

' _Just relax,'_ she told herself. ' _Enjoy the little things like you promised you would from now on.'_

Her son was still asleep, or at least she hadn't heard him move about yet or call out to her. Maybe the heat was getting to him a little. It wasn't 8 AM yet and the temperature was already over 80 outside. They were expecting another hot day and she had been debating what to wear to the swimming pool. She wasn't going to go in the water but wanted to be properly dressed anyway since it was only going to get hotter. She wondered if she'd be able to get into her swimsuit at all without straining her back too much and decided to just try it. She had a simple, black Nike sports suit that covered her entire front so none of her scars were visible. It didn't cover all of her back so without a shirt or blouse, the bruising there would be partially visible. After managing to get into the garment without causing herself too much pain, and going through her summer wardrobe twice, she finally settled on a loose-fitting white blouse with short rolled-up sleeves and a colorful sarong that she would wrap around her waist by way of a skirt. She would tie a knot in her blouse as well at the waist and a large straw hat would complete her outfit.

When she looked at herself in the mirror, she thought she looked nice enough. She slipped into her flip flops and grinned. They hadn't been appropriate for her date last night, but they would be for today. Was this another date? Or just hanging out with Noah?. Did it make a difference at this point?

Just then, Noah called out to her, letting her know that he was melting and absolutely needed an ice cream for breakfast to cool off. Olivia chuckled and headed over to her son. She was ready to start the day and found herself actually looking forward to it.

…

Peter had all but counted on a day at the pool with the Bensons but he had still felt relieved when Olivia called. He was now parked outside their building, waiting for them to come down. It was 10.30 am and he was glad his car had air conditioning. The temperatures were already nearing the nineties and he was looking forward to jumping in the water. He felt sorry for Olivia that she wouldn't be able to join him. Maybe he and Noah would be able to convince her to at least sit in the wading pool for a while. Still, aside from spending time with Olivia again, Peter found himself looking forward to having some fun times with Noah too. He really liked the kid and couldn't think of a better way to unwind and enjoy the warm weather than with him and his mother.

Peter grinned when he saw Noah come out of the building, carrying the heaviest bag for his mom. Olivia was only carrying a purse and waved at him. Peter quickly exited the car to help both of them in and Olivia mumbled a soft 'thanks' after he helped her lower herself gingerly in the passenger seat.

"You okay back there, buddy?" he asked Noah but the boy had already climbed in his seat and had strapped himself in.

"Yeah, I'm fine Peter. Let's go!"

The adults chuckled and Peter rounded the car quickly to get behind the wheel again.

Olivia had to tell herself not to stare at the man, who was dressed in blue shorts, a white t-shirt and white sneakers. His bare knees were highly distracting and she forced herself to look out the window on their twenty-minute drive to the water park. Once they arrived, Peter first made sure that Olivia could get comfortable on a sunbed near the wading pool before helping her lather Noah with sunscreen and blow up his water wings. Although she was used to doing everything on her own, Olivia knew she wasn't back to full strength yet physically and she appreciated the help and Peter's thoughtfulness. Once Noah was ready though, he was unstoppable and both of her companions dashed off to the water. Olivia barely had time to register Peter whipping off his t-shirt and kicking his sneakers off and chuckled. Despite the age difference, Peter was a perfect play mate for Noah. She smiled and leaned back, enjoying the sunbed and parasol Peter had arranged for her. She lost track of the 'boys' rather quickly in the crowded pool and closed her eyes contently. Noah would have a blast and she trusted Peter implicitly to keep him safe.

…

"Liv? Is that you?"

Olivia heard the question but wasn't really awake yet. She opened her eyes slowly and then squeezed them shut again quickly. The sun was too bright, even in the shade.

"Hey, sorry to wake you," the voice said and she finally recognized it as Amanda's voice.

She managed to open her eyes and tried to sit up, but Amanda told her it was fine.

"Just relax, I know your back is still killing you. I'm just surprised to see you here. Where's Noah?"

Amanda sat down sideways on Peter's sunbed and held Jessie between her knees. Jessie was looking at 'aunt' Olivia shyly like she usually did at first and Olivia forced a smile while her brain kicked into gear. Amanda was here. She was going to find out soon that she and Noah were here with Peter …

"He's uh … somewhere," Olivia replied, making a vague gesture with her arm and looking at all the people playing in the pool.

"He's out there alone?" Amanda asked, not hiding her astonishment very well.

"No, of course not," Olivia sighed. "We're here with a friend."

"Well, that's great. It's such a lovely day to be out here," Amanda chatted happily. "Jessie and me are meeting one of her classmates with her mother, aren't we baby? And Noah's here too. You're going to have so much fun."

The Detective cuddled her daughter, who giggled and then asked her mother,

"Can we go swim now?"

"Sure baby. Just as soon as we find Zoey and her mom."

Amanda stood up and smiled at her Lieutenant.

"We're going to find a spot too but maybe we can all meet up later?"

"Yeah. Sure. Maybe we can," Olivia said quickly and she felt slightly relieved that Amanda was moving on before the boys came back. It was a huge water park and maybe they wouldn't even run into each other again. Was she embarrassed to be here with Peter?

It was almost 1 pm already and Olivia realized that she had slept for at least an hour. She sat up and looked out over the water, hoping to spot her son. She couldn't see all the different pools from where she was sitting and wondered if Peter had taken Noah to the deep pool. Just then, she saw Peter come out of the water, holding Noah's hand as they emerged at the shallow end of the wading pool. They were laughing and talking, unaware that she was watching them and Olivia seized the opportunity to check Peter out. He was tall and muscular with not an ounce too much fat on his body, and she bit her lip when she saw the muscles in his thighs work as he walked the final steps in the pool and then stepped on the edge. He helped Noah make that final step as well, and as soon as they were out of the water, Noah let go of his hand started running towards her.

"Mom! Mommy! I can swim! I can swim!" he shouted excitedly.

Peter followed Noah a little slower with a grin on his face and Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Peter let you swim without your wings?" she asked her son, who stood next to her now, grinning widely.

"Yeah! I swam in the deep pool!"

Olivia looked at Peter again but before she could say anything he assured her,

"He's a natural. I never let him out of my sight Liv. He was never more than 2 feet away from me."

Peter sat down on the sunbed next to hers and grabbed his towel to wipe his face and neck, and then smiled at Olivia. She looked like she'd been sleeping and he was glad. Her body needed all the rest it could get to heal. Noah plopped down on the sunbed next to him and mimicked his actions, wiping his face and neck with his Captain America towel and then smiling at his mother. Peter saw Olivia register how Noah was trying to emulate him and he hoped she wouldn't mind. She didn't comment and just told Noah that it was wonderful that he had been swimming on his own, and that she was really proud of him.

Peter helped Noah get off his wings again and then asked both Bensons if they were up for a bite to eat. Noah was all in, having worked up an appetite swimming, and Olivia agreed to go to the park's restaurant with them for some lunch. Their sunbeds were paid for so they wouldn't lose their spot and they left their towels behind. Noah and Peter did put on a t-shirt but kept their swim trunks on. When Peter helped Olivia up, he wrapped his arm around her hip and pulled her close to him for a moment.

"You okay?" he asked her softly and she nodded.

"Just a bit warm."

They talked softly as they walked, Noah skipping happily in front of them.

"You should come with us after lunch then, to cool off."

"I can't swim properly at the moment, you know that."

"I'll hold you," Peter said with a warm smile and Olivia felt her face flush.

It was appealing to think about his muscular arms around her and his naked chest against her but she wasn't sure if her injured body was up for it.

"Or we could just sit in the shallow water," Peter added and she thought he was making a very good case for the idea. She did feel very warm and would love to be able to cool off a little.

When they arrived at the restaurant their focus shifted to lunch and they enjoyed a very nice meal with extra iced drinks. Once they returned to their sunbeds, Noah joined in to convince Olivia to go into the water with them.

"Just for a little while, mom," Noah pleaded. "You _have_ to see me swim."

They finally agreed that Olivia would walk with them to the deep pool to see Noah swim, and then she would sit in the wading pool for a bit and watch him play with other children.

"But you have to be careful with your mom, you know that, right?" Peter reminded the boy.

"I know," Noah nodded and when Olivia saw the serious look in her son's eyes, she regretted again that she'd shown him her back at all.

…

The cool water was heavenly. Olivia was sitting in the shallow water in just her swimsuit, and the water just reached her belly button. It had taken Peter some convincing that her bruises really didn't stand out but she had finally given in and taken off her blouse as well as her sarong. She bit her lip when, after helping her sit down, Peter sat behind her, his legs stretched out on either side of hers, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. He wasn't just shielding her bruises from view but he was making it crystal clear to everyone who would look at them, that they were more than just friends. She and Peter splashed some water on her arms and it felt great to cool off. When he kissed her shoulder, she felt torn. Part of her wanted to turn her head and kiss him, while another part of her remembered that Amanda was here somewhere too. What if she saw them together? Were they ready to disclose yet that they were dating?

Olivia looked at her son, who was splashing in the water happily, talking to the other children and just having fun. He had the right idea. Hadn't she just decided that life was too short and fragile to second-guess everything and to live for today? Today was a good day and she wanted to enjoy it. To create a good memory for her son and for herself. She'd had too few days like these as a child and she wanted Noah to have a joyful life with happy childhood memories. And maybe she was allowed to create some happy memories for herself now as well.

She leaned back against Peter's chest and closed her eyes briefly at the sensation of his skin against hers. He kissed her shoulder again and this time, she turned her head. Peter smiled at her and read her intention. He moved with her and captured her lips with his own without any hesitation. Her eyes slipped closed again and she kissed him back, relaxing against him, trusting that he wouldn't let her lose her balance. Peter tightened his grip on her a little and moaned softly, then released her lips reluctantly. Olivia rested her head against his shoulder and smiled lazily. She could tell that he wanted more but this was hardly the place. She felt good though. Light and happy. Desirable even, because this young, handsome man only had eyes for her in a water park packed with beautiful, scantily clad younger women. He wasn't just interested in the package. He was actually interested in _her_. And that gave her hope, perhaps for the very first time, that she would be able to get over her scars with a new man. With this man, who was so easily creating a space for himself in their lives.

They sat together contently for a while, until Olivia noticed that Noah's shoulders were beginning to get a little red. They all returned to their sunbeds and Peter made sure Noah's skin was dried off and covered with a fresh layer of sunscreen while Olivia dried off and started putting sunscreen on her own skin. She had put her blouse back on but wanted her legs to catch some sun, but she had difficulty reaching below the knees because of the pain in her back.

Peter saw her struggle a bit and held out his hand, gesturing at her bottle of sunscreen.

"Need a hand?" he asked her when she looked up at him.

"Please."

Peter rubbed some lotion between his hands and then started rubbing it on her skin gently, starting at the knees and working his way down her calves slowly, like a massage. He watched Olivia's face for a reaction and saw her going from surprised to checking on Noah, who was now digging through their bag looking for a snack, to finally relaxing and even enjoying his touch. And he was definitely enjoying touching her.

Olivia was leaning back against the sunbed and was staring at him, taking in his arms and hands and the way he was covering her skin with the white lotion and rubbing it in until it was invisible. Peter even rubbed some lotion on her toes and made her laugh out loud when he wiggled one of them. His warm grin made her feel good inside and his hands on her skin made her feel tingly all over. She held her breath when Peter leaned forward and dropped a sweet kiss on her knees and wanted to reach for his shoulder when suddenly someone appeared behind Peter and gasped. It was Amanda.

Peter saw Olivia's shocked expression and looked behind him to see what, or rather who, had her so rattled.

"Counselor," the blonde stammered, letting go of her daughter when the girl spotted Noah on the next sunbed.

Peter blew out a slow breath and stood up to greet his co-worker.

"Detective. Fancy meeting you here."

…

 **Dun dun :D**


	21. From the mouths of children

**Now that we know Peter Stone will not be in the next season of SVU, I am more motivated than ever to finish this story. I hope you will like my take on how things will unfold - I for one am going to pretend that this will be what happens :)**

 **Note: I have to admit I don't think I've ever heard Jessie speak but since kids on TV/SVU grow at superhuman speed, I am going to pretend like she can speak in whole sentences by now. Here we go.**

...

 **21\. From the mouths of children**

" _Detective. Fancy meeting you here."_

Peter had no idea how Olivia felt about this sudden confrontation with a coworker. The Detective must have registered that he and the Lieutenant were more than a little friendly with each other so there was no point in denying that they were dating. Not that he was embarrassed about that in the least, but he wasn't sure if Olivia was ready for their tentative involvement to become more widely known. He looked between both women, trying to gauge the mood, but all the adults seemed a little lost for words.

Not the children though, and Jessie's small voice made all of them pay attention.

"Is that your daddy?"

Peter swallowed and glanced at Olivia again. They all knew Jessie could only mean one person. Olivia didn't really know what to say or where to look and for some reason, the conversation the two children were having, sitting side by side on the sunbed facing the three adults, was the focus of everyone's attention.

Noah shook his head.

"I don't have a daddy. That's Peter."

"Me either," Jessie said, looking down at her flip flops. "Maybe Peter can be our daddy."

Noah looked up at Peter, his head slightly tilted. He seemed to be looking at Peter through new eyes en the ADA felt himself getting a little nervous. For some reason, Noah's reaction to Jessie's remark mattered to him. A lot.

"Did your daddy die too?" the boy asked the girl, although his eyes remained fixed on Peter.

"No. He went far away. But he can still come back, right mommy?" Jessie asked her mother, and her young face was suddenly full of hope.

Things became even more awkward for a moment if that was even possible, and Amanda smiled nervously at her daughter.

"Yes baby, that's right."

"So if you _really_ don't have a daddy anymore, I think you should have him," Jessie decided and it was clear that she was done with the subject of daddies for the moment when she nudged Noah and pointed at a bag of candy in their bag.

Noah nodded but he was clearly still thinking about what Jessie had said. Olivia could see the wheels turning inside his head and she bit her lip. She looked up at Amanda, who made a gesture of apology with her hands.

"I'm kinda surprised," she admitted, finally addressing the situation, "but maybe the kids got the right idea. Who knows?"

"Maybe they do," Peter chimed in with a half-smile. He winked at Noah and Olivia felt herself getting even warmer than before. She longed to be in the pool again just to cool off.

"We're eh … well … we just wanna see where this could go. I mean …" she stammered.

What did she mean? Was she embarrassed to be seen with Peter? Definitely not. If anything, she was proud that he was with her and not some young flirty girl. They weren't just flirting, he was serious about her. This wasn't just some temporary fun. And that was precisely what had always scared her so much. But it was going to be different this time. She wanted it to be different so that maybe she could finally find something that would last. Her son's opinion of Peter was actually very important to her because the impact on his life would be huge as well. She took another breath and then finished her sentence, no longer stammering.

"I mean, it's not a secret but it's not common knowledge yet either. We're just enjoying spending time together. A lot."

She smiled up at Peter and reached for his hand. Peter felt his heart soar. He knew this had to be a big step for Olivia and he took her hand in his and squeezed it.

Amanda smiled and told her,

"Well, I'm happy for you Liv. I thought something was up with you lately but I had no idea …"

She looked at Peter again, taking him in and Olivia could tell that she appreciated the view. Peter did look amazingly handsome and well-trained in just his swim trunks. Amanda shook her head and blew out a breath, then winked at Olivia. Yep. He was quite a catch.

"Do you think this would change anything at work though?" the blonde asked them. "Stone, can you still work for our unit while dating the unit boss?"

"We'll have to check but we haven't really disclosed to our own bosses yet," Peter replied.

"I get it. It's all still pretty fresh and I won't tell anyone until you're ready but still … nice going guys!"

Both Olivia and Peter chuckled and Amanda grinned.

"You're a couple of dorks you know. Just be happy. Who cares what anyone else thinks anyway. As long as Noah's on board, you don't need anyone's approval."

And that really was the bottom line.

Amanda changed the subject then and asked if she and Jessie could take Noah for a swim in the shallow pool for a little while. It would mean they'd have some time alone together and Olivia was grateful. If anyone got how difficult it was for her to really open up to a man, it was Amanda. And Peter, of course. Somehow, he understood as well and he was incredibly patient with her.

Once Noah had dashed off with Jessie, followed a little slower by Amanda, Peter sat down on the sunbed that the children had vacated and looked at her. She smiled hesitantly at him and gathered all the courage she could muster before speaking again. She wanted to get it right this time and when she saw the hope in Peter's eyes, she knew that she had never wanted to get it right as badly as this time. She had cared for other men but none of them had ever been able to pull her in like Peter did.

He got her. He was like her. Granted, he was much more detached when it came to their cases, but in matters of the heart it was reassuring to know he was just like her. He would never pressure her and if she pulled back, he wouldn't freak out right away. He knew what it was like to want to hide. And knowing that he knew, made her want to stop hiding once and for all.

"Well, how about that?" she finally asked him with a smile, pushing the door wide open for him on purpose. For him, and for herself.

"Yeah," Peter agreed, bobbing his head while leaning his elbows on his knees. "She's right you know."

"I know," Olivia agreed. "Nothing and nobody matters, just us and Noah."

"Did you see the look in his eyes?" Peter asked her, and he didn't have to explain which look he meant at which point in the kids' conversation. They had both seen it.

"I think he's considering it," Olivia said.

"I'd be honored," Peter responded, and she knew he meant it.

As hard as it was to share her heart with anyone, she had thought it would be just as hard to share her son. But it didn't really feel like sharing with Peter. The man was adding so much to Noah's life already and it made her happy, for Noah as well as herself, and even for Peter.

Peter suddenly grinned and Olivia tilted her head.

"What?"

"So, it's not a secret?"

Olivia bit her lip but couldn't suppress a grin of her own.

"What was I supposed to say? That you're my secret toyboy and nobody can know?"

It was Peter's turn to bite his lip and he squinted at her.

"Toyboy huh? Is that really what you think of me?"

He was clearly teasing her but she couldn't help blushing anyway.

"Because if you are …"

He stood up and then leaned forward, hovering over her while placing his hands on either side of her head on the sunbed. His voice sounded dark and husky when he continued,

"I think there has been way too little toying going on so far."

Olivia glanced around but Peter shook his head.

"No no. We've just established that nobody matters but us, Lieutenant," he told her softly, and Olivia shivered involuntarily despite the heat. She knew there was no escape now, Peter had her caged in. And if she was really honest with herself, she didn't want to escape. She reached up and placed her palm against Peter's pec, something she had wanted to do for a while. His skin was warm and his smile was even warmer when he dipped down further to close the remaining distance between them.

Olivia's eyes slipped closed when he kissed her, ever so gently but with a clear promise of more. She kissed him back softly and put her other hand against his chest lightly as well; not to push him away but just to touch more of him. Peter seemed to get the message. He moved his weight to his left arm and then let his right hand drift down the left side of her body until he hit the skin of her thigh. Olivia's hands found his nipples and she couldn't resist rubbing her thumbs across them while deepening their kiss.

Peter groaned, feeling his entire body respond to Olivia's touch and the feeling of her warm skin underneath his hand. He caressed the outside of her thigh and wished he could touch more of her. There was no way they were going to take things any further in public but it wasn't easy to break off their kiss.

Olivia looked up at him, her face flushed and her eyes sparkling and she finally dropped her hands away from his skin. They just looked into each others' eyes for a few long moments, conveying to each other that this wasn't the place, but if they had been alone, they might have taken things further. He wondered about her back and how careful he'd have to be exactly. Maybe she'd be alright if she was on top …

He blew out a slow breath and finally stood up, needing some distance between them before he'd embarrass himself. Olivia smiled at him knowingly and her eyes dropped to his swim trunks briefly before meeting his again. No reason to deny anything, he thought, and so he crouched next to her sunbed and admitted softly,

"Yeah, you do that to me, Liv."

Olivia bit her lip and then reached up to touch his cheek.

"Sorry?" she said, phrasing her apology like a question but he shook his head.

"Don't be. Take it as a compliment."

He leaned forward to kiss her once more and Olivia smiled against his lips.

"Thank you," she whispered before kissing him back softly one last time.

…

Peter had moved his sunbed closer to hers before laying down on it, but for now, they were holding off on the touching. It was nice to relax together, but she couldn't keep her mind from wandering regularly. There was no doubt in her mind that they were physically compatible. Most people were physically compatible, that usually wasn't the issue at all. No, the amazing thing about Peter was, that despite the age gap, she actually believed their hearts might be compatible. And that was really the most important thing of all, wasn't it? She did wonder a little about possible repercussions with regards to their jobs, but even that didn't freak her out. With David, their jobs had been a deal breaker, but with Peter she trusted that they would find their way.

There was that word again. Trust. It didn't come naturally to her but when she glanced next to her and saw the man who was relaxing in the shade by her side, she realized that she was finally learning to trust. She had told herself she was allowed to enjoy today but she found herself actually starting to believe in tomorrow as well.

As expected, the quiet was soon interrupted by the children, who came running towards them and both shook out their hair so cool droplets of water sprayed all over Olivia and Peter.

"Hey hey hey," Peter yelled, shooting up into a sitting position and going for a stern voice, but Noah wasn't impressed at all.

Jessie giggled too and when Amanda joined them, all five of them were laughing. Noah crawled on the sunbed with Peter, who wrapped his towel around the boy. Noah almost disappeared in the huge blue and grey towel completely and shrieked with laughter when Peter started tickling him. Olivia exchanged a look with Amanda, who made a thumbs up gesture and nodded at her with a smile. She was right. Hadn't she thought from the beginning that Peter was father material? He really was and seeing Amanda notice it too, almost made her tear up. It all seemed too good to be true, but she wasn't going to allow that thought to ruin her day. Maybe it really was her time now, to enjoy her life with her son and with the people she cared about. Peter hadn't made her any unrealistic promises, and that in itself made her want to find out what they could be together. He was primarily interested in _her_ , not in her appearance or her job or anything else. How could she not give it a chance?

They spent some more time with Noah at the waterpark, and Olivia took a few pictures with her phone of Noah and Peter coming down several of the slides. Noah insisted on taking a picture of his mother and Peter together as well, and then Peter took several of her and Noah, and made her promise to send them to his phone. A lifeguard offered to take a few pictures of the three of them and when Olivia looked at all the pictures later, as Peter and Noah were packing up their things after dinner, it struck her how happy she looked in the pictures.

...

Back at the apartment, after they had put an almost sleeping Noah to bed, Olivia showed Peter the pictures. Peter sat down to Olivia's right on her couch and put his left arm around her carefully, making sure not to touch the bruised side of her lower back.

"It was a great day," Olivia said quietly as she flipped through the pictures.

"Noah had fun," Peter agreed. "And so did I."

"You're really great with him."

She looked at him then and their eyes locked over her shoulder.

"Like … a father?" Peter asked hesitantly, and he tried to ignore the nervous tremor in his stomach.

"That's … as good a description as any I guess," Olivia acknowledged and Peter couldn't suppress a grin once again. His cheeks were beginning to hurt from grinning at her and Noah all day long.

"So you're thinking of keeping me around?" he asked her hopefully, hoping he wasn't being too forward.

But Olivia just smiled and looked down at her phone again. She did look so happy in those pictures. They all did. She'd be a fool not to keep him around. She bobbed her head and felt Peter's left hand move up her back gingerly until he was cupping her left shoulder.

"Yeah?" he asked her, making sure that she was actually nodding as a reply to his question.

She looked into his eyes again and finally told him,

"Yeah."

It was quiet in the apartment for several minutes after that, the only sound that was heard being that of two people breathing through their noses because their mouths were otherwise occupied. Peter was finding it harder and harder to keep his hands to himself but he didn't want to give Olivia the impression that he wanted more of her than she was able to give him, given her injury. And since she got injured because of him, he was very much aware of it and of her needs.

Olivia on the other hand, finally gave in to the urge to explore Peter's muscular form some more, caressing his bare arm and feeling the muscles in his back move as he turned into her further, wrapping his right hand around her hip bone. When she felt his right hand move up from her hip, she remembered the last time they'd been here. Things had gone badly then. This time, she wasn't panicking and she wasn't having a flashback, but she knew that she would have to tell Peter about her trauma before they could ever take things further. He needed to know before deciding if he really wanted to be with her, issues and all, and before seeing her body. It was tempting to want to savor the memory of the perfect day they'd had but she felt like there was no way around it now. They were heading for the point of no return.

When Olivia pulled away slightly, ending their deep kiss gently, Peter also thought back to the last time they'd been making out on her couch. Olivia didn't seem rattled now but when he looked into her eyes, he knew there was something on her mind. Maybe she was thinking of that last time as well. He knew this time was different when she said with a trembling voice,

"I need to tell you something."

…

 **Reviews are life. More soon.**


	22. Telling Peter

**So I wanted Olivia to share her trauma with Peter but at the same time, not give Lewis a big stage. Let me know if this works for you guys!**

 **I am adding a trigger warning because rape is discussed.**

...

 **22\. Telling Peter**

" _I need to tell you something."_

…

Peter had known that it was important, but nothing could have prepared him for what Olivia was telling him now. It wasn't a rehearsed speech and she seemed to force herself to keep going, disclosing small bits and pieces at a time of what had happened to her several years ago. When she had started to talk, telling him that he needed to know what had happened to her before they could move forward in their relationship, he had knelt down in front of her instinctively. He'd done the same with Pam so many times, to give her his full attention and also to make himself smaller, non-threatening. He was still sitting on his knees, looking up at the bravest, strongest and most resilient person he had ever met. She was trembling but she was still talking.

She was presenting facts to him as if it was about a random case. She wasn't going into detail too much but the picture she was painting, was horribly clear to him. It wasn't just a random case. She had been caught in the middle of it.

He reached for her hands, that were on her thighs, and when she allowed him to wrap his fingers around them, he felt that they were clammy. It was still warm in the apartment despite the breeze that was coming in through the open window, but he knew this had nothing to do with the weather. He squeezed her hands, reminding her that he was still there. He wasn't bolting for the door like she might have expected, and he tried to stay focused on Olivia and on her needs instead of letting anger overtake him about what she'd been forced to endure. In her very first sentence, she had already made sure he wouldn't make plans to try and find the monster that had assaulted her. " _There was this man … he's dead now …"_

Even while she was fighting not to relive too much of her own trauma, she had thought of him and of what she was going to tell him would do to him. It was in her nature but she had to remember, it was in his nature too. They were both givers as well as protectors.

It had taken a lot of willpower for him not to interrupt her and express his deep hatred for this vile being that had hurt her so badly. Instead, he chewed the inside of his cheeks until they were raw and kept rubbing the backs of her hands gently with his thumbs.

So far, she had given him the man's criminal profile, all the crimes he'd previously gotten away with as well as a general outline of four days of her life that must have been hell on earth. She hadn't been his only victim but Peter gathered that throughout those four days, she _had_ been his only target. Forcing Olivia to watch how he hurt, raped and killed others was the deepest torture imaginable for her, and her tormentor had known that. She would rather have endured it herself than to watch others suffer. It was who she was and it was a miracle that she was still standing. Shaking, but still here, after all that. And she had saved herself.

But it had gotten even worse.

"He knew we had him and then he went for the ultimate humiliation. He wanted to plead guilty to multiple counts of rape and sodomy on me … and allocute in open court."

Olivia took a deep, shuddering breath then and pulled her hands from Peter's grasp to wipe her face. Peter was still trying to put all of the pieces together and didn't really understand what Olivia was saying. He got that it would be humiliating for Olivia that others would know all kinds of details, but something told him they had refused the plea deal. Olivia was still covering her face with her hands when he heard her whisper,

"That never happened."

Peter stopped breathing for a few moments. What was this? Denial? She'd been with a torturing, murdering rapist for four days and she'd been heavily drugged the entire time. But then he closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. He had to shake off the prosecutor in him for now. This was about here and now, about Olivia. About the woman he was in love with. Not about a dead man.

When he looked up at Olivia again, she was studying his face. Her eyes were wide and he could see the horror of her memories reflected in them, but she wasn't drowning in them completely. She was focused on him.

"It didn't," she emphasized. "He was going to, at the very end but … it never happened. Not even while I was passed out. I know this, because he needs the struggle. He gets off on the fight. When you stop fighting him, he can't … do it."

Peter nodded and reached for her hands again. He was relieved that she let him take them in his hands again. He asked her very gently,

"How do you know?"

His stomach dropped, as it had done a few times before, when she started telling him about the second chapter in this horror story. They had gotten the creep convicted but it wouldn't be a proper horror movie if he hadn't escaped and targeted Olivia again. Olivia's voice became stronger when she talked about the girl. Amelia. The girl Lewis had taken to lure her out. She was the focus of everything and Olivia had given herself up freely to her tormentor to save a young girl who had just witnessed Lewis murder her mother and rape her older sister before being kidnapped. Amelia was still the focus of her story when Olivia casually informed him that, given a choice, she had told Lewis to rape her first, not the girl.

Peter bit his cheek again and knew he'd drawn blood this time.

"I stopped resisting and that's when he suddenly lost interest," she told him flatly. "I think he can't keep it up when someone doesn't fight back. Same with the burns. He only burns you when you're awake. He needs to hear you scream or it's no fun."

"My God Liv," he finally sighed.

He'd let her speak for the most part but thinking of her, offering herself up to a madman like that, made him sick. She hadn't know he would't be able to perform. She had been ready to be raped for just a few more minutes of time for her squad to find the girl. Not her. The girl. Who might have been raped right after her anyway.

"I will understand if this is too much for you to handle," Olivia told him quietly and that ignited a spark in him that he couldn't keep inside.

He jumped up and took a few large steps away from her before turning around to look at her. She looked incredibly small and vulnerable to him now, sitting in the middle of the couch with her eyes closed. She opened them when he spoke, and he stammered a bit while trying to come up with the right things to say.

"Do you … do you really think that … that I'd … dammit, I _love_ you, Liv! _All_ of you. The whole package! Do you think that … that finding out how you became who you are today would ever change that?!"

He was almost shouting at her but his emotions were finally coming out and they were intense. Everything he learned about her, only made him love and admire her more. She had to start believing that.

Olivia blinked slowly and he couldn't tell if she was hearing him at all, or understanding what he was saying.

"He made me play Russian roulette with him then. And I played along."

Now Peter really felt sick.

"Stupid huh?" she commented dryly and it snapped him out of his own thoughts.

He rushed back towards her and sank down in front of her again, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"You won, right?" he asked her.

Olivia shook her head and looked in the distance, her eyes sad and hollow.

"No."

"No?"

"No. I lost."

Peter felt cold shivers shoot up his spine. How could she have lost, unless …

"Did he kill the girl?" he asked Olivia.

She finally looked at him again and shook her head again.

"No. We saved her. He used the final bullet … the one that had been meant for me … to kill himself just before my team came in. Made it look like I had executed him at point blank range."

Now the inside of his other cheek was bleeding as well. As a lawyer, he knew what had happened then. No time for Olivia to deal with her trauma. She'd be reviewed by IAB. Interrogated by her own people and burdened with having to defend herself against Lewis even after his death.

"But you were exonerated."

"Yes."

"And you've been promoted since."

"Yes."

"How …"

Olivia smiled then, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Ya think they wouldn't trust a victim to run an SVU squad, right?"

"That's not what I meant," Peter told her quickly. "I'm just amazed … I mean … look at you. You're … strong and warm and caring … you're a great mother and …"

He was tripping over himself to explain to her that his "how" hadn't been about her career but rather about how she was still such an exceptionally strong person. Anyone would have understood if the cases they dealt with would be too triggering for her but she was still going at it, and clearly had no intention to stop anytime soon.

"I still get flashbacks," Olivia said.

It was all just coming out now and she didn't even question it. She felt extremely empty inside and it was actually a welcome change to the terror that would fill her when reliving parts of her trauma. She was registering that Peter wasn't shying away from her but that was about it. She had tried to keep focusing on him, on his kind eyes, but somewhere along the line she had turned inward and had just opened the floodgates.

There were things she would never tell a soul, not even in her sleep, and she wasn't worried that those things would flush out now. But it felt good to just let everything out and stop using up so much energy to try and contain it, even if she felt utterly drained afterwards.

"Will this ... you telling me all this, trigger a flashback?" she heard Peter ask, and she tried to focus her attention on his voice while her eyes found his.

"Probably."

Peter bowed his head and Olivia didn't know what to think when he kissed her hands before looking up at her again.

"Let me stay with you tonight."

"What?"

She was too tired to wonder if he was implying anything with his words and simply tried to understand his request.

"So you won't be alone if you have a flashback. That's all. I just … want to hold you. If that's okay with you."

"I'm so tired," Olivia admitted, surprising both of them.

Peter stood up, not letting go of her hands, and gently pulled until she stood up as well. She felt stiff as a board. All her muscles must have tightened while she was telling Peter about Lewis. Peter stood in front of her and let his hands slip around her shoulders, nudging her until she sank against him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

She wasn't really thinking anything but felt herself begin to relax. It felt good to be held right now and she felt safe in Peter's arms. She wasn't really processing that she had actually told him everything. She was too tired to process anything other than that feeling of complete safety.

Peter felt Olivia relax against him and was blinking back tears. It would take a while before he'd be able to process everything she'd told him and he wanted to cry for her, for what she'd gone through and had overcome, and he wanted to cry from relief that she was still here and that he was able to hold her at all. He was barely able to contain a sob when he heard her whisper against his chest,

"Stay."

...

 **To be continued.**


	23. Smiles

**Dear all, I know it's been way too long but here is chapter 23! I hadn't intended for this scene to be this long so I hope you will forgive me for cutting it off where I did. Sometimes these characters and their interactions just take on a life of their own ... I will try to get the next one out a little quicker. Meanwhile, do let me know what you think!**

...

 **23\. Smiles**

Olivia didn't quite know what to feel.

Peter had held her for a long time, and when he had finally released her, she'd seen a sea of emotions in his eyes. Had she done the right thing, telling him the whole story? She had warned him not to start treating her differently and he had promised her he wouldn't.

"I'm going to be watching," she had told him as sternly as she could manage, and Peter had laughed then.

"I hadn't expect anything less from you, Lieutenant."

The way he used her rank meant a lot to her, not because she wanted to be addressed as Lieutenant by him, but because it signified his respect for her. And she needed that. She needed to be taken seriously, no matter what had happened to her in the past.

Peter had suggested they both take a shower, and had encouraged her to go first. She appreciated the break from the heavy emotions between them, and it would be good to finally be out of their swimwear. Her stiff body welcomed the warm water on her muscles despite the heat that still lingered in her apartment. As she washed herself slowly, her mind began replaying everything she had just told Peter. She felt her heart starting to beat faster, as she had expected. It was all out there now and the images floating around in her head were trying to knock her off kilter. She found herself rubbing her scars harder, as if she could wash them off, and dropped her sponge with a sigh. She leaned her hands against the wall of the shower, bowing her head, and just let the water cascade down her body until she could calm down again.

What was Peter thinking right now? Had it sank in yet that he was dating a victim? A traumatized woman who might shrink back when he attempted to touch her? She sighed again and turned the faucet a little so the water would cool off. There was too much steam in the bathroom for her to breathe normally anymore.

To his credit, the man was still here, she thought. And after the shooting, she had vowed to start enjoying small moments, days of joy. Days like this one, which had been absolutely perfect until now. She could only hope Peter wouldn't start treating her as a patient now. But when he'd held her earlier, she had felt incredibly safe. It was a new feeling. Something no man had ever made her feel, with the possible exception of Elliot. But her married partner had never been hers to hold; it had been very different. The man in her apartment wanted to be with her in every way. He had offered to spend the night. Not because he wanted to have his way with her - which wasn't really an option given her cracked ribs - but because he didn't want her to be alone.

She shouldn't be surprised that a caring, responsible man like Peter would make such an offer; she just had to get used to being the one receiving the offer. Offering help to others, that she was good at. Receiving help, not so much.

...

Peter wondered what Olivia was thinking right now, holed up in her shower. He had wanted to ask her to leave the door unlocked in case she needed him, but had decided against it. Olivia valued her independence and while she had allowed him to take care of her up to a point since being injured, this wasn't the best time to push her. And being alone gave him the opportunity to make some sense of everything that Olivia had shared with him tonight. He rummaged through her kitchen, looking for something to drink, to take the edge off. He could only find a few bottles of red wine and opened one. He found two wine glasses and set them on the breakfast bar. He wanted to help Olivia relax but he could use some help in that department too.

He would never understand a person's need to hurt others. Ever.

 _He only burns you when you're awake. He needs to hear you scream or it's no fun._

It was sickening. And he knew now that the creep must have burned Olivia too. She hadn't told him in so many words, but it was obvious between the lines. She'd spelled out his MO and left it up to him to fill in the huge blanks she'd left open in her account of those four days.

He had never noticed any burn marks on her and he couldn't help wondering where they were exactly. Maybe they were a reason for Olivia to hold off on physical intimacy. He wondered if she'd ever been with a man again after her ordeal.

Peter poured himself half a glass of wine and drank it, then filled both their glasses. He needed a little extra or he might not be able to contain his anger at what had been done to Olivia. He needed to focus on the present, on the here and now, and just see what she needed.

 _Stay._

She had never been more vulnerable than in that moment. That one little word had been her admission that she didn't want to be alone. Not tonight. And he was going to be here for her, for as long as she needed him.

…

When Olivia emerged from the bathroom, dressed in white cotton shorts and an oversized yellow t-shirt, she spotted the glasses of wine right away. She looked at Peter with one eyebrow raised and he smiled shyly at her from behind the breakfast bar.

"Hope you don't mind. I thought we could use something to help us relax."

"Sounds like a plan," she told him, walking up to him to take her glass. "You wanna hit the shower too?"

Peter nodded and smiled shyly, and Olivia tilted her head.

"What?"

"It just occurred to me that I only packed a change of underwear for the day."

Olivia bit her lip but couldn't suppress her smile entirely.

"I can see if I have something in your size," she offered, "but it's going to be a hot night."

Peter stared at her for a few moments and Olivia felt herself begin to blush. Had she really just told him he could sleep in just his underwear?

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Liv," Peter finally said. "If you'd rather I took the couch …"

"No."

She'd interrupted him before she could think about it and she registered the surprise on Peter's face.

"I mean … I …"

She was suddenly at a loss for words, but she had to admit that despite the thick fog in her brain, the one thing that still stood out was that sense of safety she had felt in Peter's arms. She found herself actually looking forward to having him close to her tonight. In her bed. When she couldn't find anything sensible to say, she quickly turned away from him and walked back to her bedroom.

"I'm just gonna look for a shirt," she mumbled, and Peter shook his head, smiling.

He had a feeling they were going to be alright now. Olivia wasn't freaking out and they were able to talk normally, albeit quite nervously. It was a good sign that she was nervous about him staying over, wasn't it? He knew he had to tread lightly with her now, both emotionally as well as physically but he had also promised her not to start treating her differently. He didn't think she was weak, just more vulnerable than usual right now and that was why he wanted to be careful with her tonight. He could only hope she would see the difference.

After a few minutes, Olivia returned with a slightly worn grey man's t-shirt and he couldn't keep his eyes from asking the question. Who's had it been?

"Must have borrowed it from a coworker and forgotten to return it," Olivia remarked neutrally, and he knew he would probably never know which coworker.

It didn't really matter. The shirt was clean and it smelled like Olivia's laundry so it was fine. It was his turn to take a shower and he wondered how she would react when he returned in just his boxer shorts and the t-shirt. He was glad he hadn't packed simple briefs but a nice, loose boxer short. He showered quickly and when he returned, he found Olivia sitting on the couch, sipping her wine while staring in the distance. She blinked a few times when he approached her and seemed to return to the here and now from wherever her mind had been at.

"You okay?" he had asked her before he could stop himself.

Looking up at him, she raised one of her perfect eyebrows and he held up his hands defensively instantly.

"You were miles away, that's all."

He could see her consciously letting it go and he wondered if he wouldn't be walking on eggshells around her tonight after all. Olivia nodded slowly and forced a small smile.

"I'm okay. Just thinking."

Only then did she really look at him and took in his attire. Her small smile widened a bit when she saw the cheerful Smileys on his boxer shorts and Peter chuckled.

"Cute huh? Present from a coworker back in Chicago."

"Oh really?"

Olivia sat up when he joined her on the couch and he knew what she must be thinking.

"Yeah. A male coworker."

Now Olivia chuckled as well and she shrugged.

"I have an open mind."

"Olivia!"

Peter reached for his glass, pretending to need the alcohol to recover from her innuendo and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"It's true," she told him and he smiled warmly at her.

He knew it was true but he also knew they were joking and he was glad that they were able to. Still, he felt the need to explain.

"He thought I should lighten up and smile more often, so he gave me this for Christmas."

…

Olivia could see that. Peter was the carrying-the-world-on-his-shoulders kind of guy. Dead serious in the courtroom and responsible to the extreme, like he had felt responsible for his mother and sister when he was only twelve. But he had a great smile. He smiled at her a lot, and he laughed with Noah. Even now, after all she had divulged to him, he was still smiling at her and it wasn't just an act. Olivia consciously relaxed her muscles and leaned back against the extra pillow that was supporting her back these days whenever she sat on the couch. She saw a hint of concern in Peter's eyes and told him before he could say anything,

"I took a painkiller and it feels better after my shower."

Peter just nodded and sipped his wine, and she did the same. One glass couldn't hurt, she told herself. Just to relax before they'd go to bed. Together. Well … maybe two glasses.

She glanced at Peter and just had to look at his cheerful shorts again. He saw her looking and leaned back as well, draping his right arm behind her shoulders and stretching a bit to show off his unique underwear. Olivia rolled her eyes again but couldn't help laughing.

Peter was smiling more these days but so was she, despite her injury and everything else. He made her feel accepted in a way she hadn't really felt before and her revelations of the evening didn't seem to deter him at all. In fact, he was starting to rub her shoulder and the side of her neck gently with his fingers, sending goosebumps up and down the entire right side of her body. He was looking at her intently, probably studying her reaction to his touch. She didn't want to have to tell him again that she wasn't fragile, but when he ran his hand through her damp hair, she was instantly distracted - and in a good way. Peter still looked at her like he wanted her. She hadn't become any less attractive to him from the looks of it and she felt her heart starting to beat a little faster. Would she be able to do this, so soon after letting all her memories resurface of 2013? She focused on his kind green eyes, so completely different from those dark eyes that still haunted her in her dreams. Lewis's brown eyes had darkened with hate and insanity every time he'd spoken to her, his face usually way too close to hers. Peter just looked at her while he started massaging the lower half of her scalp underneath her hair. He didn't move closer to her but the feeling of his fingers in her hair made her relax some more. She closed her eyes for a moment, but when an image flashed before her eyes of Lewis yanking her hair, she quickly opened them again. Peter's fingers stopped moving and she looked at him, wondering if he'd noticed her brief flashback.

She should have known he'd notice. The look in his eyes betrayed his concern. Olivia took a breath and breathed out slowly before telling him,

"I'm okay."

She could tell that he wasn't buying it this time but she didn't want to go into it any further. Not tonight. She had already told him so much.

"If I do something wrong, you'll have to tell me, Liv," Peter told her. "I don't think this is something I'm going to get right on instinct."

She knew he was right and his honesty was disarming. But she still worried that things wouldn't be the same after tonight.

"I just don't want you to think of me as weak," she said softly and it startled her a little when Peter suddenly laughed out loud.

"Weak? Are you serious, Liv?" he exclaimed, retracting his hand and sitting up to turn towards her.

He put his glass on the table and stared at her for a few moments. He actually seemed a little indignant and Olivia wasn't sure what had caused this sudden outburst. Peter shook his head and took a breath to say something but then exhaled.

"What?" she asked him, smiling nervously. "What is it?"

Peter shook his head again and then reached for her hands. She let him take her glass and put it away as well, and then put her hands in his.

"Whatever happens Liv, you gotta remember one thing. I already admired you before I knew anything about your life. Not just because you're drop-dead gorgeous but because you're really good at what you do. Then you go and tell me about your mother and … well, my respect for you only grew. And now this? Liv … I don't know if I'd still be standing if I had gone through everything you've gone through and you're _still_ this amazing, loving, empathic and strong person."

He squeezed her hands and she could see and feel the emotion behind his words.

"Just remember, whatever happens between us while we find our way together … I have never and will _never_ think of you as weak or fragile. I'll worry about you, sure, because I care about you. And I'll probably make mistakes, like just now and I don't even know what happened …"

Olivia took a breath to say something, to reassure him that he didn't do anything wrong, but Peter continued, not letting her speak.

"But Liv, don't you ever, _ever_ think that me trying to be there for you means I think you can't handle things on your own. It just means that I care and that … maybe you don't _have_ to do it all alone anymore."

She hadn't expected the tears but her vision was suddenly blurry. Peter was saying all the right things. She got so tired sometimes of always doing everything alone.

"Hey baby, don't cry," she heard him say softly, and she quickly blinked the beginnings of her tears away.

When she could focus on his eyes again, she saw concern in them. He still wasn't sure he was doing things right with her. She didn't want to be difficult and she wanted to learn to be better at enjoying moments. She pulled one hand out of Peter's grasp and lifted it to caress his cheek. Peter closed his eyes at her touch and leaned into it. He was such a beautiful man and she felt the urge to kiss him. She hadn't expected that. Not now, not now that her head was filled with dark memories, but somehow, Peter was able to ground her in the present. He was being vulnerable and suddenly it wasn't so horrible anymore to be vulnerable with him.

"Peter," she whispered, and he opened his eyes.

She smiled at him and squeezed the hand she was still holding.

"Kiss me."

His eyes lit up and he instantly moved his face closer to her.

"I thought you'd never ask," he said softly, making her smile again.

When his lips brushed over hers, she let out a shuddering breath and closed her eyes, and then kissed him back. It was a tender, loving kiss and it lasted only a few seconds. Olivia's heart was beating wildly in her chest but she wasn't getting any flashbacks now, not even with her eyes closed. She opened them and looked into a sea of emerald. Peter seemed cautious and she wanted to encourage him.

"Maybe next time," she told him, whispering against his cheek, "don't wait for me to ask."

Peter responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him and Olivia ignored the painful twitch in her back because she needed this. It felt good to be held by him and she smiled when it seemed Peter was breathing in her scent, his face buried in her hair. When he loosened his grip on her, she stood up and pulled him up with her. Peter understood her without words, and they walked to her bedroom hand in hand. She felt a little nervous but in a good way and when they had both gotten into her bed and Peter had pulled a sheet over them, she chuckled. She was on her back, which was the best position for her to sleep in given her injury, and Peter scooted closer to her, propping himself up on one elbow.

"What?"

Olivia lifted her hand and caressed Peter's cheek with the back of her hand.

"I feel a little like a schoolgirl right now."

He grinned.

"I know what you mean. But we'll be alright Liv. I know we will."

"Thank you Peter. For everything."

Peter took her hand and kissed her fingers.

"You're welcome. Anytime Liv."

She knew he meant it, and when they settled in for the night, she felt calm again. She didn't know what the night would bring, if she'd have nightmares or not, but she dozed off surprisingly easily, Peter's breathing lulling her to sleep.

...

 **So, how will this night go? Please review!**


	24. Safe

**24\. Safe**

It was hot and dark and she felt his presence looming, somewhere out there. He must have blindfolded her again. It was actually reassuring to feel her clothes sticking to her sweating body. As long as they stuck to her, at least she was still wearing them. She tried to move her arms and was surprised to find that they were no longer tied together. One of her arms flew to her left and hit something solid.

Not something. Some _one!_

She was sitting up in an instant and cried out when out of nowhere, there was a fiery pain in her lower back. What had he done to her now? Burned her back too, while she'd been unconscious? She couldn't imagine it because he'd want to see her squirm, but the pain was undeniable. She gasped for air and felt his clammy hand on her upper arm.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed.

A reflex. She should know better by now than to talk back at him. She squeezed her eyes shut, already anticipating a slap across her face. It never came. Instead, she heard a voice tell her,

"I'm sorry."

What kind of game was he playing now? She tried to move away from him but the pain in her back made her groan involuntarily.

"Liv, it's me. Peter."

What? What?

Her brain wasn't processing what she was hearing.

"Don't try to trick me," she mumbled, blinking a few times to focus on her surroundings. She noticed that it wasn't that dark and she wasn't blindfolded after all. She blinked again and noticed that she was on a bed. With _him!_ Her eyes flew to his face and he put his hands up, palms out.

"I'm not him," he told her and she frowned.

She looked around and it dawned on her that they weren't in her old apartment or in the beach house at all. This was … her new place. Her own bedroom. She started to panic because he couldn't be here. Not in her new life. He was dead!

He was dead … so he wasn't here at all. But there _was_ someone else here! She looked at the man again. He had moved further away from her and was now standing next to her bed, still holding his palms out so she could see he wasn't going to hurt her. And then reality sank in and her stomach plummeted with it.

"Shit. Peter."

As the dread of the nightmare started to fade, she felt shame take its place quickly.

"Tell me what to do," Peter said quietly, not moving even an inch closer to her and she managed to focus on his face at last.

Green eyes. Kind eyes.

She saw her own arm move, stretch out towards him and Peter took it as permission to touch it, wrapping his fingers around hers gently. When he squeezed, she squeezed back and when he approached her she let out a shuddering breath. She wanted to apologize for scaring him but the words were lodged in her throat. Peter sat down on his knees behind her, one knee on either side of her hips. He was still holding her hand and placed his other hand on her shoulder. Her body seemed to have a mind of its own while she was trying to process how she was being transported from her nightmare back to the present; from her tormentor back to the man who had been nothing but kind to her. When Peter put a hand on her shoulder, she leaned back, almost sagging against his chest with a soft wail. When she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, she let out a shaky breath and wrapped her hands around his left arm, that was holding her across her chest. Peter moved his other hand to her stomach, and started drawing small circles with the palm of his hand. Olivia leaned back a little further and turned her head so her forehead was touching his jaw. She felt the dread she had experienced earlier begin to melt away at Peter's soothing touch.

She was safe. Peter was here. She was safe.

Peter could feel Olivia trembling against him. He had woken up when she had started breathing heavily in her sleep, and it had instantly confirmed to him that it had been the right decision not to leave her alone tonight. Her anguished cry and her seemingly erratic behavior had startled him a little, but not for himself. He had just wondered how he would be able to reach her. He wasn't really up to speed on how to respond to someone who was still in a dream state. And then after about two minutes she had reached for him, and it had been all the permission he needed to touch her again.

He was immensely relieved that she was letting him hold her, and that she was relaxing against him. He would hold her all night if that was what she needed, and when he felt her press herself against him even tighter, he buried his nose in her hair and kissed her neck.

He spoke softly to her then, letting her know that she was safe in her own home and that she was safe with him.

"Yes," he heard her whisper against his cheek and it was enough.

After a few minutes Olivia wasn't shaking anymore and he stilled his hand on her stomach. He tried to create a little distance between them so he could look at her, and he smiled when she grabbed his hands, not wanting him to move away while she turned a quarter so they could see each other.

"Are you here now?" he asked her.

She nodded and started to say she was sorry, but Peter would have none of that.

"No no, Liv. This is why I stayed over in the first place, remember? Because you thought this might happen. I'm just glad you came out of it so quickly."

Olivia looked into his eyes and he couldn't read her in the dimly lit room. He could see her, but not the look in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Olivia was remembering other times when she had woken up in a cold sweat like this. Brian had never really known what to do. He had been too eager, too _present_ , crowding her, and it had made her feel more alone in the end, not less.

Peter was concerned, but quiet. He was following her lead and it calmed her in a way she hadn't known before. He had been right. He had been right all along. When you put two givers together, they're both bound to start receiving at last. From each other. Peter was a giver like her. He wasn't trying to prove anything; not to her and not to himself. Giving support was second nature to him, like it was to her and maybe for the first time in her life, she didn't feel guilty about accepting someone's support.

Even during therapy sessions with Lindstrom she'd suddenly feel stupid about needing therapy in the first place. Other people needed therapy. Not her. Not Olivia Benson. But the truth was, she did need it and it did help. And the truth was also, that she did need someone to hold on to from time to time, and it did help.

This nightmare had only been about the terror she had experienced, not about the physical abuse or the things she had been made to witness. But still, she knew that she was coming out of it differently, more quickly, because of Peter. Because brief flash or not, those flashes usually stuck with her for hours, sometimes even the entire day that followed. She wouldn't sleep again after waking up in a panic but when Peter gently guided her body until she was lying down again, and held her in his arms, she knew she would be able to sleep again. Maybe not right away, but she was already relaxed enough to know she would be fine now.

…

Peter closed his eyes when Olivia caressed his cheek gently with her hand.

"Thank you," she whispered, and he opened his eyes to look at her.

"I didn't do anything."

"You did exactly what you needed to do," she told him, and he was glad.

He had gone on instinct, giving her space until he had the feeling that she was seeing him again. He had wanted to take her in his arms instantly to protect her from whatever demons were messing with her mind, but he knew he'd have to wait until she was ready to be held. It wasn't about him, only about her.

He pulled the sheet over them again. It was a warm night, but they were both a little clammy and he didn't want Olivia to cool off too much. Her yellow shirt was clinging to her damp skin and he wondered if she shouldn't change into a fresh shirt. But she seemed content the way she was, her head resting against his shoulder and her fingers tracing the length of his arm that he had draped across her stomach.

"You have an interesting technique, Counselor," she said quietly, covering his hand with hers.

"I am told that we carry our emotions down here," Peter replied, placing his hand on her abdomen again.

Olivia said nothing, she just stroked the back of his hand.

"You wanna try to get some more sleep?" he asked her after another minute.

Olivia nodded and looked up at him. He thought he'd seen her vulnerable before but in this moment her openness took his breath away when she asked him,

"Hold me a little closer?"

He almost choked up at her simple request, because he knew there was an entire empire behind her words, that was beginning to crumble. Restraint had ruled there. Putting on a brave face. Independence. Never showing weakness. He knew that empire too well. Its walls were high and thick. Impenetrable. The only way to get in, was to be allowed in. And that was monumental.

His arms wrapped around her and Olivia turned on her left side so she could burrow into his chest.

"How's your back?" he asked her and in response, to his surprise, she kissed his chest through his shirt.

"What's that for?" he asked her with a chuckle.

"Nothing … Everything," she answered cryptically but he thought that maybe he understood what she was saying.

He knew she must have hurt her back when she'd shot up in bed so quickly but she hadn't mentioned it. She wasn't used to someone noticing her this way, and that thought made him a little sad. But it also made him all the more determined to be that someone for her from now on.

He kissed the top of her head and when Olivia looked up at him, he placed a feather light kiss on her lips. She smiled and he kissed her again, a little firmer this time. Olivia moved a hand behind his neck and caressed the short hairs on the back of his head as they kissed each other slowly; lovingly. When they broke apart he surprised both of them when, on an exhale, he whispered against her parted lips,

"I love you."

He was a little shocked to hear the words out loud himself but it was the truth. He hadn't just fallen in love with her. It was more than an infatuation. He cared for her deeply and he wanted to be there for her in every way she needed. He loved her.

Olivia was silent, her hand no longer moving behind his head. He wondered if she was even breathing anymore, but after a few long moments she spoke at last. Just one word, that cracked his heart a little further.

"Still?"

As if her vulnerability, the trauma she had endured and was dealing with so admirably every day, could ever make him stop loving her. It wasn't what she had told herself and it probably wasn't what her mother had told her. You have to be strong and independent. There's no place for weakness in this world. Eat or be eaten. It's what he had been taught as well after all, and she was just like him in that respect.

He decided to turn things around to hopefully help her understand.

"Tell me Liv, did you think any less of me when I broke down in my office after losing Pam?"

She blinked a few times and frowned slightly.

"Of course not."

"Why not? I wasn't exactly a pillar of strength there, was I?"

"You had just suffered a terrible loss."

"I was a blubbering mess. I got snot all over your sleeve, remember?"

Olivia chuckled despite the serious subject of the conversation.

"You needed a shoulder to cry on and I provided it. You're only human, Peter. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it made you a little more relatable for me."

He grinned triumphantly.

"Aha!"

Olivia's lips formed and O when it dawned of her what he was saying and he was pretty pleased with himself. He _had_ felt embarrassed that day and for several days afterwards, but he knew now, seeing it happening with Olivia, that showing vulnerability and true emotion, was actually very attractive. Well, up to a point of course but he didn't expect either of them ever to go overboard with displays of emotion.

"So to answer your question, yes. Still. I love you Olivia Benson. Probably even more now than before."

He didn't expect her to say the words back to him. He understood. He had been tearing down his own walls a little longer than she had. He was tearing them down for her. And because he knew how scary that was, he had no problem at all being patient with her. But feeling her in his arms like this, so relaxed and able to kiss him and talk to him, right after what must have been a horrible nightmare, told him that she'd get there. She was taking giant steps already and it made him feel proud of her and like he'd said, it made him love her even more.

Olivia didn't know what to say and hid her face against Peter's chest again. Her throat felt constricted and she knew she was supposed to start panicking now, but it wasn't happening. She just felt incredibly emotional, vulnerable and yet … safe. There was that word again. She kissed his chest again through his shirt and this time, Peter didn't ask what it was for. He understood. He didn't try to get her to say anything else and it gave her time to swallow the lump in her throat. She wasn't going to cry in front of him. Not now. Not yet. Maybe another time.

She wrapped her arm around Peter's waist and he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her cheek and she took a deep breath, then let the air out slowly. She could sleep now. The image of Lewis's eyes had evaporated and all she was sensing now was Peter's arms around her, his warm, solid body against hers, his strong heartbeat against her ear and the knowledge that nothing and nobody could hurt her now.

...

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	25. Longing

**25\. Longing**

 _Monday, July 2, 2018_

"Mom. Peter."

Olivia groaned and opened her eyes at the sound of her son's voice, but closed them quickly when she was hit with too much daylight at once.

"Mom! Peter! Look. I got dressed all by myself!"

Olivia was hearing the words but as soon as she managed to take in her surroundings, she knew she wouldn't be able to get up. One of Peter's legs was keeping one of hers locked in place while his arms were wrapped around her. His left arm wrapped around her waist while her head was resting on his right arm, that was around her shoulders.

But Noah was here, trying to get them both to wake up and Peter still didn't stir.

"Peter!" she whispered while pushing gently against his chest.

She couldn't believe how long she'd slept after her nightmare and she wondered if they had overslept, since Noah was already up and had apparently gotten dressed without her help.

Peter finally moved, releasing her waist, and Olivia pulled her leg from between his so she could turn on her back gingerly before attempting to sit up.

"Wow Noah," she mumbled even before she could look at her son. "That's great that you got dressed all on your own. Let me look at you."

Noah grinned proudly and turned around twice to show off that he'd put on his t-shirt and shorts himself, and he even had his socks on already.

"Did you put on clean underwear too?" she asked him, and Noah suddenly looked way older than he was when he sighed,

"Of course mom."

"Of course you did. Why did I even ask, right? C'mere," Olivia said with a smile.

Noah hopped onto the bed and they hugged each other. She kissed the top of Noah's head, still wondering what time it was.

Peter had finally woken up as well and was blinking against the bright daylight. He rubbed his face with both hands and tried to make sense of what he was hearing. He pushed himself up on his elbows and then he remembered. He'd stayed with Olivia all night. He must have slept like a log and he was a little surprised to see Noah sitting on the bed with them. Wasn't this a little awkward? What would the boy think?

But Noah didn't seem to think anything of it and was talking his mother's ear off cheerfully. When he noticed that Peter was awake, he simply included Peter, and continued talking happily about how much he was looking forward to telling his class about their day at the waterpark yesterday.

"I'm gonna tell them how you throwed me high in the air and the big splashes I made, and about all the waterslides. But I'm really hungry and I think Lucy will be here soon," he then added on the same breath.

"What time is it?" Peter asked, his voice still groggy with sleep.

"The big hand and the little hand were both on the six. Well, the little hand was just past the six," Noah explained without missing a beat.

Both adults exhaled, relief washing over them. It was only around six thirty. They hadn't overslept, Noah was just up extremely early. He hadn't said much the night before when they got home, because he was so tired, but he was making up for that now, big time. Olivia glanced at Peter and gave him a small smile. He winked at her and then suggested to Noah that they go into the kitchen to make them all some breakfast.

"Okay," Noah said cheerfully, and he hopped off the bed to join Peter. They left the bedroom together as if they had done so a million times before.

Olivia shook her head and smiled. Her son was a whirlwind sometimes but he hadn't even asked why Peter was here, in her bed of all places. Maybe the kids had the right idea after all. No need to complicate matters when they were having such a good time together. She got up and ducked into the bathroom to take a quick shower and then get ready for work. By the time she came out of the bedroom, there was a delicious smell of breakfast coming from the kitchen and Noah was beaming with pride when he told his mother to sit, and that he would serve her.

"Wow," Olivia breathed, grinning at Peter. "You train kids for housework too?"

"We just aim to please our number one girl. Right Noah?"

"Yeah. Just sit, mom."

She ended up eating a lot more than usual for breakfast and Noah ate well too. There was something to be said for getting up early and really take the time to sit down together. And she had to admit that there was definitely also something to be said for Peter being there. She actually might get used to this.

Peter had to leave right after breakfast to change for work at his place. Olivia walked him to the door, where he whispered in her ear,

"Noah has one sock on inside out but I didn't say anything and left it like that. We just put his shoes on."

"Thanks," she whispered back, and it moved her how considerate Peter was with Noah.

When he leaned in, Olivia felt butterflies flutter in her stomach and his soft kiss made her long for more. They had hardly even talked but she knew they were good. Peter whispered against her lips,

"I'll call you later today," and she nodded.

He winked at her again and she felt herself grinning like a fool when she closed the door. They definitely were good.

...

Peter tried to focus on his work but he was regularly distracted, thinking of the unusual way his day had started. He didn't just think of how he'd woken up, in Olivia's bed and with Noah present, but especially of how right it had felt to start his day with the two of them. He knew Olivia must have felt it too. She'd slept so soundly in his arms after her nightmare, that had to mean something. And Noah hadn't even asked why he was there, as if it was the most normal thing in the world that he'd stay over by now.

Peter had to tell himself a few times that it was too early to call her since they both had a busy schedule, but around noon he just had to hear her voice. He hoped she'd be free for lunch, although he prepared himself for a refusal because he knew how hectic things could get at SVU.

Olivia answered her phone on the third ring and answered with a formal, short "Benson."

"Hey. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"No … no, it's fine. We're just wrapping up a briefing on the Jones case for the chief."

"Aha."

He knew by now how much she hated reporting back to her boss, especially when they were having trouble cracking a case that was making headlines. From her formal tone he gathered that Dodds was still there with her, probably following her into her office to talk to her privately. Their latest case was drawing media attention after the parents of the girl who had been attacked had gone on a talk show last Saturday night, along with Reverend Curtis Scott. They were worried that their daughter's was case not being taken seriously because she was black and her attacker had been white. Peter couldn't really blame them for being concerned because unfortunately, this kind of discrimination did happen. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt though, that Olivia and her team were doing everything in their power to find Angela's attacker. Olivia would nail him to the wall personally for what he'd done to the vulnerable young woman. Angela had gone along with some friends to try out a new drug. The girl had wanted to be accepted by the popular kids and some pervert had taken advantage of her while she'd still been high and had just been trying to get home. He'd hit the back of her head very hard after raping her from behind, and Angela had been put in a medically induced coma a few hours after being admitted to the hospital. All they'd had to go on for a while had been the few details the young woman had disclosed to the doctor before she lost consciousness.

"So I'm guessing you don't have time for lunch," Peter said.

"No, I'm sorry," Olivia breathed, and he heard genuine disappointment in her voice.

He heard a door close and guessed she and Dodds were now in her office and he had to let her go to do her job.

"Call me when you're done with Dodds?" Peter asked, and he swore he could hear a small smile in her voice when she simply replied,

"Okay."

…

 _Thursday, July 12, 2018_

For over a week, phone calls were all they had and Peter couldn't help feeling a little disappointed. He had hoped to start building their relationship now that Olivia had opened up to him about her past so much, but she barely had time for him, not even during the weekend that followed. At night, she was too tired to talk for long and after almost two weeks, on Thursday afternoon, Peter decided to just drop by her office and see if he could steal her away for a little while before she'd have to relieve her sitter.

Olivia had been working around the clock trying to sort out all of Angela's classmates, friends, neighbors and family, and all of their friends - both in real life and online; who had been at the party; who had known about the party drugs; who had supplied the drugs; and even who had been in the vicinity of the party and Angela's house that night. Amanda Rollins was online almost all day long looking for leads on social media while Fin and Carisi were knocking on doors daily. They had other cases they were working on, but Angela's case was basically part of their daily routine now.

By now, Olivia suspected just about every white kid on the case board and had her team double-check every alibi. The rapist had used a condom but CSU had managed to salvage a blonde hair from Angela's clothes. There was no way to tell if it belonged to her attacker but that didn't stop Olivia from trying to scare a few of their suspects into a confession. Angela had been assaulted from behind and had only seen her attacker's hands and shoes, but a DNA match with the hair would definitely help.

Peter had been in and out a few times asking about their progress, but as long as they couldn't find anything that stuck, he really couldn't build a case. Olivia found herself missing him and that was new. She was busy during the day and tired at night, but every now and then she found herself simply wishing he was there, next to her. He wouldn't have anything to add to their case board, but just to look into his eyes and find encouragement there, would be so comforting.

They talked on the phone of course, but it wasn't the same. She found herself not only missing Peter, but actually longing for him. And then, suddenly, he was there.

"Liv," Peter said quietly, walking into her office without knocking, since she had left the door open.

"Hey," she said, taking off her glasses and standing up. "Close the door?"

Peter complied with a dimpled smile and she couldn't help smiling back at him despite her fatigue and the fact that they still hadn't caught Angela's rapist. She rounded her desk and walked towards the window of the office to close the blinds, and Peter closed the ones on the door. They both didn't speak but when Olivia walked up to Peter, he put his suitcase down and let her walk right into his embrace.

Olivia exhaled heavily and closed her eyes when her cheek hit Peter's solid shoulder. Peter buried his nose in her hair and they just held each other for a long minute, swaying softly to imaginary music.

"I miss you," Peter whispered, the first one to put it into words.

"I miss you too," Olivia replied.

She looked up at Peter and sighed.

"This case … it's draining all of us."

"I know. I understand that you can't let it go."

"It's not just because of the media and Reverend Scott …" Olivia started, but Peter put a finger over her lips gently, silencing her.

"Liv. I know. You fight equally for every single victim. Always have, always will. I know."

She let him take her in his arms again and tried to relax. Peter knew her. He knew that they were doing everything humanly possible to find Angela's rapist, to get justice for the young woman who was still not out of her coma.

"Have you been to see her?" Peter asked, rubbing her back gently.

"Yes. Yesterday. No change yet. They say the swelling in her brain has gone down but she hasn't woken up yet. She should have woken up by now. It's heartbreaking to see her parents, you know … so powerless ..."

Her own heart was hurting for these people who were going through hell, knowing what had been done to their child and on top of that, not even knowing if she would eventually survive. Angela had a younger brother and Olivia could see the parents trying to be strong for him, and she admired them so much. If it was Noah in that hospital bed, she didn't know if she'd be able to hold it together. It was extra difficult for her that she wasn't even able to support the parents personally. Reverend Scott was always there, speaking with the press and the police on their behalf. The only contact she'd had so far was eye contact with the mother. She could only hope that Mrs. Jones had been able to see her genuine concern.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Peter asked her softly, almost whispering in her hair.

She smiled against his shoulder and told him,

"You're already doing it."

Peter moved her hair to the side with his hand and placed a soft kiss on the skin of her neck, making Olivia shiver a little.

"Is there anything _else_ I can do?" he asked slowly, and the tone of his voice was suddenly different; almost seductive.

Olivia felt a pang of … _something_ in her belly and she couldn't believe that she was able to feel this way in the middle of this horrible case. Peter kissed her neck again and then moved his lips to her cheek. She turned her head automatically and captured his lips with her own without thinking any further. She had longed for him all day and now that he was here, she was giving in to her own selfish needs for just a moment.

Peter kissed her back eagerly, making her feel just how much he'd missed her too, and their hands were roaming their bodies over their thin summer clothes. They had been apart for too long, only stealing a glance every once in a while during a briefing and talking on the phone. Peter knew Olivia's ribs were healing nicely and she was in considerably less pain than two weeks ago. And the way she was kissing him now was doing things to his body that he could only hope she was ready for by now. No matter the developments in the case today, or the lack thereof, he wanted to be with her tonight.

Olivia felt her body respond strongly to Peter's and was having thoughts along the same lines. She could hardly believe that him calming her down after a nightmare had been the last time they'd spent any meaningful time together. The only upside of being apart had been, that there had been no conflicting feelings about what she wanted and what her body would allow. It had given her time to heal and her body was sending her signals that were crystal clear. It needed some quality time with Peter Stone and fast. Their intimate kiss had taken on a life of its own and neither of them wanted it to end.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, which opened right after, and they didn't have time to let go of each other before Fin saw them.

"Liv, we got … Ow … excuse me," Fin said, barely hiding his amusement.

Peter took a small step back to give Olivia some space, but Olivia surprised him when she grabbed his hand behind his back and didn't let go.

"Alright, I guess it's a good thing you're here, Stone," Fin said, quickly getting back to business without missing a beat. "We just got word from the hospital. Angela's awake."

Olivia gasped and then started firing off questions at her Sergeant.

"Is she … is she lucid? Can she talk? Does she remember anything?"

"Only one way to find out."

"I'm coming with you," Peter said quickly and Olivia nodded. If Angela did remember something, it made sense that the ADA was present so he'd know right away if she remembered enough for him to be able to charge someone.

"Why don't I drive," Fin suggested. "So far, they've only talked to me."

Olivia quickly grabbed her iPad, hoping she would have the opportunity to show Angela the digital lineup that Amanda had compiled of the remaining suspects in case she'd wake up, and then they were off. Fin didn't comment at all on how he had found her and Peter in her office, but when she slid into the passenger seat next to him, he just smirked at her. Olivia bit her lip but grinned back at him. Fin always had her back and she knew this wouldn't be any different. Now that both he and Amanda knew about their budding relationship, it didn't make sense hiding it any longer anyway.

Peter had been sitting quietly in the backseat and had seen Olivia and Fin exchange a look. He was glad that Olivia wasn't too jittery about being caught by her Sergeant, and that Fin seemed to be accepting of their involvement. When they all exited the car in the hospital parking lot, Fin turned around suddenly and tapped his arm, muttering,

"You better be good to her or I'll find you, Stone. Got it?"

"Got it," Peter replied instantly. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Alright."

Fin seemed to be pleased with his response and they all headed into the hospital.

…

Angela had been a little groggy but lucid enough to answer a few questions. Her parents hadn't been too thrilled to let the Lieutenant and the ADA near their daughter, but Fin had assured them they were only here to help. When Olivia had asked Angela cautiously if she'd look at a few pictures, she had told them she'd only seen the man's hands.

"That's exactly what we want you to look at," Olivia had told her reassuringly.

Amanda had made sure they had pictures of all their suspects' hands and she'd done an amazing job. Angela's parents had become more appreciative of their efforts when they'd seen the pictures. And then Angela had visibly frozen when she'd seen one particular set of hands.

"That's him. That's him," she'd stammered, and the team knew enough.

Olivia had quickly handed the iPad to Fin, and Angela had allowed the Lieutenant to comfort her, rubbing her back gently while telling her that she had done very well and that they were going to arrest her attacker right away.

"I'll never forget those fingernails. And … and … that thumb," Angela had sobbed and Peter had assured the Jones family that this was enough for him to make his case. They had all been witnesses to Angela's highly credible identification of her attacker's hands, even Reverend Scott.

Fin had left, evidence in hand, to make sure all the paperwork was in order and the suspect was arrested promptly, so Peter could start working out their case first thing in the morning. Fin had promised Olivia he'd inform Dodds as well, so she wouldn't have to go back to the office.

And now, half an hour later, Peter and Olivia were standing outside in the warm evening air, without transportation.

"Where do you wanna go?" Peter asked Olivia.

She turned to face him and the look in his eyes told her he didn't want to be apart from her yet again. And she didn't want that either.

"I should get home so Lucy can leave," she told Peter. "Come with me?"

Peter smiled a relieved smile and nodded.

"Love to."

…

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	26. Right

**I really love how many people take the time to leave reviews, several of you even for every single chapter of this story, and I realized that this is my ONLY story so far that averages over 20 reviews per chapter. You guys rock!**  
 **It's not even an EO story, yet diehard EO shippers are also enjoying it. Thank you all so much, it makes such a difference for me as a writer to get all that feedback. I hope you will approve of how this story continues … heed the rating change over the course of this chapter! ;) ;) It's a long one but I couldn't cut it off, because I promised. Enjoy!**

...

 **26\. Right**

There was a silent agreement between them that they weren't just looking for companionship tonight. They'd been apart for too long and they both wanted more out of this relationship, now that they were both ready to call it that. But Noah was still up and he insisted on catching up with his big friend after Lucy left for the night. Olivia indulged him a little while she warmed up the meal that Lucy had left for her, planning to share it with Peter. She wasn't really listening to the boys chatting, until she heard Noah ask Peter innocently,

"Are you sleeping over again? Can we make breakfast again tomorrow?"

She smiled while listening with more attention to how this little conversation was going to continue.

"You really enjoyed that huh?" Peter asked the boy with a grin.

"Yeah," Noah confirmed enthusiastically. "It's always fun when you're around. We can do guy stuff, just like other kids with their dads."

You could hear a pin drop for a few moments and Olivia found herself holding her breath. What was Peter going to say? And another question was, what did she want him to say?

Peter felt honored to be called father material for a second time by a child but he wasn't sure how Olivia felt about him talking about it with Noah. He knew he'd have to say something fast, because he definitely didn't want to hurt Noah's feelings by rejecting his idea.

"I love doing guy stuff with you, Noah," Olivia heard Peter say after a few beats. "But we have a girl here to consider too, right?"

Having given himself the opportunity to look at Olivia, he turned around on the couch to make eye contact with her and he could tell that she was almost as lost as he was. Once again, it was Noah who broke the ice. The boy chuckled innocently and then told his big friend,

"Well, mom has fun too when you're around. And she can do grown-up stuff with you. It's a win-win, Peter."

That made the two adults laugh out loud, both wondering where Noah had picked up that expression.

"So where does that leave me," Peter chuckled. "With you guys both winning, what is left for me?"

"You get a _double_ win, Peter! Duh!" Noah exclaimed, spreading his arms to emphasize the utter logic of what he was saying.

"Right. Of course. Because I get to play with you and with your mommy."

He winked at Olivia then, and she quickly busied herself getting their food out of the microwave and putting half of it on a second plate, trying very hard not to blush.

It had been in the air all the way from the hospital to her apartment and Olivia was nervous. She definitely wanted to 'play' with Peter but she wasn't as confident as she used to be about it. Her body had changed over the years and while both Brian and Ed had also been older, Peter was still young and in excellent shape. She was content with her body for the most part for someone nearing fifty, but what would Peter expect?

"So can Peter stay over again mom?" Noah asked her, interrupting her thoughts.

"Yes mom, can he?" Peter added with a cheeky grin, and Noah laughed out loud at that.

Olivia bit her lip but couldn't suppress a grin of her own. This was just too easy.

"Well, alright then. But remember," she added, interrupting Noah's cheering mid-scream and raising a finger while trying for a stern look. "It's a school night for you, and both Peter and I have to work tomorrow."

Noah sighed. He knew very well what his mother meant and he stood up to go and get ready for bed. He smiled knowingly at Peter though, as if both men had just scored an important victory.

"I'll be with you in a few minutes," Olivia told him, and once he'd left for the bathroom, she joined Peter on the couch, carrying their plates.

"I need a bite to eat first," she told him and they both ate quietly for a minute, each caught up in their own thoughts about the brief exchange with Noah.

Knowing she'd leave to help Noah soon, Peter didn't want to start a conversation with Olivia about it right away but he had to admit that Noah was being a big help. And the dad thing … it meant more to him than he'd realized, although he wasn't sure how Olivia felt about Noah saying these things.

When Olivia had finished about half of her food, She left to put Noah to bed. She loved how well her son was getting along with Peter and how normal he seemed to think it was that Peter would spend the night. But his comments about doing guy stuff with Peter like other kids with their dads did make her a little uneasy. What if it didn't work out between her and Peter after all? Wouldn't that crush Noah? She shook her head at her own thoughts. What happened to enjoying every single day?

She pasted a smile on her face when she stepped into the bathroom, where Noah was already brushing his teeth. She watched him work, making sure he didn't miss any teeth and then helped him wash his face and hands. Once she was satisfied that he was all cleaned up and in his summer pajamas, Olivia took him to his bedroom. She wasn't sure if she should say anything about Peter but she knew she had the urge to warn him just a little bit. Not because she didn't trust Peter, because she absolutely did, but because you simply never know what will happen.

"Noah honey," she started cautiously as her son was getting comfortable in his bed.

He looked up at her, waiting for her to continue and she took a deep breath before asking him,

"You know Peter's not your father, right?"

"Of course I know that mom. My daddy died. You told me. But a boy in my class told me that the girl that lives next door to him, got a new daddy last week. He called it adept … adapting I think. That's when a new mommy or daddy starts taking care of a child."

"Adopting," Olivia said, and her stomach was instantly in knots.

"Yeah! That's the word. Adopting. Do you think Peter would like to be my adopting father?"

Olivia's heart was racing, not just because of Noah's question but because she knew it wouldn't be long now that she'd have to tell her son that she was, in fact, his adoptive mother. She had wondered about that moment a lot over the years, and couldn't really wrap her brain around the fact that Noah suddenly already knew what adopting was. What she did know was, that she wasn't ready to tell him now. It was too sudden and it wasn't something to tell a young child just before bed. But his question deserved an answer and she had to think fast.

"I think that is something the three of us need to decide, don't you agree, Noah? It's always been just you and me, and Peter has always been on his own. It would be a big change for all of us."

"But we have so much fun when we're all together," Noah insisted, the beginning of a little whine audible in his voice.

"I know baby. We do have a lot of fun. But we can't decide anything right now, okay? And you know why?"

"Yeah," Noah sighed, looking at his hands in his lap. "It's a school night and it's time to sleep."

Olivia smiled and pulled her son into a hug.

"I love you so much Noah. We'll talk about it again soon, okay?"

Noah nodded against her shoulder and she kissed the top of his head.

"Now, how about a little story?"

Noah finally settled in and they read one of his favorite books together. By the time the story was wrapping up, his eyes were already drooping and Olivia scooted out of his bed carefully, readjusting his pillow and pulling the sheet over his chest before leaving his room quietly.

Her stomach clenched again when she walked back into the living room and saw Peter waiting for her on the couch. Like her, he had already kicked off his shoes and it emphasized the fact that he was going to stay.

"I heated up your plate again," he told her and she smiled.

"Thanks."

She sat down next to him again and started eating the rest of her meal, even if he stomach was still doing some weird things. Peter had already finished eating and was watching her. He had poured them both a glass of red wine again but had put his on the coffee table when she came back. His staring only added to her restlessness until he started rubbing her back gently with one hand.

"Relax Liv," he said softly. "It's only me."

"Peter … Noah just asked me if I think you'd want to adopt him."

She just blurted it out and almost choked on her last bite of food. Peter patted her back gently but was a little shocked himself. Noah was talking about adoption? Did he even know what that was? Olivia grabbed her wine and took a few sips and he couldn't help smiling at how nervous she was. It was all a bit much at once, finally getting a break in the case; going back to her place together with clear intentions of taking their relationship to the next level; and now this.

"Did you know kids his age talk about that stuff? I sure didn't," Olivia said.

"Neither did I," Peter admitted. "What did you tell him?"

She looked at him then and he could see the question in her eyes. What should she have told Noah?

Peter sat up and took both her plate and her glass from her hands, put them on the coffee table and then took her hands in his. He saw Olivia swallow hard and avoid his eyes, and he squeezed her hands gently.

"Liv … look at me," he said quietly.

He waited until her big brown eyes settled on his face before continuing.

"I love you."

The words came to him easily. Olivia blinked a few times but he could see his words sink in.

"I love Noah too," he added then and Olivia sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

"And I know you're not someone who makes rash decisions but I want you to know that I'm here for you. For both of you. I would love nothing more than to spend more time with the two of you to see if we can really become a little family. I really believe we have a shot here, Liv. And I'm … I'm honored that Noah thinks I could be his father."

His last words didn't come out as he had planned, because his voice was suddenly thick with emotion. He really meant it. He knew that it wasn't always like this when a new person came into the life of a parent and he wanted to take it as a sign that they were going to be alright.

His emotions seemed to transfer to Olivia, who was now squeezing his hands in return. And then she pulled him close to her and kissed him full on the lips.

It took Peter only a second to respond and Olivia felt his lips soften and then open against hers. She was a little overwhelmed but finally allowed herself to just listen to her heart. Peter was a good man that made her feel good about herself and that made both her and Noah happier than they had ever been before. She wasn't going to deny herself the happiness of today out of fear of losing it tomorrow. Life was too short to keep on pushing happiness away from her until it might be too late. She wasn't going to become completely fatalistic but she was going to seize the day and not run away from a good thing anymore just because it might not last forever.

As their kiss grew more intense, she let all her nervousness slide off of her. It felt so right to be in Peter's arms and it felt right for him to be here tonight. Angela's case was in good hands with Fin, and it would be there in the morning. So would Noah. Right now, she just wanted to be with Peter.

And he wanted to be with her. It felt so right to finally hold her again and Peter couldn't stop his hands from roaming. Without breaking their deep kiss, he pulled Olivia up from the couch until they were both standing. He needed to feel more of her body pressed up against his. When he cupped one of her breasts through her thin blouse, Olivia moaned into his mouth and when he broke off the kiss to check if she was alright with what he was doing, she was the one to pull him back in to continue the kiss.

After some more kissing and heavy petting in the living room, Olivia took Peter's hands and pulled him along with her to the bedroom. Standing next to the bed, memories of the last time they were in there together came back to her and she tensed up a little, wondering if being with Peter would trigger memories of Lewis this time. It had happened a lot with Brian in the beginning, and even a few times with Ed. She wondered if it would ever go away completely, but when Peter pulled her against him once more and she looked into his green eyes, she remembered how he had calmed her last time.

Green eyes. Kind eyes.

And just like last time, she reached for him. When she caressed his face, Peter closed his eyes for a moment and she could tell that he was affected by her too. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, and he opened his eyes again.

"You okay?" he mumbled and she nodded slightly.

"Let me know if you're not."

She nodded again, grateful for his understanding. Peter moved his hands from her hips up until he reached the buttons of her blouse and she leaned her forehead against his as he undid the buttons one by one, exposing her white lace bra and then a lot of skin. When he pushed her blouse away from her shoulders, it was Olivia who closed her eyes for a few moments. She hummed softly when she felt his hands on her now bare shoulders, massaging her a little while kissing her behind her ear. Olivia's hands moved up his chest and she felt the hard muscles there. It was now her turn to unbutton his short-sleeved dress shirt and she felt Peter's breath hitch when her hands touched his bare chest for the first time. After shrugging his shirt off, making it fall to the ground like hers had, Peter's hands moved to her back and he unclasped her bra expertly, making Olivia smile against his neck.

"You've done this before," she murmured.

"You don't say," Peter joked.

They both weren't new at the game. What was new was being together like this, with so much more than just physical contact in the balance. They had both taken down their defensive walls for the first time and would be exposed in more ways than one tonight. There would be no way back after this night and it was scary as well as exciting.

Peter caressed her bare back with his hands and then moved them to the front. He created a little bit of distance between their upper bodies and let his eyes roam her breasts for the first time before cupping them gently. His brain automatically took inventory of what he was seeing besides her beautiful feminine body.

 _Coat hanger. House key. Cigarette burn._

It was all there, visible signs of the MO of a sadist. Yet here she was, still standing. And her strength and determination to overcome her trauma far outweighed the visible signs of it in the end. He looked up and into her brown eyes and saw the apprehension there.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, choking up as he said it, because he'd never meant those words more than he did right now. She was a phoenix risen from the ashes of a screwed-up childhood and a horrific experience as an adult, and it made her more beautiful in his eyes than anyone else.

When he leaned in to kiss Olivia again, she whimpered against his lips and he wondered if she was alright. But the way she was kissing him removed all doubt. She was ready to move forward. So was he.

When Olivia felt one of Peter's hands close around her breast, she felt a pang of want in her belly. He had seen it. He'd seen the scars. She knew he had. And nothing had changed. He still wanted her and she felt the shame slide off of her as it was replaced by a feral need to get closer to Peter. She moved with him willingly when he moved her towards the bed and helped her lay down, and swallowed hard when he quickly shed his pants and socks before joining her on the bed.

"Mine too," she told him softly and she bit her lip when Peter started undoing her slacks.

He groaned while helping her out of her pants. Her legs just went on forever and he could hardly wait to feel them wrapped around himself. He was getting aroused very quickly now and was done overthinking what they were doing. He loved her. He wanted her. It was that simple. And from the looks of her, she was thinking the same thing. So after removing her pants and socks he crawled over her and hooked his thumbs inside her white lace panties.

Olivia lifted her hips at once, without hesitation. It even surprised her, but her body was taking over now. She was trembling a little but it wasn't out of nervousness anymore. Peter would see more scars - more of the same - but she wasn't worried about it anymore. They had waited long enough and her ribs had healed enough. She wanted him to see all of her. She didn't want to hide her true self anymore.

Her panties were gone and she was now completely naked. For him. And his boxer briefs had definitely become too tight. He lay down next to Olivia, determined not to rush things but her hand went for his boxer briefs at once.

"Off," she instructed and Peter chuckled.

Despite his desire to move forward, he asked her with a grin,

"Are you always this demanding in bed?"

"You got a problem with that?" she challenged, and she wasn't even smiling.

Her tone was sultry. The tone of a seductress. He swallowed hard. He was getting to know a whole new side of the fierce Lieutenant. She was rubbing him through his underwear and he hissed at her touch. Still, he wasn't going to heed her command that easily so he told her,

" _You_ take it off."

He was surprised when he heard her laugh out loud, a melodious, happy laugh that filled the entire bedroom. It made him laugh too and when she tried to sit up to comply with his demand, he stopped her with a deep kiss. God, he loved this woman and they hadn't even made love yet. Olivia lay back down and moaned into his mouth while he let one hand roam her body, finding her breasts first and then moving his hand down and between her legs.

She was dripping already and his body responded with a happy jolt. He broke off the kiss and sat up on his knees to look at what his hand was doing. Olivia let her legs fall open a little and sighed as he found her hot entrance with two fingers.

"So wet," he whispered reverently and Olivia found herself wishing he'd push his fingers inside.

But then she looked at the big bulge in his boxer briefs and reached for Peter's waist.

"Off," she said again, squirming a little under Peter's touch and trying very hard to focus on getting him naked.

Peter retracted his hand, and the sense of loss made her sit up on her knees as well, to rid him of that last piece of clothing quickly. The man was built like a Greek god and when she freed his erection from its confines at last, she licked her lips without realizing it. He was definitely built like a Greek god in every way.

Now as naked as she was, Peter pulled Olivia flush against him, both of them sitting up on their knees on the bed and his erection pressed up against her abdomen. He saw nothing but lust in Olivia's eyes and before he realized it, he had told her,

"Touch me."

Olivia grinned at him and then asked him,

"Are you always this demanding in bed?"

Her eyes were sparkling and he loved how carefree and happy she was now. Still, he couldn't resist dragging out their little game just a little longer, so he asked her,

"You got a problem with that?"

Olivia finally had enough of waiting and her response was crystal clear.

"Hell no."

She then pulled him down with her, making him fall on top of her, and she opened her legs at once to trap him between them. All the breaks were off then. They kissed passionately while their hands roamed, finding each other's erogenous zones and following up with their mouths. They flipped over a few times and took turns taking the lead. Olivia suspected it would always be this way with them; they were equals in every way, with just one delicious difference between them. And right now, she wanted that particular difference inside her all the way. Peter had teased her a few times, rubbing her entrance with his tip, but their foreplay had gone on long enough.

"Go on," she whispered.

She was on her back once again and Peter was leaning on one arm while kissing her neck, his other hand moving from her thigh across her hip up to her breast and back. One of his legs was between hers and his erection was pressing against her hip bone.

"You're so amazing," Peter mumbled just below her ear.

Olivia didn't want to beg and tried to pull Peter on top of her so she could lock her legs around him again, but Peter didn't budge. Instead, he stopped what he had been doing and looked into her eyes.

"Do you even know that?" he asked her.

"You're pretty amazing yourself," Olivia deflected, and Peter shook his head lightly with a smile.

"I'm going to keep telling you until you accept it," he vowed.

He kissed her lips and Olivia arched her back to feel more of his body against hers. She couldn't remember what she'd been nervous about now. Peter _was_ amazing. He was attentive and caring but he didn't treat her as if she was made of glass. He was passionate too and had hit the breaks a few times just to catch his breath. She felt beautiful when he looked at her and she finally decided that the age difference was a non-issue. The connection she felt to Peter outweighed everything else. And when he finally, _finally_ moved into place and their bodies began to merge, Olivia groaned,

"Yeeeeees."

Peter sank into her and held his breath, holding still for a moment when his hips collided with Olivia's. He had to focus on her now and not on the tight heat around his dick, or he'd lose control fast.

"Yes?" he asked her, gently moving a few locks of her hair out of her face.

"Oh yes," Olivia sighed. "Just … move."

He did. No more joking around. They were ready.

He found a lazy but steady pace and Olivia reciprocated eagerly. Their bodies moved as one, gently colliding as waves of arousal were finally let loose without hitting the breaks anymore. Olivia grabbed Peter's ass and guided his movements as they gradually sped up. Her nipples were scraping his hard chest and she was pretty sure she was gushing by now. Despite his size, Peter had no trouble moving inside her, stimulating her insides until she couldn't take it anymore.

His breathing was labored and she wanted to warn him that she was close too, but no words would form. Olivia dug her nails in his perfect ass cheeks and Peter responded by going even deeper, and just a little slower than before to create maximum friction between their lower halves. It was her undoing and she gasped when she felt her orgasm begin.

"Go baby," she heard Peter whisper and he kept on pushing deep as her orgasm grew bigger and more intense.

"Ah yes," she panted.

Her body shook beneath him and Peter couldn't hold back any longer either. He felt like he might explode inside this woman, and then he was there with her, grunting as he came right along side of her, emptying himself as her tight heat was contracting around him. He couldn't breathe and dropped his forehead to Olivia's as they rode out their orgasms together, his movements now sloppy but pleasure still coursing through both of them.

When Olivia finally relaxed beneath him, she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tight and he kissed her shoulder lovingly. She truly was amazing. And then Olivia whispered on a shuddering exhale,

"I love you, Peter Stone."

…

 **To be continued.**  
 **Reviews are life.**


	27. Passion

**So I'm still very shaken/sad about how they wrote Peter Stone's goodbye on the show, so it took me a while to get back into the mood of this story. Leaving because you care about someone … I'll never get it! I fully plan to write my own version of what happens after that scene in the season finale, but I feel that I need to finish this story first. Remember this was actually my take on what happened after the season 19 finale? Funny huh, in retrospect … (sniff)**

 **Alright, let's get back to some Benstone bliss now. A short chapter. Enjoy!**

...

 **27\. Passion**

Peter had slipped out of her and was now on his side, cradling her to his chest. He was holding her tight, hiding his face between her hair and the pillow and Olivia could tell he was a little emotional. She was working hard to blink away a few tears herself. She had just told Peter that she loved him and it was a big moment for both of them. Those words had never come easy to her and between her and Peter, they meant a lot. They meant everything. It was her final 'yes' to exploring a very real future with him.

It still felt unreal but the pleasant tingling between her legs told her that it was, indeed, very real. She had given her body to a man before, but this time it had been so much more than sex. She had felt a connection with Peter that went beyond the physical one, and although a little voice was begging for attention in the back of her head - her old reflexes trying to panic and tell her to pull back - she wasn't listening to that voice anymore. Instead, she listened to Peter's breathing, that was gradually slowing down while he got his emotions under control.

They both weren't big on showing their emotions, in public or otherwise, and she knew now that the moment Peter had lost it, all those months ago in his office after losing his sister, her heart had begun to open for him. She would stuff her own emotions down but she was defenseless against someone else's pain. The way Peter always tried to stay in control was so familiar to her and seeing this strong, independent, almost aloof man work so hard to break down his own barriers for her and Noah, had reeled her in, hook, line and sinker.

He loved her and she loved him.

And on top of that, he loved Noah and Noah loved him.

It was perfect.

The little voice in the back of her head spoke up again.

 _Too perfect?_ But Olivia refused to listen. She wasn't going to run away from this.

 _But what if it doesn't last?_ At least we will have this and we won't have to worry about 'what-ifs'.

Olivia knew like no other how destructive 'what-ifs' were. It had taken her years to shake them off with regards to her former partner and to stop looking behind her. She wasn't going to make that mistake again. She wanted to give this a real chance and even if they didn't make it, at least she would have tried. She was goin to look ahead now.

"I love you," she whispered again, near Peter's ear, underlining her own decision.

She was all in now and wasn't going to go back.

Peter responded by kissing her deeply and when he devoured her mouth, she could feel a throb in her lower belly. Her body was already wanting more of his and when she kissed Peter back passionately, he caught on quickly.

Olivia wasn't insecure about her body anymore. She had never had such an attentive yet intense lover as Peter, and all the sweet compliments whispered as he discovered her body a second time definitely helped. Ever since her run-in with Harris at Sealview she'd had an aversion to getting too close to a man's crotch with her face, but Peter made her want to explore further, and to please him like he was pleasing her. With his hands, and then his mouth. They had been tender and loving the first time, but were growing more passionate by the minute now that the breaks were finally completely off. The sound of Peter's voice sighing her name was music to her ears and she wanted to hear it again. When she pushed him on his back and started kissing her way down his muscular chest and abdomen, she could feel his toned muscles tremble and twitch under her touch. It made her feel powerful, a stark contrast to the insecurity she'd felt at the beginning of the evening. Each time he whispered her name she could hear the love in his voice and it gave her courage and even a desire to pleasure him.

Peter couldn't believe what Olivia was about to do. Somehow he must have thought that a sex detective might be rather vanilla in the bedroom but she was showing him yet another new side of herself right now. He held his breath a few times as her mouth and hands traveled lower on his body and then whispered her name again. He felt himself twitch in her hand, anticipating her soft lips on his tip any second now and he groaned loudly when he finally felt it.

He was growing even harder in her hand and mouth and she smiled at him over the expanse of his naked body. A sultry, seductive smile. Peter swallowed hard. A new side of her indeed.

He could only take her mouth on him for a minute or two though. He wasn't going to come in her mouth. He wanted to come inside her and make her come with him.

When he sat up and pulled her up by her shoulders gently, she gazed up at him, a question in her eyes.

"Not like this," he told her.

"Yet," she added with a smirk and his heart skipped a beat.

"Really, Liv?" he asked her and she just smiled at him before kissing him deeply.

Peter wasn't going to question her. Feeling the burning passion between them, he knew she was probably right. They were eventually going to do it all, and hopefully many times. But right now, he just wanted to make love to her again; to celebrate finally becoming one with her.

Olivia let him, and gave in to her own need to be close to him. Peter pulled her into his lap and she wrapped her legs around him. He slipped inside her as if their bodies were made for each other and Olivia let her head fall back as she pushed her hips forward, taking him in all the way. They made love just like that, sitting up, while Peter supported her ass as they moved together. They both left small love bites on each other's shoulders and chest and made the bed shake as they approached their second climax of the night. Olivia attached her mouth to Peter's neck to muffle her own cries, not wanting to wake up Noah, and Peter sighed, trying not to moan or groan, as he started going over the edge.

"Ah, yes," Olivia hissed, feeling him grow even thicker inside her.

He stilled then, pulling her hips impossibly close to his and she felt him starting to come. The increased pressure on her clit was just enough to send her off the cliff right after him, and they panted together, faces tucked in the crooks of their necks and skin slapping against skin as they resumed their movements, squeezing every last bit of pleasure out of their bodies before toppling over in a heap of limbs, completely sated.

"Wow," Peter panted.

He pulled Olivia close to him, and kissed her lips softly.

"Yeah," she agreed, at a loss for words.

She was trying to make sense of the incredible, bubbly thing she was feeling inside her, wondering why she felt so good and still felt like crying too. Without knowing what she was thinking, or at least she thought he didn't know, Peter answered her unasked question when he said,

"That's what making love is supposed to be."

Tears welled up in her eyes then because he was so right. She realized that until now, she had never made love to a man before. She had only had sex with them. She caressed Peter's cheek, gazing into his green eyes that were full of love and peace. And some concern, too.

"What's wrong?" he asked her softly and she instantly started shaking her head.

"Nothing."

Her voice was thick with emotion and Peter knew it wasn't nothing. He could see a tear in the corner of her eye, trying to break free. He caught it with his finger and looked into her eyes again.

"Try again."

Olivia shook her head again. Her chin was trembling but she took a deep breath before speaking again.

"Nothing is wrong, honestly," she said with a shaky voice. "That's the point. Everything is right and … I just …"

"You've never had that before."

The realization made his throat constrict. For her.

"No. Pathetic huh?"

She tried to laugh it off but it was his turn to shake his head.

"No. Not pathetic, Liv. I've never had it before either. I've never been so sure about anything in my life as I am about this. About us, together. You, me and Noah and …"

He swallowed and it was her turn to wipe a tear off his cheek.

"It's just …" he tried again, but the feeling of Olivia's hand, traveling down from his cheek to his chest distracted him for a moment.

"Perfect?" Olivia asked with a smile.

"I was gonna say, meant to be."

…

 **A short chapter this time but I just wanted to give you all some more Benstone loving because we really need that right now, and because some of you were worried there would only be one love scene in this story :)  
** **I wanted to end this one on a happy note, but I have a few more chapters up my sleeve here so stay tuned. Meanwhile, reviews are life.** **  
**


	28. Argument

**So they are officially a couple now and 'I love yous' have been exchanged. What could possibly go wrong now …..?  
Trigger warning for memories of torture and discussion of rape.  
(PS. I threw in something that annoys me about SVU. Shoutout in the next chapter for the reviewer who guesses what it is!)**

...

 **28\. Argument**

They had kissed again and had just looked at each other for a while, comfortably under the covers, taking in all the changes that had happened between them. There was a trust growing and a certainty that was truly new to Olivia. She may have trusted her old partner, but he could never be with her like this, with a promise of a future together. She wondered now if she had ever really trusted the other men she'd been with. When it came down to it, had she really trusted Brian? Or Ed? Or even Kurt?

Elliot was still the longest relationship she'd ever had with a man, but for the first time in her life she could see a future for herself with another man. A real future, with _this_ man.

Peter couldn't stop staring at Olivia. He could see several emotions swirling in her dark eyes but the most important one for him was something he could only describe as peace. She had made a choice once and for all and it made him happier than he could have imagined. He didn't think there was anything standing in their way anymore. What could go wrong now?

…

The next morning was everything Peter had hoped it would be. There was no awkwardness between him and Olivia and Noah was overjoyed when it was Peter instead of his mother who came into his room to wake him up for school. Olivia smiled at them from the kitchen when they came tumbling into the living room and Peter found himself wishing once more for many more morning just like this one. And nights like last night … he was almost dreading going home alone again at night and sleeping without Olivia by his side.

But for now, the real world was calling and they all had things to do. They hadn't made any plans for the evening or the next day and Peter assumed they'd be in touch over the course of the day to make plans about when they'd see each other again. The weekend was upon them after all.

And then there was this case. A case that found them completely at odds with each other overnight. Olivia was absolutely certain about their suspect but Peter maintained that there was too little to go on. As far as he was concerned, there was no case.

...

 _Saturday, July 14, 2018_

Olivia didn't quite know what to do with Peter right now. She had a feeling that he was siding with the suspect and it made her angry. Not just ordinary angry. She was livid. And while he was out there, explaining to her team once more that there simply wasn't any evidence linking the guy to the crime, she was in her office, trying to comfort their inconsolable victim.

It was Saturday afternoon and they had made plans to take Noah swimming again, but things had gone very differently today. Their victim had had a meltdown at the hospital and wouldn't let anyone near her. The hospital staff had eventually called Lieutenant Benson, knowing how she was able to connect with victims and when she had arrived, Joanie had indeed calmed down a little. It had taken Olivia all morning to convince the woman to have a rape kit done and she'd stayed with her every step of the way. The attending nurse had told Olivia in private that there seemed to be no traces of semen but she hoped the rape kit would produce something anyway and had put a rush on it.

And then Joanie had accused a young man who lived down the street from her. A kid really, barely seventeen but even though she hadn't seen her attacker's face because he had worn a mask, she was one hundred percent sure it was him. And so Olivia had called the team to tell them to pick the boy up for questioning.

Olivia had expected Peter to act swiftly and had hoped that he'd have all the papers just about drawn up by the time she and Joanie arrived at the station, and that their suspect would be behind bars the same day. To say she was disappointed was an understatement.

Carisi had picked up the suspect and he and Peter had questioned him, but the boy wasn't very cooperative. He didn't have a solid alibi but it wasn't unusual for a 17-year old to be home in bed alone at 3 am, even on a Friday night, so that wasn't suspicious in itself. No mask had been found in the home and no other clothes matching Joanie's description. On top of that, the victim was twice the boy's age and Peter had wondered out loud how the two would even know each other, let alone how Joanie could be so sure it had been him. From witness statements they had already learned that the two families never interacted with each other. Olivia was just glad she had asked Joanie to wait for her in her office while she was brought up to speed on the case, so the woman hadn't heard the ADA's comments. After sitting with Joanie for a while, comforting her and trying to help her remember more details about what had happened, Olivia told her that she was going to go talk to her team again.

Peter gave her an apologetic look but he could tell instantly that she wasn't accepting it. He knew how she suffered right alongside any victim and he feared sometimes that it could cloud her judgment. It was his job to look at the cold hard facts, because those were the foundation of any case. He was all for playing the emotions of a jury once he was convinced of their suspect's guilt, but he needed solid evidence to convince him first. And in this case, there wasn't any. There wasn't even any circumstantial evidence, except for the fact that the kid had no real alibi. But who did at 3 am unless they happened to be in bed with their lover?

Speaking of which, he already missed Olivia. She had been very tired after work on Friday and they had just talked on the phone the night before. He had hoped to spend the night with her again this weekend but right now, she seemed incredibly distant, anger bubbling just beneath the surface.

He tried to explain that he needed more than Joanie's word that she 'just knew' it had been Danny O'Hearly but Olivia was too agitated to really listen to him.

"She says it was him, Peter. She _knows_ it was him!"

"How? How does she even know him?"

"Street barbecue last year. You know this, it's in the report."

"Yeah, that's how she knows his name. Still doesn't explain how she knows he raped her. I mean, come _on_. Bad breath?"

Olivia stepped into his personal space and spoke with a low, steady voice that was in stark contrast with the fire in her eyes.

"He did it. You prove it."

Peter didn't move a muscle and stared into her eyes when he told her,

"That's not how this works and you know it."

Fin came into the room with the preliminary report of the rape kit in his hand and saw the ADA and the Lieutenant's standoff.

"Uh oh. That was quick," he muttered, stopping next to Carisi, who was watching the scene unfold from a respectable distance.

"What's gotten into those two?" Carisi asked softly, almost afraid that the others would hear him.

"Let's just call this a reminder never to get involved with a coworker, Carisi. You have been warned," Fin stated dryly before walking up to the couple to break them up.

"Liv. Stone."

They both frowned at the interruption and Fin just smirked at them before holding up the papers in his hand.

"What's that?" Peter asked.

"First results of the rape kit. ME isn't done yet but he wanted you to know that as far as he can tell, there's no semen in the kit. Perp musta used a condom."

Peter held out his hands and looked at Olivia again, as if to say, I rest my case. There was no proof at all.

"Well, good for you, Counselor," Olivia blurted out. "You got your way."

Peter blinked and frowned.

"What did you just say?"

Olivia huffed and started to walk away from him but it was Peter's turn to become angry and he grabbed her arm.

"Now wait just a second …"

Olivia whipped around and pulled her arm out of his grasp in a reflex and he knew he'd made a mistake by grabbing her. But there was no time to dwell on that. She needed to listen to him now.

"Do you think I _wanted_ the kit to come back negative? Seriously? Do you think I don't want to nail this guy to the wall if he did it? That I wouldn't welcome any shred of proof against him?!"

He knew he was practically yelling but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't believe she'd think he would be happy that there was no evidence to try the kid. He wasn't trying to win an argument with her here. He just wanted her to realize that he wouldn't be able to make a case against O'Hearly.

"Well, it sure looks like that, Counselor!" Olivia fired back. "I can't believe you're not going to pursue this case while we know who raped Joanie!"

" _We_ don't know anything, Lieutenant."

" _She_ knows he did it. So _I_ know he did it."

"It's that simple huh?"

"I've been doing this job a long time, Peter."

Here we go again, Peter thought. Not this again. She was throwing her experience in his face once again and it was getting old fast. Besides, he was an experienced prosecutor and Olivia had been through enough court cases to know how those worked.

"Exactly," he threw back at her. "And that's why you _know_ that we can't go to trial with what we have now. We don't even have enough to hold him overnight and you know it."

Olivia huffed and then turned her wrath on her Detectives. She looked at Carisi when she told them,

"Then get the evidence."

She looked at Peter once more, a defiant look in her eyes when she told him,

"Excuse me. I have to tend to Joanie now."

With that, she turned and walked back into her office, closing the door behind her.

…

Olivia wished she could be alone for a few moments but there was no time to think about what had just happened between her and Peter. Joanie needed her now and she had probably heard them argue.

"I knew he used a condom," Joanie said softly, trying to contain fresh tears. "I didn't look but it hurt so bad …"

She started crying again and Olivia made a mental note of this tidbit of information. The perp had probably used a condom without lubricant. She sat down next to Joanie and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"If there's anything else you can think of … even if you don't think it's important; it might be something our ADA can work with."

She felt like a hypocrite for saying that because she didn't think Peter wanted to work with anything Joanie had to say at all. For some obscure reason, he simply didn't believe her and Olivia couldn't understand it. She knew like no other how a sound, a smell, even a gesture could be burned into your memory, never to be erased again. Joanie had told her about Danny's breath and Olivia believed her. Just a waft of a certain scent could teleport a person back completely to a situation they had been in before. It had happened to her, when she'd left a frying pan on the stove and had forgotten to turn off the gas. The smell of the hot pan without anything in it had taken her back to her old apartment the instant she had walked back into the kitchen. She'd been bound and gagged again, bracing herself for a fresh burn mark on her heaving, sweaty stomach.

Joanie had told her that her rapist's breath had teleported her right back to last year's street barbecue, when one of her neighbors' kids had stood too close to her and she had stepped back. The kid had grinned at her then and she had looked away.

 _I can't convict someone for having bad breath,_ Peter had told her. He had sounded smug to her and she just couldn't deal with that. Joanie was falling apart and he was just shrugging the whole case off. That was unacceptable.

Danny O'Hearly played baseball and he and Peter had actually discussed a few games together while she'd been with Joanie at the hospital. He'd done it to get a 'feel' for the kid, he'd told her. But Olivia thought that maybe he'd bonded with the boy instead and just didn't believe he was their perp.

Meanwhile, Peter glanced at Olivia's office from time to time while he, Carisi and Fin went over the preliminary results of Joanie's rape kit. He didn't want to leave without talking to Olivia but it didn't look like she was planning to come back out any time soon.

He could understand that she was frustrated about the case but he didn't understand that she would take it out on him like this. He wasn't trying to be difficult but he really needed more to go on than bad breath.

He walked up to her office a few times, trying to make eye contact with Olivia through the window, but it was obvious that she didn't want to see him, and he didn't want to barge in on her while she was with a fragile woman who had just gone through a life-altering experience. But he didn't want to just leave like this either. He asked Fin and Carisi if there was any other way they could think of that might link Danny to Joanie's rape, even if it was circumstantial.

"He never spoke and she didn't see him because of the mask. All she remembers is his breath and his approximate height. She couldn't even give us a skin color with certainty. You see I can't go to trial with that right? I mean, the kid isn't talking."

"Yeah, I get it. And in the end, she'll get it too," Fin told him reassuringly. "She used to chew out Barba just like that you know. Don't take it personally man."

"Just like that? Are you sure about that?" Peter asked the older man.

Fin grimaced and wiggled his head and Peter knew it couldn't have been 'just like that' because there was something else underneath the surface with them that hadn't been there with Barba.

"Well, he didn't react like you just did, that's for sure," Carisi chimed in.

Peter frowned and looked from Fin to Carisi, who finally seemed to be catching on.

"What do you mean?"

"Well … grabbing her arm like that? I thought for sure she was gonna deck you. Nobody touches her, you know … well ... "

Carisi paused and looked at Peter up and down. Then he added,

"Well, you might, I guess."

Peter couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from tugging up slightly and an understanding passed between the three men that Peter, indeed, would be the one man who would be allowed to touch Olivia Benson.

"So now what?" Peter asked, and the other two men knew he wasn't talking about the case anymore.

"She'll come around. She always does," Fin told him and Peter hoped he was right.

"I just don't wanna leave like this," he sighed.

"She's gonna put the victim first for the rest of the day. You know that. She's probably going to drive her home herself so …"

Peter nodded. Fin was right. There was no point in hanging around here to wait for Olivia, because they wouldn't be able to talk in front of Joanie anyway. Still, it didn't feel right to leave while they weren't on good terms. They had fought over cases before but things were different now. Somehow he had expected them to be different on the job too. But they were very much alike at work too, both stubborn and very sure of themselves. Maybe they were bound to clash, but he had to admit they had made too much of a scene today. Now Carisi knew about them too. They needed to do better than this. Otherwise, they couldn't work together anymore.

…

 **Dun dun.**

 **I'd love to know your thoughts. I hope I made the argument in character? I really tried …  
But now what?**


	29. Follow your heart

**Shoutout to actionman81 who is the only one who guessed which detail annoys me these days in SVU. It's Olivia telling someone that 'she's been doing this job a long time' to make them shut up and listen to her. It's so unlike the Olivia we got to know and love in the earlier seasons and I hate when she is made to say it by the writers. She can be a strong leader without saying things like that IMO. So that is why I made Peter hate it too when she says it! So hats off to actionman81 and thank you so much for being a faithful reviewer!**

 **But now, let's see what happens next. It took me a while to conceive this chapter. I hope you will enjoy it.**

...

 **29\. Follow your heart**

They had finally gotten a hold of Danny's parents, who had been out of town for the weekend, and they were on their way to pick up their son. Peter used it as an excuse not to leave just yet and he hoped that maybe he'd get another chance to talk to Olivia. She and Joanie were currently waiting for Joanie's sister to arrive, who was flying in from Wisconsin. Joanie was divorced and understandably terrified to be home alone at the moment.

Peter had to admit that he hadn't gotten a violent vibe from Danny at all. He seemed like an ordinary 17-year old, in that awkward stage between teenager and adult. He was doing alright in school; he had normal interests; played sports and computer games and hung out with friends on Saturdays. He'd had the house to himself this weekend and hadn't made a mess of it. Several of his friends had texted him during the time he'd been in the interrogation room and Carisi had finally handed him his phone so he could tell them he was busy and would call them later.

When the O'Hearly's arrived, Peter watched them interact with their son. The father was gruff with him and seemed embarrassed to be picking him up at a police station. Embarrassment clearly translated to angry for the man. The mother was quiet and rather fidgety. He could imagine that they'd be very shaken up. Nobody wanted their weekend in the country to be interrupted by a phone call, telling them their son was implicated in a rape. He saw something flash across Danny's face when he saw his mother that made him frown. What was that look? Who looked at their mother like that, he wondered. He didn't seem pleased at all to see her. The mother kept her distance and Peter looked at the interaction between mother and son more attentively. Then he realized this was the first time the boy was confronted with a woman since he had been brought in. Rollins hadn't been called in on this case on her weekend off and Olivia hadn't talked to the boy yet.

Peter didn't know what to do with what he'd seen. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was exactly but it made him look at Danny through a different lens.

He had to let the O'Hearly's leave though, and watched as Carisi escorted them out of the squad room towards the elevators.

"Did you see that?" Peter asked Fin, who stood next to him.

"See what?"

"The way he looked at his mother just now."

"No. Didn't see a thing."

Fin hadn't been in the room or behind the mirror window when the parents came in, Peter remembered.

"What's on your mind Counselor?" the Sergeant asked him.

"I'm not sure."

Peter shook his head, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling he had, and looked at Fin more attentively.

"Can I ask you something else?" he asked him.

The man was a long time friend and coworker of Olivia after all, and he was still trying to think of the best way to get through to her about the case. And maybe about them, too.

"Shoot," Fin said, glancing at Olivia's office to make sure the door was still closed.

Peter hesitated, not wanting to break the fragile trust between him and Olivia. His hands on his hips, he looked at the ground, trying to find the right words.

"Don't be shy, Counselor. I may not be the best person to ask for advice about love but I do know _her_ , so …"

Peter grinned and looked up at the older man.

"Well … I think Liv and I are a lot alike in a way."

"No kiddin'," Fin said with a cheeky grin. "You're both stubborn as shit if that's what you mean. But that's good for her, you know. She needs someone with a backbone to get her fired up and help her focus. Hell, it's what kept her going as a Detective for so long with her old partner."

Peter hummed. Part of him wanted to know more about this 'old partner' that was mentioned from time to time, but right now, he wanted to know about Olivia more.

"I can see the fired up part but honestly, not the focused part yet. Sure, she's focused on Joanie but not on her case."

"She will, Stone. She will. Don't you worry about that."

Fin paused and then looked at him very earnestly.

"But I got a feeling that's not what you wanted to ask me."

"No. You're right. It isn't."

Peter took another breath and decided to elaborate on his and Olivia's likeness a bit.

"I recognized her ways after just a little while," he told Fin. "She's closed off, not with the victims but with just about everyone else. She doesn't really share herself with anyone. I recognize that because I'm like that too."

"Yeah, that's true. She never really shows her heart."

"Exactly. And now … well, this thing between us … she's really opened up to me."

"I'm glad man. It's about time she found someone she can lean on. She can't keep carrying the world on her shoulders forever."

Peter smiled despite his concern.

"Well put, Sergeant. Can you believe she's actually let me get Noah ready for school?"

Fin put a hand on his heart dramatically, pretending shock.

"Then it must be serious!" he chuckled and both men smiled. It helped Peter relax a little.

"I was just wondering," he then said, finally getting to his real question. "Does she retreat when someone gets too close? I mean, would she self-sabotage a relationship out of fear? Maybe use a conflict like this to put the breaks on?"

Fin thought about his question for a few long moments and then asked him a question in return.

"Because that's what you'd do too? That what you mean?"

Peter rubbed the back of his head with one hand and started pacing a little. Was Fin right? He had to admit that he was really scared now of losing Olivia and Noah again. He'd never had a relationship that meant this much to him before and it was scary for him to allow her in; to allow her to become that important to him and to let her see the real Peter Stone without the facade of always being in control of his emotions. It was scary for him to allow _himself_ not to always be in control of his emotions but he could feel his control slipping a little. And now he was worried that Olivia was feeling the same thing, and maybe didn't want it to happen. It was a slippery slope and they both hated those. Their need to be in control of themselves at all times was a very hard habit to break. But if anyone was worth it, it was Olivia and if she started backtracking now, he didn't know how he'd take it.

"I don't want to," he finally told Fin. "I thought I'd finally found someone my heart would be safe with."

Fin seemed a little uncomfortable at his declaration and maybe he was being a bit mushy but it was how he felt about her.

"Honestly Stone, I don't know what to tell ya. This is brand new territory for all of us. She's dated before but I never got the feeling that she could lower her guard around those guys at all so ... I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you right now. Just … to follow your heart, I guess?"

The Sergeant chuckled, now possibly sounding as mushy as Peter but Peter appreciated the man's words. He thanked him before finally leaving for the night, and mulled the words over on his way home. Follow his heart instead of his age-old reflexes. He could feel that old urge surface to pull his own walls back up, to protect his heart from getting hurt. But he was fighting that urge because he really believed Olivia - and Noah - were worth the effort. He could only hope Olivia would be willing to do the same.

…

Olivia was exhausted by the time Gloria, Joanie's sister arrived. Joanie's two children were with their father for the weekend and the sisters were going to a hotel together for the night. Olivia had promised them she'd stay in touch to keep them updated about the case and also to see how Joanie was doing.

Now, she was finally alone with her thoughts and they were a jumbled mess. She knew why. It was because of her and Peter. It was fine chewing out the ADA and giving him or her a piece of her mind when they were just coworkers, but this was different. She and Peter had really gotten close in a short period of time and no relationship had ever felt this right to her. Her decision to stop holding back and to seize the day seemed to be paying off. That's why it had hurt so much now to feel like they were on opposite sides of this case.

Olivia plopped down on the couch in her office and rested her face in her hands, elbows on her knees. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and as she tried to relax and calm her thoughts down, she allowed a startling realization to take shape in her mind.

She had made it personal.

Not just personal in the sense that she felt a personal responsibility towards the victim to get justice for her. She always felt that. But this was different. She had allowed her personal feelings for Peter to taint her response to his position on the matter.  
She felt her face flush as she let that truth wash over her. How unprofessional of her! She could be angry at the fact that there wasn't enough evidence yet to go on, but not at Peter. Not at him personally. But that was what this was and she knew it. She had gotten angry at him because it was him. Because they had gotten so close and she loved him and she somehow needed him on her team.

But he already was on her team.

She knew this and she had still allowed herself to respond overly emotionally to the facts, because of who had been the messenger. And she was ashamed of herself. When she looked behind her through the window of her office, she saw that everyone except Fin had already left for the night. Olivia sighed again. She knew why Fin was still here and there would be no way around her Sergeant. She stood up to gather her things and checked that her laptop was logged off before closing it. When she walked out of her office, switching off the lights, Fin stood up from where he'd been sitting too. She knew it wasn't a coincidence and she almost rolled her eyes when he asked her nonchalantly,

"Hey Liv. Walk you out?"

"Sure," she sighed. "You can tell me how to fix this on our way out."

Fin chuckled and shook his head and Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"You two are quite a pair," he told her, responding to her unasked question. "I can't believe I'm suddenly the middleman here. You're both adults right?"

"Peter talked to you too?" Olivia asked, and she was genuinely surprised.

He was as closed-off as she was and she hadn't expected him to talk to anyone about their argument at all.

"Yeah. You two gotta talk Liv."

"I know."

They walked to the elevators together and got in silently. She wondered what Fin and Peter had talked about exactly but part of her was afraid to ask. Was he pulling away? Was he wondering if it had been a mistake to start something with her?

"He thinks you may be pulling away," Fin suddenly said, interrupting her thoughts and making her frown and blink a few times.

"What?"

Hadn't she just thought the opposite, that _he_ might pull away?

"Just talk to the guy, Liv. You don't need me for that. You're a big girl."

Olivia smiled wryly.

"In situations like this, I'm not so sure Fin," she admitted.

Now it was Fin's turn to raise an eyebrow and he grinned when he told her,

"Well Lieutenant. If the guy means a damn to you, you better man up and put on your big girl pants."

The way Fin put it made Olivia laugh out loud and Fin patted her on the back before they exited the elevator and went their separate ways.

"Thanks Fin," she told him over her shoulder.

Fin just waved at her and then she was alone with her thoughts again.

…

Olivia was sitting in her car, tapping the steering wheel. She was still parked outside the precinct. She should get home so Lucy could go home but her heart was pulling her in two different directions. Part of her wanted to go home to see her son while another part of her really didn't think she would sleep a wink if she didn't talk to Peter first. She didn't want to do it over the phone and it couldn't wait until morning. She had no idea yet what she wanted to say to him but she knew she couldn't leave things like this. Not even for one night.

It was a confusing feeling. She couldn't remember ever feeling it before. She didn't just _want_ to talk to Peter. She felt like she _needed_ to. There was a real need inside her to make things right between them and it couldn't wait. Yes, that was definitely new. A silent treatment had been more her style over the years, until a problem or a conflict would just blow over. But not now. Not this time. Not with this man. But what should she do?

She decided to call Lucy first and take it from here. Lucy told her right away that Noah was bathed and in bed already and she was just doing some homework at the breakfast bar.

"If you need some more time, it's fine Olivia. Really," the nanny assured her.

Olivia knew that she was paying Lucy handsomely and the young woman didn't mind working a few extra hours on the weekend. But Lucy was worth every dollar. She told the nanny that she would try to be home before midnight and would pay her cab fare, and Lucy said that was absolutely fine. After ending the call Olivia started the car and sighed once more before putting it in drive.

What was she doing? Was this what all those poets and songwriters meant when they said you should follow your heart? Well, it sounded very romantic but in reality, it was scary as hell. But she was going to do it anyway.

For him.

For herself.

For _them._

...

 **To be continued ...**


	30. I'm sorry

**30\. I'm sorry**

When Olivia arrived in Peter's street she found a parking spot and then walked the short distance to his building. His name wasn't next to any of the buzzers because this wasn't his own place, but she remembered the number. Still, she hesitated. Now that she was here, she had to decide what to say to him. She took a deep breath and leaned against the wall next to the entrance of the building with one arm. She was in uncharted territory now. She had never gone after a man before in her life, always retreating at the first sign of trouble. But she didn't feel like she was going after a man in a submissive kind of way. She was going for the future that she had come to see for them, together. Wasn't that worth fighting for?

Her hand went for the buzzer a few times but she didn't feel properly prepared. Her heart was telling her to just do it, but her mind kept asking her, what are you going to say?

She had no idea what to say … all she knew is she needed to see him.

Before she could answer her own question, the door of the building suddenly swung open and there he was.

Peter Stone.

And he was on his way out.

The instant he saw her, he froze.

...

 _10 minutes earlier_

Peter was pacing in his apartment, taking longer and longer strides through the spacious place the more time went by without a word from Olivia. He didn't even know if he should expect to hear from her. He had decided he would give her some space because crowding her seemed like a bad idea. Also, that wasn't him. He was a take it or leave it kind of guy. Or rather, he used to be. He never used to be this invested in someone and everything was different now. He'd already put more effort into this relationship with Olivia than he had ever done for anyone before.

A nagging voice in the back of his head tried to convince him that he'd just gone soft temporarily after losing his sister, and that he shouldn't really believe that they could make it work long term. That they were both way too stubborn to ever give in. He sure wasn't planning to give in. He couldn't go to trial just because Olivia told him to. It would lead to nothing without more evidence and Danny might walk because of the double jeopardy law. And he didn't expect Olivia to give in either, because she was convinced that Joanie had identified the right person. Truth be told, she probably had. But it was a classic he said/she said for now without so much as a clue indicating the kid had even been near the victim at all.

"Dammit Liv," he muttered, stopping for a moment to wipe a hand over his face.

It wasn't just about the case and he knew it. Even if they continued to fight about the case, he still wanted to see her. Talk to her and just be with her. Maybe he _had_ gone soft but he feared it wasn't very temporary. He had already give a part of his heart to her, and another part to her son. Breaking things off now would feel like open heart surgery and he didn't know if he could afford losing such a large chunk of his heart at once. If he did, it might never truly beat for anyone else again.

Peter stopped pacing and let out a harsh breath.

Going all philosophical on himself wasn't going to do any good. He had to do something. He didn't have a clue yet what he would say to Olivia. All he knew is, he had to see her. Right now.

…

Olivia could see the emotion in Peter's green eyes and she imagined hers were reflecting the exact same things. Shock at the sudden confrontation; confusion because what should they say? And pain because despite everything, they had missed seeing each other and just being together.

Peter opened his mouth to say something but then Olivia was propelled into action, cutting him off before he could speak, when she rushed towards him and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered on a shaky breath, closing her eyes and hiding her face in the crook of Peter's neck.

She wasn't really sure why those were the first words out of her mouth but the moment she'd spoken them, she knew they were the only words that made sense under the circumstances. She felt Peter's arms wrap around her shoulders after only half a second, and then he relaxed against her, burying his nose in her long hair while pulling her against him more tightly.

They stood like that for at least two minutes, just holding each other and listening to each other breathe, as if hearing each other breathe was breathing life and warmth back into them. It was still warm outside but Olivia had felt cold these past few hours. She had hated the distance between her and Peter and while she still worried if they would be able to work together, this was where she needed to be right now. With him, in his arms.

And she had apologized.

She knew Peter was right about Joanie's case. No matter how sure the woman was about the identity of her attacker, no jury would rule in her favor with what they had now. Peter had been right and she had hated him for not siding with her; had made it a personal thing as if it was part of their romantic involvement. But it wasn't and it shouldn't be. If they couldn't keep their personal and professional lives separate, they couldn't work together anymore.

' _Otherwise … we can't be partners.'_

Words from long ago echoed in her mind and the memory of the devastation she had felt then, made her burrow further into Peter's chest.

"It's okay," she heard him whisper. "It's okay Liv."

She began shaking her head lightly even before untangling herself from him and looked up into his kind eyes, that were still swimming with emotion.

"No," she said softly. "I was wrong to attack you like that. I … it was unprofessional. That's not okay."

Peter rubbed her back gently, very reluctant to let go of her at all. Didn't she know that just showing up here was everything he needed from her? He didn't need her apology, although he did appreciate it, knowing how hard it was for people like them to apologize at all. He had been on his way to her place but this was so much better. She must have gone just as soft as he had, and that thought put a small smile on his face.

"It's not funny," Olivia muttered, clearly a little uneasy because of the way he was looking at her, but he just couldn't help himself; he was too happy to see her.

"No, it isn't," he said, but his smile only widened before he dipped down to kiss her softly.

"Then why are you smiling," she said against his lips, unable to suppress a smile of her own.

"I don't know," Peter shrugged and he kissed her again. "Why are you?"

"I don't know," Olivia replied, and then she placed a feather light kiss on his lips.

They continued exchanging little kisses, becoming more giddy with each one, until they were laughing out loud together, just holding each other close.

Olivia felt like laughing and crying at the same time and it was the strangest feeling. When Peter asked her softly if she'd come inside, she just nodded and let him take her hand.

Peter guided Olivia upstairs, feeling like taking the stairs two steps at a time but pacing himself for her. He felt like a schoolboy again and it didn't make sense at all because they still needed to talk, but it still felt absolutely right to drag her up to his place and push her against the closing apartment door the moment they were inside and to kiss her passionately.

She was here, with him. She'd come to him, not wanting to wait to talk to him. He knew that was huge for her and he loved her all the more for it. Their passionate kissing soon evolved into something more, a hunger awakening in their bodies to be as close as they could possibly be. He couldn't really tell who took the initiative when they moved to his bedroom and started undressing each other and it didn't really matter. They were alike even now and completely in sync. When he was covered completely with her naked body, he stopped thinking and allowed himself to simply love her and make love to her.

A while later they were snuggled up together under the covers, Olivia's head resting on Peter's right arm, her forehead pressed against his cheek while his left arm was wrapped around her waist and his left leg was trapped between her legs. Olivia wondered if this was what normal life was really like. To be able to butt heads with each other and then simply continue to love each other. Things had never gone well for her before but somehow, she wanted it to work with Peter. It was why she was here now, and not alone in her apartment sulking and drinking the stress away. This had been far better and it hadn't just been sex. They had made love and it had been intense. It was as if they were trying to tell each other through their lovemaking that they weren't going to give up on each other. They were in too deep now and would just have to find a way to make it work.

Peter kissed Olivia's forehead and then turned on his back. Olivia moved with him and rested her head on his shoulder, draping her body against his right side until there wasn't an inch of space between them anywhere.

"I love you," Peter told her softly and she lifted her head to kiss his bare chest.

"I love you," she responded.

"So I've been thinking."

Olivia couldn't help but be instantly concerned. What was he going to say now? She listened intently when Peter continued.

"I think we need to disclose to our bosses."

Olivia dropped her head against his shoulder again and sighed. It made sense after the scene they'd made at work today.

"Unless you're not sure you still want this."

There was a waver in his voice that Olivia hadn't expected and her head flew up again. She pushed herself up on one elbow and looked at ADA Stone; her lover.

"Do you think I'd be here right now if I didn't want this?" she asked him.

She had wanted to sound firm and certain but couldn't ignore the small waver in her own voice. This was big, she realized. For both of them.

Peter lifted his arm and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. He knew she wouldn't have come to him tonight if she didn't want to be with him, but he just needed to hear her say it.

"So let's do it. I'll tell McCoy and you tell Dodds."

"When?"

"How about Monday?"

Peter smiled, hoping he wasn't being too fast for her and waited for her answer. He could see her having a small discussing with herself before she told him,

"Alright. We'll tell them Monday. Fin and Rollins know already anyway."

"And Carisi," Peter added and Olivia's eyebrows shot up.

"How?" she breathed.

She didn't think she'd let anything on around the junior Detective and she knew Rollins wouldn't have told him.

"Well … we kind of made it obvious earlier I think. Which reminds me. Liv, I'm sorry for grabbing your arm back there."

Olivia leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

"You are forgiven."

"So are you," Peter said against her lips.

"Thank you."

"I love you."

"You already told me that."

"I still love you now. I'm just making sure you know."

Olivia chuckled and leaned her forehead against Peter's.

"You're a weird one," she told him.

"Guilty as charged. But you love me anyway," he quipped.

"You're damn right I do."

Peter moved suddenly and pushed Olivia on her back before kissing her deeply once more. Just when Olivia thought they were gearing up for round two, Peter stopped and looked down at her very seriously.

"We need to take a closer look at the O'Hearly family dynamic," he told her. "I have a feeling something's off there."

Olivia blew out a breath slowly.

"Wow," she said softly.

"I didn't mean to kill the mood," Peter said quickly but Olivia shook her head.

He hadn't killed the mood. In fact, she was very happy that Peter clearly wasn't done with their possible case against Danny O'Hearly.

She looked up at Peter and caressed his cheek.

"You're still working the case?"

"Of course. Did you think I'd drop it just like that?"

Olivia wasn't sure what she'd thought. Maybe she _had_ thought that Peter would just want forget about it, but she should have known better.

"So what's off with that family? Did you see the parents?" she asked him.

"I did."

Peter lay back down next to her and explained that he'd had a strange feeling about Danny's reaction to his mother and vice versa. They agreed that it would be a good idea to send Rollins and Carisi over to the family home the next day to check them out, and possibly his female friends as well. After a while, Olivia said she should be getting home to relieve Lucy. She hesitated when she sat up and Peter sat on the edge of the bed next to her, still gloriously naked.

Peter caught her eyeing him and nudged her shoulder with his.

"Want me to come with you?" he asked her with a cocky grin.

"Would you?"

"Is that even a question?" he answered, letting his eyes roam her naked form like she had done with him.

Olivia grinned and then bit her lip as she nodded.

"I'd like it if you came with me."

…

 **More soon. Reviews are life. Have a question? Log in before posting your review so I can respond!**


	31. Deeper

**You guys deserve a little TLC, right? Well, here ya go. (And thanks for your patience!)**

...

 **31\. Deeper**

Lucy smiled knowingly when Olivia entered the apartment with Peter in tow. She probably understood now why Olivia had called to make sure Lucy was alright staying a while longer. Olivia asked her if she would be available the next day, on a Sunday, because they would be following up on Joanie's case. Lucy said it was fine and Olivia realized the young woman probably wouldn't have minded staying the night. Instead, she glanced at Peter one more time and then said she should be leaving. Olivia insisted on calling a cab for her because it was late, and she didn't want Lucy traveling alone at this hour on a Saturday night.

When the cab arrived, Peter offered to walk down with Lucy to make sure she got on safely. He would gladly have driven her home but Lucy would have none of it. Even the cab fare was a bit much, she told them.

Olivia thanked Lucy for staying before she and Peter went downstairs. She ducked into the bathroom to pee and to check her makeup and thought she looked really old when she was tired. A thought hit her then, thinking of her much younger lover walking Lucy downstairs. Lucy was in her early twenties and an attractive girl. What if Peter would decide one day that he did want a younger lover? She was going to be fifty this year after all. By the time he got back, her mind was already conjuring up all kinds of scenarios that made her defenses want to kick in.

But then Peter smiled at her and she felt herself go a little weak in the knees. She saw nothing but love in his eyes and she wanted to shake herself and tell her insecure self to stop sabotaging her chance at something good. She'd done that way too often. She hadn't really fought for relationships at all, always ready to retreat at the first sign of trouble. The only relationship she thought she'd put any effort in had been with Brian, although she had to admit in retrospect that the decision of moving in with him had partly been out of fear of living alone again. If Lewis hadn't come along, she didn't know if they would ever have taken that step.

Peter walked up to her and pulled her against his chest, his arms wrapping around her waist.

"What are you thinking now, Benson?" he muttered. "Gonna throw me a new road block?"

She raised both eyebrows, genuinely surprised at how well he seemed to be able to read her and Peter chuckled.

"Yeah. I saw the wheels turning inside your head Liv." He rubbed her back gently. "Does that scare you?"

"Maybe a little," Olivia admitted, and it was Peter's turn to look surprised.

She was surprising herself with her admission as well but she felt that it was alright to be vulnerable with Peter. Scary, but right.

"You have nothing to fear from me, Olivia," Peter told her and she knew he meant it.

"I'm just not used to letting my guard down," she said quietly; honestly.

"Same here. But when you have something worth fighting for within your grasp, what are you gonna do?"

Peter shrugged lightly but she knew it had to be new for him too. He was like her in so many ways and he didn't really show his heart to other people either. Still, he was allowing her to see his fears and insecurities but also his hopes and dreams. And those were hopes and dreams she wanted to be a part of.

Olivia answered his question by kissing him softly, and when Peter pulled her in and deepened the kiss, she let herself relax against him. They kissed languidly, no longer in a rush and when they broke apart, Peter rested his forehead against Olivia's.

"Have you eaten yet?" he suddenly asked her, and Olivia chuckled.

"Where did that come from?"

"I'm hungry?" Peter said with a grin.

"Alright. Let's see if Lucy left us something today then," Olivia said, grinning too.

She turned and walked into the kitchen, Peter right behind her, to check the fridge and the microwave.

She liked this. There was no tension at all about having sex or not. No expectation and therefore no disappointment. They were natural with each other and could relax in each others' company. Well, when they weren't fighting that is. She hoped this case would be behind them quickly. She knew there would be other cases and it remained to be seen how they'd handle working together; _if_ they would be allowed to work together after disclosing …

She suddenly felt her stomach clench at the thought of telling Dodds on Monday. It would become very real then. More real perhaps than any other relationship had ever been for her. What if one of them would have to get another job?

Peter wrapped his arms around his lover from behind, completely unaware of her thoughts, and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"So? What's for supper?"

"Looks like brown rice with vegetables and some kind of meat," Olivia told him, lifting the aluminum foil off the richly filled plate. "I think it's pork. And there's a salad too. Lucy always leaves more than enough food. Wanna share?"

"Sure."

He leaned back against the breakfast bar and watched while Olivia took out the plate, removed the foil and put it in the microwave and then started dividing the salad up into two portions. She really was an amazingly beautiful woman, he thought, and when she caught him watching her, she tilted her head, a question in her dark eyes.

"Just looking at the most beautiful woman I know," he told her.

He could tell she was trying very hard not to smile but she was flattered.

"I thought I looked kind of old at this hour of the day," she muttered and he was glad she felt comfortable enough to bring up her age once more.

"Old, tired, radiant, makeup or no makeup, yours is the only face I want to look at," Peter stated, knowing she probably needed some reassurance, again.

"Why?" she asked after a few moments, and he could tell it wasn't easy for her to ask. The question made her vulnerable. But he knew the answer to her question. He'd wondered the same thing a few times, why he was falling for the fierce Lieutenant. She hadn't been an easy person to get close to but something about her had caught his attention. And then, when he'd gotten to know her a little, she had captured his heart. He thought it must have been her fire; her unstoppable quest for justice and being a voice for the voiceless. But also the hidden pain, loneliness even, that had resonated with him on so many levels because he was the same way behind his protective armor. And his goal had become to help her come out of the shadows and live; to be happy and to know that she was loved. And so he told her,

"Because I love you and I want nothing more than to see you happy. I keep checking that you are by looking into your eyes."

There was a hint of surprise in her eyes then, but also a recognition that he was telling her the truth.

"What are my eyes telling you now?" she asked him and he loved how her eyes lit up, indicating that she was becoming a little playful.

"That you want to ravish me right here in this kitchen," he said without missing a beat and she laughed heartily at that.

Peter suspected she needed some levity to deal with the emotions his words had elicited in her, and he had no problem allowing her that space and going along with her playfulness.

"Is that so?" she asked, still smiling.

"Yeah. Or maybe that's what I would want. I don't know. I keep mixing us up."

Olivia stepped close to him then and wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked straight into his eyes and was about to say something that he knew had to be very naughty, when the microwave pinged loudly, telling them that supper was ready.

"Saved by the bell?" Peter asked with a grin.

Olivia raised an eyebrow and said suggestively,

"Maybe. Maybe not."

They both grinned and then released each other to focus on their meal. Peter grabbed two beers and opened them while Olivia divided the hot food in two before carrying their plates into the living area. They ate quietly, enjoying the silence in the apartment after such a long day. When they were finished, Peter offered to clean up so she could check on Noah. Olivia stood up and then leaned over to kiss his forehead.

"So thoughtful," she murmured against his skin before dashing off to her son's room.

Noah was sleeping soundly, clutching his favorite stuffed animal and Olivia ran her hand through his curls lightly. Part of her wished he would wake up because she wanted to hear his voice and tell him that she loved him. But she knew he needed to sleep and she found herself feeling anxious to get back to Peter.

Olivia shook her head at herself. She would never love Noah any less but apparently there was room enough in her heart to love two people. And being with Peter was different than being with Noah, because she was responsible for her son and she had to be the provider in every way. Noah didn't have much to give back to her yet at his age and she would eventually feel just a little bit drained after a long day of giving him her full attention.

It wasn't like that with Peter. They were equals, sharing the burdens of the day, and - more importantly - giving each other love and attention. They were two givers indeed, like Peter had said early on when they were still getting to know each other. And she felt that she could finally allow herself to receive now. To be the receiver of love, support and attention, not just the giver anymore. That is what was drawing her back to Peter now and it was what made her walk up to him in the kitchen, just as he was finishing wiping down the kitchen counter, and pull him in for a searing kiss.

Peter wasn't complaining. Not at all. But he did ask her after they both came up for air,

"Wow. What was that for?"

Olivia stared into his eyes and he could tell she was trying to find the words to explain why she'd kissed him like that. He was very interested in her answer now.

"Because I can," she settled on and he knew there was more to it, but he wasn't going to pressure her. Instead, he told her with a sly smile,

"There's a lot more we can do."

"That's right," Olivia replied, her voice now low and a little husky. "So what are we waiting for?"

She didn't need to ask him twice, and Peter dove in to kiss her deeply once more. Her mouth was warm and inviting, their tongues dancing together as her body pressed firmly against his, pushing him against the counter. It wasn't hard to guess what Olivia was after and he wanted her too. It didn't take them long to reach her bedroom and while Olivia tried to convince him to be quiet for Noah's sake, she was the one laughing the loudest when they tumbled on the bed together and almost rolled off again on the other side. He loved to hear her laugh and she was still grinning when she sat up and he started unbuttoning her blouse. She pushed her breasts out at him provocatively and he liked how carefree she was now. It was as if a lever had been pulled and she had let all her doubts and fears go. He knew they might come back but if she was capable of letting it all go for now, he wasn't going to stay behind. He wasn't going to worry about tomorrow, about the case or about disclosing to McCoy. He wasn't going to worry that Olivia might get cold feet after all. He was going to focus on her warm body, which was being revealed to him gradually as they both helped each other out of their clothes. He wanted to kiss every inch of her skin, even the damaged parts, and paid special attention to the fading bruise on her back.

Olivia sighed. She was lying on her stomach, completely naked aside from her panties, but Peter wasn't done showering her back and shoulders with attention. She wanted him to free her from that last piece of clothing because her body wanted to be touched elsewhere, and the anticipation made her more sensitive all over. He was showing her a kind of love that was completely new to her and she hadn't gotten used to it yet. Everything he was doing was for her, and it made her want to give back to him what he was giving her.

When she turned on her back, Peter's hand was on her breast immediately and she smiled up at him.

"I figured you were a breast man."

"Nothing wrong with your ass either, Miss Benson," Peter said huskily, moving his hand down and cupping her butt, and then pulling her against him so they were both lying on their sides.

He rested his head on his bent arm and looked at Olivia for a few long moments. Sometimes it would just hit him what a lucky SOB he was, being with Olivia at last and being allowed to call her his girlfriend. He didn't think the word did her justice though. The friend part was very accurate but he didn't consider her as a girl at all, although she obviously was a female. But she was more like a partner to him; his equal in every way that mattered.

"What are you thinking?" Olivia asked him.

Her hand was drifting across his chest and down to his crotch, that was still covered with his last piece of clothing for now.

"Just how lucky I am to have you," Peter said quietly before kissing her gently.

Olivia kissed him back eagerly and all rational thoughts left him when she slipped her hand down his boxer shorts to cup his package. He'd already been hard for her but he was jumping for joy now. She made quick work of his boxers and her own panties and then straddled him. He turned fully on his back to look up at her. Her cheeks were flushed and the lust in her eyes made him swallow hard. He had been in the lead so far but she had clearly taken the reins now. And he loved it.

She was sliding her hot sex over him, coating him with her wetness and he closed his eyes at the sensation, grabbing her thighs and squeezing them. Olivia leaned forward to kiss his chest and when her tongue swirled around and across his sensitive nipples, his cock jumped up against her heat several times. Olivia smiled against his skin and rubbed him with her body again, until his tip was at her entrance.

"If you keep this up I'm gonna slip in Liv," he warned her.

"I know," she whispered, then moved up his body to kiss him deeply.

Peter was overwhelmed with desire for her, his body throbbing with the need to be inside her but he had to be sure this was what she wanted.

Olivia was still soaking him and teasing him, pushing against his tip time and time again, making it slip inside a little before retreating slightly. He groaned into her mouth but she didn't break off the kiss. She seemed intent on going through with it without protection as long as he wasn't stopping her. When she moved her hips once again and took him in at least half way, he was done thinking completely and just thrust up and into her heat.

They both moaned and Olivia finally moved her mouth to the corner of his to take a deep breath.

"Liv," Peter sighed and her name contained a question.

"Yes," she replied simply, answering all his questions with that one word.

"Yes," he said, and it told her all she needed to know as well.

They moved together then, speeding up gradually and when Peter began massaging her breasts, Olivia sat up to give him better access. The change in angle made them both groan again. Olivia was riding him and taking him in as deep as possibly and he felt like he was going to explode. She was letting him in further again, now making love to him without a condom and it made him want to give her even more of himself.

When Olivia dropped forward again to give the muscles in her thighs a rest, Peter wrapped his arms around her and pushed her to the side so she landed on her side on the mattress next to him. He pulled her top leg over his hip and pushed back into her with a low grunt.

He felt amazing, stretching her a little with each thrust and she couldn't get close enough to him. When he rolled her on her back and settled between her legs, she was relieved that he was sinking deeper into her. It wasn't a show of dominance on his part, of a need to be on top, but she could feel his desire to be as deeply connected with her as humanly possible; it mirrored what she was feeling and she met his deep thrusts eagerly. Her hands were on his chest, holding him up so they could look into each others' eyes as the raced towards their climax together.

"I love you," Olivia whispered and her spontaneous declaration of love brought tears to her eyes because she'd never meant the words as much as she did right now.

"My Olivia," Peter whispered back almost reverently before increasing the pace just a little more.

"Yes," Olivia groaned.

She was his and she wanted him to know it. And he was hers.

When their orgasms took over they panted each others' names and Olivia grabbed Peter's shoulders while their bodies shook, Olivia coming first and Peter following right behind her.

A pleasant warmth spread in Olivia's belly and she remembered; they hadn't used a condom. She hadn't wanted any more barriers between them and it felt right to her. Peter was still inside her and she tried to squeeze her inner muscles a little. She felt Peter smile against her neck, where he was placing tiny butterfly kisses as he was coming down from his high. She loved to feel his breathing against her skin, ragged and quick at first and gradually slowing down. He was becoming heavy on top of her but she didn't want him to move just yet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and when he turned his head to look at her, she kissed him once more. This was where she wanted to be tonight; to be in this moment with the man she loved. Tomorrow would be another day but this night was theirs alone.

…

 **A/N: Aww. No evil cliffhanger this time. More soon (I hope). Reviews are always appreciated!**


	32. Sunday morning

**Just a heads up and perhaps a disappointment for some readers but I am not planning to have Olivia get pregnant at 50. I'm very sorry if you were holding out hope but I just can't do that to her. I'm about the same age as our Lieutenant and believe me when I tell you on behalf of my body,** _ **please no.**_

 **I have given her babies in her thirties and once in her late forties (my Doddson story!) but not in this story. I have plans for her and Peter but that ain't it. Ditching the condoms was just my way of having them express a deeper trust in each other. I hope you will continue to read anyway …? We are inching closer to the finish line here.**

...

 **32\. Sunday morning**

 _Sunday, July 15, 2018_

Peter opened his eyes and blinked against the daylight that was streaming in through a crack between the drapes of Olivia's bedroom. He wanted to lift his arms to stretch, to wake up his muscles, but found that he couldn't lift his left arm. Then he registered the warm body that was propped up against his left side and Olivia's left arm wrapped around his waist. She was still sleeping and he took the opportunity to study her for a few minutes.

Her hair was a mess and her makeup was a little smudged but what struck him the most was how utterly relaxed she was. He even suspected she had drooled a little on his shoulder during the night and he thought it was the best thing ever.

This was what it meant to become one with someone; to be completely themselves with each other without any embarrassment about the little things or even the bigger things. He let his eyes wander lower, to her bare shoulder and then down her chest. He could just make out a small cigarette burn on her skin and he pulled her a little closer to him instinctively. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt her ever again. He'd kill them with his bare hands if he had to.

Olivia stirred and Peter only held her tighter, until she began to squirm a little. Her eyes fluttered open and she seemed surprised to see him.

"Hey," she said, her morning voice barely more than a whisper. "What's going on?"

Peter frowned, his brain not quite awake yet either.

"Nothing. Why?"

Olivia squirmed again and he gave her a little more room to move.

"Because you were almost crushing me," she told him.

Peter turned on his left side so he was facing her, and caressed her cheek with his right hand.

"I guess I'm just so happy to wake up with you."

He could tell she didn't completely believe him, but before she could say anything, they heard Noah's voice coming from his room.

"Moooom! I'm awake!"

Olivia sat up, wondering if she had a nightgown or a t shirt handy, but all she could see was her and Peter's clothes, scattered around the bed. She snatched his dress shirt up from the floor and grinned at her lover when she put it on and began buttoning it up.

"Let me do that," Peter offered, sitting up as well.

Olivia was a little surprised but when Peter took his time finding the buttons and buttonholes and kept brushing her skin with the backs of his fingers, she understood. His fingers kept brushing against her nipples, that hardened instantly and she swallowed hard. If it wasn't for her son calling, she'd definitely be up for some Sunday morning sex, and it was obvious that Peter was as well.

"Moooom! Are you home?"

Olivia snapped out of her thoughts and jumped up, giving Peter a look that was supposed to be stern, but he laughed out loud at her flushed face.

"I'm coming baby!" she yelled back.

"No, you're not," Peter mumbled and Olivia rolled her eyes at his little word joke but chuckled then.

"Stop it," she whispered before dashing out of the room in just his shirt and nothing else.

Peter licked his lips and got up to find his shorts so he could follow her and hopefully feel her up a little. He thought it was sexy as hell that she was wearing his shirt, and especially that she wasn't wearing anything underneath. The only problem was, now he didn't have a shirt to wear.

Noah was sitting up in bed, clutching his stuffed elephant and grinning at his mother.

"Mom, it's Sunday so can we see Peter again today?"

"Sure," she said right away. "But I'm afraid mommy and Peter do have to work today."

Noah's face fell and he looked down at his lap, and Olivia quickly sat next to him on his bed.

"But baby, we don't have to leave right away."

Noah's head shot up.

"He's _here_?!"

She barely had time to confirm that Peter was, in fact, in the apartment, before Noah was out of bed and running towards her bedroom. She could only hope he'd gotten back under the sheet before Noah burst into the room …

…

"Peter! You're here!"

"Noah! So are you!"

Peter had slipped into his shorts just in time and was now faced with Olivia's son dressed in nothing but said boxer shorts.

"Yeah. I live here, silly," Noah grinned.

Only then did the boy notice the man's attire and he tilted his head, giving Peter a look he couldn't quite place.

"Did you sleep in mommy's bed again?"

Olivia had come in behind her son and Peter glanced at her, wondering if he should be worried about this line of questioning. Olivia bit her lip and clearly didn't know what to say either. But Noah didn't even wait for an answer and asked another question.

"Are you coming to live with us?"

Peter felt like a fish out of water because he and Olivia hadn't even begun to discuss anything about living arrangements. They were still trying to adjust to being an actual couple and both being all in to make it work.

"Because if you are, we only have two bedrooms. Maybe we should all live in your place. I bet you have plenty of rooms," Noah continued happily and the adults wondered if perhaps the child had given this some thought before today.

"I don't even know how many rooms you have but your place is _so_ big! And your TV too!"

Noah's eyes were sparkling and he was a ball of happy energy that was a little contagious.

Olivia walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind, leaning over until her cheek was touching her son's cheek.

"We'll talk about that later, alright Noah. I need some breakfast first."

Noah rolled his eyes and Peter couldn't stop himself from laughing. Olivia looked up and glared at him but couldn't suppress a smile of her own. Her son had a unique way of making any kind of tension simply evaporate and she thought that maybe she should follow his lead more often; be more like a child, open and honest and embracing life.

"Yeah. And I'm not coming to breakfast like this," Peter added, gesturing at his scarcely clad body. "So why don't you get dressed in your own room and we'll get dressed in here. Alright buddy?"

"Okay Peter," Noah agreed cheerfully, and he bounded out of the room.

"Put on clean underwear!" Olivia shouted at his retreating form.

"Of course mom!" Noah shouted back.

Olivia pushed the door of her bedroom closed and leaned against it with a sigh. Peter approached her immediately and before she knew it, his hands were trailing up her thighs and hips while he pushed his body against hers.

"Keep the shirt," he whispered against her cheek. "You look so hot in it."

Olivia turned her head to capture his lips with hers and they both moaned softly when they kissed each other deeply.

"So sexy," Peter whispered and Olivia could feel the proof of his arousal pressing against her naked lower half.

If it wasn't for that boxer short of his …

"Moooom! Did you wash my Captain America shirt?"

Olivia dropped her head against the door and Peter grinned at her before he started kissing her neck. It was highly distracting and Olivia had trouble answering her son loud enough so he could hear her.

"It's in your closet baby!"

"Okay!"

"Hmmmm," she groaned when Peter's hands moved up underneath the shirt until he was cupping her breasts. "We need to get dressed."

Peter rubbed Olivia's peaked nipples a few times, loving her body's response to his ministrations, but he knew she was right.

"To be continued," he told her huskily against the soft skin just below her ear, and Olivia nodded.

"Absolutely."

"Tonight?"

"We'll see."

"Your place or mine?"

Olivia sighed and gently but reluctantly pushed Peter away from her so she could look into his eyes.

"I guess we will have to talk about that soon."

"Did I mention that I love your son?" Peter said with a smirk.

Noah was definitely helping them along, almost forcing them to address certain issues before they could even start to worry about them.

"He's all in," Olivia smiled.

"Me too."

Olivia nodded and didn't look away when she told her lover,

"Me too."

…

Breakfast was a little chaotic and Lucy was all smiles when she came in around nine.

"Well, look at this lovely family," she remarked, winking at Noah.

He'd spilled syrup on the table and Olivia had some marmalade on her cheek, and Peter, who had just made coffee for Olivia and himself, almost knocked over Noah's glass of milk when he sat back down at the modest dinner table.

"Noah and I will clean everything up later, don't you worry about that," Lucy said, dropping her laptop bag on the couch before walking into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee as well.

"I can do that," Peter offered but Lucy told him,

"It's alright Peter. I know you and Olivia need to get going. Noah and I will be just fine until you get back here. Right Noah?"

"Yeah," Noah nodded. "You are coming back here, right Peter?"

He looked up at his big friend adoringly and Olivia saw Peter's eyes soften. She loved to watch the two most important people in her life interact and she noted that she didn't feel any jealousy towards Peter when it came to Noah. She had wanted a male role model for her son for quite some time. There had been times that she'd felt a stab of jealousy when Noah had asked for Lucy instead of her, but it was very different with Peter. She was simply happy for Noah that he had a man in his life now to look up to and to emulate. And what a man he was ...

"I'd love to come back here, Noah. There's nowhere I'd rather be than with your mom and you."

Noah's head whipped around to look at his mom and she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"So you're going to stay with us? Like a real daddy?" Noah asked Peter, his young voice climbing half an octave in anticipation.

Olivia heard Lucy's soft gasp behind her and she could only hope Peter would know what to say, because she sure didn't. She most definitely didn't want Noah to be hurt or to feel rejected, but she knew Peter loved Noah like a son already. It was just something they still needed to discuss. But whatever Peter came up with now to protect her child, would be fine with her.

"We'll talk about that soon, alright buddy?" Peter told the boy kindly, but Olivia could hear the apprehension in his voice.

He didn't want to overstep and she loved him all the more for it. Maybe he still felt a little like a guest in their home and they definitely needed to talk about that soon.

"Okay, cool," Noah said, and then he stuffed the last of his pancake in his mouth.

Peter chuckled and Olivia smiled. The ADA nodded then and winked at Olivia when he said,

"Okay, cool."

…


	33. Game plan

**33\. Game plan**

The Lieutenant and the ADA were quiet on their way to work, both very much aware that they would need to switch back to work mode and be professional about it. They didn't need a repeat of the day before and they were both eager to crack this case and get it behind them. Once they entered the squad room, Olivia gathered all her Detectives so they could brief them on the game plan together.

Amanda and Carisi were assigned with a visit to the O'Hearly home, with clear instructions to see if they got any signals from Danny's parents that were in any way 'off'.

"Define off," Amanda Rollins asked, looking at Peter who had made the comment.

Peter then explained that he hadn't gotten any strange vibes from Danny at all until he saw him with his parents, and especially with his mother.

"I realized that until that moment, I hadn't seen him interact with any woman. Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't."

"Also," Olivia added, "Amanda, if Danny's home, see if you can get him to respond to you."

Both Detectives nodded. They knew what to do and what to look for.

"Fin, I'd like you to check out the people Danny hangs with. Not just his buddies but the girls too. Start with his social media activities and take it from there. And see if you can find some of his classmates and teachers."

"You got it," Fin said.

He smirked at her and nodded, and Olivia knew he could see the change in her and Peter's attitude compared to the day before; he was pleased about it. When everyone had left, Peter and Olivia looked at each other. Their faces were serious but they nodded at each other before parting ways for the day. This was a good start.

Over the course of the afternoon, reports came in from the team. Rollins and Carisi were proving their worth once again. They had managed to talk to Danny's parents separately. Carisi had taken the slightly agitated father outside and Rollins had talked to a jittery Mrs. O'Hearly in the kitchen. They now knew that Mrs. O'Hearly had, at one point, wanted a divorce. She probably still did, Rollins figured. She clearly wasn't happy but for some reason she was staying with her husband and son. Danny had an older sister and an older brother, who both didn't live at home anymore, so it was the three of them now.

Carisi suspected that Mr. O'Hearly may have threatened his wife into not going through with the divorce and wouldn't put it past him to enforce his words with some physical abuse or threats to that effect. It was a hunch though, based on the man's body language and choice of words, and hunches usually didn't stand up in court.

It did give them a fresh angle for another heart to heart with Danny. The kid hadn't been home when Rollins and Carisi were there, but when Olivia called Fin, who was still out in the field, her Sergeant told her that Danny was at a local sports bar with a few of his friends, watching a ball game on TV.

"I'm lookin' at him right now. You wanna talk to him?"

"Yes. Could you bring him in for another talk? He's not under arrest but maybe you should tell him he has a right to counsel anyway?"

Olivia then called Peter to bring him up to speed and to ask him if he'd sit in while she talked to Danny.

" _You're_ going to talk to him?" Peter asked.

"Yes. You have a problem with that?"

Olivia was instantly on guard, hearing the questioning tone of Peter's voice. Did he think she wasn't up to the job? That she was too prejudiced somehow because she had bonded with Joanie the day before?

Peter was taken aback by Olivia's sharp tone, because he hadn't meant to sound like he was criticizing her at all. He was just concerned for her wellbeing. Not that he thought she couldn't hold her own against a teenager, but still. Being protective of her was a reflex for him nowadays.

"Of course not," he told her quickly. "I just figured since I've already built up kind of a rapport with him …"

"I just asked you to be there," Olivia interrupted him. "Your 'rapport' with Danny is exactly why I asked you."

"Okay, okay. Liv … I know you have a job to do and I know you're good at it. I'm just …"

Peter hesitated, unsure of what to tell her at this stage in their relationship. What was he, anyway? Worried? Protective? Feeling responsible?

"You're just what, Peter? You don't need to shield me from the crap I've been dealing with for twenty years already."

Peter tried to shake off the annoyance he felt whenever she threw her experience in his face but he still sounded irritated when he responded,

"I know that. But even the best of us can get into trouble. You know that better than anyone."

As soon as those last words were out of his mouth he regretted adding them, but it was too late to take them back now. Olivia had fallen silent on the other end of the line and Peter unconsciously held his breath, waiting for her response. He could almost hear her rein herself in without seeing her. Finally, she told him tersely,

"Right. But like I said, I want you to be in the room with us. I figured we could maybe play him a little together. But if this is the way it's gonna go ... "

"Look, I'm sorry Liv. I … this is new for me too, you know. I can't really help myself here, because I care about you so damn much."

Olivia closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, willing herself to relax. Why did she feel instantly attacked anyway? It didn't bode well for them if they couldn't have even one normal discussion about how to deal with a suspect. But Peter's words did help. He cared about her and love always influenced the way people looked at other people and situations. She knew that like no other too.

"Okay," she said. "Okay. Let's just …"

She took another deep breath, then continued, trying to shake off her residual annoyance.

"Let's focus on how to handle Danny. Do you think the tension in the marriage could be a factor?"

"Could be. Maybe we can prod him a little about his mother."

"That's what I was thinking. You wanna come over to prepare or are we just going with our gut?"

Peter chuckled, relieved that they were back on track. He thought it might be wise to prepare just a little, unsure if he trusted his gut around Olivia in an interrogation. When he told her what he was thinking, it was Olivia's turn to chuckle.

"How so?" she asked him, lowering her voice in a way that made him sit up. "Is my presence distracting to your … 'gut'?"

Peter shifted in his desk chair and swallowed. He didn't really know this side of Olivia very well and she was surprising the hell out of him. But if she was up for it, he was up for a little teasing and so he told her,

"Not only to my gut I'm afraid. We can't have certain body parts reacting to each other in an interrogation, can we?"

"I admit it can get kind of sexy in there sometimes. You know, role playing and all. I did that a lot in my younger years. Who knows, maybe I still got it."

"I'll be right over," Peter said and it made Olivia laugh because it sounded like he was suddenly in a hurry because of her insinuation.

"To discuss our approach," Peter stressed, trying to sound all business but grinning anyway.

He was glad they were relaxing again. Now to make sure they locked up the right guy for the rape of Joanie Willis.

…

"Danny. Good to see you again," Peter greeted the boy cordially as he joined him in the family room. "Did you bring a lawyer? You do have a right to have someone with you, you know."

"Mr. Stone, hi. Yeah, my dad called our lawyer. He should be here any minute."

The boy seemed pleased to see Peter again and shook his hand before sitting down again. Olivia stayed in the background for now, like they had agreed. The male bonding that had upset her so much the day before, might come in very handy today after all.

"Alright then, we'll wait until he gets here. You know, everything 'by the book'."

Peter grinned as he made air quotes and Danny chuckled.

"Right. We don't wanna upset the cops."

He glanced at Olivia, who was leaning against the wall right next to the door of the room, her hands in her pant pockets and her legs crossed at the ankles. She looked like she didn't really want to be there and Danny focused on the ADA again.

"She _is_ a cop right?" the boy asked.

Peter turned his head to look at Olivia over his shoulder and then looked back at Danny, saying with a slight roll of his eyes,

"That's what I've been told."

Danny chuckled again and the setup was complete. It was the men against the cop. Now to play out their parts to lure the boy out.

There was a knock on the door and Danny's lawyer strode in and took a seat next to the boy.

"Afternoon all, I'm Al Mitchell, Mr. O'Hearly's counsel. I take it you haven't started the interrogation yet?"

"Of course not, Mr. Mitchell. And it's not really an interrogation. We just have a few more questions for Danny here about his contacts with Miss Willis. It's a formality really but he may have seen or heard something we can use in our investigation."

Peter nodded at Danny encouragingly but Mitchell was unimpressed.

"Whatever, Mr …"

"Stone. Peter Stone, ADA."

"And the lady?"

"Lieutenant Benson, Special Victims Unit," Olivia replied, pushing herself off the wall to stand up a little straighter.

"A Lieutenant? Well well. This must be some case then for the big guns to be involved," the lawyer said, and the slight sneer in his voice wasn't missed by anyone in the room.

" _Every_ case matters to me, Counselor," Olivia stated sharply.

"Alright, alright. Let's all just … focus on what we're here for, okay?" Peter said, making a shushing gesture with his hands in Olivia's direction, visibly signaling her to tone it down a little.

She had to admit he was good at this game. She reclaimed her spot against the wall and listened while Peter took the initiative to ask Danny some additional questions.

Danny didn't understand what his parents had to do with anything when Peter asked about his relationship with them, but since the question was innocent enough, Mitchell encouraged him to just answer it.

"Me and dad get along great. We're birds of a feather he always says," Danny stated proudly.

"And your mother?"

Danny shrugged and slumped back in his chair.

"She's alright I guess. She's a good cook."

Olivia blew out an audible breath and rolled her eyes, and she didn't have to make an effort at this point to stay in her role. A good cook. The kid was a Millennial sounding like someone from the fifties.

"A man's gotta eat, right?" Peter joked.

He glanced at Olivia and then put on his serious face again. Olivia saw Danny watching them, trying to gauge the nature of their relationship.

"But anyway," Peter continued, looking at the papers in front of him as if looking for his next question. "Is it true that your parents have had some difficulty in the past?"

When Danny didn't respond right away, Peter looked up from his papers to see the lawyer nod at his client.

"Yeah," Danny acknowledged. "But it's all good now."

"You sure about that?"

"Well, she's still here, isn't she?" Danny blurted out defensively.

" _She_ meaning your mother, I assume. Was she going to leave then?"

"Yeah right. Not gonna happen," Danny muttered. "But what's all this got to do with anything? I thought this was about that lady who cried rape the other day."

"Yes, of course. I'm getting to that," Peter said, nodding. "So, your family and hers didn't really hang out together, right?"

"No. Not at all. I already told you this. Besides, her kids are only with her on school days so ..."

Peter pretended to check his notes again and then stated,

"Her kids. Right. A boy age 11 and a girl age 9. They're usually with their father on weekends."

"Yeah. So there wouldn't be anyone to hang out with, if you get my drift."

"Except for Joanie herself, of course."

"Yeah, but she's not really our type."

"No?"

Danny shook his head and pursed his lips, then glanced at his lawyer. Both Peter and Olivia knew that the boy had been about to make a comment about Joanie, but he swallowed his words just in time.

"So what exactly is your type, Danny," Olivia piped up, walking towards the table at last but remaining standing behind Peter, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

Danny leered at the older woman and then looked at Peter, as if asking for some backup before responding,

"The ones that stand by their man, actually. Right, Mr. Stone? You gotta be able to count on'em, right?"

"I hear ya Danny," Peter said with a half smile.

Olivia scoffed audibly, hoping for a reaction from Danny. The kid didn't disappoint.

"Ooh. Looks like someone disagrees. Are you married, Lieutenant? Got any kids?"

"That's none of your business," Olivia spat.

"I'll take that as a no," Danny said dryly, then grinned at Peter, who had to work hard to stay in his role now that their suspect was taking a shot at the woman he loved.

But Olivia had a feeling they might be on to something and decided to push a little harder.

"Do you think women actually need a man to have kids, Danny? That we can't be a perfectly good mother without one?" she asked the kid.

"Ah, you're one of those. Gotcha," Danny said.

Danny's lawyer leaned in to whisper something in the boy's ear and Olivia knew she had to be quick now, before the man figured out what she was up to.

"One of those what, Danny. Please, tell me," she said, leaning forward and placing her hands on the table next to where Peter was sitting, so she could look Danny in the eye.

Danny's eyes darkened and he didn't look at Peter for support anymore when he told Olivia,

"One of those women who thinks she can just do as she pleases. Using a guy until she's got what she wants and then dumping him. She gets the kids and he gets to pay up. One of those."

"Danny …" Peter said hesitantly, as if trying to warn him but it only made the boy more talkative.

"You gotta tell them off sometimes, Mr. Stone. You're not afraid of this one, are you?"

"We're not talking about the Lieutenant, Danny. Come on," Peter implored, knowing how weak he sounded when he really felt the urge to shake the cheeky kid up a bit. But he was supposed to be the voice of reason and Olivia had skillfully taken up the role of antagonist. And it was working. Danny clearly had strong feelings about women who chose to live their own lives. It made Peter think of the mother again, who had been 'talked' out of divorcing her husband; and Danny and his dad being two birds of a feather.

"No no, let's hear this," Olivia said. "Let's hear this _child_ tell me I'm not a good mother to my son, just because the dad is out of the picture."

"Lieutenant," Peter tried again but Olivia brushed him off, much to the annoyance of Danny.

"Fucking feminists," Danny muttered. "Someone oughta teach her a lesson."

"And what kind of lesson would that be, oh wise one," Olivia taunted.

"Lieutenant!" Peter tried again, standing up so he could look her in the eyes.

"No Peter. Let's hear him out. Let him get it off his chest," Olivia huffed, getting in Peter's face to rile Danny up just a little more. "Let's hear him take me down a notch. I bet he's all talk and no action, just like his dad."

Mitchell tried to intervene again, probably sensing by now that his young client was being played, but Olivia has pushed just hard enough to make the boy snap.

"My dad is a real man!" Danny yelled, jumping up so fast that his chair toppled over behind him. "He doesn't let anyone walk all over him, least of all a woman!"

"Yeah, he's such a great guy that your mother wanted to get the hell out of there," Olivia shot back.

"And she's still here!" Danny yelled. "He's the boss, nobody else. All you bitches should learn to listen better."

"Joanie Willis too?" Peter asked and Danny's response was instant.

"Hell yeah! Bitch left her man too. Nobody does that and gets away with it. Not on my watch!"

"Danny!" Mitchell yelled, and now they were all on their feet.

"So that's why you raped her? To put her in her place?" Olivia fumed and it wasn't an act anymore.

"Raped her? She fucking loved it! She can't live without a man. None of you can!"

"Danny!" Mitchell yelled again, but it was too late.

Peter gave Mitchell a triumphant look.

"Counselor? I do believe your client just confessed. Let's talk."

…

 **Dun dun :D**

 **Your reviews are appreciated as always. We're inching closer to the finish line of this story.**


	34. Disclosing

**34\. Disclosing**

 _Monday, July 16 2018_

Danny had been completely out of control and Fin had come in to restrain him, pleased to know that they could now place him under arrest.

Olivia decided that it was worth checking if more divorced women or single mothers had been raped in the area where Danny lived and Peter would hold off on any kind of deal with Al Mitchell until they were sure they had the full picture.

Amanda Rollins went back to the O'Hearly residence on Monday morning to talk to Danny's mother while her husband was at work. As expected, the woman would not accuse her own husband of rape or any other kind of abuse, and they had no choice but to leave her with the man they suspected was her abuser. But her son wasn't going to come home any time soon. Rollins was afraid things would only get worse for the woman now but she wasn't going to talk.

"This is why so many murder victims die at the hands of their husbands," Olivia sighed after she and Peter heard Rollins' report. "They're too afraid to leave before it's too late."

"I don't think I'll ever get it," Peter said, shaking his head. "I mean, he must have loved her at some point. Enough to marry her, right?"

"You'd be surprised how many men simply see a woman as a useful addition to their lives, Stone," Rollins said with a sad smile after briefing the Lieutenant and the ADA at the conference table. "Even the non-violent ones. Women to them are there to have sex with, to bear them their children and to take care of them. If they're lucky, someone to look after the house. Not all men see their significant other as significant at all. She's not her own person, just an extension of them. That is exactly what Mrs. O'Hearly is. She can't color outside the lines or there will be consequences."

Peter shook his head again. How anyone could look at a woman and not see a whole person with her own ideas, likes and dislikes, was beyond him. He looked at Olivia and saw her eyes soften when they met his. She knew he wasn't like that. He'd chop his own hand off before he'd ever lift it to hit her, both literally and figuratively. He wanted _her_ to be happy first and foremost. She didn't always have to agree with him; he loved her just the way she was now. He knew they'd argue again and that he'd be angry with her again at some point because they were both stubborn and hot-headed at times, but that would never mean he had stopped loving her. Because loving her wasn't about him. It wasn't about what she could be to him or what she could do for him. It was about her. Wanting to give her the happiness she hadn't had for so long and that she so richly deserved.

He smiled inwardly at himself and Olivia could see the wheels turning inside the ADA's head. She realized once more that she had truly come to trust him. She was finally finding a home with a man who wasn't out to change her; a man who didn't want to disrupt her home life but someone who complemented her; who completed her and Noah in a way. That thought made her swallow because it felt so risky; if Peter completed her family, what if he ever left them again … But the look in his eyes told her he had no intention of leaving any time soon and she reminded herself once again that, after the shooting, she had decided to grab happiness when it came her way and not shy away from it for fear it would just be temporary. Today, she was happy and she wanted to learn to live in the moment more; to be content with today and not worry so much about possible tomorrows. Peter knew that was difficult for her and she trusted that he would be patient with her. There was that word again. Trust. She hadn't expected to ever trust someone this deeply again after the abrupt departure of her trusted partner all those years ago. But here they were, gathering their things to meet with their respective bosses and disclose their involvement.

Was she nervous about it? Definitely.

Did she want to go through with it?

Definitely.

…

"Olivia Benson? _The_ Olivia Benson?"

If Jack McCoy could sound any more astonished, Peter didn't want to know.

"Yes sir," he simply told the DA, shifting his weight from one foot to the other while awaiting his boss's verdict.

"Last time I checked, she hated your guts for prosecuting Barba," McCoy reminded him.

Peter chuckled, remembering Olivia's bitter refusal to even shake his hand.

 _I hope you suck._

He knew now why she'd said that. It was part of who she was; loyal until the end to the people in her inner circle. And she had considered Rafael Barba a true friend.

"That was a long time ago, sir. We've gotten to know each other since."

"Obviously!" McCoy said with a grin.

The older man leaned back in his desk chair and looked up at the tall assistant DA who had come to his office today with surprising news. He knew that Peter Stone was hurting more deeply than he would let on after the loss of not only his father but his sister too in the same year. He was happy for him that he'd found someone to love. That it was the tough Lieutenant at SVU did surprise him but the look in the younger man's eyes told him that he must have gotten through those high, thick walls of hers to find the real woman hidden inside. That the Lieutenant was a deeply empathic woman was no secret, but she was also hard to reach on a personal level.

"Does she feel as strongly as you do?" he asked, feeling a somewhat fatherly concern for Peter.

"She's with Chief Dodds as we speak sir, to have this very conversation with him. We both want very much to move forward in our relationship."

McCoy nodded slowly.

"Good. That's good," he mused. "So what do you expect me to say now, aside from congratulations?"

"Well … we were wondering if you and Dodds would still let us work together like we are now. I mean, just yesterday we cracked a suspect together and I have to say I really enjoyed that. We both put up quite an act. Especially Olivia."

The pride was evident in his voice and it warmed the DA's heart. Still, there were regulations in place about relationships in the workplace.

"Peter, while the NYPD Patrol Guide doesn't prohibit relationships between cops, both the NYPD and the DA's office have an image of complete impartiality to uphold. We cannot risk being accused of bias because say, a certain Lieutenant convinces an ADA to prosecute someone and coordinate testimonies, for instance. I think if suspects get wind of the relationship, they'd try to use it to create reasonable doubt."

"Couldn't that kind of coordination happen anyway, without any relationship involved?" Peter questioned.

"Yes, it could. But you know as well as I do that it would attract a lot of media attention if it was revealed during a case that the ADA and the NYPD are in bed together. Literally."

Peter suppressed a smile at the comment, trying not to think of Olivia in bed for now, because he wasn't done reasoning with his boss yet.

"And if it's a given beforehand? The relationship, I mean. It doesn't have to come out during a high-profile case. We can just go public about it."

"Same effect. It might even trigger a few already convicted felons to cry foul."

Peter paused for a moment, letting McCoy's words sink in.

"That might happen anyway, once word gets out," he observed.

"True. That's why it's wise to get ahead of this and make your relationship known right away, like you are doing now, so you have witnesses who can attest that you've been open and honest about it, and that you have gotten close only very recently."

Peter nodded, pursing his lips before asking again,

"Does that mean that we _can_ keep working together? Because we're disclosing early on like this?"

"I'm afraid not, Peter. The DA's office simply can't afford any weak spots in this day and age. I'm sorry."

…

"Olivia. So good to see you again. Please, have a seat."

Chief Dodds was all smiles and Olivia admired how the man was holding up after his son's death. She still had a hard time facing him, carrying a lot of guilt over Mike's death on his very last day at SVU under her command. But the Chief seemed genuinely happy to see her these days and she tried to relax as she took the chair he was offering her in his office.

"What can I do for you today?" Dodds asked her kindly.

Olivia had rehearsed her little speech on the drive over to 1 PP but she still wasn't sure how to begin. She had no idea how Dodds would take the news of her relationship with ADA Stone. But there was only one way to find out so she forged ahead and just blurted it out.

"Sir, I'm coming in today to inform you that ADA Stone and I have recently gotten close. So close, in fact, that we thought it necessary to disclose our involvement to you today."

William Dodds' eyes had gone wide and his mouth was open, but he seemed at a loss for words for a few moments. Finally, he stammered,

"Involvement? Stone? And you?"

If she wasn't so nervous she would probably have found his reaction funny, but for now she simply confirmed,

"Yes sir."

"Peter Stone? Ben's son?"

"Yes sir."

"But … he's my son's age."

Dodds seemed to focus on the age difference and Olivia reminded herself that it didn't matter to Stone. In fact, he was younger than Mike Dodds would have been, but they had agreed that age was a non-issue for them so she didn't see the problem.

"And?" she asked the Chief.

The man seemed at a loss for words again, looking at her as if seeing her for the very first time. Or maybe he was looking at her as if he'd watched her a thousand times before; with a personal interest. The thought caught Olivia off guard, having never had a second thought about her boss as an eligible bachelor at all.

"Well, I uh … I guess I've always thought of you as someone of my generation," he admitted, perhaps telling her a little more than he intended to. "I mean, I know you're younger than me but still, you know" he added quickly and this time, Olivia couldn't suppress a small smile.

She'd never seen her boss as an insecure, slightly babbling male before and it was kind of endearing. But her heart was already taken and she told the man,

"Regardless of the age difference, Peter and I have decided to give it a go and we thought you and the DA should know, because of our working relationship."

"Yes. Yes, of course," Dodds said, sitting up straight behind his desk and recomposing himself. "He's the ADA assigned to your unit, right?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, I will have to talk to McCoy about that. We have the image of the NYPD and the DA's office to consider. You understand, of course."

"Of course."

"I do appreciate you coming to me with this, Olivia. It's the first time you've reported a relationship this way if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes sir, it is."

"So it's serious."

Her smile widened then and she couldn't stop it. She didn't want to and her eyes sparkled when she told her boss again,

"Yes sir, it is."

…

They had agreed to meet up at a diner near the precinct after their respective talks, and Olivia was the first to arrive. She ordered some tea and waited, feeling relieved that she had disclosed to her boss, and a little nervous about what would be next for them. Dodds had told her he didn't know if they could keep working together and she wondered how Peter's talk with McCoy had gone. When her phone buzzed, she grabbed it quickly to read the text he'd sent her. It simply read ' _on my way'_ and there was no indication as to how it had gone at all.

She sat up when she saw Peter come into the diner about ten minutes later and bit her lip when she saw that he was walking with his shoulders slightly slumped, as if he was carrying a lot of weight on them. His face lit up when he saw her and he waved before walking over to their table.

"What?" Olivia asked immediately, standing up to greet him, and Peter raised his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"You look like a man with a lot on his mind."

"Yeah."

He rubbed her upper arms with his hands before gesturing at the table.

"Let's sit."

A waiter popped up next to them and Peter quickly ordered a cup of coffee so the man would leave and they could talk. Olivia felt a knot forming in her stomach. She needed to know how Peter's talk with the DA had gone and she needed to know _now_.

"So, how did it go? Did you tell him?" she asked.

"Yeah. I did."

"And?"

"You told Dodds?"

"Yeah. It was fine. I wanna know what happened that's got you so rattled!" Olivia pushed, trying to keep her voice down but sounding impatient nonetheless.

"I'm not rattled," Peter said defensively and now Olivia knew something was wrong.

The knot in her stomach grew at least two inches.

"Talk!" she said and Peter finally nodded.

"Alright, here's the deal. McCoy says we can't work together anymore. No discussion as far as he's concerned. Suspects would try to use it against us and their lawyers would probably win a few jurors over, convincing them that we're biased against their clients because we're in bed together. Literally, in our case."

"Oh."

Olivia leaned back in her chair, digesting his words. Maybe this didn't qualify as a conflict of interests, but it might as well have. She suddenly felt a surge of sadness wash over her, a strong memory of just such a talk she had at a bar once with another member of the DA's office.

David Haden.

He had dumped her on the spot when their relationship threatened his job. Granted, she had pushed him a little but the man had needed only a tiny push and then their relationship had been over, as if it had never happened. She was overcome with a feeling of dread when she remembered how Peter had come into the diner, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and she knew in that moment what was going to happen.

She should have known.

It was her life story after all.

She should have known.

It was as if her blood turned to ice in mere seconds.

He was leaving her.

...

 **Dun dun ...**


	35. Sacrifice

**35\. Sacrifice**

Olivia felt like she was being pulled under water, drowning in the memory of several years ago when this exact scenario had played out in her life before. She hadn't even begun to process that Elliot was out of her life when the next man had walked away from her after promising he wasn't going anywhere. She just couldn't fathom that it was happening all over again and she barely registered that Peter was still talking to her.

"Liv, it won't be that bad."

She tried to focus on his eyes, that seemed very worried now and she wondered what he was worried about, not realizing that her own eyes were broadcasting a panic to him that he couldn't place.

Granted, he knew she wouldn't be happy that they wouldn't be working together anymore. He wasn't happy about it either. But she seemed so upset that he had to wonder if maybe things hadn't gone as well with Chief Dodds as she had said.

"Liv," he said again when she didn't respond to him. "Come on. What did Dodds say that's got you this upset?"

"What?"

Olivia clearly wasn't following and he was beginning to think that something must have gone horribly wrong after all.

"He didn't fire you, did he?"

"What?" she said again, confusion written all over her face.

The waiter popped up at their table with Peter's coffee and he quickly paid for both their drinks, giving the young man a generous tip so he would leave them alone. It gave Olivia a few moments to let Peter's question sink in and now she was wondering what on earth he was talking about. Of course she hadn't been fired. Dodds had been happy with her honesty. Why would Peter even think that?

"Tell me what happened," Peter urged again, reaching for her hand across the table.

His voice was full of concern and his eyes were searching hers for clues. She was starting to see that Peter genuinely didn't know what she was thinking, so maybe … maybe he wasn't breaking things off after all to keep his job?

"I … you …," she started, and then shook her head. "Nothing happened with Dodds, but you just said we can't work together anymore so …"

Peter's eyebrows shot up, the surprise evident on his face.

"That's _it?_ That's what has you so rattled? I thought for sure something must have happened …"

Peter trailed off, trying not to get angry with Olivia. It's not why they were here. But he still didn't know what was going on with his girlfriend. She was staring at their joined hands on the table and he realized he was holding her hand just a little too tightly. He loosened his grip and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Just talk to me, Liv. What's wrong?"

His gentle voice pulled Olivia out of her negative spiral but she was still apprehensive about what was to come.

"I just figured … you're just finding your footing in the unit and you're really good at your job, even if I get impatient with you sometimes and …"

"And?"

Peter's innocent prodding was a little confusing. He didn't seem to have a clue what she was talking about.

"Well, if we can't work together anymore, one of us will have to leave."

"True."

Peter nodded, a serious look on his face but his eyes remained fixed on hers and there was no hesitation at all in them anywhere. Olivia was still trying to find out what it was that he was so sure about.

"So I thought …"

" _You're_ not leaving, that's obvious," Peter interrupted her and Olivia stopped talking. Instead, she just stared at him, trying to read his face.

"I mean, this is your life's work. It's all you've ever wanted to do," Peter added.

"Yeah," Olivia admitted, nodding and looking down at their joined hands on the table again.

"So I asked McCoy if he'd transfer me to a different unit or a different borough and he is willing to do that as quickly as humanly possible."

"What?" Olivia gasped.

He was going to transfer? For her? For them?

"Are you sure?" she asked him. "I mean, you're just getting the hang of these cases. I'd hate to lose you on our side in the courtroom."

She was just finding her groove with him after Barba's sudden departure. She didn't know if she could handle yet another change in her team so soon.

"I admit that I enjoy flexing these new muscles in court and getting more sensitive to these tricky cases but Liv …"

He reached for her other hand and squeezed both her hands on the table.

"I'll give it up in a heartbeat if that means I can be with you."

Instantly there was a huge lump in Olivia's throat. She had been preparing herself mentally for another heartbreak and had already felt sadness bubble to the surface, but this was different. She could hardly believe it.

"Seriously?" she asked Peter, and her voice was barely more than a whisper.

...

Peter registered the insecurity in her voice and in her eyes and it hit a nerve with him. Olivia wasn't the only one who was scared to go all in, and to risk getting her heart broken. He was scared too. Over the past weeks he had been trying hard to show her how committed he was, but seeing her waver - again - made his own fear of rejection bubble back to the surface. Was she going to pull away after all? Was she telling the truth about Dodds? Was her praise for him as a member of their team her escape hatch? Her way of releasing herself from the constraints of the commitment he thought they had made to each other? Was she really that scared?

"Dammit Liv, I thought we were on the same page here," he said harshly, letting go of her hands and almost pushing them away from him. "If this isn't what you wanted, you should have told me before we disclosed."

"So you regret that now?" Olivia fired back without missing a beat.

It was second nature to her to push people away when they got too close and now it was happening with Peter. She could see the light dim in his eyes, the blinds closing.

This was it.

She should have known.

Part of her must have been prepared for this to happen all along. It always happened, so why not this time? But no matter how prepared she thought she may have been, she was _not_ prepared to see tears well up in Peter's eyes. He averted his eyes quickly, even stood up so he could turn away from her completely but she'd seen his pain and it made her stop in her tracks.

"Peter," she said when he grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair.

"I need some air," Peter mumbled, and then he was off, rushing towards the door.

Olivia sat there, frozen, for at least twenty seconds before she forced herself to stand up as well and follow him. If there was ever a time to go after a man, this was it. She pushed aside all of her fears and sadness over lost love and lost friendships. She would have to if she still wanted a chance with Peter.

He was going to give up his job for her. Nobody had ever done anything like that for her before and she needed to let that sink in. Her mother sure hadn't cared enough to adjust her life in any way to accommodate her - aside from having her; her high school lover had taken off at the first sign of trouble; Elliot hadn't been prepared to lose her as a partner on the job in exchange for something more than just a working relationship; and then there was David Haden … And in the end, even Brian hadn't really wanted to change anything in his life for her when it came down to it. His relief when she turned out not to be pregnant still hurt.

Had her bitterness about the past blinded her so much that she hadn't seen Peter's genuine commitment to her for what it was? The pain and tears in his eyes had shaken her to the core and propelled her into action.

When the hot, humid air hit her as she rushed outside to find Peter, Olivia stopped to take a deep breath before looking around to see where he had gone. She saw him leaning against the wall of the diner just a few yards to the right of the door, his hands stuffed in his pant pockets and his head leaning against the wall, one leg bent so his foot was against the wall as well. His jacket was dangling off his right forearm. His eyes were closed and she knew he wouldn't see her coming towards him. Not wanting to startle him, she cleared her throat as she approached him.

Peter opened his eyes slowly and just looked at her, his stare almost vacant. Almost. The pain was still there although he was trying to mask it; to make it look like he was just annoyed. But Olivia knew better. The look in his eyes took her straight back to that night in his office, when he had tried to drown the loss of his sister in a glass of scotch but had ended up breaking down in her arms.

Looking back, that had been the start of a better rapport between them. Peter had recovered quickly - perhaps a little too quickly - and had been her rock ever since. Hers and Noah's. He had done absolutely nothing wrong and she hated herself right now for letting her own insecurities get the better of her again. This shouldn't still happen to her. Not with Peter. He didn't deserve it and she needed to man up and be there for _him_ now. Show him that she _was_ ready to commit to a relationship with him; to being a family with him.

She approached him until she was standing in front of him, almost toe to toe.

Peter didn't move a muscle and maintained his closed-off stance but his eyes moved between hers, searching for answers that he had a right to get. And she would give them to him.

...

Peter looked at Olivia and saw the turmoil in her eyes. He couldn't believe that all they had built up over the past few months turned out to have such a shaky foundation. They were still dragging their insecurities along with them; were still inclined to pull up their defensive walls when they felt threatened. They were alike in more ways than they wanted to be. But he felt like he had given it his all to try and prove to Olivia that he was dead serious about pursuing a real relationship with her; about being a family with her and Noah. That she could still be so uncertain about where they were headed, hurt him and he found himself unable to hide that from her this time. There was too much at stake now.

"Peter," Olivia started, and he just looked at her, wondering what she was going to say now. He honestly didn't know if she was going to break up with him or assure him that she was still all in as well. And the fact that he didn't know, wasn't a good sign.

"I love you."

He could see that she meant those words and that she wasn't using them lightly. She never would. But it wasn't enough. Not this time.

"I just … I guess I am still having a hard time believe anyone could really love me back."

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If she didn't know by now ...

When he opened his eyes again, he saw a sea of emotion in Olivia's face. He saw the fear and insecurity in her eyes and even a slightly trembling chin. He could see her struggling to keep her defenses down this time and fight the urge to go back into hiding. She was trying, she really was. And then it hit him. His heart broke a little for her when he suddenly realized that until now, she hadn't been sure that he would be willing to give up his job for her.

"What on earth were you expecting, Liv?" he asked her. "Did you think I'd choose a job over you? Really?"

"It happens," she whispered, the memory of David's departure still vivid in her mind.

Peter couldn't believe that his fierce Lieutenant still didn't think she was worth making a sacrifice for and it angered him. After storming out of the diner he had mostly been struggling with his own hurt feelings, needing to know they were on solid ground once and for all. But now he was seeing Olivia again, and her pain. Life had treated her so unfairly and it was time that she started accepting that she was worth more; a hell of a lot more. They both were.

"Not anymore, Liv," he assured her, pushing himself off the wall and reaching for her hands. His jacket fell on the ground but he didn't care. "If you'll still have me."

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out and it made Peter smile just a little bit. Her eyes were already giving him the answer to his question, flooding with relief, and he tugged her closer to him until they were practically nose to nose. Her struggle to keep her defenses down was enough for him, because he knew like no other how hard it was and how much it meant.

"Move in with me," he said softly and he leaned his forehead against hers when Olivia let out a ragged breath. "Until we can find a new place for the three of us. What do you say?"

There was only one thing she could say to that. Just one word. Her throat felt constricted and she felt like crying, but she had to get it out. Her voice was thick but her answer had never been clearer and had never meant more.

"Yes."

...


	36. Home

**I usually check the dates in SVU episodes while writing a story set in a specific period. In November 2018, we had Mea Culpa, among others. As interesting as that episode was for both Stone and Benson, I am not going to use it here. This story is now officially AU (especially now that Peter Stone has left the building) so let's just pretend the rest of season 20 never happened, okay? Okay :D**

 **Onward now with this story. After this, there will probably be only one chapter left. Enjoy!**

...

 **36\. Home**

 _Friday, November 23, 2018 (four months later)_

"Mom! Dad! Is the TV still working?"

Peter woke up and blinked against the bright sunlight that was streaming into the room and for a moment, he didn't know where he was. But Noah's question reminded him quickly.

"Mom! Dad! Are you up yet? Is the remote in one of the boxes? I can't find it!"

Olivia groaned and stirred against his side, indicating that she, too, was waking up.

They had taken a few days off for the move and to spend some time with Noah to get settled at their new place, and they had all just spent the last night in Olivia's old apartment symbolically before the official move. Noah had permission from school to be absent this Friday. Peter, who didn't have as much to pack as the Bensons, had already moved his things to their new apartment the day before. The furniture in his friend's apartment wasn't his so all he'd had to do was pack a few suitcases and his computer, and he was done.

Olivia and Noah on the other hand - that was a completely different matter. They hadn't moved everything to Peter's temporary place while they lived there these past months, just the bare necessities; and today was the day that all the big stuff was being moved. They had bought some new furniture but a lot of Olivia's things were coming along.

"What time is it?" Olivia mumbled against Peter's bare chest and he pulled her a little closer to him so he could peek over her shoulder to check the time.

"Six thirty."

"Oh my God," Olivia sighed, turning on her back, and he shared the sentiment.

The movers wouldn't be there until ten. It was way too early to wake up on their day off. But Noah was a ball of energy in the morning these days, especially now that the painters were done in their new house and they were finally moving. He had been beyond ecstatic to learn that they would all be living in the same home and without any further discussion, had promptly started calling Peter 'dad'. It had moved both adults deeply and they hadn't corrected him at all. He knew that Peter wasn't his first dad, but he was accepting him very easily as his new dad. His _real_ dad, Olivia had told Peter, because Noah's biological father had never been worthy of the title.

Peter thought it was fitting that Olivia had adopted a child that had been fathered by a sex trafficker and rapist. The child was always completely innocent in these cases, just like she herself had been innocent, no matter how guilty her mother had tried to make her feel about her conception. He loved both of them more than he had thought possible and it didn't matter to him how they had come to be. He was just grateful that they were here for him to love and cherish.

Olivia scooted out of bed and slipped into her robe before heading out into the living room to help Noah find the remote. She told Noah that she and his dad wanted to sleep just a little longer, and Noah promised he would be quiet. After finding Noah's favorite cartoon channel, Olivia adjusted the volume of the TV and told Noah to keep it just like that. She gave him a bottle of water and two crackers to munch on, and then made her way back to the bedroom.

Before she could go inside, her son asked her,

"Mom? Now that we have all those bedrooms at the new house, and I have a new daddy, do you think I could get a little brother or sister?"

Olivia froze before turning around to face her son, speechless. Noah must have recognized the shock in her face, but being his age, he was completely undeterred.

"What?" he asked, raising his hands with his palms up. "Lots of kids in my school get another baby brother or sister when they're six. 'Specially the ones with a new daddy!"

Olivia opened her mouth to say something, but all the things that went through her mind, weren't things to tell a child Noah's age.

"Just talk to daddy about it? Promise?" Noah implored, putting on his best pleading face.

"Ah … yes. Promise," Olivia stammered.

And just like that, Noah turned his attention back to the cartoon on TV, giggling at something Daffy Duck was doing.

"Silly duck," he muttered, scooting back on the couch and paying no further attention to his baffled mother.

Olivia finally slipped into the bedroom and locked the door behind her.

Peter was sitting up in bed, showing off his muscular chest and grinning at her.

"Miss Benson, did you just lock the door?" he asked her, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"I did," she replied, but she remained standing at the door. "Noah just asked me if he could have a little brother or sister."

If Peter was shocked, he was doing a much better job at hiding it than she had done.

"What did you tell him?" he asked her, his voice now very gentle.

"I didn't know what to say! He made me promise I'd discuss it with you."

"You wanna start making one right away?" Peter joked, but Olivia wasn't sure if she thought that was funny.

"Hey," Peter said, throwing the covers off and hopping out of bed to walk up to her. "I was kidding, Liv. You know that. But I do wanna talk about our options in that regard soon. I was just …"

He took her hand and Olivia finally allowed her eyes to roam his perfect, and perfectly naked body.

"... hoping we could do something else first. Since we're up so early."

Olivia smiled, shaking off the tension she had been feeling due to Noah's unexpected question. And then she let her robe drop to the floor in one fluent movement. It was the last time they'd be in her old apartment and she intended to spend it well.

"Come here," Peter rumbled, pulling her flush against him. Just seeing her like this was enough to get his juices flowing, and he knew Olivia could feel the beginnings of a hardon pressing against her stomach. Olivia looked into his green eyes and the feeling of him against her bare skin made her hum contently.

"Get back into bed," she ordered Peter, in a husky way that told him that he would really want to play along with her.

Peter walked backwards to the bed, Olivia following him and pretending to push him gently, until he sat down on the mattress. Once he was seated, Olivia straddled him, loving the look of lust in Peter's eyes as he took her in.

They had only gotten closer over the past few months, and were both growing very comfortable in their relationship. No more doubts and no more fears that it was all too good to be true; they were both all in now and Olivia was learning to simply accept the happiness of the day, and even to bask in it.

And this morning was one of those moments to bask in, when they felt completely as one, body and soul. Living with Peter turned out to be the most natural thing in the world. She still worked late at times, as did he, but they always found each other again - either the next day or in the middle of the night. Or on a day off like today.

Olivia finally felt like her old self again in the bedroom. She was unashamed and had gradually become more and more uninhibited with Peter. Peter was definitely not complaining and his breath caught in his throat when Olivia arched her back and began to caress her own breasts with a predatory look in her eyes. They took turns taking the lead, befitting their strong characters. This morning, it was clearly Olivia who was taking the initiative and Peter gladly accepted her advances. His hands were quick to follow hers to find her peaked nipples with his thumbs, and Olivia leaned back a little to grant him easier access. She could feel an all too familiar tingle inside her body and she closed her eyes. Peter made her feel young again, and she knew it wasn't just because he was younger himself. It was because she had finally found the right man and it was energizing and stimulating to allow that happiness to flow through her veins. Her body didn't need a lot of stimulating right now and after a minute, she asked Peter to scoot back up against the headboard before straddling him again.

His hands caressed her back and then moved down to her ass until he could pull her into him, against his rock hard erection. Olivia had made sure the volume of the TV was set just high enough that Noah wouldn't hear them in the bedroom - unless they cried out.

"Are you ready for me, baby?" she asked him softly and Peter just nodded and grinned while lifting her up a bit so she could sink down around him again and take him in.

They both groaned softly. Olivia's body always felt amazing and Peter knew he needed to give her body a moment to adjust before he could act on what he was feeling. She gyrated her hips a few times, coating him with her juices while looking down between their bodies to see him slide in and out of her slowly. When she looked up again, he knew she was ready, and he gripped her ass a little harder. He looked into her eyes as he bottomed out and Olivia gave him a sultry smile before closing her eyes and dropping her head back a bit. She was holding on to his shoulders and they started to move together fluently.

Making love to Peter felt so natural that it moved Olivia regularly. It was almost too good to be true, but she kept reminding herself to live in the moment more and it was beginning to work.

They were letting each other in more and more, and that translated into their lovemaking as well. She felt everything more intensely now, deeper, because it meant so much more than it had ever meant before.

Peter could lose himself completely inside Olivia, and his trust in her was growing gradually, that she wouldn't turn around one day and stomp on his heart. Small doubts lurked in the shadows sometimes, but they were getting smaller as their love grew.

Peter's warm hands moved up to her shoulder blades when his mouth traveled down to her nipples, and Olivia let out a long moan. She sped up the movements of her hips a little and Peter followed her pace eagerly while he feasted on her full breasts.

Olivia grabbed the headboard of the bed behind him to create more momentum and Peter's body jerked underneath and inside her. He was getting closer and Olivia knew what to do to make them come together. She tilted her hips forward so his muscular body stimulated her clit in the most delicious way.

Peter knew what she was doing and contracted his abs with every movement of their bodies while thrusting up harder.

"Ah yes," Olivia grunted, pushing down harder as well.

"Oh baby," Peter whispered. "I'm close."

"I know."

He squeezed her ass and moved his mouth to her neck. Olivia turned her head to face him and capture his lips in a deep kiss as she continued to ride him. They both moaned, tongues tangled in a deep kiss as they climbed higher and higher until they tumbled over the edge together - their kisses turning sloppy as their bodies shook in pleasure.

Olivia slumped against her lover when her orgasm started subsiding, enjoying the gently tingling afterglow in her body while Peter was still moving slowly inside her.

Peter just held her soft body against his as they panted and sighed, waiting for their bodies to calm down. When Olivia stirred, he helped her slide off of him and lay down next to him. He scooted down as well and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her temple.

"Do you even know how much I love you?" he mumbled against her skin.

Olivia smiled and looked up at him to kiss him once more.

"I believe it more each day I spend with you," she told him honestly.

He knew it wasn't a lack of trust in him that made it hard for her to believe she was loved, but that it was caused by how life had shaped her until now.

"Just stick with me then," he whispered back.

"I intend to," she replied and he, too, felt his faith growing daily now that they might actually make it together. They would build their relationship up one day at a time.

They snuggled up together to take a nap before the movers would get there and drifted off to sleep contently.

…

The new place was a beautiful townhouse in Brooklyn, close enough to Manhattan for the daily trip to work but far enough away to feel like they were in a different world. And it was. Olivia had never dreamed of living in such a large place, with four bedrooms and even a secluded garden of their own. But after deciding that they would be renting for now instead of buying, the number of options had been almost overwhelming. Olivia made a decent living as a Lieutenant but combined with an ADA salary, they could now afford to rent a townhouse this size. It was located only a few blocks away from the Herbert Von King Park, which they had already visited with Noah before when they were scoping out the area.

For now, the adults were content to be in the new place, and had plopped down on the couch - Olivia's couch that had made the cut to be incorporated in their new setup. Noah was introducing all his stuffed animals to his new room, and Olivia realized that she would have to get used not being able to hear him play in his room. It was on a different floor. She actually had a home with stairs now; several of them. One led downstairs to the basement, which held their own private laundry unit as well as a room that could be used as a home office, with a big glass sliding door leading to the garden. The other stairs led up to the floor with the master bedroom, ample closet space and the master bathroom, that held a huge bath that could easily fit two adults, and even a steam room.

And then there was the top floor with three smaller bedrooms and a smaller bathroom with just a toilet and a shower. Noah was currently on the top floor while the adults were relaxing on the floor that would be the centre of the home, containing a spacious kitchen slash dining room, and the large living room they were in now, with another glass sliding door leading to a sunny deck overlooking their own private garden.

"Home sweet home," Peter sighed contently and Olivia nodded, humming in agreement.

She dropped her head against Peter's shoulder and closed her eyes. After a few moments, she said,

"It's so quiet here."

The living room was situated at the back of the house and their garden was closed in by other gardens, so they couldn't hear any traffic at all. No honking horns or even people yelling at each other.

"Too quiet?" Peter asked.

Olivia opened her eyes and turned her head until she could plant a kiss on Peter's jaw.

"No. It's perfect."

"So are you," Peter mumbled against her temple.

Olivia laughed. She knew she was far from perfect, but she accepted the sentiment behind Peter's words. She didn't brush them off like she would have done in the past. Instead, she sat up to give him a proper kiss.

"You make me want to try to be," she told him.

Peter was about to move in for a 'real' kiss when the peace and quiet in the home was disturbed by a loud, shrill voice coming from upstairs.

"Mooom! Daaad! Where are you?"

Olivia took a breath to respond but was cut off by Peter's finger against her lips.

"New rule: no yelling in the house," he told her seriously.

"That's what I was gonna say," Olivia huffed.

"No, that's what you were gonna yell," Peter said pointedly.

Olivia huffed, not knowing what to say to that, and stood up to go and find her son.

"When I'm right, I'm right," Peter said triumphantly as he pushed himself up and off the couch as well, and then they both laughed.

"I love you," Olivia told him, as if that was the most natural thing to say after a conversation like they'd just had. Maybe it was.

Peter grabbed her hand and they walked to the stairs together to find their son and admire his new room once again, now with all his animal friends in it. Olivia squeezed his hand and Peter felt happy bubbles in his stomach. He committed this perfect moment to memory as they walked up the stairs together in their new home. It's said that home is where the heart is, and he finally knew that it was true. It was true for both of them at last. After a long, lonely road, their paths had crossed and they had finally found their soulmates. They had both finally come home. Home to each other.

...

 **A/N: And so this journey has almost come to an end. All that's left is an epilogue that will give us a peek into their new life as a family. I know you will enjoy it, even if it means we've come to the end of this story!**

 **Meanwhile, your reviews mean a lot as always.**


	37. Family

**Here is the epilogue I promised, in which we make another time jump. This really is the final chapter ...  
In case you are wondering who Lisa is, I refer you back to chapter 7.**

 **I hope you will all enjoy this final final chapter! I know I'm taking a few liberties here with regards to how fast certain things can be arranged - writer's prerogative!  
Thank you for reading this story all the way to the end.**

...

 **37\. Family**

 _A warm Sunday afternoon, somewhere in the not too distant future ..._

It was a hot summer again and Olivia was relaxing in her rocking chair on the deck, in the shade of the beige parasol Peter had set up for them. She was watching her family play in the backyard. They had set up an inflatable pool and Peter was watching both their children like a hawk, holding onto their little girl as she wiggled her little toes in the cool water. Noah was splashing around like a proud big brother, ready to show his little sister what life was all about.

Olivia's eyes drifted from the wiggling little toes to the bronzed body of the man holding the child. He looked sinfully good in his bright blue swim trunks and she breathed out contently.

"When can Sarah start swimming, dad?" Olivia heard her son ask his father.

"It's gonna take a while before she's as good as you," Peter told him. "She's gonna need the lifesaver for a while longer. Maybe next summer we can try with the wings. You don't need those anymore, do you?"

"No," Noah said, beaming with pride. "I can swim for real now!"

"Yes, you can!" Peter confirmed, equally proud and Olivia's cheeks almost hurt from smiling, her heart soaring a little each time she heard Peter and Noah chatting like this.

Noah made a goofy face at his sister and Sarah laughed out loud. She had a clear voice and dark eyes - just like Olivia - that already took in the world around her intelligently. She had been one of the lucky babies who had only had one foster home before she was adopted, aside from spending some time at Children's Services, and she had been young enough to accept her new parents and big brother easily. Peter and Olivia sometimes thought that she was more focused on Noah than on them; she was fascinated with her brother.

When the little girl started to yawn, Peter explained to Noah that she was getting tired and would need to be fed before she'd fall asleep. He lifted the 18 month-old old up and wrapped her in a big towel before carrying her to her mother. He held her close to him, his cheek against hers, as he spoke softly to his daughter and pointed out her mother to her. Sarah began to bop up and down on his arm as soon as she spotted her mother, who already had a fruit snack ready for her.

Peter settled the child in her lap and they looked at each other, eyes sparkling. This was it. This was the life they had always dreamed about, but had thought wouldn't be for them. He gave his fiancée a peck on the lips and then sat down in one of the lawn chairs on the deck to watch her feed their daughter.

Noah was still in the pool, playing with the motor boat he'd gotten for Christmas and Olivia knew that Peter would continue to watch over him, so she could focus on their little girl now. Sarah was leaning her head sideways against her mother's chest like she always did when she was almost too tired to eat, but she opened her mouth dutifully each time Olivia scooped up some of her mashed banana and orange fruit snack, and ate quietly.

Sarah had a special history, one that she would never fully know herself, but Olivia and Peter knew.

...

 _A year earlier_

 _Lisa had insisted on a closed adoption. She wanted her daughter to have a normal life and she didn't want to feel tempted in a while to start checking up on her and perhaps disturb her life after all. Her pregnancy had been very difficult emotionally, and she needed to sever all ties with this child now so she could begin to heal from her rape and its consequences._

 _Her rapist had taken a plea deal. He was still unaware that he had fathered a child with his last victim, and that was the way Lisa wanted it to stay._

" _Her name will be Sarah," Lisa had told Olivia during the Lieutenant's follow-up visit._

 _It was a beautiful name, meaning Princess, Lisa had told her. She wanted her daughter to live her life as a princess, with her head held high, unburdened with how she had come to be. With parents who would love her unconditionally because of who she was, nothing more and nothing less. Olivia had told Lisa several times how brave she was and she meant it. She was making a choice that was completely her own, despite even her own mother's initial objections, and it gave Olivia hope that in the end, Lisa would be alright. She was going to take good care of herself, while also giving this child a fighting chance._

 _It was the nature of Olivia's job to know things; to know details about people's lives that weren't meant for the general public. And so, as soon as they got the paperwork for the baby, she knew: this Sarah was Lisa's Sarah._

 _The name was the same and the age also fit. She had been born a little early in December 2018 at Mercy General. The mother had given her up immediately after birth and hadn't been to visit her since. It was said that she had moved away, which also fit because Lisa's parents had moved out of the city after the birth with Lisa and her siblings._

 _Olivia couldn't take her eyes off the pictures of the angelic six-month old that were scattered on the coffee table while they waited for Lucy and Noah to come home. Peter was a little nervous and was pacing, but she knew he was all in as well._

" _It makes sense," he told her, "that she would come to you."_

" _To us," Olivia corrected him and Peter smiled._

" _You know what I mean. You. Noah. And now little Sarah. I can't think of a more perfect mother for either of these kids than you."_

 _Olivia stood up to give her fiancé a kiss on the cheek._

" _I couldn't do this without you. Thank you," she whispered._

 _Peter wrapped his arms around her waist and looked down at the love of his life._

" _Thank you for giving me a family, Liv."_

 _Peter had suggested one day that they might be more eligible for adoption if they got married. It had been a rather clumsy proposal and Olivia had recognized it as something Peter needed, to be sure she wouldn't up and leave him one day. She blamed her own insecurities for Peter's fear that things might still blow up in his face and after taking a very deep breath, she had said yes. She wasn't sure if their engagement had had anything to do with how quickly Sarah had been offered to them - she suspected it had more to do with the fact that she already had Noah - but she hadn't regretted saying yes to Peter. They hadn't set a date yet but that didn't really matter. They were on solid ground now, and in a few days, they were getting a daughter!_

 _They held each other for a while, caught up in their own thoughts until the sound of a key turning in the front door interrupted their little moment. They let go of each other and a few seconds later, Noah came bounding into the room, followed a little slower by his nanny Lucy. Lucy glanced at the pictures on the coffee table while Peter grabbed Noah and tossed him in the air before catching him and starting to tickle him, much to Noah's delight. Olivia smiled at the young woman, who they had told about their plans to adopt a second child, and to tell Noah everything today. Lucy hadn't made any promises yet about taking care of both children but Peter and Olivia hoped that she would at least be available from time to time. But first, they would have to break the news to Noah. And the baby wasn't the only thing they wanted to discuss with their son._

 _Lucy went into the kitchen to make Noah a drink and offered to make some coffee, but Peter urged her to just come and sit with them once Noah had his lemonade._

 _After settling down, it didn't take long for Noah to spot the pictures of the baby on the coffee table._

" _Who's that?"_

 _He was sitting on the couch between his parents and leaned forward to take a closer look at the baby in the pictures._

" _Noah, you've been asking us about a brother or sister for a while now," Olivia started, "so … we found this baby who is looking for a family. How about that?"_

 _For once, Noah was speechless, even if it was only for a few moments. His eyes had gone wide and his mouth was open while he stared at the pictures. Then he asked, very softly,_

" _Is it a boy or a girl?"_

" _It's a girl. Her name is Sarah."_

 _Noah stared at the pictures some more and then his face turned serious. He looked at his mother and told her,_

" _So this baby didn't come from your tummy."_

" _That's right. We're adopting her. You know what that is, right?"_

 _Noah nodded. He remembered._

" _So … will she be my real sister?"_

 _His voice went up a little, and they knew he was beginning to get excited, albeit cautiously for now. "I mean … will you love her the same as me?"_

 _The question moved Olivia deeply. That her young son would even think that way was very special._

" _She's as real as can be, kiddo," Peter assured him, winking at Olivia. "And we'll love her exactly the same as you. Did you think we'd make a difference?"_

 _Noah stared at his father now and he could see the wheels of his young brain turning._

" _You're my new daddy too," he mused, nodding while mulling it all over._

" _Yes, I am, Noah. And you know I love you like crazy, right?"_

 _Noah grinned and Peter rubbed his back gently._

" _There's something else we need you to know, Noah," he told the boy who was now his son in every way that mattered._

 _He looked at Olivia, who was finally getting a little nervous as well._

" _Noah. You know we both love you very, very much, right?"_

 _Noah nodded, his blue eyes gazing up innocently at his mother._

" _And we're going to love this new baby exactly the same as you. We chose her to be our daughter, just like we chose you to be our son."_

 _Noah frowned and Olivia swallowed. She was getting to the hard part now. They had no idea how Noah would respond. Her son was tilting his head a little, then said,_

" _She's getting a new daddy **and** a new mommy."_

" _That's right. But Noah … you didn't come from my tummy either. When I got you, I was also your new mommy."_

 _There. She'd said it and she held her breath, waiting for her son's reaction. Noah's eyes moved from his mother to Lucy, then to his father and finally back to his mother._

" _But … you're the only mother I remember. You've always been my mother."_

 _His voice sounded a little whiny now and Olivia knew her son was struggling with this barrage of new information. She wrapped her arm around his small shoulders and kissed the top of his head._

" _And I'm very proud to be your mother, my sweet boy."_

 _The child sank into her embrace and she held him close to her, allowing him some time to come to terms with what he was learning in his own way. He was silent for a long minute and then asked her timidly,_

" _Didn't my first mommy want me anymore?"_

 _Olivia bit her lip to keep it from trembling, her heart breaking a little for her son. She needed to set the record straight at once. She pushed him away from her gently so she could hold his shoulders and made him look at her._

" _Oh, but she did, Noah. She loved you very, very much," she assured the boy. "But just like your first dad, she died."_

 _Now Noah's lip was trembling too and Peter scooted closer to them to rub both their backs._

" _Why did they all die?" he asked sadly, and Peter wrapped his arms around both of them so Noah was tucked away safely between them._

" _That happens sometimes, son," he told Noah softly. "It's not that they didn't want you. But you were all alone, and your mom loved you so much already so she decided to take care of you. You know she loves you, right?"_

 _Olivia felt Noah nod against her chest and she mouthed 'thank you' to Peter._

 _Lucy cleared her throat and both parents looked at her. She took it as permission to speak and said to Noah,_

" _Aren't you glad that this mom picked you? And this dad too?"_

 _They gave Noah some room and he looked from one to the other before answering Lucy's question with a shaky "Yeah"._

 _He sounded like he was on the verge of crying, but he forced a little smile._

" _Yeah?" Lucy asked with a wide smile._

" _Yeah," Noah said again, firmer this time and with a chuckle._

" _Yeah?" Peter asked, and now the boy started laughing._

" _Yeah! I already said that, silly!"_

" _Now who are you calling silly," Olivia said, trying for a stern voice but laughing along with the others._

" _You're all a little silly," Lucy said and Noah jumped up._

" _We're a silly family and I'm getting a sister!" he exclaimed then._

" _Yes, you are," Lucy said._

 _Noah clapped his hands and jumped up and down. The adults understood that he needed to get the tension out of his system. Maybe they should all run a few laps around the coffee table, Peter suggested, and they all laughed again._

 _Lucy stood up and announced that she was going to make that coffee after all. Peter and Olivia smiled at her before turning their attention back to Noah, who was picking up the pictures of little Sarah to study them better. He was getting a sister. They were getting a daughter. Within one year, Olivia's family was doubling and she couldn't be happier._

…

"No mo, Mama."

Sarah's small voice sounded sleepy but her words were clear. No more eating. She had closed her mouth tightly for emphasis while her eyes were drooping.

"No more, baby? That's okay. You ate a lot today!" Olivia said, praising their little one.

Peter smiled when he saw Sarah attempt to smile as well, but the toddler really was too tired to do anything anymore and rubbed her eye with her fist. It was a little past her nap time and the heat seemed to be getting to her as well. Peter offered to change Sarah out of her swim diaper and put her to bed. The adults both stood up and Olivia handed over the child, leaning in for a kiss in the process. Peter kissed her softly and winked at her when they broke apart.

"More later," he promised her softly, before taking Sarah inside.

He couldn't stop smiling while he carried his daughter upstairs to her room to get her ready for her nap. How his life had changed in just two short years. All of their lives, for that matter. They were a family now. He had come to New York to bury his father and look after his sister, and in the process he had found love. Now, he had a woman whom he hoped to call his wife soon, and two children. He wasn't alone anymore, and neither was Olivia. He was happy in his new job as ADA for the Bronx Homicide unit and both he and Olivia had gotten positive reactions to the way they had handled their relationship, with honesty and integrity. They were relaxing into their new reality at last, while still marveling at all the blessings they had received, the bundle of joy in his arms being one of them.

Once on the changing table, Sarah giggled when her father blew a raspberry kiss on her tummy, and grabbed one of his ears to make him stop. He was officially in love with the little girl, but he loved it even more to see her with her mother. Olivia was everything a mother should be. Stern but fair and with love seeping out of every pore of her being. For him, for Noah and for Sarah. Their family unit was growing stronger every day and perhaps for the first time in his life, Peter was able to say he was completely happy.

After changing Sarah into a fresh diaper, he put her in her bed, covering her with a thin sheet only because of the heat, and putting her favorite toys next to her head as usual. If Sarah registered the toys at all, she didn't show it, her eyes already closing.

"Sleep tight, baby girl," he whispered to her.

"Dada," Sarah replied sleepily, never opening her eyes.

Peter wore the title of Dada with honor. It had been very special to hear Noah start to call him dad, knowing full well that he wasn't his 'real' father. But having a little child grow up who only knew him as Dada filled him with even more love and wonder at times. And the children adored each other. He hadn't known the joy of a parent seeing their offspring get along until now. He understood so much more of life now that he had children, and he thought it had mellowed him to a point where he didn't wear his Stone face every day anymore. _Pamela would have been proud,_ he couldn't help thinking. He was sure that, despite her illness, she would have seen and understood the change in him. And he hoped that their mother was smiling down on him now. It saddened him sometimes that he couldn't share his happiness with her, and it was the same for Olivia. Despite everything, she would still have wanted her mother to share in her joy, and to see how well things had turned out for her in the end.

After watching Sarah sleep for a minute, Peter walked over to the window of the nursery and looked down at the other half of his family. Olivia had joined Noah at the pool and was now working the controls of his motor boat - or attempting to. Her laughter was uninhibited these days and he loved to hear her laugh. Noah was grabbing the controls from her hands to show her how to operate the boat, and she let him. He watched her rub Noah's back and nodded to himself.

This was it.

This was their end game.

After one last look at his sleeping daughter, Peter joined the others outside again. Olivia smiled as she gestured at Noah and the motor boat.

"Maybe you'll have better luck," she told him with a grin.

Olivia retreated a little and sat down on the stairs leading up to the deck to watch father and son play. They had all come a long way in a short time, and she felt much better equipped now to raise another child. She thought of the letter that Lisa had left behind for her daughter, to be opened on her eighteenth birthday. Sometimes she still wished that her own mother had been as wise as this brave young woman, and that she would have gotten a letter like this on her eighteenth birthday. Part of her would probably always remain a little torn about it, knowing how different her life could have been.

 _To my darling Sarah,_

 _if you are reading this, that means that you are eighteen now. Congratulations!  
By now, you know that you were adopted. I wanted to write this letter to you to tell you a few things. Your parents have a copy of this letter, so they know what's in it. They were asked to give this one to you on your eighteenth birthday._

 _First of all, please know that I love you. You are a part of me and I could never not love you. Still, once I found out that I was having a baby at eighteen, I needed to make a difficult decision. The man who fathered you was already out of the picture. I knew that there was no way I would be able to take care of you, but I did want you to live. That is why I decided to put you up for adoption. Not because I didn't love you, but because I did and I do._

 _I have been praying for the people who adopted you without knowing who they are, that they will give you all the love and support that I couldn't give you. That they will encourage you to find your own way in life, to chase your dreams and be the best Sarah you could possibly be. Please never have doubts about who you are or who your family is. Your parents are your real parents because they raised you, and you are their real child. On top of that, you are your own person._

 _As you go out into the world, don't think you will have to do it all alone now. Your family will always be there for you and I hope and pray that you made a ton of friends. People aren't meant to be on their own. We need each other and I hope that you will never be alone._

 _I will not sign this letter as your mother, because you already have a mother who loves you dearly. Just know that the woman who carried you around for a little over eight months, also loves you and wanted only what was best for you._

 _Please be happy, Sarah._

 _I love you._

Olivia had cried the first time she'd read the letter. Perhaps it had been the first time she had actually cried for herself. For the little girl she once was, who could have had such a different life. But then, she wouldn't have the family she had now and she wouldn't be the one to teach Noah and little Sarah to face life head on.

Sitting there in their backyard, watching Peter and Noah play, knowing Sarah was safely upstairs in her bed, she knew that she didn't want that different life anymore. She loved the life she had now and she loved her family. She wouldn't trade them for the world.

...

 **END**

...

 **A/N: Deep sigh. Yes, this is the end. It's been a great ride and I loved writing this story. I tried to stay true to Olivia's character but also to finally give her all the happiness we so want her to have. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Until next time,  
Anne**


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